MMFD Season 4 Episode 3 - Deuce
by fanningon
Summary: This is the third episode of an 8 episode MMFD fanfic. This is a continuation of my season 4 fanfic - please read episode 2 first (And the Dust Settles)! If you can, read it with the suggested music cheers m'dears xo


'_Diamond Sea' by Sonic Youth_

Monday was a quiet affair, no one was much inclined to do much of anything after the previous three days of partying. Tom and Rhys had gone for a jog when they'd woken up late in the morning, both of them completely devoid of comedown symptoms. They came back with lots of healthy food and smoothies and videos to watch. Archie and Rae were sitting at the kitchen table when Tom and Rhys came in with their bags of goodies. Tom instantly grinned when he saw Archie and gave him a kiss.

"Good morning handsome." Tom breathed as Archie wrapped his arms around Tom's waist.

"'Morning beautiful. Wait… no it's afternoon now." Archie replied as he looked at the clock and then back at Tom. He started to lift up Tom's shirt and without a question Tom raised his arms for Archie to do whatever he wanted.

"Archer, I'm sure you can do that in your own room!" Rae told him only half joking.

"Have you seen the way you and Finn are?" Archie shot back, "I'm looking to see how bad he bruised up after that fight yester."

"Oh right." Rae said apologetically and gave him a contrite face before taking the ibuprofen he had provided.

"They got a good one in on your ribs." Archie said with a grimace and Tom shrugged completely uncaring.

"I got them better." He grinned cockily.

"Still on your vitamin K tablets?" Archie asked and Tom nodded, giving Archie a loving grin as he mothered him, "take some bromelain tablets as well." Archie added, "And I'll put some St. John's Wort on them when we go upstairs."

"Aye aye captain." Tom answered happily.

"What's all that about?" Rae asked.

"Home remedies for bruising." Tom said with a nonchalant shrug, "I've become somewhat of an expert on the topic over the years." He said with a sage grin before chuckling, "So's my Archie now." Archie pushed Tom's shirt up further to look for other bruises

"It's a crime against women everywhere that you're gay Tom." Rae said as she looked at his muscled torso.

"So I've been told." He laughed. "But I'm sure you'll cope. Finn's quite a dish." Rhys made a sound that could have been agreement or disapproval of the conversation; he was sometimes hard to read like that. He handed them some smoothies and headed for the stairs with a smoothie in hand for Chloe. Archie pulled Tom's shirt back down and picked up his smoothie.

"But the way I see it love, he's just as lucky as you are." Tom added and raised his eyebrows suggestively, "set o' knockers like those could almost turn a chap." Rae shook her head, grinning, she looked through the videos. "O' course that's just physical. If you go in for that personality stuff…"

"Gonna play favourites Tommy?" Rae asked him and he gave her a thoughtful look.

"I think that would be a very foolish thing to do." Tom answered as if that would lead to trouble.

"Wise decision!" Rae laughed.

"You've both got very different things to offer." Tom added and Rae gifted him with a knowing grin.

"Like you and Archie?" She held up a video and Tom laughed.

"'Attack of the killer tomatoes?'" Archie asked and looked at him with a bemused grin.

"Don't even start Archer!" Tom laughed, "It's a cult classic!" Rae gave Tom an unimpressed look as he took the video from her and looked at the cover, "It's so funny."

"See Archie likes good cult classics… you like…"

"I love bad movies." Tom admitted to her with a grin.

"The worse they are the better." Archie told Rae.

"You have my sympathies Archer." Rae patted his back.

"You won't feel that way after you've watched this beauty." Tom told them as Izzy came yawning into the kitchen.

"'Morning all." She said and started to sort through the food.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Tom asked her with an intense look.

"Not too shabby." She said, but Tom looked closer at her face.

"What's up?" Her concerned voice made Rae look up from her videos.

"You're on chemo Izzy. That means your liver is already working overtime." Tom motioned for her to raise her head, "Open up your eyes wide?" He looked into her eyes and Izzy blushed.

"Blimey Tom." She muttered; he really was breathtakingly handsome, "What you looking for?" She asked covering her discomfiture.

"Just any sign that your liver's struggling with the belting we gave it this weekend." He said softly.

"In me eyes?" She asked.

"Jaundice." He told her, "Yellows the whites of the eyes."

"Oh right." She answered as if that was an acceptable explanation. "And…?"

"Well I'm no fucking expert, but you look alright." He said, "Surprisingly." He let her continue to go through the food and mulled this over, "You should probably take it easy though, Iz." He fretted.

"I'm sick o' taking it easy." Izzy told him, "I'll be fine."

"Well you know your body better than anyone." Tom said honestly, "Just listen to it, is all I'm saying."

"Got it." She grinned in return and he nodded apparently reassured. "All the food is really healthy." She said with a disgusted frown, "I want a bacon sandwich."

"There's a bacon and salad sandwich in there." Tom answered as if that were the same thing and Archie laughed. Izzy frowned at him.

"If that's the cost o' having a body like yours Tom, I'll keep mine." She found out the bacon and salad sandwich and started to pick the green bits out.

Finn came in looking bleary eyed and kissed Rae's lips gently before sitting down.

"Archie give me drugs." He said as quietly as he could and Tom noted the hangover and made a note to give Finn slightly less speed next time. Archie produced the ibuprofen he'd brought downstairs for everyone and Finn took two tablets as Chop walked in angrily.

"Fucking fuckers woke me up." He muttered as he sat down. Rae was about to protest and tell him they'd been quite quiet down here when a loud moan broke the silence.

"Oh." Rae said and started laughing.

"It's not fucking funny." Chop said grouchily and Tom noted the withdrawal symptoms and made the same mental note as he had for Finn.

"Well that's all three o' you girls I've heard cum now." Archie said as he handed some ibuprofen to Chop and pulled a chicken and salad roll out of the bag. "We're a close bunch o' friends aren't we?" He smiled grimly as another moan from Chloe, two flights up from the kitchen in the six storey house, reached their ears. Izzy blushed and Chop furrowed his brows. Finn and Rae just kept eating; after waking up the whole street deliberately with the power of Rae's orgasms, neither of them were fazed anymore by the idea of the gang having heard her moan.

"We just gotta hear all the boys now." Rae laughed and Archie shook his head.

"You're incorrigible." He said with an unimpressed sneer that he couldn't hold. They laughed as Chop reached for some food from the bags.

"What the fucking fuck is this fuckery?" He asked unimpressed as he looked at a beef, mustard and salad sandwich. "What the fuck is this fucking rabbit food?"

"Oh I know baby." Izzy soothed him, rubbing his back gently, "Just pull it off." She suggested and he immediately opened up the sandwich and picked off the salad. Tom and Archie shared a grin and Tom nodded, having learned his lesson; no salad for Chop and Izzy. Rae had been quite happy to eat the other chicken and salad roll and Finn had found the ham and salad sandwich and was eating that without complaint.

"I'm gonna have a quick shower and get out of my jogging clothes." Tom told them and headed to the stairs.

He'd finished his shower and come back down the stairs long before Chloe appeared, bounding down the stairs, drying her hair and almost glowing with satisfaction. Rhys followed behind them with his face lowered and a small smile on his face that he was trying to get under control; he quite enjoyed it when Chloe jumped on him like she had when he'd gone upstairs to gently wake her. He had two massive turkey and salad sandwiches waiting for him and Chloe had egg and salad; her favourite and they both starting eating without saying much. Chloe looked around at everyone looking at her as she ate and swallowed her food.

"What?" She said when she saw Chop's unimpressed face.

"Archie here was just commenting that for a gay man he sure has heard a lot o' women in a state of orgasm." Tom said deadpan.

"Oh." Chloe answered in a small shocked voice in the resulting silence. Rhys lowered his face, and cleared his throat, flicking his eyes up to Chloe to gauge her response. Everyone burst out laughing except Chloe and Rhys. Chloe began to blush and then started to giggle.

"Leave off!" She groaned and shook her head. Rhys allowed himself to smile when he saw that Chloe was ok. He had thought she would be; but he was still getting to know her, and she could be a very private woman at times. "Just gotta hear you boys going it now." She said through her chuckles.

"My thoughts exactly!" Rae told her.

"No fucking chance." Chop answered resolutely.

"My thoughts exactly." Finn agreed. And a silent moment of scheming passed amongst the girls as they exchanged quick glances, before Izzy looked up at Tom and Archie thoughtfully.

"Well it seems entirely unfair, cos I've never heard a gay man cum." She said with a grin.

"And you're not gonna." Archie replied, But Tom saw the way the three girls were looking at him and realised they were trying to draft him into some sort of plot. He smiled demurely and looked at Archie's face as he changed the topic. "'Ere you two," he said to Rae and Chloe, "I've always wondered how you met?" Rae and Chloe shared a grin and Tom marvelled at how deftly Archie had deflected the attention from himself.

"We met in kindergarten when Rae stuck up for me when a bunch o' boys stole me lunch box and called me smelly." Finn looked over at Rae with a huge grin.

"Quite the hero!" He said and put his arm over her shoulders.

"Definitely!" Chloe laughed, "I went home and told me mum I were in love with Rae Earl. Me knight in shining armour." She laughed, "And I were the princess being rescued."

"How romantic!" Izzy said with a happy grin and both Chop and Finn gave her a small bemused look. Rae was laughing.

'You remember the way Seamus looked when I pushed him away from you?" Rae laughed.

"Bastard kept pulling my hair!" Chloe shook her head.

"That's how little boys show they like girls." Chop told them with a frown.

"Rubbish." Chloe said, "That's what we tell ourselves rather than correct little boys when they get physical against a girl's wishes." Chloe said, "We should teach 'em how to properly express themselves rather than teach them they can do whatever they want to girls." Chop opened his mouth in thought and cocked his head to the side, "You got all these girls thinking that boys can only show they like you by hurting you." She told him, "No son o' mine will ever get away with it."

"Hear hear!" Izzy agreed and Rae nodded.

"Fuck I never thought o' that." Chop said with a face filled with confusion. Rae looked to Finn who had a thoughtful expression on his quiet face, and then over to Archie who was also taking that in. Tom of course looked as jovial as ever and this kind of talk was child's play for Rhys.

"You know Chlo, after I stopped the boys from pulling your hair all the time I wrote, 'I love Chloe Gemmel' in me little kindergarten book."

"You loved me too!" Chloe grinned, "I thought it were an unrequited love." She laughed.

"Still love you, what are you talking about?"

"Isn't your name Chloe Harris?" Archie asked and Chloe rolled her eyes.

"Yeah." She told him, "last year me dad's parents got a divorce. His father had been cheating on his mother for 30 years; had a whole other family."

"Fucking hell, that takes dedication!" Archie shook his head.

"Yeah so when his mum put her name back to her maiden name, Harris, me dad did the same thing. Said he didn't wanna share a name with that arsehole. So we all had to change it."

"Are you named after anyone Chlo?" Izzy asked.

"No, you?"

"Yeah after Isabella, the queen of Jerusalem." Izzy shrugged, "Me mum liked famous queens."

"Oh right." Chloe laughed. "What about you Chop?"

"Yeah, I'm after me grand-daddy." He answered.

"The one who owns this place?" Chloe asked.

"Yep." Chop nodded disinterestedly.

"Are we gonna watch these movies?" Rae asked picking up 'attack of the killer tomatoes;' not wanting to answer the question about names in case it got into middle name territory. Tom grinned excitedly and nodded taking her hand and leading her out to the tv room. Archie groaned but followed them and carved out a nice space for him and Tom on the lounge. Everyone settled in to watch Tom's movie choice before the other choices and within minutes the giggling had started. It was so bad and so hokey, and so brilliant that their disbelieving looks turned into guffaws before the opening credits had finished.

Only ten minutes in and they had to pause it so that they could get some water, Rae had been laughing so hard she nearly choked, and Chop was not much better off. They both got up to go to the kitchen, requests to bring some drinks and snacks back following them into the kitchen.

"I fucking told you all!" Tom called after them triumphantly, "Fucking gold this movie."

"Aye you were right!" Rae called back still giggling, Chop put an arm around her shoulders as they rambled through to the kitchen laughing and chatting about the movie.

"It'll be fucking salad that kills us all." Chop was chuckling happily when they got to the kitchen and Rae put on the kettle and did herself a glass of water as Chop sorted through the pantry, looking at what goodies they had. Rae was still reminiscing about her and Chloe's shared childhood in her head after all the talking today, when she was struck by the memory of the way Chloe had answered her when she'd asked her why Finn was with her.

_He's an 11._

_I'm a 4._

Her mood dropped slightly as the sting of what Chloe thought about her settled in the pit of her stomach. She turned her eyes to Chop as he sniffed at some French onion dip and shrugged, putting it on the tray of food he was putting together.

"Chop…?" She asked quietly and he looked up with a foolish, questioning expression. "Did you ever wonder why Finn liked me?"

"No." He answered simply and looked back at the tray considering what else it needed.

"No?" Rae was perplexed, "Why not?"

"Cos it were obvious why he liked you." Chop went back to the pantry and sorted through the myriad of half-finished packets of things.

"Obvious how?" Rae asked, turning the kettle off but not pouring the tea. Chop looked out from the pantry and turned his eyes to her thoughtfully.

"What's bothering you Rae Rae?"

"Just reminiscing and wondering." She sounded awkward to both of them, but he shrugged, accepting what she said.

"You're a top bird Rae, why wouldn't a top bloke like Finn want a piece o' that?" He answered honestly.

"Yeah but Chop, I don't exactly look like Izzy or Chloe." Rae told him and he shrugged again.

"Izzy don't exactly look like you or Chlo." He answered, his brows starting to furrow. "Don't stop me wanting her." He turned back to the pantry and Rae looked at his back for a minute.

"You know what I mean." She said firmly and Chop sighed.

"Yeah ok." He said, not looking back. He took a deep breath and turned to her, leaning back against the pantry he crossed his arms and tried to gather his thoughts; his Raemundo needed him, so he was going to deliver. "I used to be right into playboy girls." He said honestly, blush found his cheeks and he couldn't make eye contact with her as he admitted this. He paused and forced himself to raise his eyes to hers, "you know, blond… big plastic titties." He motioned in front of his chest like he had a big pair of breasts and then let his hands drop to his sides awkwardly. Rae knew this already from her chats with Finn, and she could see how embarrassing this was for him.

"Izzy changed that for you." She said soothingly and he grinned grimly and shook his head.

"You changed that for me." He told her, "Don't get the wrong idea… but…" He shrugged, holding his shoulders up as his head cocked to the side, "I wouldn't o' minded getting in the closet with you at the sexy party." Rae's eyebrows raised in surprise. "I didn't have a crush on you or anything like that." Chop let his shoulders drop, "But you're a top bird. And… I'd o' shagged you with no regrets." Chop lowered his eyes, "And that's coming from me. Finn were always open to all sorts o' girls." Chop told her and once again Rae already knew this. "I thought he were nuts, cos he didn't just like what the other lads liked. But I come to learn that he were right all along." Chop looked her in the eye, "Cos Izzy don't belong in one o' those magazines I used to love. But she's a top bird. The top bird really." He grinned, "And she's so beautiful." Chop scrunched up his face happily, "And she right for me, you know?"

"Yeah." Rae smiled thoughtfully.

"I knew you was right for Finn the minute you asked me to pull that arse o' yours outta that slide Rae Rae." Chop lowered his eyes, "I always figured I'd be lucky to get some nice girl to love me. But I always knew Finn'd need someone extraordinary." He looked up at her, "Turns out we both ended up with someone extraordinary." He grinned, "Lucky us." Rae lowered her eyes, tears in them.

"Thanks Chop."

"And just on… the idea that you don't look…" Chop stopped awkwardly, "Like Chloe or Izzy." He licked his lips and took a deep breath, "On the idea that you're not good looking enough for Finn… that's what you're saying, I know." He told her and she lowered her eyes, "Bollocks to that." He shook his head, "You're a right looker." Rae shook her head and chuckled, "And I could never understand why he went for Stacey." Rae shot her eyes up to his, "She were never right for him." Chop said, "And yeah, he bragged about what he did with her… but…" He saw the uncomfortable look on Rae's face and pressed on, "he never respected her like he does you." Chop said, "And he never loved her. And… he never said she were beautiful like he does you." Chop said, a cheeky grin came over his face, "All the fucking time! All I fucking hear about it how beautiful and sexy you fucking are Raemundo!" Chop watched the grin spread across her face and considered everything he'd said and then added, "When he bragged about Stacey, it were for the lad's entertainment, to make 'em jealous of what he had. When he brags about you, it's for himself alone, cos he can't believe his fucking luck." He went over to her and gave her a big hug, "Don't think on it Rae. You two are right for each other." He told her, "And don't you dare tell Izzy I said she were extraordinary; I'll never shut her up; she'll get all sorts of ideas." He grinned, but Rae saw the vulnerability behind his eyes.

"You wonder why someone so extraordinary likes you." She said astutely and he looked away.

"Sometimes." He admitted softly. "But I don't dwell on it."

"How could you think that Chop?" Rae asked him and held him in the hug for a moment longer.

"How could you?' He asked when he put her at arms length and looked her in the eye. "Cos you a bigger girl you think you not good enough for my lad Finn?" He said pointedly, "Bollocks Rae." He told her firmly, "There's no one else on the fucking planet good enough for him." He kissed her forehead, "Don't ever forget it girl." Rae took a moment to bask in that thought before coming back to the conversation.

"Why would you think you're not good enough for Izzy?" Rae asked him equally as pointed.

"I'm kinda the ordinary lad of the group, don't know if you've noticed." Chop said with a wry grin.

"What the fuck are you talking about Chop?" Rae asked with a bewildered look.

"Well you got Rhys. That motherfucker's fucking intense and so fucking impressive. Like man mountain, font of knowledge, can kill you with his bare hands, self-control guru. Fucking hell Rhys, just stop." Chop laughed, "And then there's Tom. That man is so fucking pretty I'd almost turn for him!" They laughed, "And he's funny and generous and fights like a right proper scrapper." Chop leaned back on the kitchen bench and folded his arms, "Then there's fucking king shit Finn. Coolest guy on the fucking planet, knows everything about music and sex and practically has fucking groupies." Chop raised his eyebrows, "And there's Archer, smart as fuck, can sing and write music, is kind and brave and remembers everything about out us all." Chop turned his face to her, "And what am I?"

"The funniest." Rae said honestly, "and-"

"Aye, but you and me, we used to have all our own little jokes, but now you got 'em all with my lad Finn." Chop answered with a nod. "Without you backing me up, I'm not as funny."

"You don't need me to be the funniest." Rae told him, "And besides funny… like… the stuff you've been through with Izzy." Rae struggled to find the right words, "It's fucking intense Chop." She said, "It's extraordinary how you've been by her side every step o' the way."

"Except I wasn't." He said honestly, "I lost it at the beginning… and I wasn't for Archie either… nor with you… me best girlie mate." She nudged him and he nudged her back. "And with Chlo… I said certain types o' girls… so I nearly missed it. Nearly shamed her when she were the one that were mistreated."

"Alright, so it takes you a minute or two to wrap your head around something and then once you get it, people never feel anything but total love and support from you." Rae told him in a commanding voice.

"So… I'm the bra of the group?" Rae opened her mouth to reply but couldn't help herself, she started to laugh. Chop looked at her with a serious face before he too crumbled into fits of laughter.

"A beautiful, comfy, supportive bra!" Rae agreed laughing loudly.

"I like that."

"Silently there so that sometimes people forget to notice you, but we'd be fucked without you." Rae told him with a serious face and Chop grinned.

"Especially you at a run, Raemundo." He answered cheekily with his eyes flicking down to her breasts. They both broke out into laughter again.

"Aye, you're fucking strong chop. Like industrial strength, metal brassiere."

"Got like a little fortified city on each boob?" Chop laughed.

"Aye and they've got their own food and water supply so no one can cut off their food lines. They can stay in there forever."

"So comfy as well as durable and supportive and defensive!" Chop said with a mock serious face. "That's nice."

"And each nipple has a little turret gun that blasts fuckers who try to fuck with the boobs." She put her fingers beside her breasts and mimed a turret gun rising from each one, and made shooting laser sounds as Chop laughed.

"Oh that's futuristic innit?" He laughed.

"And all the citizens of the cities have been trained in self-defence and they all really love each other." She said, "Cos no one messes with the people they love." Chop's laughter stopped and he nodded thankfully.

"It's not a bad thing to be the bra of the gang." He grinned.

"You look after us all Chop." Rae told him.

"Nah, we all look after each other." Chop answered trying not to look too pleased.

"The gang wouldn't work without you." She added immutably.

"Well that's true." He agreed. "Better feed and water 'em before we've got a mutiny on our hands Raemundo." He grinned and turned back to the pantry.

When they finally got back into the lounge room Izzy threw a cushion at Chop as soon as he put the food down.

"What took you so long?" She asked loudly, the others joining in.

"Raemundo and I had to have an important chat about bras." He answered as he settled down beside her.

"What could you possibly know about bras?" Chloe asked him.

"Plenty." Rae told her with a big grin.

"Ok Rae." Chloe tutted and rolled her eyes. Rae sat with Finn who gave her a curious look before opening his arms for her. Rae settled in and while Chop kept everyone guessing about their conversation, garnering laughs from everyone, Rae reflected on her friends; her family.

Izzy. Sweet, caring Isabella. Kindness and goodness in every cell in her body. But tough as nails, determined and bold now. Cancer had made her unwilling to wait for the things that the rest of them took for granted. She was vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and cherry topping that looked a little like fresh blood. She danced along the edge, staring into the abyss fearlessly, laughing and clinging to life by her fingertips. Determined to meet the world on her terms.

Chop. Funny as fuck Arnold. Simple and complex at the same time. Loyal, accepting, supportive. He had found himself in those weeks and months, shaking in the darkness alone, crying for a life he might never have with the only woman he'd ever truly love. He was the green sprigs of life growing back on the charred remains of a tree burnt by fire. Scarred, but fiercely alive.

Tom. Greek god Tom. Who adored Archie with every atom in his being and hid away the pain of his whole family disowning him for something he couldn't change. An orphan in a cruel world that mocked his suffering; told him he deserved it for being an aberration. He was stolen glances and lingering touches and deep aching kisses under the stern gaze of those that would break your neck for daring to love. He is resistance and the will to fight.

Archie. Half geek half music god Archibald. Intelligent and thoughtful, enamoured with history. Forging forward into the unknown to conquer the world… to conquer himself. Discovering love and life and his own bravery in the face of hatred. He is the beautiful caterpillar cocooning himself, knowing that transformation requires destruction and decay, allowing his being to melt away so that the glorious butterfly can be born. He is the journey; terrifying and exhilarating, intoxicating, vital.

Rhys. Hard and soft Rhys. The very definition of contradictory. A history that was filled with hardships that had shaped him into a warrior and a philosopher. He is the space where the land meets the water; constant, still, ever-changing, always moving. Impossible to ever truly understand. He is the exquisite moment of understanding, he is the emotion one can't quite grasp, he is the thought in the moment of conception.

Chloe. Best mate Chloe. She was the perfect 10; the girl boys dreamt of. The girl that wished the boys had never noticed her now. She had broken from that web of girlhood; ideals of boys and first kisses washed with acid rain and long forgotten. She was an angry scar, filled with the memories of the violence done upon the body, but covered like the newly formed layers of healing skin, with hope. Her eyes trained always on the future.

Finn. Special, kind, not so quiet anymore Finn. He was music embodied in a slowly maturing man; all clashing thumping drums, delicately strummed guitars, driving rhythmic bass, writhing melody, erotic undercurrents and soaring orchestral heights; he was a riot of sound made flesh. Dark in places, but the right amount of dark to be able to peer from those depths and see her light. He was the earth beneath her feet; solid, stable, predictable. He was the air in her lungs; vital, life-affirming, habitual. He was the water in her cells, in her blood, in her tears; emotive, all-encompassing, soothing. He was the fire in her heart and soul: passionate, temperamental, sexual. He was the intimacy of an orgasm shared while looking into each other's eyes. He was waking up to kisses and not worrying about morning breath. He was that smell that lingered that made you feel like you were home. He was wild, unfettered freedom, contained in the warm embrace of his arms. He was the feeling of being alive; painfully, joyously aware of being alive, of every breath of every sensation. He was screaming and crying with every tear in her soul. He was elation and miraculous bliss in every fibre in her being. He was her hidden, secret place; a safe haven, a sanctuary against the cruelness of this world. He was cool soothing ointments on the burns that his heat could cause. He was fragile and in need of her. He was strong and would give himself to her when she was in need. He was the drama of an explosion. The calm of meditation. Finn was her everything.

Rae looked at her little family. The eight of them were vital to the health of this family; they each played their part, they each contributed and she loved them all dearly. She looked to Finn; some more than others though.

'_Kool Thing' by Sonic Youth_

"You mustn't leave my side for any reason." He told her firmly.

"It can't be that bad!" She tried to laugh it off, but Rhys's serious face made the laugh die in Chloe's throat. "Alright." She answered seriously.

"Julian is a good man." Rhys told her as they drove. "But very paranoid." He pulled over so he could turn to her to make it clear.

"Why can't I spend time alone in his place?" Chloe asked tentatively.

"Because he does not live alone. And some of the people he lives with think he is too trusting." Rhys said, "They will try to harm you if they think you pose a threat of any kind to them."

"How could I possibly be any kind of threat to them?"

"Undercover police officer." Rhys answered.

"Well that's just stupid." She answered rolling her eyes.

"You might report them to-"

"I would never!" Chloe said, "He's your brother!"

"I know." Rhys answered, "The drug industry breeds paranoia Chloe; it's not you, it's them." He stroked her face gently, "I once saw his head of security break a man's jaw for not showing Jules enough respect."

"Holy shit." Chloe said softly. "I see why you didn't want to introduce me now." Chloe had been hurt by Rhys's initial reluctance, but she had jutted her jaw and insisted, and he had acquiesced with a slightly worried look.

"But he is not what people imagine when they think of a drug dealer." Rhys answered, "And both of us… we fell into the lives we've had because of the things that happened in our childhood." Rhys started driving again and Chloe looked at the side of his face.

"Tell me?" She asked him sympathetically.

"Our mother… died," Chloe could tell he wasn't telling the whole story, but she let it slide, "When we were 12." He closed his mouth tightly for a moment. "And our step-father threw us out onto the streets o' London before the funeral had even happened." Chloe's hand rose to her mouth, "I remember my stomach grumbling from hunger during the funeral service." Rhys said, "And I was wearing the clothes he'd turned me out in two days before. Julian wasn't there." Rhys turned his eyes to her, "I don't think he's ever forgiven himself for not being there." He looked back at the road.

"He could hardly help it." She whispered.

"I know." Rhys answered, "We both got by the best we could." Rhys finished the story and Chloe took some time to process what she'd heard.

"I'm sorry that happened to you." She put her hand on his thigh and he wrapped his large hand around hers.

"I'm not." He told her, "I'm sorry it happened to my mother. But I've made peace with my past Chloe. And I'm happy where I am in my life now." He looked back at her, "my brother has not made peace with his past." Chloe nodded sadly. "But he is relatively happy." Rhys smiled suddenly. "You might very well prefer him to me once you meet him!" He chuckled.

"Impossible." She told him with a grin. "Where are we headed?"

"Kent."

"Where in Kent?" She shook her head at him and he grinned.

"Maidstone." He told her and she frowned.

"I don't know anything about Maidstone."

Julian had a 10 bedroom converted watermill house on nine and a half acres of land that included woods and a busy stream. From the outside it looked like a perfectly normal country house. But under the 4 car garage was a drug lab that produced tonnes of party drugs a month. Jules ran a tight ship with only a few trusted people knowing where this house was; everyone else in the chain of supply and selling only knew one contact in a long line of contacts. It was almost impossible to trace the line back to him and this place.

When they pulled up outside of the house Chloe was impressed. She took a deep breath and got out of the car, straightening her dress. Rhys came around the car to her and she took his hand as they headed to the house.

They were greeted at the door by a serious looking man leaning against the door.

"What do you want?" He asked them.

"I wanna see my brother." Rhys went to press the door bell and the man stepped in between Rhys and the bell.

"Nice try." He said mirthlessly, "I wasn't told that Mr O'Daire had any appointments today."

"I don't need a fucking appointment to see my brother." Rhys said testily and Chloe was surprised to see this from Rhys; the man that was usually supremely cool, calm and collected.

"Actually, yes you do." Rhys sighed and turned to Chloe as if he were going to talk. But the moment he turned he lashed out with his fist and hit the man square in the face. His head bounced off the wall behind him and he crumpled to the ground. Rhys looked at him for a moment and then pressed the doorbell. Chloe looked at the man with wide open eyes, her mouth slightly open in surprise. It hadn't been a hard hit for Rhys; Chloe had seen him on the punching bag, she knew. But the bounce off the wall had rattled his head in whiplash motion and he was unconscious. The door opened, a confused looking man, wearing only jeans opened the door. Chloe took him in. He was about 6 foot 3, and was a muscular build, but wouldn't weigh more than 90 kilos or so. He was covered in tattoos and had close cropped hair that didn't hide a nasty looking scar on the top of his head. He was thinner, shorter, and his face seemed almost jovial. But the fact that he was Rhys's brother could not be denied. The similarities were uncanny. She looked at him amazed; he was so different but so the same.

"Rhys you mother fucker!" Julian said and invited him in, looking down at the unconscious guard.

"Tell your guards not to stand too close to walls in future." Rhys said and stepped over the man to give his brother a big hug. He turned back to Chloe and offered her a hand. Chloe took his hand and gingerly stepped over the man. Julian closed the door and turned to look at them again.

"This is Chloe." Rhys had barely gotten the words out before Julian was speaking.

"Damnit lad, what is it with you and hot white girls?" He said taking Chloe in with an appraising look, his east end accent more obvious than Rhys's. "How'd you pull 'er?"

"She's my girlfriend." Rhys continued as if Julian had spoken.

"Girlfriend?" Julian asked, seemingly taken aback. "You got a girlfriend Rhys?" He looked at Chloe again with a more critical eye. "How'd you get her Alan Whickers off, you fucking ginger beer?"

"Chloe is in the room Jules, you can certainly ask her about that." Chloe detected the challenge in Rhys's tone and saw Julian hesitate with surprise. He grinned at Rhys and started to chuckle as he turned to Chloe.

"What's up darlin'?" He asked Chloe and put an arm around her shoulders and started to steer her towards a large sitting room. Chloe looked over her shoulder with a bewildered grin at Rhys who followed close behind. In the sitting room there were several serious looking men; having all appeared when the doorbell rang. Julian had only answered it because he'd been walking past the door at the time it rang. Normally security did those kinds of thing. Julian walked into the room with Chloe, and Rhys continued walking past them up to a man seated in an armchair.

"Christian." He said softly to the man and he nodded acknowledgement. "No one touches her without her permission. You understand me?" The man appraised Rhys and lit a cigarette nonchalantly.

"We'll see." He replied, obviously not concerned by Rhys's obvious threat.

"No one. Touches. Her." Rhys repeated and turned without waiting for a reply. The other men looked at Christian and with a sign from him seemed to disperse to Chloe. But Rhys noticed them taking up positions in the room. Julian ignored the tension between his brother and his head of security, but Chloe was feeling nervousness in the pit of her stomach as Julian drew her attention to a painting of a woman in bright, unnatural colours.

"Genuine Matisse, pet." He told her with a grin and Chloe scrunched her nose.

"I don't know nothing about art." She told him apologetically.

"Me either love, but I'm told it's worth loads of bunse." He grinned infectiously and turned to Rhys.

"How's Elsa?" Chloe heard the deep interest in his tone, covered by apparent casual interest. She was surprised to hear Elsa's name, although it made sense that both brothers would know her. She wondered if Elsa had slept with Julian as well. Chloe felt a knot of jealousy as she looked over at Rhys.

"She's doing well." He answered.

"O' course she is." Julian answered softly, "Tell that fine looking woman to get that arse o' hers out to Kent!" He suddenly laughed, and Chloe found herself smiling in bewildered amusement at the way he spoke with such animation.

"I'll pass on the message when I next see her." Rhys's tone was fond but his face stayed alert, his body tense.

"She's me drama teacher, so I see her a lot." Chloe added and Julian raised his eyebrows at her and then Rhys.

"Fucking school girls now?"

"Well you do keep calling me a deviant." Rhys answered with no hint of emotion or concern.

"Yeah cos you fuck lads." Julian answered, "Can't understand that." He pulled a face, "But that Tom lad was quality." Julian mused. "Never thought you'd go for a little school girly." Julian mused, "Figured you were one for older women." Chloe again felt the knot in her stomach and thought about Elsa. "Now then let's have a proper look at your girl." Julian turned to Chloe, "You're a crackin' lass aren't you… I'd get a leg-over you girl. Got a school uniform?" He asked cheekily and Chloe turned her surprised face to Rhys and he gave her a wan smile. She could tell that Rhys was on edge, ready to step in and put Julian in his place if she showed ant sign of wanting him to. She didn't want him to have to do that, so she gave Julian an unimpressed look and replied as if he was boring.

"No…" Chloe answered.

"O' course not." He grinned broadly and in spite of her determination to keep him in his place she started to laugh at Julian, he seemed so harmless and joyous and she had no idea how to take him. But anyone that could tease Rhys and actually get under his skin like Julian clearly did was bound to be good fun. "D'you notice this place has got a working watermill?" He asked Chloe and she nodded, having watched it with interest as they'd approached the house. "Powers this whole house." He told her. He didn't tell her that it also powered the drug lab under the garage; he assumed that Rhys had not divulged this information to her.

"Really?" Chloe asked surprised.

"So a fucking watermill gets your attention more than a Matisse, girl?" He laughed and turned to Rhys, "Fucking nice thrupenny bits, though." Julian told Rhys and Chloe noticed Rhys's face grow sterner still. Julian laughed uproariously at his brother's serious face. "Oh c'mon!" Julian appealed to Rhys, "I'm not sharking your girl! Give us a smile!"

"Where's Nora?" Rhys asked quietly and Julian grinned and nodded as if Rhys had made an interesting move in a chess game.

"Got bored of her." He shrugged and guided Chloe out through a beautiful kitchen to a magnificent swimming pool. Rhys had expected a little bit of teasing and one-upmanship from Julian; it was his way. "You could be swimming in that if you wanted girl." Julian told her.

"I didn't bring me swimmers." Chloe responded, though the water looked inviting.

"So?" Julian asked and Chloe laughed and turned her eyes to Rhys as if to say 'is he serious?' Julian looked over at Rhys too, and grinned, "Get your kit off girl and have a swim." He turned his eyes back to Chloe and she shook her head.

"No I don't think so." She knew she should be angry or confronted or intimidated by him, but there was something so cheeky and loveable about his face.

"Bit straight aren't you?" He asked her cheekily and looked at Rhys, "Had a bit o' the north 'n' south on the ol' hampton?"

"I fucking know rhyming slang, you know?" Chloe said suddenly with a bemused grin and Julian turned his eyes back to her with surprise. "And I'm here with Rhys, so you can stop showing off, cos he wins in my eyes." She kept the same amused tone and Julian looked at her as if enchanted, "and if your touch me again. I'll your thump your face." She stepped back from him and gave him a stern looking at, still clearly amused, but obviously not joking with him.

"I like you." Julian said with a huge grin, "My brother needs someone like you."

"I mean it." Chloe told him seriously, "One more finger on me and I'll hit you."

"I heard you girl!" He laughed and held his hands up to indicate surrender. He looked over at Rhys, "She's a keeper lad." He looked back at Chloe, "let's eat!"

The started to head in to the kitchen and Chloe noticed that there were people following them everywhere they went. Julian was talking now in a long animated monologue about London nightlife, Rhys making noises to indicate he was listening. Chloe marvelled at how opposite the brothers were, but now that Julian had decided he liked her the affection the brothers shared was more obvious. Rhys seemed to have little patience for the games Julian played and Julian enjoyed teasing Rhys; the dynamics of their relationship was fascinating to Chloe. She sat at the kitchen counter on the stylish stool and watched the brothers cooking; Julian playing TV chef and explaining what they were doing.

"Now a lot of people leave the spine of lettuce in when they cut it up." Julian was saying, "But that's the bitter bit. And I like sweet tasting things." He gave her a suggestive grin. "And Rhys is toasting the bread on the grill with a bit of herb butter." Julian told her, "Makes the burgers a bit posh!" Chloe laughed and kept watching, entranced by the men moving and talking in the kitchen. Rhys spoke less often. But every time he did Chloe felt a warmth in the pit of her stomach. The atmosphere was perfect, except for the men standing silently in the room. Chloe was already thinking that children would be so intimidated coming to see their uncle Julian before she even realised what she was thinking and sharply stopped the thought in its tracks. Christian was the worst. He never took his eyes off her.

"Right pet, here's a nice beef and salad burger, with beer-battered chips." Julian grinned and put the plate in front of her, his hand snaking round her waist, "Now this is a garlic aioli; super posh!" He pointed to the dipping sauce for the chips, but Chloe was looking down at his hand thoughtlessly on her hip. He was a toucher, she could tell. But she didn't want to be touched by just anyone. Still it was harmless, so instead if thump his face with all of her force, she slapped his face hard. He looked at her stunned.

"I said no touching Jul-" Chloe heard a loud snapping noise behind her and a muffled scream. Julian's eyes travelled to over her shoulder and looked unimpressed. Chloe turned to see a man being held back by Rhys; one hand over his mouth, the other on his hand, bending the wrist back in an obvious break. The man had clearly been reaching to touch hein some way.

"No one. Touches. Chloe." Rhys told the man and pushed him towards Christian. Chloe's eyes opened up in shock.

"She hit Julian; she gets belted." Christian responded. Chloe scooted closer to Rhys as he stood beside her but Julian laughed.

"She your future strife, lad?" Jules asked with a grin.

"You shouldn't let him hit people for no reason, regardless of who they are." Rhys answered.

"Oh I know!" Jules answered, "But you know what he's like. So serious. Like you." Jules shrugged, "But in all the years I been doing this, the fuzz still hasn't even gotten close to catching on cos o' him and the fine work he does." Rhys said seriously, "So he stays. But lay off the girl Christian." His east end accent was less thick now; when he got more serious it faded slightly and his voice sounded more like Rhys's. Christian gave a single nod. "She's feisty." Julian said to Rhys and Rhys grinned grimly.

"Chloe is in the room, you can address your compliments of her, to her."

"Oh god baby brother, relax." He turned to Chloe, "I apologise milady." He said with a winning grin, "No more unauthorised touching, I swear." Rhys sat down beside her and Chloe noticed two men standing behind him now and saw the man with the broken hand getting up and being ushered from the room before she turned back to her food. It felt tense and wary now, and all eyes were on her.

"Anything new in your world?" Rhys asked and Julian sat on the stool next to Chloe, and started eating before he spoke.

"Peter's dead." He said, Chloe saw a strange look on Rhys's face.

"Good." He said softly and Chloe knew she needed to know more about this Peter.

"Accidentally shived in jail." Julian said with a grin.

"Accidentally?" Rhys asked suspiciously.

"What you think your twin's graduated to ordering hits?" He asked and shook his head, "I'm disappointed in you." Julian leaned forward to grab a cigarette and lit it. "No matter how richly he deserved it, I don't do that." He lowered his eyes, "I sometimes wish I had in me to though. He'd o' been dead a long time ago if I did." Chloe was surprised to see Rhys nodding in agreement. "And I'm heading to Nigeria. Find out mum's village. See if we got grandparents or aunts and uncles…"

"When are you going?" Rhys asked with a clear longing to go with him.

"Next month. Come with. I'll pay."

"I'll see what I can do with work." Rhys answered.

"I keep forgetting you got a job!" Julian laughed, "Come work with me!"

"I like what I do." Rhys answered, "And I'm starting my own business soon."

"What business?" Julian asked with a sly grin, "Given your past careers, it could be anything!" He laughed. He turned to Chloe, "Go' I wonder how much an innocent looking girl like you knows about him."

"Enough." Chloe answered with her chin jutted in her usual fake bravado. She caught sight of Julian's grin before she turned her eyes to Rhys and gave him a curious look. He furrowed his brows in return to her silent question and she knew there was a lot she needed to find out about him and his past.

"Just a gym." Rhys told him and took a bite of his burger.

"Not just a gym." Chloe said, "it's gonna be brilliant and I might even be a trainer there." She told him and Julian raised his eyes to Rhys and then looked back at Chloe.

"I'm sure you'll be a great trainer."

"Oi you!" She laughed, "I see that look on your face!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Julian grinned, "You got a mean slap."

"Oh yeah, I'd give you a punch if you didn't need all these men to look after you." She shot back. "You're obviously too fragile for a real fight!" She goaded and he laughed.

"Obviously!" He chuckled, Rhys shaking his head with a grim smile.

They shared an enjoyable afternoon, laughing and joking, even Rhys started to laugh after a while and Chloe made up her mind that she liked Julian. But she certainly did not like Christian or any of the men he hired.

She sat with her feet up on the dashboard and the window wide open, as they drove back to Chop's house in London, feeling oddly content. She looked over at Rhys, grinning when she saw the hot pink nail polish she'd painted on his nails yesterday while they watched movies with the gang. She noticed that Julian had seen the nail polish and rolled his eyes but hadn't said a word.

"Who's Peter?" She asked as gently as she could. Rhys looked over at her momentarily and turned his eyes back to the road before he replied.

"Our step-father." Chloe had expected that answer and nodded. She started to realise that there were a lot of things in Rhys's past, and while he may have made peace with them, they still evoked emotions in him when he spoke about them. It was so very obvious that he loathed Peter.

"Then I'm glad he's dead too." She said in support and watched the sad, but grateful smile turn up his mouth. He turned his eyes back to her, and she saw that he loved her in that look. They shared that silent moment of knowledge and love before he turned back to the road.

"I suspect you're wondering what my brother was referring to in regards to my past careers." He spoke softly and Chloe knew that he was concerned about how this conversation was going to go.

"I guessed that some of it would be difficult," Chloe told him, trying to sooth his worry, "Surviving from the age of 12 on the streets o' London." And suddenly it crashed into Chloe just what Rhys had probably had to do to survive. If it wasn't ending up in drugs like Julian, what else could it be? "Prostitution?" She asked him and he nodded slowly. "Did…?" She didn't want to put voice to the thoughts in her head, "Did grown men…?"

"Yes." Rhys answered before she finished the sentence. She looked out the window so he wouldn't see the tears on her cheeks; her feelings about this didn't matter as much as his. She wiped her face quickly and turned back to him. She didn't know what to say. "Also…" Rhys took a deep breath, "Also live sex shows." Chloe's eyes opened in surprise. "And some pornos." Rhys furrowed his brows, "And a lot of illegal fighting rings."

"All before you were 18?" She asked, guessing the answer.

"Yes." Rhys answered, "and some after too."

"What?" She asked before she had chance to really think through that question.

"The sex shows and illegal fighting." Rhys answered, "Paid off my mortgage very quickly."

"I thought you were a personal trainer."

"From the age of 16, yes." Rhys said, "But it took me a few years to get enough clients to pay my bills." He told her, "So I supplemented my income until I was about 20."

"Wow." Chloe barely breathed the word.

"So it's been a few years since I've done any of that." His eyes were glued to the road in front of them and Chloe could tell that he was concerned about what she thought of him. She could also see that it was new for him to care what others thought of him.

"Alright." She answered after a moment of consideration. Rhys flicked his eyes to her.

"Alright?" He asked, clearly unsure what she meant. A small smile touched her lips as she saw how she confounded him.

"Alright." She repeated and pointed to the road. Rhys turned his eyes back to the road. "I know that a silly little school girl like me should be scared or shocked by your history." Chloe said, "And I guess I am shocked. But I'm not scared." Rhys found a place to pull over and Chloe took her feet off the dashboard and undid her seatbelt. He took his seatbelt off and turned his torso to her, clearly wanting to see her as she spoke. She took his hand. "I'm not scared of your past. Or of you. Or of your stupid brother." She told him, "Christian though…" She raised her eyebrows and Rhys nodded in agreement.

"I normally leave my past in the past Chloe. It's a habit, not something I have done by design with you. I wasn't trying to hide it from you." He told her, "Any questions you have, I will answer honestly." Chloe thought long about that.

"Later on." She told him finally and leaned over the park brake to kiss him. His hand rose to her face as he gratefully tasted her lips. "Did you think I would reject you because of your past?" She asked him, her hands on his face, their foreheads touching.

"I know you're a better person than that." He said honestly, "but it has happened to me before. So I have made a habit of not talking about it." He furrowed his brows, "So much of a habit that I feel queasy to speak of it now."

"Are you sure you've made peace with it Rhys?"

"I'm not ashamed of it." He told her, "And I'm happy with where it's led me." He stroked her hair and she felt that he was making a point with that action. "There are very few people whose good opinion I crave Chloe." He told her. "You are one of those people." She took that in and it felt like liquor spreading warmth through her body, "So… anything that has any chance of lessening your opinion of me, no matter how slim… gives me reason to pause and to worry." She stroked his face comfortingly, "even things I am at peace with, give me a moment's concern when it comes to you." He ran his fingers through her hair again, "I have never…" He stopped wanting to find the most accurate words to describe it.

"Felt this way before." Chloe finished his sentence and kissed him, not needing him to answer to know her words were right. She carefully crept over the park brake and straddled him. The seat was already as far back as it could go, so Rhys reclined it slightly to give her more room. They kissed for a long time before Chloe reached down and unzipped his fly. She slid his cock out of his pants and stroked it as it rested between her thighs. Rhys's hands found their way under her dress and he slid them around her underwear and gently slid a finger either side of her clitoris. She groaned as he moved his fingers, her clitoris between them, back and forth along her slick cunt, each time his long finger slid forward the tips pushed into her cunt. She leaned forward on him, her entire weight on his body as she gave in to the pleasure he was giving her, her hand clasping his hard cock firmly, but not moving; she couldn't move, she could only groan in pleasure, her face pressed into his chest happily.

"I want you inside of me." Her breathy voice made him groan in response.

"Can't." He whispered back and stroked her hair as he brought her to a loud orgasm, her face still pressed against his chest. As soon as her body stopped shuddering he slid his two fingers inside of her and she groaned and ground her hips into him, sitting up and looking down at him. She stroked his cock and loved the way his fingers felt inside her, but she wanted more. Kneeling to lift her arse off his lap she rubbed the head of his cock on her clit and he groaned deeply before she pulled his fingers out of her and pressed his cock to her cunt.

"Chloe, I haven't got a rubber." He groaned.

"I'm on the pill." She mumbled, grateful that she'd started it up again when she started seeing Rhys.

"Chloe." He repeated more urgently.

"I trust you." She told him, "All that past you got… and I trust you completely. I trust you're clean." She told him, "I'm on the pill. And I've got a bit of a past too." She told him, "D'you trust me?" He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving hers as she slid him into her. They both shared a gasp of pleasure and then a gasp of surprise when a truck went past their parked car and made it rock. They started to laugh and Rhys leaned up to kiss her as they made love on the side of the road.

'_Mutiny In Heaven' by The Birthday Party_

Chop sat on the front stoop smoking a cigarette. He scanned the road and was pleasantly surprised to see Kelsey wandering up the road, a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and very attractive blonde girl wearing short shorts and a singlet. Behind them Phil was laughing with a bunch of lads; each one of them carrying boxes of alcohol on their shoulders.

"Arnie!" Kelsey said happily and leaned to give him a quick hug. "This is Andrea."

"Oh!" Chop grinned over at Phil, "Andrea, nice to meet you." They shook hands and Kelsey looked back at the lads. "I think you know Ali." She pointed at a solidly built lad, already sporting a beard.

"Fucking hell!" Chop laughed and jumped up to give Ali a hug. "What the fuck you been up to, you splendid cunt?" He asked.

"Working the shop." He shrugged, "Parents are trying to arrange a fucking marriage for me." He grimaced.

"Holy shit." Chop pulled a face of disbelief.

"Me girlfriend's right pissed off." He shook his head. "Thinking o' moving out."

"Aye." Chop answered nodding his head. "Moving out was the best thing I ever did." Chop said, "No more three fucking brothers in the same fucking room with me!" He laughed.

"You got a flat mate?" Ali asked hopefully, "I could get some work in Stamford…" He mused.

"Oh yeah I live with me fiancé." Chop announced and Ali clapped his back in congratulations. "Looks like you lot are gonna have a fucking bender tonight?" Chop noted the alcohol.

"Just a bit of one!" Phil grinned.

"You should come!" Kelsey said to agreement from Ali and Phillip.

"You can bring all your mates." She added.

"Oh right?' Chop asked, "Even Finn?" Kelsey's eyes strayed to her brother and then she shrugged.

"Yeah bring him." She said, "I'm honour-bound to hate him." She joked, "Cos o' Phil." She looked over at her baby brother, "But he seems like an alright lad really."

"Alright." Chop said, "Well if we come we'll bring some more booze."

"You know how to make yourself welcome!" One of the other lads piped in.

"Might even bring a spliff or two if you're up for it?" Chop asked.

"When am I ever not up for anything Arnie?" Kelsey asked him with a grin, "And make sure you bring Izzy!" She told him, "She's the most interesting thing about you now." She kissed his cheek and took Andrea inside. Phillip motioned for the other lads to go in, Ali saying a cheery goodbye before heading in.

"Don't bring the spliffs." Phillip said softly.

"You never had any pot?" He asked and Phillip looked away silently.

"No." He said after a pause.

"Well you gotta have some." Chop grinned, Phillip rolled his eyes and shook his head, "Loosen you up and you can get laid. That Andrea bird's alright." He offered Phillip a cigarette but Phil shook his head, "Booze'll make you limper than a wet lettuce leaf." Chop said, "Stick to the pot tonight laddy."

"I'm not gonna… fuck… Andrea." Phillip still felt wrong talking about sex and girls in that way, even though all the lads around him did it.

"You what?" Chop asked confused.

"I'm not interested in her." Philip said, "And it's not fair having sex with her if-"

"If this is about Rae mate, you gotta just stop." Chop said firmly, "You gotta go dip your wick in a girl who's willing and forget about Raemundo."

"Raemundo?"

"Yeah." Chop said, "Look I know she's a top bird. But she's built for my lad Finn, and I'll knock your block off if you don't stop it right lad?"

"I could beat you in a fight Arnie!" Phillip laughed and Chop considered their childhood; he might have been weedy but he had been a right proper scrapper.

"I should inform you that I have been doing boxing for the last four years." Chop told him with a smug grin.

"Oh fuck!" Phillip laughed. "Well that's me done for." Phillip sighed and sat down on the stoop. "Everyone wants to smash my face in." He stared off into space, "I don't mean to love her, Arnold." He turned his eyes to Chop, "I been trying to stop." He took one of Chop's cigarettes and Chop lit it for him, "But imagine tomorrow that you was told that you had to stop loving Izzy."

"Aye it'd be impossible." Chop acknowledged, "But it's different, I'm in a relationship with her. You're not with Rae, and you never have been."

"D'you know you loved Izzy before you were with her?"

"Yeah."

"Could you have stopped loving her then? Before you ever had anything with her?"

"No." Chop admitted, "I tried, cos we was friends." Chop watched Phillip smoke inexpertly. "I'm not saying it'll be easy." Chop told him, "I'm saying you got no choice."

"And I know that." Phillip said with lowered eyes.

"So go fuck Andrea. It'll help."

"Not really fair to her." Phillip replied.

"If you tell her it's a one of thing beforehand and you make her scream, I'm sure she'll cope." Chop said kindly, "And wouldn't you prefer to shag a nice girl than pine after Rae until someone cracks your skull?" Phillip looked thoughtfully down at his cigarette.

"I don't think I'll ever take this habit up." Phillip laughed, "Even though I've been smoking most o' these holidays."

"Phillip," Chop said firmly, "I'm telling you this lad cos we used to be mates," He looked at Phil's face, "She'll never choose you. And I'll always take his side if it comes to it. If he decides to smash you one for hankering after his girl, I'll be right there with him." Chop told him firmly. "I don't know how he hasn't already done it. If you looked at my Izzy like that, nothing'd stop me from slamming you."

"Rae stops him." Phillip said softly. Chop furrowed his brows and watched Phillip butt his cigarette out slowly, pocketing the butt. "Cos we're mates." He added thoughtfully.

"You think she stops him cos she got feelings for you?" Chop asked, worry settling in his stomach.

"I dunno mate." Phillip stood up, "But until I do, I got hope." He started to walk away but Chop grabbed his hand.

"Have a spliff tonight, fuck a hot girl, forget Rae." Phillip looked down at Chop and smiled grimly.

"I'll give it some thought." Chop watched Phillip go into his house and sat thoughtfully on the stoop, starting another cigarette after a few minutes.

"Hello chum." Finn grinned and closed the door as he lit up a smoke and sat down beside Chop.

"We been invited to a party at Kelsey's." Chop told him. Finn blew out his smoke with an unimpressed look.

"Oh aye?" He looked over at the other house. "Phillip know?"

"Aye." Chop answered and Finn chuckled cynically.

"Oh that'll be fun." He shook his head. "I might give it a pass."

"No you're going." Chop said, "And you're gonna smash Phil's face."

"You what?" Finn asked him with a confused expression.

"He thinks Rae likes him cos she won't let you smash him." Chop said, "I know she'll be mad, but you gotta do it so he backs off." Finn started to laugh and shook his head.

"It's alright mate." Finn said, "I don't care what he thinks." Finn drew heavily on his cigarette and looked out on the road, large bags of rubbish on the corner across the road had drawn a stray cat. "And isn't he your mate?"

"Yeah but you're more me mate."

"Right, well I'm glad, but-"

"You gotta do it or-"

"It's not gonna happen Chop!" Finn told him firmly.

"What's wrong with you?" Chop asked with a scrunched up face of disgust.

"If he does something to upset Rae, I'll hurt him in ways they haven't even invented yet." Finn told him, "But him and his little crush are nothing to me mate." Chop looked at him with disbelief.

"What if Rae does like him?" Chop asked with a worried tone and Finn shrugged.

"She loves me." Finn told him, "That's a lot better than like." He chuckled at Chop's unimpressed face, "besides don't you like Tammy at the chippy?" Finn asked, "But you love Izzy."

"Yeah she alright." Chop admitted, "But it's different." Chop said animatedly, "Tammy and I barely talk. Phillp's in Rae's ear all the time." Finn considered this for a moment and shrugged.

"I can only be the kind of man that deserves Rae's love." Finn answered, "I can't force her to love me. Punching some twat cos he likes her… it's just me trying to force Rae to love only me. It'll never work. She's too stubborn for that anyhow." Finn scratched his cheek and grinned at his girl's stubbornness, "She'll do whatever she wants, that's her way."

"You really don't care?" Chop was utterly lost.

"Aye." Finn answered, not entirely truthfully. Understanding that he was the sun and Phillip was the candle was one thing, getting rid of all of his fear was another; it didn't just instantly happen, but it was slowly seeping out of his bones.

"Don't you just want this shit with Phillip to be over?" Chop asked and Finn considered that. He thought of how tired of it Rae looked in the shower when they'd last talked about it. Some of that was dealing with his jealousy, no doubt, but some of that was also worry about her friend's feelings for her. He thought about Rae saying she just wanted Phil to be nothing more than a friend with no complications and telling her that he'd make it happen for her.

"Aye that I do." He answered thoughtfully, "For Rae's sake."

"Smash him and tell him Rae wanted you to. It'll be over." Finn considered this for some time, flicking away one butt and starting another. Chop watched him think for a while then stared off at the cat wondering around starting to yowl loudly.

"Hey you two, dinner's up." Chloe poked her head out of the door.

"Thanks love, in in a mo." Chop replied and she nodded and closed the door behind her as she left.

"I'll back you if there's any shit with his lads.' Chop said, "But I doubt there will be when they see Rhys and Tom." Finn furrowed his brows.

"We're not going over to his place tonight to smash him Chop." Finn answered, "That's not fucking right." Chop thought about it for a moment and nodded his head shyly.

"Hadn't thought it through." He admitted.

"Look, I'll think o' something to finish this." He said with a cheerless face, "You're right, it's gone on long enough."

The music was thumping out of the open front door loudly, Rae noticed a woman walking down the street giving the house a dirty look as the gang headed next door to Kelsey and Phillip's party. The house was filled with people, a song with so much screaming and brutal grinding music that Rae literally looked at the speaker with a surprised grin.

"Who the fuck is this?" She asked, Finn sharing her interest, looked around for the sound system. He spotted it in the sitting room and picked up the CD cover.

"The Birthday Party." He said as the music cracked on, the lyrics making Rae open her mouth in surprise.

"Did I just hear the words 'spilt my heart to some fat cunt behind a screen?'" Rae asked Finn and he nodded his head.

"I think he's referring to a priest and confession." Finn answered and looked back down at the CD cover, "Mutiny / the Bad Seed." He said softly.

"I think we need to get this." Rae found it to be compelling music, she looked back at the gang and saw Rhys and Chloe already dancing to the driving rhythm, Rhys actually singing along. Finn looked over at Rhys, Chloe had bleached his goatee before dinner, ready to be coloured tomorrow.

"O' course he fucking knows it!" Finn laughed, "I always knew he were a bit of a punk."

"Post punk I'd say." Rae corrected and Finn grinned at her.

"It's got a gothic feel to it as well." Finn said, "And all the religious imagery." Rae nodded and listened closely.

"He doesn't sing, he spews all his ugly bits out." Rae said in marvel. "I love it." Finn knew he'd be hunting this CD out at Red Eye and looked back to Chop, shoving a spliff in Phillip's hand, Izzy already smoking one, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Finn scanned the room unable to see Tom and Archie, but he saw Kelsey pressed against a wall with a fit looking lad's hand down her pants. He looked away and saw a blond girl sit down next to Phillip as he accepted Chop's light. Finn looked back to Rae as she looked through Kelsey's collection of music in awe.

"I haven't heard o' some o' these." She said in a bewildered voice. Finn furrowed his eyes and looked through the music and came to the conclusion that Kelsey knew her music too. He managed to pull Rae away from the music collection and get her dancing to the music. It was great music to make out aggressively too and their dancing ended up becoming quite intense, the rest of the house and people in it disappearing. They didn't even notice when Chop came over to offer them a spliff.

When the CD stopped Finn went over to put a new CD on and Rae looked around the room, she saw the blond girl straddling Philip, making out messily and cocked her head to the side. When Finn returned, having put on another one of Kelsey's CDs they didn't know, she pointed it out to Finn who shrugged and looked back at her to find she was looking towards the hallway.

"Let's get a drink!" She said over the music and took his hand. They found the rest of the gang in the kitchen smoking joints and giggling, Kelsey and another girl had joined them. Rae took the spliff when Chop offered it and Finn went through the fridge for something to drink; he wasn't getting drunk tonight. He had plans. He pulled out two cans of coke and gave one to Rae as Andrea wondered in, her short shorts unzipped, but she didn't seem to care.

"You got any rubbers Kels?" She asked Kelsey and Kelsey grinned.

"O' course I do." She offered Andrea the joint and she took it, "Gonna pop that cherry hun?" She laughed and Andrea laughed.

"You reckon he's a virgin?" Andrea sked and sucked on the spliff hard.

"I don't really question me brother too closely about that kinda stuff. But I reckon he might be."

"You serious looking like that?" Kelsey shrugged and Andrea leaned on the table in thought, "If he's got his V-plates he hides it well." She said. "But… I've never met a lad more cautious about doing it." She pulled a face, "Maybe he is." She shrugged.

"Happy fucking." Kelsey told her and she grinned.

"Fuck I hope so!" Andrea said, "He's so fucking fit." Chop looked over at Finn and Rae, but Rae was talking animatedly to Rhys about The Birthday Party and Nick Cave's whole career and Finn was looking towards the hallway back to the family room. Kelsey got up to take Andrea to get the condoms and Finn watched them go.

"Back in a sec." He told Rae and sauntered off towards the family room before she had a chance to reply. Chop watched him go, knowing Phillip was in that room. Finn looked around the family room to find no sign of Phillip. He decided to see if he'd gone upstairs and started climbing the stairs, assuming that Phil's room was probably on the penultimate storey.

He found Phillip sitting on his bed, his thumb on his lips, a look of concentration on his face. He looked up when Finn closed the door. Phillip furrowed his brows.

"I know you're waiting for that blond girl to come up." Finn said, "So I'll be quick." Finn looked around his impressive room as he gathered his thoughts, "I want this thing with you and Rae to be over." He said.

"Oh right?" Phillip scoffed and shook his head at the nerve of Finn, coming into his house to start shit.

"So what if you had a free run at her?"

"What d'you mean?" Phillip asked deeply suspicious.

"Second week back at school, you two is gonna be in London overnight, without me anywhere near you." Finn said with a strange look in his eye. Phillip tried to predict what he was going to say, ready for some mocking or threat.

"Must piss you off." He retorted but Finn only smiled grimly in response and then nodded slowly.

"A little." He said honestly, "But you know what, you should take her out to dinner." Finn saw the shock on Phillip's face but pressed on, "Tell her how you feel." He told Phillip, "Read her fucking Shakespeare," Finn laughed mirthlessly. "No consequences." Finn told him, "I won't ask what happened, and I won't smash your face in for going after me girl." Finn leaned back on the door and folded his arms, his eyes resting steadily on Phil's face.

"What's your fucking game, Nelson?' Phillip asked seriously.

"Get her answer." Finn answered and Phillip understood; if he had Rae's answer this love triangle would be over.

"What if she don't give one." Phillip asked numbly.

"We both know she will." Finn answered, and Phillip nodded.

"Yeah." He said and lowered his eyes, "She won't want to drag it out once she knows for sure."

"And we'll both abide by her decision." Finn said, "Whatever it is."

"You only say that cos you think she'll tell me no." Phillip said bitterly.

"Oh I know she will." Finn said cockily but Phillip detected a hint of doubt behind his arrogance. It was small, but Finn did think there was some chance that this wouldn't go his way.

"You talk big, but I can see in your eyes that you're worried." Phillip replied and Finn nodded.

"Course I am." Finn answered, "You actually have a lot to offer Rae." Finn told him honestly, "If she had never met me, I think you'd o' made her happy." Phillip chewed the inside of his cheek, not sure how to take this.

"I wish she hadn't met you."

"I know."

"But…" Phillip looked away, "I can see you make her happy." He admitted as if it caused him physical pain to say those words. Finn raised his eyebrows and looked away.

"Didn't expect you to say that."

"Well tonight's been full of surprises hasn't it?" Phillip snarked drolly and Finn had to chuckled.

"Aye that it has been." He agreed. There was a moment of silence as they both considered everything that had been said. "Now there's gonna be some rules for both of us with this dinner thing." Finn said and Phillip nodded slowly.

"Alright, let's hear them before I decide whether to agree to this." Phillip folded his arms over his chest.

"One," Finn held up a finger, "We never talk about this again. What happens at the dinner stays between you and Rae. I don't ask you what happened, you don't brag about it. The only thing I ever hear about this dinner after we finish this conversation, is what Rae's decision is."

"Alright." Phillip said softly.

"Two, if you do this dinner thing, you actually have to tell her how you feel in no uncertain terms." Finn said, "You don't say 'I like you' cos that could mean as a friend, you tell her you're in love with her." Finn said firmly, "You tell her you wanna be with her. And more importantly, you give her a chance to answer you."

"Alright." Phillip took a deep breath.

"Three. You don't touch her-"

"O' course you'd say that." Phillip said bitterly.

"Without her permission." Finn finished the sentence, "I don't want you to take this as some invitation to try and shag her, right?" Finn said almost aggressively, "You make sure you got full permission afore you touch her."

"Of course!" Phillip answered angrily, "I'm not a fucking rapist."

"Alright." Finn answered Phil's angry, protesting face, "Four, we both agree to live by whatever she says. Her decision is utterly final, with no debate, and no second chances." They locked eyes and Phil slowly nodded his head.

"Alright." He answered stiffly. "Even if she chooses me, not you?"

"Aye." Finn answered equally as stiffly as Phillip, "Even if she chooses that." He cleared his throat, "And five, I somehow have to convince Rae to go along with this too." Finn pulled a face, "Cos I want everyone informed about what's happening. You know, I know, she knows about the dinner. I don't want it sprung on her, that's not fair."

"Agreed." Phillip answered and lowered his eyes thoughtfully. "But if she knows what I'm going to say before I say it… it kind of defeats the purpose of saying it. And it makes the days or weeks before the dinner very awkward."

"Right." Finn considered this. "Well…" He tried to think of a solution. "I'll just tell her you're gonna talk to her about some important stuff?" Finn asked and Phillip pulled a face.

"It's an imperfect solution." He muttered.

"You think o' something better." Finn answered snippily.

"Yeah alright." Phillip acknowledged that there wasn't really a better plan.

"And if she agrees I'll let you know you got a green light to go ahead with the dinner. If she doesn't, we gotta think of another way to end this." Finn took a deep breath, "That's it for rules I think." Finn said.

"Why are you doing this?" Phillip asked defensively; he knew it couldn't be for his own benefit.

"My girl wants you to be her friend." Finn said, "And I told her that I'd make that happen." Finn said honestly. Phillip furrowed his brows. "I'd do anything for Rae." Finn said, "Including giving you a chance to really talk to her about this whole thing. So it can finally be done with. And you can just be a friend to her, knowing that there's no chance…" Finn lowered his eyes.

"So sure o' the outcome." Phillip looked away, shaking his head.

"I can't know what she'll decide for sure." Finn countered, lowering his cocky air. Phillip looked up at Finn and saw that doubt again.

"You're willing to do this even though you're not 100% sure she'll choose you?" Phillip asked, genuinely surprised. Finn shrugged.

"I'm 99% sure." He pocketed his hands, "But yeah… even with the possibility that she might have feelings for you, and you might actually have a shot." He confessed, "I'd still be doing this, cos she's tired of it Phillip." Finn looked up at him, "If you care about her, you'll help me end this." Finn held out his hand to shake and Phillip looked at him for some time before slowly extending his hand. They shook hands and Phillip stared thoughtfully at Finn for a moment before lowering his eyes.

"Alright." He said to Finn, "If Rae's amenable to your plan, I'll help you end this farce." He looked up at Finn, "But I'm gonna romance the hell outta Rae at that dinner." Phillip told him.

"I'd expect no less o' you." Finn answered and Phillip saw that there was even more worry in Finn's confident demeanour now. "So I'll talk to Rae, and our fates will be decided by her." Finn turned to open the door. "Is it that Andrea girl coming up?" Finn asked and Phillip nodded, "She wants you." Finn told him.

'I know." Phillip answered uncomfortably.

"Let her have you." Finn said. "It's summer break. Have some fun." Finn left the room without another word and Phillip watched the door swing slightly in his wake, unable to believe what he'd just heard. A few minutes later Andrea came up into the room. She closed the door behind her and slipped off her top immediately before tossing a whole box of condoms to him with a smutty grin.

"Let's see what I can teach you lad."

Finn saw that Rae and Rhys still in deep conversation, Chloe and Izzy were watching Chop, Tom and Archie attempting to do Irish dancing to the heavy post-punk rhythms strangling through the house. Finn's eyes lingered on Rae, her animated face, the way she moved as she spoke excitedly. Rhys was laughing and enjoying her talk and it occurred to Finn that there really were an infinite number of men that could have made Rae happy in some way; Rhys was another. Rhys was possibly better equipped mentally for her issues, he was calmer, he had music knowledge, he was roguishly good looking, especially with the split eyebrow he had right now. Yes, he'd have made her happy. Finn looked over at Chop. Chop could have made her happy too. But when she turned to look at him and her whole face lit up he knew. He knew that poor Phillip didn't stand a chance and that Finn was sending him to get his heart ripped out at this dinner. Finn was the one for Rae, and he knew it.

"Poor Phil." Finn muttered to himself, but didn't feel much sympathy for him as Rae motioned for him to come over and wrapped a warm arm around his waist. He only half listened to the conversation as he tried to figure out a way to raise this topic with Rae. He knew his plan was sound, mature, gentlemanly even. But none of that meant she'd like it. He knew it put her in a very awkward position and that she'd have to endure a dinner from hell. But it really was her place and her place alone to put Philip in his place. And at the end of it, it'd finally be over.

Almost two hours later Chop was animatedly telling the tale of what had happened in Bagleys to Kelsey and a couple of her friends, the gang all adding in their own bits as he spoke.

"Who's telling the fucking story?" Chop snapped at Archie after he interjected again. They were all laughing and drinking beers, the rest of the party happening around them.

Phillip wandered into the kitchen with only his jeans on, the button undone, and went to the fridge to grab two cans of coke.

"Hello baby brother!" Kelsey said loudly and Phil turned to her, opening one of the cokes and taking a long swig.

"How's the party going?" He asked and leaned over the kitchen counter.

"How's Andrea?" Kelsey asked. Phil looked away and bit the inside of his cheek.

"I think she's sleeping." He answered as he looked back to her.

"D'you wear her out?" Chop laughed loudly and Phillip looked away again, but was unable to hide the grin. The minute that grin started to form Chop was laughing louder. "Yeah!"

"Alright." Phillip waved him off with furrowed brows but still not able to wipe the grin off his face. Rae looked over at him, but she could tell he was deliberately not making eye contact with her. She looked back at Finn who was looking at the table apparently disinterested.

"Gotta keep your sugars up!" Chloe was ribbing Phillip now with a huge grin.

"Alright alright!" Phillip laughed and shaking his head, started to head back to the stairs.

"Going in for another round!" Chloe called after him.

"How worn out is the poor girl?" Chop asked to Phillip's back as he kept laughing and shaking his head.

"You lot are hopeless." He told them with a laugh as he left the room. Kelsey watched him go with a grin. She'd hear all about it from Andrea, which was gross, because he was her brother, but also good, cos he needed this. He needed to realise there were other girls in the world, as lovely as Rae was, and Kelsey sure did like her a lot, there were other girls.

"I don't understand the heterosexual need to give each other shit because you had sex." Tom mused.

"Cos sex is fucking awesome." Chop answered, "No matter how many times you do it."

"Yeah." Tom nodded his head, "I know… why does that lead to the ribbing though…?" Chop gave him a look of incredulity.

"You'll never understand the heterosexual male mind." Archie laughed and Tom looked back at him with a grin.

"Why wouldn't you?" Chop asked him, "Fucker got laid!" Chop answered as if that explained it. Tom shook his head with a bemused look of confusion.

"Boys." Chloe shook her head, Izzy and Rae giving her a knowing look.

"Straight boys." Archie said and Chop gave him a scrunched up look.

"Straight teenage boys." Tom added with a wry grin and turned his eyes to Rhys.

"Straight teenage white boys." Rhys laughed and Finn and chop turned their eyes to Rhys and then Archie.

"What?" Archie asked.

"Well that's two thirds you." Finn said.

"Yeah, you're practically in the club." Chop laughed.

"Right so I'm supposed to get excited that Philly got his dong diddled then?"

"Dong… diddled?" Rae asked with a huge incredulous grin, "The joke writes itself Archie."

"Boys are so disgusting." Izzy told them with an unimpressed look.

"Oi you three talk about the size of our cocks!" Chop retorted, "You don't see us doing that." The girls looked at him for a moment and started to laugh.

"What?" Chop asked.

"Well yeah!" Chloe laughed, "cos we don't have cocks for you to talk about!"

"Oh shut up!" Chop shook his head, "You know what I fucking mean!"

"Oh no Chop." Rae said feigning innocence, "Please do tell." Chop saw three sets of eyes on him and turned to the boys for assistance.

"You're on your fucking own!" Finn told him when Chop turned to him.

"Ah excuse me?" Chloe asked.

"No he's not!" Rae told him.

"Archie." Izzy said sweetly, intuiting the best way into this discussion, "Don't these two make you talk about all sorts o' things you're not interested in." Archie raised his eyebrows in surprise at the way she was worming her way in.

"You're fucking evil Izzy!" He said with a laugh.

"Aye you got no idea!" Chop laughed, "She looks all sweet an innocent."

"But she's the most deviant of us all." Rae laughed and took a big gulp of her drink.

"No really, uncle Archie." Izzy ignored everything they'd said and kept her eyes trained on Archie, "Tell us a thing or two about what they make you talk about." She said it indulgently, as if she were giving him the chance to finally get something burdensome off his chest. Archie looked at everyone, Tom bemused, Rhys slowly shaking his head also bemused, Finn and Chop giving him a forbidding glare, while the girls all smiled sweetly and invitingly.

"Tit for tat Fanta pants." Archie told Izzy. "You tell me something, I tell you something.

"That's thrown the cat amongst the pigeons!" Kelsey laughed, her mates were all in the sitting room dancing and drinking, but she found this odd little group of people infinitely more interesting to sit and listen to.

"NO!" Five voices rose in unison, Tom and Rhys laughing at the panic Archie's proposal had raised in them.

"I guess that's that done with then." Archie grinned triumphantly. Izzy shook her head at having been outsmarted by him.

"You win this time, four eyes!" She laughed.

"Who you calling four eyes?" Tom asked, "Two ears!" They all started to laugh.

"Oh yeah, well you're a one nose." Izzy returned.

"Well I never!" Tom feigned shock. "You fucking head-neck." They started to make up non-insults in rapid fire.

"Two boobs." Chop threw in.

"Fucking one dick." Chloe insulted Tom.

"Oi you arm-hand!" Finn threw at Rae.

"Knee-thigh." Rae returned. They shot pretend insults around the table at each other.

"You ten toed, one-tongued, man child!" Izzy shot at Tom.

"Holy shit it's getting serious now." Archie laughed.

"Man child?" Tom laughed, "I've never heard anything more accurate in my fucking life!" He looked over at Rhys, "face hair." He said and Rhys raised his eyebrows.

"Bone joints." He returned.

"Oh that hurts!" Tom joked.

"Yeah Rhys!" Chloe hit his arm, "You can't insult people for what's inside o' them!" She laughed.

"Unless it's small dick." Kelsey said and was met with a moment of silence before the girls all started cackling.

"Fair call." Tom chuckled and nodded.

"'ere but does size matter that much?" Chop asked Kelsey and she nodded.

"Yes." She told him, "Yes it does." She lit up a cigarette and passed one to Chop and Finn. "Loads of women will say it don't." She told him.

"But it does." Tom agreed. "I think even more on the gay scene."

"But it's not like guys think it is." Kelsey said, "Too big is just as bad as too small."

"And width is most important." Tom backed her up. She nodded.

"And how you use can make up for being a bit short." She said to Tom who shrugged.

"Yeah I suppose so." He agreed and Chop considered this and nodded satisfied.

"Alright then.' He grinned over at Izzy who gave him a reassuring look.

"You ever had a cock that were so small you just had to stop yourself from laughing?" Kelsey asked Tom and Tom nodded.

"Ever had one so big you didn't know how you were gonna get it in you?" Tom laughed.

"Yep." She laughed. "It just ended up being so painful cos he fucked like a jack hammer and I swear to god he was perforating me fucking stomach lining!"

"Should o' gone anal!" Tom said, "The anal and rectal passage is slightly longer than the vagina." He nodded sagely.

"Really?" Kelsey asked surprised.

"Yes but the vagina has a greater capacity to elongate during sex." Rhys added softly before looking up at Kelsey, "Sex should never be painful, regardless of penis size." She raised her eyebrows.

"Getting schooled!" She laughed.

"If he'd warmed you up properly it wouldn't have hurt." Rhys continued and Kelsey considered this while the gang looked at Rhys, Chop scrunching up his nose when he remembered what Chloe had said about Rhys's size.

"And I suppose you'd know." Kelsey said, "In my experience, the taller they are…" She looked down towards his groin, hidden by the table, and gave a suggestive wink.

"Ah no, but research indicates that height, ethnicity, weight, age, size of your feet… none of that has any correlation to the size of your cock." Tom said sadly. "I used to keep myself well informed about this stuff, read all the latest journal articles on it." He told them, "There's nothing worse than taking a guy home for the night and being disappointed by his cock, so I was trying to find a way to know what I was in for before I had his gear off, you know?" Tom sighed, "But that's all behind me now.' He looked over at Archie, "I'm like an old married man." He grinned as Archie leaned in for a kiss.

"Fucking hell." Kelsey laughed, "One night with you lot and I feel like I'm a walking encyclopaedia!"

"You should come hang out with us in Stamford!" Izzy told her.

"Well I'm gonna be around there for the next couple o' months, so I might see you around!" She grinned in reply.

"What you got on in Stamford that you can't do better in London?" Chop asked.

"I got commissioned to paint the wall on the community arts centre." Kelsey told him.

"Wait that went ahead?" Rae said over the top of Chop's congratulations.

"Yeah." Kelsey looked confused.

"I thought…" Rae looked at Finn and he looked as bewildered as her. "I thought that Janice weren't working there no more…"

"You know Janice?" Kelsey exclaimed excitedly.

"Aye she used to rent the room at me house." Finn said and Kelsey turned her eyes to Finn thoughtfully.

"So…?" Rae asked and Kelsey turned her eyes back to Rae.

"She did quit yeah, but they couldn't find someone to replace her, so she's just started doing both jobs." Kelsey told them, "First thing she did were call me to do the artwork, got the news this morning! Thus the party." Kelsey grinned, "She said she were going back to Stamford soon for a visit and I'm gonna meet up with her, see what she wants for the commission." Finn and Rae exchanged a look and Kelsey saw how surprised they were, "She said she were hoping to catch up with some friends as well." She told them, hoping that's what they wanted to hear.

"Aye I hope so." Finn said thinking of his dad.

'_Venus as a Boy' by Bjork_

Rae and Finn had slipped out of the party at midnight; Finn had been thinking of the bag of toys they'd gotten from Fettered Pleasures. A certain toy in the bag had given him some ides that he wasn't willing to wait till Saturday to try out. Whispering that in her ear had resulted in a very hasty exit from the party, led by Rae.

He looked through the nondescript bag of toys and found out the several lengths of silky rope he'd picked up. He fingers slipped over the soft twine and he was reassured that these wouldn't hurt her. She sat on the bed watching him, biting her bottom lip in expectation. He brought the rope back to the bed and she smiled.

"Good choice Finlay." She told him and took one of the lengths of rope, running it between her fingers.

"D'you know why I told you to keep your mouth shut at the show?"

"Cos that's what a sub does." She grinned and Finn nodded slowly.

"That's part of it." He said, "I been thinking about it, cos I love the way you do bang on." He told her, "You're so beautiful when you're excited about something and you go on and on." He grinned fondly, "But when I'm in charge in sex, I don't want a word outta you." Finn touched her face, "I figured out it's cos, you being submissive, is so opposite to what you really are… when we're playing that game… we're kinda opposite to how we really are." She nodded understanding. "Like, neither of us in charge really, but when we're doing that… one of us is in charge." His fingers travelled down her face to her neck, "And so… I like making you opposite to how you really are for that game."

"It's like role playing." Rae told him and he nodded.

"So I tell you to keep your mouth shut and sit like a lady and open your buttons up and-"

"Wait are you saying I'm not a lady?" Rae asked with mock anger.

"You're not really, are you?" He asked, "But I like that." He grinned and Rae raised her eyebrows at him.

"Not putting me in the mood Finlay." She told him and he looked away to hide his chuckle.

"Rae, I'm not exactly a gentleman either." He told her and she shrugged.

"I think y'are."

"Liar!" Finn watched her trying to keep the grin off her face. "Anyway, the point is…" Finn said as she turned her eyes to him, the same look on her face, "We can be whoever we want during these games. Even the complete opposite of who we are."

"That's true." She agreed. "So what's the game tonight?" She asked curiosity getting the better of her.

"Well I were thinking… you can even be yourself while you're playing these games." He let his head drop to one side, "or be a little bit of everything." Finn looked at her, and Rae could tell his mind was ticking over, "There's more than one way to tie you up." Rae felt her stomach clench in excitement.

"More than one way to tie you up too." She added.

"Not tonight." His eyes dropped to her mouth. "Tonight's all about you." He kissed her lips before she had time to question him about that. He pulled his shirt off as she pulled her own shirt off, their lips instantly coming back together. Finn stood up and Rae joined him, still kissing, her hands happily sliding over his naked torso. Finn wasted no time in getting her clothes off; they both preferred being naked nowadays, so his ongoing excitement about her naked body was well satisfied.

"Let's have a quick shower." He said and she followed him without question. Finn took his time to slowly wash her entire body, right down to her feet, Rae watching him and wondering what he had planned. When it came time to wash Finn, he did it himself, quickly and disinterestedly. His eyes stayed on her face, the intensity was incredible, and Rae knew whatever it was he was planning to do tonight, he was aching to do it.

When they got out of the shower, Finn started to dry her as well, something he had never done before and Rae was really starting to enjoy the level of attention he was paying to her. although she worried that it meant that what was coming was to be very rough indeed if he was being this careful with her now. Once again when it came to himself her was speedy, he dried himself haphazardly, his focus entirely on her. The towels were left on the floor and Finn led her back into the bedroom, Rae's stomach fluttering with anticipation and a little bit of fear of what he was planning to do to her.

Finn gently tied the rope around her wrists and Rae watched the way he tied the knots closely; she'd have to know how to do this to him eventually. She laid down on the bed, her hands tied in front of her and Finn knelt over her, kissing her deeply, his hand moving up her body, catching hold of her tied wrists and continuing up her body, raising them above her head. Finn took another piece of the rope and tied Rae's wrists to the headboard of the bed. He stood up and looked at her stretched out on the bed, her hand twitching already.

"You're so beautiful." He told her as he took a long time looking at her body. Rae watched his face, marvelling that he was still as excited by her as she was by him. It had been eight months since the first time they'd had sex, but still he looked at her as if it was the first time he'd seen her naked. He knelt at the bottom of the bed and took one of her feet in his hands. She giggled as his fingers touched the ticklish underside. Gently he started to massage her foot, his strong fingers cleverly finding out the best parts, his eyes watching her face closely for every sign of pleasure. Gauging what was more pleasurable, what was less so.

"Tell me what you like?" His voice was husky and she groaned lightly in response. He could tell that she liked it when he rubbed the balls of her feet more than the arch of her feet, but she preferred the heel being rubbed more on her right foot than the left. He rubbed her ankles softly, less sure of how to rub her legs than her feet. She was watching him through hooded eyes, making small noises of pleasure. But this was a muscular pleasure, not entirely sexual, and that was ok. There was more than one way to give pleasure. He took one foot in his hands and ran his finger lightly down the arch and she pulled back giggling.

"Too ticklish!" She almost squealed when he did it again and she laughed loudly, pulling on the rope. He grinned at her response and this time moved his finger slower over her foot and she didn't pull away, but she did groan; clearly surprised.

"That's really nice." She said breathlessly. Finn bit his bottom lip and put his other hand to her other foot, slowly moving his fingers, softly over the bottom of her feet. She closed her eyes and groaned. The soft slow way he moved his fingers over her feet sent shivers up her legs to her groin.

"I like that." She whispered and Finn watched her lick her lips slowly. He slowly raised her one foot up to his mouth and kissed the top of her foot. She laughed softly and opened her eyes to see him lick down her foot to her toes. She started to squirm and giggle as he took her big toe into his mouth. She squealed loudly.

"FINN!" She screamed before dissolving into giggles. He chuckled as she squirmed and then yanked her foot from his hands. He gave her a slightly pouty look and laughing she put her foot back in his hands. He bit his bottom lip and she looked down at him, still chuckling, wondering what he'd do next. He put her foot up to his mouth again and she instantly started to giggle loudly, squealing when she felt his breath on the bottom of her foot.

"Finn!" She was already laughing loudly before he'd even touched her feet. He gave her a cheeky wink and gently bit the arch of her foot. She squealed louder than before and yanked her foot away again, squirming wildly and laughing loudly.

"Alright girl?" He chuckled.

"Fuck you!" She said through her giggles.

"Later." He grinned cheekily and took her other foot.

"Oh no!" She started to laugh instantly. He put her foot to his mouth and she squirmed, again instantly giggling. Finn licked the arch of her foot softly and her foot flinched but she didn't pull away. She whimpered slightly, her toes scrunching. It was so ticklish, but she could just handle it, and to her surprise, his tongue on her foot made her clitoris ache to be licked. She watched him lick her foot more firmly and stopped herself from yanking her foot away with the ticklishness.

"I like it." She said through gasping giggles. Finn licked along her foot to her toes and she started to squirm again, scrunching her toes together. She tried to un-scrunch her toes and kept squealing every time his mouth came close to engulfing her toes. She wanted to masturbate while he did this. She pulled at her ties and watched Finn's cheeky grin broaden at her struggles. She groaned again as his fingers started to explore further up her legs, gently rubbing the muscles. She felt the calf muscles of her one leg wanting to relax while the foot of her other leg was being licked and bitten and making her body flex in ticklishness. Rae closed her eyes and tried to get her urge to scrunch up her toes under control and the minute she straightened them he had taken them into his mouth. She whimpered loudly, trying not to squeal again. She laughed again as he managed to suck all of her toes and gave her a triumphant grin.

"What are you doing to me?" She giggled as he kissed her ankle passionately.

"Worshipping you." He breathed, his eyes crawling slowly up her body to her face. He gently massaged her calves, he learned quickly that she didn't like him to go too hard on her calves but soft gentle stroked made her smile, and he felt the tension from the ticklishness leaving her body. He kissed her shins with his mouth fully open, his wet tongue slathering across her skin, his lips dragging as he moved up her leg. Rae started to breath deeper in anticipation for that mouth coming higher. His fingers gently traced across her other shin, sending ticklish tingles up her legs again. He heard her groan deeply and understood that anticipation was building. When he reached her knees he found that behind her knees were very sensitive. His fingertips sent her off into fits of giggles again, but his tongue made her groan loudly.

"Oh I like that." Her breathy voice made his balls ache; when she spoke like that he knew she was deeply aroused and that her pussy would be wet and ready for him. He groaned in response, but knew he had a lot more to go before he could even think of any pleasure for himself, other than the pleasure of seeing her like this and knowing that he could do this to her. He scooted up the bed to kiss her lips and she was surprised, having expected him to kiss her thighs next. He ran his hands up her tied arms.

"Your arms ok?" He asked her and she nodded. Finn looked up at her hands, "I'll have to give them a bit of nibble later on." He told her and grinned as he licked her inner elbow and she groaned lightly and enjoyed the smell of him as he leaned over her, his mouth journeying along one arm, his fingers gently tickling the other one. He travelled down her arm towards her armpit and Rae watched as he looked up at her.

"I like your smell." He told her and let his tongue softly lick her sensitive armpit. She gasped with surprise; it tickled and she hadn't expected him to do it.

"What does it taste like?" She asked astounded that he was doing this.

"Like your sweat." He said, "It's nice." He kissed and licked her more and she moaned; the ticklishness was squirming through her body in little ecstatic tingles. "D'you like it?" He asked her and she nodded, biting her bottom lip.

"I never thought I'd be licked there though."

"Is it weird?" He asked his fingers still caressing her other arm gently.

"Aye." She answered, "In a good way."

"So I should do it again?" He asked her as he lowered his mouth to her flesh she nodded, closing her eyes as he started to kiss her again, his mouth travelling down her side, licking and biting the flesh at the side of her breast. She shivered happily, her heartbeat speeding up slightly as he continued down the side of her body to her hips.

"I really, really like that." She groaned and he groaned in reply, opening his mouth wider, kissing slower, revelling in the taste of her skin as he slowly kissed back up to her underarm. He paused and looked at her face, stroking her hair for some time before kissing her neck passionately Rae raised her chin and turned her face away to give him the best access possible and groaned happily as his tongue traced along her earlobe delicately. He closed her eyes, felt his body rubbing against hers as he sought to find all the places on her neck that gave her pleasure. When his fingertips gently stroked the back of her neck along the sides and she sighed, he took note of this; he would have to kiss her neck from behind. Sometime in the future he'd hopefully tie her up face down and do all of this again, but not tonight. He knew that doing anything face down would inevitably lead to some sort of anal play, and he was staying away from that at the moment, after having a think about it and deciding that her ultimatum of having to take it himself if she did was her way of putting the brakes on. He wasn't sure if it would be a permanent putting of the brakes on, he had decided not to focus on that issue, but instead to back away from that whole thing entirely for her. His used his fingers to gently stroke the sensitive skin at the back of her neck and she groaned.

"How you feeling?" He asked her and she opened her eyes slowly.

"Really nice." He voice was soft, almost delicate; she was lost in the sensations of her body. He kissed her mouth before letting his mouth happily explore her other arm and side, slowly, carefully, noting that her right side was more ticklish. He enjoyed the way his fingers rose over the curve of her hip, the shape of that curve was the height of feminine to him, and when he put his lips to that part of her side and she made a happy noise in the back of her throat, he knew that Rae was meant to be touched like this, her body was built to be worshipped. And to Finn, the place where her waist swelled out to her hip told the entire story of masculine desire for the feminine. He let his tongue lick along that swelling, and his insides tensed as his cock throbbed, peaking the pleasure of his aching for her. He had to put hi great effort to slow down; he was starting to rush his kisses, his caresses weren't properly lingering. He was getting too excited. He returned to her legs again and Rae groaned as he licked behind her knees again.

"Arms still ok?"

"Aye." She whispered, "But I so wanna touch you." She whimpered, "Or myself." She sighed as his hands started to massage her thighs. "Or both." She groaned as his fingertips gently grazed her labia. He desire was slowly building and he suspected she'd be begging before the end of this even though it was not his intent to make her beg. He let his fingers only barely touch her inner thighs and saw her shiver with delight as his finger traversed upwards, her breath starting to come in groaning gasps of yearning. He started to kiss her thighs, with no intent to make her want oral sex, with only the intent to find every hidden spot of pleasure on her body. The result was Rae tilting her pelvis up towards his mouth far sooner than usual, her chest heaving, her mouth open with desire. She pulled at the ropes and ground her hips rhythmically as Finn carefully kissed every part of her thighs he could reach without turning her over.

"Lick it." She whimpered as his face came closer to her vagina. And he did, slowly licking her labia, but not parting them to taste her honey just yet. She groaned loudly, "Please Finn." She whispered.

"Not yet." He reassured her that it would eventually be happening. His hands caressed her sides again as he kissed her stomach. Rae looked at him passionately licking, biting and kissing the roundness of her stomach. The first time he had done that she had blushed with embarrassment and wanted to cover up. Now she watched him with desire and bliss; a hedonistic sense of carnality and sensuality blotted out all her previous ideas of what her body should look like before it could be touched like this. She felt ever bit like the goddess he was worshipping. The round fecundity of her belly only served to highlight how much worship she deserved. She felt like some fertility goddess; the fullness of her figure ensured prosperity and plentiful crops for all men who bowed before her. Of course, only Finn got the pleasure of worshipping her. And he made it quite obvious that it was a pleasure. His hands finally held her breasts and gently massaged them, the pressure of her breasts pushing into her chest as his hands pressed themselves into her breast was exquisite in a way it never had been before. Rae arched her back and thrust her chest up to him and he groaned happily as his mouth finally caught up with his hands and his sucked happily on her nipples.

He spent a long time exploring her breasts, more than he actually needed to discover that the sides of them were very sensitive, before finally making himself stop kissing her breasts and instead kiss along her collar bone, and back up to her mouth.

He looked over at the clock; he'd spent just over an hour kissing and caressing her whole body and she looked relaxed, peaceful, but extremely turned on and ready to fuck. He went back to the bag of toys they'd bought and Rae lifted her head to try and see what he was getting out. He fingers twitched again, she wanted to get up and go over there and see what was happening. He turned to her with the vibrator egg he'd chosen. It was waterproof, and the packet said it was good for vaginal, anal or clitoral stimulation. It had a remote control and was made of smooth black silicone. There was a mini one for the clitoris and a larger one, roughly the size of an actual egg, for inserting into your partner, it even had a waterproof string to help you pull it out. Rae bit her bottom lip and wondered what he was going to do with it. He left the larger one behind and only brought the small one with him, the remote control could be clicked to control one egg or the other or both simultaneously.

"Arms still ok."

"I'd like to be untied." She told him and he grinned.

"No, I don't think so." He said softly and she pouted. "I'm still in charge tonight Rae." He added cheekily, "So you'll stay tied up for now." She groaned and pulled a little at the ropes, she wanted to touch him so badly. "Open your legs." His voice was soft and commanding in a subtle way that Rae knew came from his assuredness that she wanted to do what he was asking. As she parted her thighs Finn knelt between them and slowly, carefully parted her labia, she sighed, hoping he'd go down and maybe put the egg in her cunt. But he pressed the egg to the side of her clitoris and closed her labia, gently holding her lips closed over the egg. He looked down at the remote control and pressed the first setting. Rae instantly gasped.

"Holy fuck." She whispered as the vibrator sent a rapid fire succession of small stimulations through her clitoris. He was glad for the size of Rae's outer labia because when he took his hand away they held the small bullet in place perfectly. He supped that's why the smaller bullet was shaped the way it was, so it could be hands free like this.

Finn began his journey again, Kissing her feet, but this time she was groaning throatily as he sucked the toes on one foot, his fingers gently caressing the other.

"Do you think you'll cum from this?" He asked her.

"Any second now." Rae groaned breathily. Finn turned the intensity of the vibrations down and she looked up at him angrily.

"Not just yet." He told her. "Alright?" She rolled her head back and groaned angrily. This time Finn's journey was deliberately quicker; he was re-visiting all the places that had made been pleasurable to her before; licking and gently biting the most sensitive places, kissing and caressing the rest of her. BY the time Finn had gotten to her knees she was already groaning loudly, the tiny vibrating bullet doing its job perfectly. He continued up her thighs, licking the insides lavishly, feeling shivers travel through her body in response. He could smell her excitement, her sex, as he drew closer to her cunt.

"Your smell." He whispered. "Intoxicating." His face hovered near her vagina, taking in her scent before he passionately kissed her labia.

"Finn please!" She groaned as he stopped and started to kiss up to her stomach. He increased the intensity of the vibrating egg slightly and she gasped in pleasure. He felt her stomach tense underneath him and knew her orgasm was peaking again. He lowered the intensity again and her breath came in ragged gasps as she groaned his name.

"Finn!" And he was back to being lost in the swell of her hips, the roundness of her stomach, the fullness of her breasts. The rhythmic way her body moved as the lower setting slowly crawled her towards orgasm was enthralling and he found himself groaning a lot more; struggling to not just thrust into her as she writhed in mounting ecstasy. He kissed her lips and stroked her hair and she looked at him imploringly.

"Please." She whispered and he nodded.

"Alright." He told her softly and got off the bed. She groaned loudly as he went back to the bag of toys. But this time he came back almost immediately, with the larger egg. She sighed with disappointment as he turned off the smaller egg and gently removed it. He ran his fingers along her wet cunt and slowly inserted a finger into her. She was perfectly wet, it took everything in him to not start fucking her immediately. Kissing her whole body, touching all of her, it made him want her so much; she was so sexy. He bit his bottom lip and made himself simmer down slightly. As he felt her thrusting against his immobile finger. He withdrew his finger and gently inserted the egg into her. It was strange to be putting something in her like this, and very, very erotic. He turned the egg on with the remote control and she groaned.

"Which do you prefer?" She asked her.

"The first one." She breathed, "But this is good too." Finn nodded and lowered his mouth to her cunt. He licked along her labia as he increased the intensity on the egg. Gently he parted her labia and licked the full length of her cunt, not yet even grazing her throbbing clit. As his tongue headed south again he noticed he tilt her pelvis up, practically giving him a formal invitation to lick further south. He paused, licking her perineum, wanting to try it, but also wanting to stick to his decision to back away from all anal play for a bit. She tilted up further, her legs straining with the effort, her desire obvious, but he resisted, believing it better to give it a break for a bit. She moaned, frustrated, but the frustration was quickly gone as he sucked gently on her clit. She groaned loudly, her hands starting to pull violently on the ropes. She loved to touch him when he went down. And this was the main reason he'd tied her up, he got too excited when she pulled his hair during oral sex and would rush. He wanted to be down her for a good long time. HE settled in to a comfortable position and started to lick the very tip of her clitoris with the tip of his tongue. She tensed up and her legs shook.

"Already?" He asked disappointed but she gasped.

"No." He looked up at her, "No, just couldn't help it when you did that." He nodded and tried it again. He pulled back the clitoral hood slightly and licked again, this time she flinched.

"Too sensitive!" She said with a surprised gasp and he stopped, making a mental note to not do that again. He licked along the sides of her clitoris and she groaned happily; he already knew that she liked that, but he wanted to know everything about her vagina. He tried circling his tongue around her clit.

"Are you trying to fucking torture me?" She almost yelled at him. He grinned. That was one to remember for when he next wanted to tease her. He sucked on her clit again, moving it between his lips garnering a loud appreciative groan from her. He sucked a little harder and was greeted with another groan. He turned the egg up and took a moment to look at her pussy again. As he perused her, he heard her groan like she did when he fucked her into orgasm. He saw her stomach tense and her head roll back. A vaginal orgasm. Her clitoris would be even more sensitive now. Same as after she had a clitoral orgasm her vagina was always more sensitive. That's how her lady bits worked; Finn had learned that too. He waited for the orgasm to ebb before he dove back in to exploring her clitoris when she gasped and her body was rocked by another orgasm, her stomach spasmed slightly with the force of it. He didn't want to turn the egg down, he wanted her to enjoy this, so instead he turned it up and she groaned loudly, the pitch of her voice rising. He shook his head, exploration was over for tonight, he'd have to do this again. And again. To learn everything he wanted to know. She was having a loud, powerful vaginal orgasm when he started to lick her clit again and her pitch and urgency went up another notch, her voice growing ragged as she screamed in pleasure, her hands straining at the ropes, desperately wanting to touch him. She came again. This time her legs shaking violently, her while body seeming to spasm , her voice lost in now silent gasps, petering out to whimpers as the bullet just kept vibrating away in side of her, making her have another vaginal orgasm before Finn had even fully sat up. He turned off the bullet and her tense body went limp, her breath coming in short, loud gasps. He kissed her lips, and she returned his kiss violently, enraged that she couldn't touch him. He withdrew the egg slowly and enjoyed the look of her cum glistening on it. He put it on the bedside table to be cleaned later. He looked down at her, her eyes pleading with him to untie her, her body flush with orgasm. She was so stunningly beautiful.

"Can I have you?" He asked, sometimes the disbelief that he got to be inside of her would wash over him so strongly that he thought he'd wake up from this dream at any moment.

"Yes." She answered commandingly. She seemed to always in charge, even when he had her tied down. He grinned, accepting that with no qualms, no worries, no arguments, as he leaned down to kiss her lips hungrily. His hand searched around on the bed for the mini egg as they kissed and as soon as he found it he sat up, kneeling between her legs he laid it against the other side of her clitoris and turned it on the low setting. She instantly groaned and he was very happy with his decision to get the vibrating eggs. He'd be using them a lot. He looked down at her vagina and rubbed his cock against the opening, teasing himself and laughing as he heard her groan and pull at the ropes again.

"Until me Finn!" She ordered and he shook his head.

"Not a chance!" He slid into her and she gasped as she always did when he entered her. That small inward gasp of breath. He could feel the vibrator through her body and his cock tingled.

"Wow." He chuckled. "Wow." He repeated as he turned the intensity up and she groaned almost deliriously. He had intended to spend a long time fucking her, trying to find what angles she liked, what way to trust, how to grind his hips to give her the most pleasure. But that was another thing that he consigned to another day, another time. Now he'd just try to last as long as he could as he upped the intensity again and started to thrust into her quite hard. He leaned down to kiss her and felt the on his pelvis and groaned as it sent shivers through his body. His weight pressed the egg harder against her clitoris and within minutes Finn heard her groans deepen and felt her legs asking violently, her cunt contracted around his cock in a powerful orgasm he turned up the intensity to the highest level and he himself groaned loudly, the vibrations felt like there were inside of him, it felt almost like a continual orgasm and he gasped, almost unable to keep thrusting, the pleasure becoming so intense. He noticed Rae making loud, squeaking noises, her legs shuddering, her cunt still spasming. He came with an incredibly loud groan, his orgasm seeming to last for much longer than he was used to. He collapsed onto her and flicked the egg off, her body again going limp. They both lay immobile, gasping and exhausted.

"Holy fuck." Finn marvelled.

"Good choice Finn." Rae agreed panting heavily. He grinned happily and kissed her lips messily, moving almost as if he were drunk he was that exhausted. He reached up and untied her from the bed. She lowered her arms over his neck, her wrists still tied and held him to her kissing his lips passionately, glad to be able to touch him and hold him. He gently extracted himself so he could untie her wrists and the minute that was done she was kissing him passionately again.

"That was so good." She told hm.

"Good orgasms?" He asked with a proud face.

'Not just that." She told him, "All of it." He stroked her face gently and smiled, satisfied.

"It was very much my pleasure." He told her as they settled down into a hug. "I very much enjoy worshipping you Mrs Nelson."

"Well I very much enjoy you doing it." She told him sleepily. He yawned, he wasn't usually so tired after sex but it was nearing 3am; they'd been at it for just over two hours and they'd been partying up a storm for the past few days. They were both in desperate need of sleep.

"We should shower." Rae said without moving, her eyes closed.

"Aye." Finn agreed, knowing that he'd left a huge mess between her legs. But she was already drifting off to sleep and Finn soon followed.

'_Cantaloop' by US3_

August the 21st dawned and no one stirred until late morning. Except for Rhys, who went for a jog alone; Tom was otherwise engaged with sleeping in after another big night.

When Chop finally came down the stairs mumbling and grumbling about how bright it was he was surprised by them all sitting at the kitchen table around a cake with 18 candles on it. Chop's face lit up as they all rowdily sang happy birthday to them as loud as they could.

"So we got the whole day planned." Izzy said with a grin as Chop put his arm around her shoulders.

"Oh right?" He asked merrily.

"First we got a nice pub lunch, paid for by Rhys, and all the drinks." Chop's favourite kind of meal was a pub lunch. He grinned from ear to ear.

"And I paid for your membership renewal at the boxing joint." Rhys told him and Chop gave a happy nod. "Happy birthday."

"Aw thanks mate!" Membership at that place was expensive, "But I'll be changing over to your place when it opens, right?"

"If you wish." Rhys answered.

"What d'you mean if he wishes?" Tom laughed, "Of course he does!"

"S'right!" Chop agreed.

"Anyway." Rhys nodded at Izzy and put the attention back in the right place.

"Thank you Mr O'Daire!" Izzy replied with her best serious face, "After a nice pub lunch, Finn and Archie are taking you out to get…?" She looked at them and Archie shrugged.

"I'm just paying my share, it was Finn's idea." He looked over at Finn.

"New tyres, flash rims, and a new radio system for your car." Finn grinned, "I'm sick o' listening to crackles in the tunes every time you drive us anywhere." Chop laughed; Finn had been whinging about that for as long as Chop had had a car, and to be honest he hated it too, but he hadn't fixed it just to rile Finn up a bit. It was the new tyres and rims though, that he was most happy with.

"Thanks lads!" Chop looked back to Izzy.

"It's important to have a good rim job." Tom said almost innocently and Archie did an admirable job of keeping a straight face when Chop replied.

"Agreed!" Obviously not catching the joke, Rhys gave Tom a look from the corner of his eye and Finn and Rae lowered their eyes. "I always wanted good rims." Chloe cleared her throat and Izzy, also completely oblivious continued.

"Tomorrow us girls are taking you out to buy you a couple o' tailored suits." Izzy told him and his eyebrows raised in surprise, "By the end o' the year, you'll be owning your own business Chop." Izzy grinned, "You should look the part."

"We'll probably get you a good set o' shoes too." Chloe mused as she started to sized him up. Chop turned his eyes to Rae and she shrugged.

"You did look good in a tux." Rae said, "So I reckon a suit or two wouldn't hurt." He chuckled.

"Well if Raemundo's in on it, I got no hope of squirming out of it!"

"Don't you want a nice suit?' Izzy asked with furrowed brows.

"It's not the suit I don't want, it's the shopping."

"We'll be as quick as possible!" Chloe laughed while Izzy scrunched up her nose.

"Why do boys hate shopping?" She grumbled and Chop kissed her cheek.

"I think it's a grand pressie though." He told her, "When I need to do business meetings and maybe get partners in or something. I'll look right swish." He looked at Chloe and then Rae.

"Especially with Chlo and Iz dressing you." Rae grinned, "I'm not gonna try." She shook her head with a knowing grin; it wasn't her forte.

"And Tom here…" Izzy turned to Tom and Tom lifted up a brown paper bag. He pulled out an A4 sheet of paper, the white rabbit from 'Alice in Wonderland' was printed on it and Chop noticed that the paper was perforated so as to make dozens and dozens of small thumbnail sized squares.

"LSD." Chop breathed with a surprised face.

"This is 100 hits." Tom said and then pulled out another piece with Alice on it, Chop's mouth dropped as Tom then another with the Cheshire cat. 300 hits in total.

"Holy fuck." Chop laughed, "I'll never use this much." Tom raised his eyebrows and chuckled.

"See how you go, you'll probably need a couple o' tabs each time." He reached back into the bag and produced a one kilo bag of marijuana buds.

"Oh fuck it's head!" Chop laughed and Archie put his hand on Tom's leg to stop the inevitable joke. He saw Izzy looking at him confused, "We usually just get the leaf cos it's cheaper."

"It's also weaker." Tom added. "And this particular strain of marijuana is called 'Purple Haze.'" Tom said with a knowing grin and watched Chop's face light up, "Cos I know how much you love yourself some Jimi Hendrix."

"I've heard this shit's strong." Chop marvelled.

"Yes." Tom agreed. "And last but not least." He took out a bag off pills, "It's only 50 pills, but I figured that's enough."

"Ecstasy." Chop took the bag. "I feel like a fucking dealer with this much shit!" He laughed. "You are one well connected man!" Chop laughed and Tom shrugged his eyes going over to Rhys who was well aware of where Tom got all his drugs; his brother Julian.

"Now I don't have to tell you to use responsibly do I?" He asked and Chop shook his head.

"I'll be good." Chop grinned.

"And after dinner at a nice Indian restaurant." Izzy said, "Courtesy o' me."

"You know me soft spot for curries!" Chop laughed.

"We're off to…?" She turned to Rhys.

"Camden Catacombs for an illegal secret gig." He reported with a grin.

"Catacombs?' Izzy said unhappily, "like with dead bodies?"

"They're not really catacombs Izzy, just tunnels for carriages." He told her and she grinned in relief, but Chop was still marvelling at this latest present.

"Where the fuck did you get all your connections ya splendid cunt?" Chop asked.

"I grew up in London." Rhys told him, "I am well familiar with her dark nether-regions." He said with a grin.

"Fucking hell!" Chop said happily, "I'm in for a fucking blinder!"

"The gig starts at about midnight and has no ending time. Rhys said, "They tend to go until some mug calls the fuzz."

"So in theory…" Chop said, "I could be off me face at this thing till it's time to drive home… nice."

"No!" Izzy slapped his arm. "Right let's have some cake and watch a movie before we head to the pub, yeah?"

"Is it chocolate?" Chop asked and she nodded, "Perfect breakfast." He saw Tom scrunching up his face, "Fuck off health boy!" He told him and Tom laughed, "It's me fucking birthday, you'll eat the fucking cake."

"Yes sir!" Tom answered while Finn and Rae gathered plates and cutlery, everyone else settling into their seats.

"Don't let the knife touch the bottom or you won't get a wish." Rae said as she handed him the knife. Chop raised an eyebrow at her and she looked at him with a very serious face that made him wonder for a moment if she was serious about this. He cut the cake, not worrying about her warning. "Oh you touched the bottom, goblins are gonna eat your face now." Rae said, "That sucks."

"Oh well." Chop said, "I got chocolate cake. That'll have to do."

"As a face?" Izzy asked and Chop screwed up his face at her.

"No not as a face…"

"Imagine if you did have a cake for a face." Rae asked, "People inviting you to parties just so they could eat your face."

"Birds dive bombing you to pick bits off." Archie put in.

"Ants." Izzy added.

"You'd want it to be a replenishing cake face wouldn't you?" Rae said, "Otherwise it'd be gone in a day."

"And then you'd be Chop." Izzy looked at him, "Faceless."

"What's your marriage gonna be like, with a faceless man?" Chloe asked as she ate the cake.

"Well I suppose I got no choice but deal with it do I?" She replied, "I should have said I'd only marry him if he had a face." Izzy sighed.

"Imagine the wedding photos." Chloe mused.

"Imagine the wedding kiss!" Rae laughed.

"Imagine-" Chloe was cut off by the doorbell and Izzy got up to go and get it, Chop and then the rest of the gang following behind.

"Hi neighbour!" A middle aged man with glasses stood on the doorstep, "I live just two doors up the road." He pointed to the opposite side of the street at a house with an immaculately kept stoop.

"Hi." Chop said, coming to the door behind Izzy.

"Hiya." Izzy said at the same time.

"I'm just doing a quick zip around, knocking on all the neighbours' doors." He nodded his head slightly anxiously, "doing the neighbourly thing." He added.

"Uh huh." Chop looked at him with mild interest, "What's up?" Izzy looked behind herself at the rest of the gang making themselves comfortable in the front sitting room.

"Just wanted to let you know a couple of us have seen an unsavoury sort about the place recently."

"Oh right?" Chop crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the man. The rest of the gang listened on with interest.

"Unsavoury?" Izzy asked confused.

"Oh yes." The neighbour replied, "Quite unsavoury. I saw him about this morning and I knew I had to warn everyone to be extra vigilant with these kind about."

"And what kind is that?" Chop asked, thinking that he might already know the answer. The gang were all looking towards the door now, not able to see the man standing on the stoop, but hearing what he said. Finn furrowed his brows and looked back at Rhys. Rhys lowered his eyes and nodded slowly to himself.

"Oh you know. Just the kind o' man that could slice your throat in your sleep!" He tried to say the words in an almost joking manner and laughed awkwardly. "You know how you can tell just by looking at some people that they're dangerous?" The man asked with a sheepish grin.

"Nope." Chop replied, "You'll have to be more specific."

"Just a giant of a black man." He laughed nervously again and Chloe's eyes turned to Rhys. Rhys stood up and took a deep breath. Chloe looked down, her head trying to scramble through what she was hearing. Finn stood up but Rhys motioned that it was alright and he didn't need back up.

"I got this." He said softly to them, "No need to get up." He added firmly and Finn sat back down reluctantly. Rhys looked back at everyone, and saw the same reluctance to stay out of it from all of them, but he always tackled things like this alone; it was what he was accustomed to. Chloe watched him go to the door, wanting to go with him, but also wanting to respect what he had said.

"A giant of a black man?" Izzy said shocked.

"I know, it's a little scary having a huge man like that around. But I have called the police and they have assured me that-" The neighbour froze as Rhys came into view behind Chop and Izzy.

"D'you mean me?" He asked calmly. The neighbour's eyes got wider for a moment before he shook his head nervously.

"No." He said simply, "No."

"So there's some other giant of a black man hanging around Herbert Crescent?" Rhys asked in a sceptical tone.

"Oh sorry!" The man scrambled nervously "I… I meant to say he was wearing black clothes." The man stammered and Rhys scoffed.

"Oh right?" Rhys answered unimpressed. "Did you know that last financial year there were 12, 199 racially motivated crimes in this country?" Rhys asked him, "And research indicates that over 60% of us ethnics don't report it to the police." Rhys said.

"Well…" The neighbour stammered.

"But why would we when in March just last year the United Nations condemned our national police force for the much higher levels of police brutality against non-white people than whites." Rhys told him, his arms crossing over his chest, his stern face growing colder. "There were 57 deaths in custody last year and ethnic men where over-represented in those deaths." The neighbour clearly hadn't expected this response and was trying to smile magnanimously.

"I really did mean black clothes."

"I'm glad." Rhys said, "Because every ethnic family in the UK gets harassed because of racism on average once every 9 days." Rhys looked him up and down, "How often are you harassed?"

"Well. I-I…"

"I'm guessing never." Rhys answered, "Me on the other hand?" Chloe's eyes went up to Rhys as he spoke, she stood up and went to stand beside him, choosing to ignore his insistence of handling it alone. "I was searched this morning by police officers, while I was just out for a jog." He shrugged, "but I'm used to it. Because as a black man I am 5 times more likely than you to be stopped and searched. I hope it makes you feel safe at night," Rhys was on a roll now, "that while non-white people make up only 5% of England's population, we represent over 16% of the prison population."

"Well maybe you stop committing so many crimes." The neighbour blurted out, and then looked like he instantly regretted it. But Rhys just chuckled.

"Blacks have a 23% greater chance of getting a prison sentence than whites under similar circumstances." Rhys took a step forward and the man stepped back, nearly stumbling off the top step. "Looks to me like I should be scared of you, not the other way round." Rhys kept his eyes on the neighbour and didn't move an inch as he stammered and fidgeted.

"I-I am-"

"Leave." Chloe said to the neighbour firmly. His eyes flicked from Rhys to Chloe and he nodded slowly as he stepped down the stairs. He was walking back to his home when he started muttering about being threatened in his own street. "He's gonna call the cops." Chloe sighed.

"Let him." Rhys said with a calm voice, but there was no denying the angry undertone. He took a deep breath and turned to Chop, "I apologise for that." Rhys told him, "Let's not let that fuckwad ruin your birthday, mate."

"D'you really get searched this morn?" Chop asked and Rhys nodded. "Fuck." Chop looked over at the gang, who were all looking shocked and thoughtful, "I never been searched." He said, "They probably should'a searched me…" He shook his head. "And all that stuff you said was true?"

"Yes." Rhys answered simply; he was also accustomed this response from those not familiar with race relations in the UK. Archie thought back to the way Tom's parents had been, and the look on Chloe's parent's faces upon seeing Rhys on the summer ball night.

"This shit happens to you all the time don't it?" Archie said.

"And you." Rhys deflected the attention off himself; he was in no mood for this discussion after dealing with the neighbour, "When you're holding Tom's hand. Haven't you noticed?" Archie nodded, he had noticed.

"You should o' seen it when Rhys and I held hands!" Tom laughed, "It's like the conservatives were having a fucking aneurysm every time we went by!" Rhys started to chuckle. "They had double reason to hate you, Rhys!" Tom laughed and Rhys joined in. Chloe felt a huge wave of admiration sweep through her; that he could laugh in the face of so much hatred was remarkable. She wrapped an arm around his waist and he pulled her into him happily.

"Well any fucker gives my man Rhys trouble, and I'll knock his block off!" Chop declared and Rhys had to hold back a laugh as he nodded. Rhys was half a foot taller and a good 50 kilos heavier than Chop, and he had over ten years of fighting experience under his belt; Chop had about four and a half. But the visual humour of that threat was quickly forgotten as Rhys took in the love and acceptance of this group of people; they were all agreeing with Chop, loudly and vehemently.

"Thanks guys." He replied seriously, Rhys had a lot of friends in his life, but none that he had allowed to defend him because he always did that himself; this lot were offering anyway and he knew it wasn't just empty words. "So what movie Chop?" He turned to Chop and he shrugged with a cheeky grin. He went over to the rentals they'd picked up yesterday and pulled out the movie they all knew he would: 'Police Story 4.'

"I love Jackie Chan!" He said happily.

"Careful mate." Finn said, "You'll get me hankering to try and learn those moves again!"

"Fuck yes!" Chop laughed, "I'll go ya!" Chop put the video in the machine, "Did you keep learning that stuff Rhys?"

"Yeah." Rhys answered, "For the past year."

"So you'd be right good at it?" Chop said.

"No." Rhys answered with a chuckle, "You need years to study martial arts, and my instructor says I lack the right type of finesse." Rhys gave a slight shrug. "I have a lot to learn."

"Aye but you can still teach us?" Finn asked hopefully.

"Imperfectly." Rhys answered with a shrug, "But sure." Finn and Chop shared a grin.

"I'm Jet LI." Finn told Chop.

"Fine with me, I'll be Jackie Chan. And I'll kick your arse!" Chop boasted.

"Jackie's good, but there's not way he'd beat Jet in a fight. Jet Li is so fucking fast." Finn answered animatedly.

"Yeah and I'll be Bruce Lee and kick both your arses." Tom took the remote control from Chop and pressed play.

"Fuck off!" Chop laughed, "Who's Rhys and Archie then?"

"Archie's Chow Yun Fat." Tom answered, "Best known for his more serious roles but unexpectedly kick your arse at any moment."

"More likely to use a gun." Chop added with a grin. Izzy watched the trailers while Rae watched Finn enjoying the conversation. Chloe was thinking on what had happened before; her mind replaying what the neighbour had said; he'd expected that because Izzy and Chop were white, it'd be ok for him to say that… Why would he think that?

"And Rhys is…" Tom mused, "A mixture of Yip Man, cos he taught Bruce Lee, and any master of Krav Maga!" He laughed and Rhys chuckled appreciatively.

"What's that?" Chop asked.

"Israeli national forces martial art." Tom answered, "It has pretty two purposes; to teach you how to kill someone and to survive if some tries to kill you. It's pretty fucking brutal."

"Did Rhys teach you?' Archie asked surprised.

"Some." Tom answered, "But mostly my father insisted I learn boxing from about the age of eight." He shrugged and looked over at Rhys. "This fucker over here didn't start till he were 14 and he's still better than me." Tom sighed, "Fucking natural talent."

"I was doing street fighting from 12 though." Rhys reminded him. "Learned that the hard way." Chloe's eyes turned to him and understood that he'd had to learn it by being thrown into illegal fighting rings.

"Movie!" Izzy told them all and they all turned their eyes to the tv.

"The best thing about it being me birthday is that I can make you all sit here and watch this with me!" Chop grinned and hugged Izzy to him; she usually did sewing when he watched these movies.

"I'll even say I loved it." She told him.

"_Little Baby Swastikkka' by Skunk Anansie_

Lunch had been a happily rowdy affair with plenty of food and beer. Chloe had noticed their table getting a few looks and couldn't decide if it was the prodigious amount of noise they were making that was drawing the attention their way, or something else. She wanted to believe that the patrons she saw eyeing them were just annoyed at the volume of their laughter as they chortled happily at Chop's tall tales and daft jokes.

"Well it must be my turn to go to the bar." Chloe said when she saw Chop drain his pint.

""Need a hand?" Rhys offered but she shook her head and kissed him before heading up to the bar. She waited at the bar for a few minutes while the bartender served another patron.

"What can I do you for love?" His face crinkled up in a kind smile. Chloe ran through the order with him and asked for a tray at the end of it and he set about making all the drinks while Chloe looked back at her table of friends. She enjoyed seeing Rhys laugh like this; he was really loosening up around them, but she could still see the general alertness in him; always ready for anything. She looked around at the pub; moderately busy; most of the tables were occupied.

"D'you get split in two fucking a big black cock?" The hair on the back of Chloe's neck pricked up and she turned slowly to see two girls at the bar beside her, both with huge mocking grins.

"Your bang hole must be the size of the Channel Tunnel." The brunette girl sniped.

"Ah you're just jealous your lads can't make you scream the way he could." Chloe tried to brush it off.

"I wouldn't wanna fuck some fucking minging coon." The blond said with a sneer. Chloe felt an unexpectedly huge upsurge of rage rush into her veins.

"The fuck you say?" She sounded like Finn when his temper was getting the better of him. Dangerous.

"Don't you feel dirty touching that fucking ni-" Chloe's hand had struck out before she was even fully aware that she was going to slap the brunette.

"Don't you fucking dare say it." Chloe breathed in a threatening one. The brunette's hand shot to her face in surprise and back at the table Rae shot to her feet.

"Fucking hell!" Her eyes took in Chloe squaring up against two girls at the bar. The rest of the gang turned in time to see the brunette grab Chloe by the hair and reef her forward. Chloe's hands shot to the girl's hands to try and get them off her.

"Oh my god!" Izzy said in a worried tone. Rhys was on his feet and took a step towards them but stopped when Chloe raised her knee brutally into the brunette's ribs. He stopped and watched her, pleased that she'd gotten her head back into the right space. She kneed the brunette again and again before the brunette let go. Finn started to step forward but Rhys stopped him.

"What the fuck man, that's your girl!" Finn exclaimed angrily.

"Look at her form." Rhys answered, "She's got this." Finn stared at him, confused, and Rhys shook his head, "There's nothing more empowering than knowing you can take of yourself, Finn." Rhys told him, "Let her know it." Finn looked back at the fight and saw Chloe swing her elbow around into the brunette's face as she started to untangle her hands brutally for Chloe's hair. The brunette stumbled over and Chloe kneed her in the gut, pushing her onto the ground. She looked up at the blond, a wild rage in her eyes.

"You next?' She asked the blond girl loudly. The blond stared at Chloe in surprise as the brunette slowly started to get to her feet. Chloe could feel the eyes of the patrons on her and it pissed her off even more. "Don't you just sit there staring at me!" She yelled angrily. She turned to the bartender. "You fucking heard what they said. And you did nothing." She turned and looked at the patrons that were staring, "None of you did nothing while these two slags said the fucking shit about my boyfriend!" Rhys felt a pain in the pit of his stomach as he understood why Chloe had gotten into this fight. "You're all as bad as them if you don't say shit about it." She turned back to the blond. "Wanna tell him to his face what you said?" Her eyes went to the brunette.

"Fuck you." The brunette spat at Chloe and Chloe went to lunge forward but Rhys stepped in between them, his back to Chloe.

"Back off." He told the two girls calmly.

"I've got this!" Chloe shouted angrily.

"I know." He said over his shoulder to her, but a man had stood up and was eyeing off Rhys.

"That's my girlfriend." He said angrily and Rhys appraised him with an imperious expression. Finn, Chop, Tom and Archie came to back him up, Izzy and Rae came to stand beside Chloe. Finn looked over at Chop, he was used to looking to Chop first in a fight. But he swaying slightly; he'd had a lot of drinks bought for him today already and would be no use in a fight at all. But that was ok, Tom and Archie were there to help him back Rhys up.

"Really?" Rhys asked unimpressed, "You wanna fight me?" The man looked him up and down again, clearly not wanting to get into it with Rhys, he turned his eyes to his girlfriend; the blond who motioned for him to fight.

"Get out." The bartender suddenly said, quite forcefully and the boyfriend looked relieved. "Or I'll call the cops." Rhys nodded as if he had expected this.

"Ok fine," He said softly, "How much do we owe you for-"

"Not you." He answered and turned his eyes to the two girls, "there's no room for racists in my pub." He told them, "You come in here and you start a fight with this nice lass. I'll have none of it. Get out and don't come back."

It took a lot of angry words and threats to call the police before they left, but they did without further physical incident. Rae hugged Chloe tightly as the blond yelled some more abuse at Chloe before leaving.

"That were brilliant Chlo!" Rae whispered to her.

"Fucking hell Chlo." Chop said, "remind me not to get on your bad side pet!" She smiled wanly.

"How about I give you this round on the house?" The bartender asked and Rhys looked at Chloe to answer.

"Thanks." She said softly, feeling oddly deflated as the rage slowly left her, "Sorry I yelled at you."

"No it's fine love." He told her, "I should o' said something sooner." He turned to finish the drinks and Chloe turned to Rhys, reaching up to put her hands on his face. Rae gave Finn a look and motioned for them all to head back to the table. He bent down for her so she didn't have to be on her tiptoes all the time.

"You didn't have to do that." He said softly.

"Yes I did!" She told him forcefully. "I hate that this shit happens."

"Me too." He agreed, "But I'm used to it. I can take care of myself, you shouldn't have to-"

"Of course you can take care of yourself." Chloe stroked his face, "And I know you're used to doing things on your own Rhys, but you're not alone anymore." She paused, wanting that to really sink in, "It's not just me, it's all of us." Rhys lowered his eyes.

"I would not be ok if harm came to you Chloe." He told her, "I can take care of things like this." He insisted.

"Yeah but it's so constant." She said thoughtfully, "I been noticing it more and more… and today… Three times today, Rhys. You got searched, that fucking neighbour, and those stupid munters. Was this a bad day?" She asked wanting to understand what he went through, "Or was it average? Or a good day?"

"A good day, because I got to spend it with you." She gave him an unimpressed look and he acquiesced, and continued, "In terms of direct overt racism it was a bad day." He told her, "But in terms more indirect, subtle racism." He turned his eyes to the left and Chloe followed his gaze; two men were watching them, one with a disgusted sneer, "that's a never ending thing." Chloe heard the weary determination in his voice as she watched the sneering man avert his gaze and say something to his mate who laughed a nasty sniggering chuckle in reply and smirked before looking away. "Don't get me started on institutionalised systemic racism because that's a long discussion, and today's meant to be Chop's day." Rhys said firmly.

"Rhys you are going to have to tell me everything about this, and I'm gonna read every book I can find about it, cos this shit is…" She shook her head and looked back over at the two guys, the sneering one was talking rapidly and the other guy was laughing softly. She knew their conversation was about them. "It's important for me to know all of this stuff." She answered him equally as firmly. She looked back at him to see him shaking his head.

"It's alright Chlo, you got schoolwork to think about and this doesn't really affect you." He answered her but she shook her head vehemently.

"Yes it does Rhys!" He kept his thoughts about this to himself and looked away for a moment.

"Alright then, it does…" He said, clearly not meaning it, and Chloe understood why he felt that way; it'd never affect her like it did him. She'd always just be a spectator in this. "And I suppose you have to decide if it's something you wanna put up with then." He turned his eyes back to her. "Because this is kinda part of the package of being with me. I can't exactly stop being black." Chloe couldn't believe what she was hearing, "But you can stop going out with a black man. It'd be far easier for you. Safer." Chloe let her hands drop from his face and had to look away to gather her thoughts. But more than anything it was the swirling emotions she had to get under control. Rhys straightened up and watched her considering what he had said. As she looked around the pub, trying to get herself in order, she saw people glaring at them, but she saw more people not caring at all, and a couple of people, when they saw her look at them smiled and nodded as if letting her know they approved of what she'd done and said. And there was an Asian woman with a white man at one table looking pretty happy to see another interracial couple in the mostly white pub. The woman gave a slight nod to Chloe and she nodded back. They didn't know each other, they never would, their circumstances and stories weren't the same; but they were on the same path and they both acknowledged it.

"Do you think it's getting any better at all?" She asked him, her eyes lingering on the Asian woman, her mind and body finally starting to get a grip on everything she felt and thought.

"In some regards." He answered, his eyes searching her face for some reaction to what he had said. She turned her eyes back to him.

"By the way," She said brusquely, "absolutely fucking daft idea that I could just stop going out with you, you dozy cunt." She took his face back into her hands and he bent to her again, "As if I could just decide to walk away from you Rhys. For any reason…" She started to smile fondly as she saw the relief in his eyes.

"I would not hold it against you Chloe." He made sure of her decision. "I would still train you, and be your friend." He stroked her face, "And I would understand your decision, because if I could choose to simply no longer have to deal with racism I would."

"Don't really care what I have to deal with." She shrugged.

"No Chloe, you don't get it; I've been beaten until I had to be hospitalised for a week for being black." He told her, feeling a fierce need to protect her. "You don't have to deal with this."

"No Rhys you don't get it." She answered with a strong tone of finality, "I'm not going anywhere big guy!" She said with a grin, "Unless it's with you." That look of relief in his eyes was perfection and she knew, knew beyond doubt what she was feeling, "You are not alone anymore Rhys." She stroked his face and reached up for a kiss. He bent to her and their lips softly touched for just a moment before Chloe pulled back to look in his eyes, "Because I love you." He looked at her face silently for a moment and lowered his eyes taking in her words. She watched the smile that she knew would come, the nod of the head that told her he was very happy to hear what she had said and then the biting of his bottom lip as he contained his happiness to make sure there was enough room for her to express herself in. He looked back up at her. She knew he would not say it back; it was not his way. He was the kind of man that needed to be told things only once and he in return only repeated himself rarely. She'd never need to tell him again; he had that knowledge now. But she wasn't Rhys, and she liked to repeat herself on some things. Especially things like this.

"I love you." She told him again and the smile broke out onto his face even wider. His hands went up to her face and he kissed her deeply, the passion and fire in his kiss was potent and Chloe was already completely breathless long before he stopped.

"I love you Ms Chloe." He told her, his lips still brushing hers as she tried to not literally gasp for air after that kiss.

"Didn't expect you to say it." She whispered.

"You definitely bring out something in me missy." He agreed.

"Better get back to the others with their drinks." She said reluctantly, trying to cover her breathless, rising desire.

"Yes… birthday celebrations." He took a big breath and tried to wipe the grin off his face with little success. And Chloe loved watching him struggle to find his usual composure. He nodded to the bartender and took the tray of drinks, Chloe took his hand and led him back to the table.

"Fucking took long enough!" Chop complained merrily. "I'm fucking parched!" He shot at them, "It's like the fucking Sahara in me mouth."

"I got the Owami Desert in mine." Chloe answered and Rhys gave her a surprised look.

"Might have done some reading about Nigeria." She said, "Since you're heading out there with Jules in a month." But she had started reading about Nigeria after he had told her his mother was from there.

"That sounds exciting!" Archie leaned forward over the table.

"Yes." Rhys said, "I've never been outside of England, so it'll be an adventure!" He laughed, more out of happiness for the conversation he'd just had with Chloe than at the thought of adventures in Nigeria, and put his arm over Chloe's shoulders as she took a sip of her vodka, lemon, lime and bitters.

"What you going for?" Chop asked; he could never imagine willingly leaving England any reason. But he knew he'd probably have to for Izzy's travel desires.

"See if we've got any living relatives." Rhys answered. "But given the fact that we only have our mother's name; Temidayo Oyeniran, our ethnicity which is Yoruba, and that she lived in a village somewhere near Ilawe Ekiti… we're unlikely to succeed."

"What about your dad?" Rae asked with keen interest.

"He died in the civil war, mum fled after she got the news." Rhys took a swig of his drink. "I never knew him." He shrugged, "I am hoping to find some grandparents."

"The search is on!" Finn smiled and Rhys made a noise of agreement.

"Hey lads," Chop turned boozily to Tom and Rhys, "Have you seen me one eared elephant joke?"

"NO!" Finn ordered loudly and Rae started to laugh.

"We don't need to see it Chop." Izzy told him And Chop looked around tragically at the group

"Why not?"

"It's not as funny as you think it is!" Finn told him shaking his head, "And I really don't need to see it again."

"Just cos you got no sense o' humour you poxy prat!" Chop said grumpily, "Don't mean everyone else should miss out."

"I thought I told you no to let him do it anymore!" Finn laughed to Rae.

"I tried!" She answered with a chuckle.

"Well now I'm intrigued." Tom said with a curious grin.

"No you're not!" Archie laughed.

"Have you all seen it?" Tom asked and Rae nodded wearily.

"Unfortunately." Chloe added.

"I don't think you can really be part of the gang unless you've seen me one eared elephant joke!" Chop said as he stood up and pulled one on his pockets inside out.

"Oh god." Izzy put her hand to her forehead as if trying to not be seen with Chop.

"I think I got the gist of this." Rhys shook his head and chuckled at Chop as he proceeded, against the constant tide of 'no's' from the rest of the gang, to unzip his fly and flap his cock out with a cheeky grin. The gang all laughed and groaned and averted their eyes.

"One eared elephant!" He cheered happily. Tom blinked at him for a moment and then nodded.

"Very clever." He started to chuckle.

"See!" He said to Finn, "Got you fuckers all laughing!"

"Laughing at you!" Finn shook his head and laughed anyway as Chop drunkenly pushed his pocket back in before his cock. "Fucking not with you!"

"Chop!" Izzy tried to admonish him but was laughing too hard.

"He might be too drunk to do the tyres today?" Archie asked Finn.

"Bollocks, it'll just make it more fun." He grinned in reply.

"And I need him to be a little bit more sober before I let him take his LSD for tonight." Tom added. "So no more booze!"

'_(Can't You) Trip Like I do' by The Crystal Method feat. Filter_

"Have you got any blade rims?" Chop said in his best 'I'm totally sober' voice. The salesman, Pete, kept the pleasant smile plastered on his face and nodded pertly.

"Of course." He answered before heading towards a set of rims with three sharply defined rims, Chop following him slowly, Archie and Finn managing to remain perfectly serious throughout the entire conversation so far. Chop looked at the rims disappointedly.

"No I mean like with knives sticking out of 'em so you can fuck up other mugs' cars. Like in a James Bond movie or something." Pete paused for a moment and looked at Chop with a grin that told Finn and Archie that he was expecting the punchline of a joke now. But Chop was just drunk enough to be completely serious.

"N-no, Sir… no we don't." He stammered before finding his smile again, "Bet we do have…"

"Are those fucking rainbow coloured tyres?" Chop asked and lurched over towards them. "I gotta get these; Izzy'll love 'em!" Finn put his hand up to his mouth and lowered his face to stop the laughter before looking up.

"Alright mate if that's what you want." He replied and Archie gave him a dirty look.

"You can't let him get the rainbow ones!" Archie hissed urgently.

"Why not?' Finn replied quietly, "If that's what he wants…" Archie's unimpressed face made Finn start to laugh, he lowered his face again trying to get it under control.

"Fuck look at these rims!" Chop was off to another part of the store, "They got fucking batman logos on' em!"

"I didn't think Chop liked batman." Archie said and Finn shook his head and started to chuckle again as Peter followed Chop around. In the end Finn gently leaned Chop towards a set of black and chrome rims, the spokes breaking up into an almost beeswax pattern and some yellow tyres. Bumblebee had always been his favourite transformer, so this seemed more appropriate. The rims were classy and the tyres were top of the range, so it was money well spent.

It didn't take long to get one of the better sound systems the store had installed, Chop had been pissed off, reminding them all that he was a fucking fully trained mechanic and he could do it himself, loudly, numerous times, while they waited. Finn could have done it too, and Archie probably could have figured it out in no time, but they were throwing in the installation for free so Finn had shrugged and let them do it. Finn had grinned with satisfaction when he heard the far superior sound of the new stereo in Chop's car.

"Present to yourself?" Archie laughed when he saw that grin.

"Maybe when he used to drive me everywhere, but not now." Finn answered, "Wish I'd thought to do it ages back!" Chop sat in the back seat singing loudly and off key to the music, and getting maybe half of the lyrics right, occasionally clearly making up his own words when he started to sing about how much he loved Izzy to The Pogues 'Dirty Old Town.' In between singing he did a running commentary of everything he was seeing, including the shape of the earring in Finn's ear, a bloke cycling on the footpath, a roundabout and some birds.

They got back to the house at about 5:30 and Tom furrowed his brows at how drunk Chop still was.

"We've about six and a half hours to sober him up." Tom turned to Rhys. "Time for a run."

"I'll come with, need to shake out the cobwebs." Finn told them, "I'll just put something better on." He bound up the stairs and Archie turned to them.

"Same." And followed him.

It had been Rae's idea for them each to have a nice bath while the boys went out for an hour long run to make Chop sweat out some alcohol. It was the first time Rae had been in one of these huge bathtubs alone and she spread out happily and read a book 'The Dharma Bums' by Jack Kerouac, a mixtape by Finn playing.

Chloe settled into the bath and let her mind slowly creep over everything that had happened today, examining from every angle and eventually thinking about the status of her relationship with Rhys and whether monogamy was for her or not, now that she knew she loved him.

Izzy nearly fell asleep in her bath and was rudely awoken from her dazed state by Chop stomping in grumbling.

"Fucking cold fucking shower." He whinged to himself. Tom had ordered him to have a cold shower, and he was going to obey. Izzy watched him stripping off his sweaty clothes, still panting; they'd obviously worked him hard. Her eyes watched his muscles move; the sweat dripping from his face, his cranky, still slightly drunk mood. She watched him get into the cold shower and start swearing in a long stream of anguished yelps.

"I love you." She told him and he popped his head out of the shower and took in the large oblong tub with Izzy reclined in it.

"We're getting one of those tubs installed." He grinned. "When I earn a bit more money." He pulled a face and looked at his Izzy for a moment longer. "I love you my girl." He sighed happily and got back under the freezing water. "Fucking hell!"

A pot of strong coffee later and they were heading out the door to the Indian restaurant. Chop considerably more sober than he had been.

Tom forbade them from drinking any alcohol at dinner and told Chop to eat a carb heavy meal. By the time midnight came around Tom was feeling comfortable with the idea of letting Chop have his first LSD trip.

They took two taxis for the 15 minutes or so drive it took to get to Oval road. After paying the drivers Tom handed them each a tab.

"This is kinda scary." Chloe said as she looked at the little piece of paper. "You hear so much about bad trips."

"Just keep reminding yourself you're on drugs and you'll be fine." Tom told her.

"What's it like?" Izzy asked with big round eyes. Tom narrowed his eyes in thought.

"It's not like movies make you think. It's not flying dragons and fucking leprechauns appearing from nowhere. Nothing appears that isn't already there. And you do know what you are seeing is because of drugs…. It's hard to explain." Tom mumbled, "Everything just feels like more. He looked at Rhys to help him out.

"There was a book made about LSD, and Ram Dass and a member of the anti-drug movement were trying to pick pictures for it, to describe what LSD was like. There was only one picture they agreed on." Rhys put the tab on his tongue, knowing he had about an hour for the slow rush into the trip. "It was a photo of a man, looking closely at a spilled drink of some sort." Rhys turned his eyes to Chloe, seeking to reassure her "and the anti-drug guy, he liked it because it showed the LSD made people's minds become really trivial and focussed on nothing. But Ram Dass liked it because it showed that this bloke was seeing the whole universe in that spilt drink. He was understanding that in everything, there is everything." Rhys looked back at Tom, "That's tripping." He finished, "That's LSD."

"Yeah it's like you're a child again." Tom said, "Everything's interesting again. Like the first time you've seen it." Tom put the tab on his tongue and Archie followed. Slowly they all put their little squares of paper on their tongues.

"We stick together fuckers!" Chop said, "We find a nice corner, and relax and enjoy the tunes!"

Rhys led the way into the restricted access Gilbeys Yard and they walked along the railway tracks for a while until they found a tunnel opening that looked like it had been boarded up but was now opened.

"Why were these off limits to people?" Archie asked.

"They flood sometimes." Rhys answered with a shrug. The tunnel opened up into a huge cavernous tunnel system, old brickwork and ancient looking dust clinging to the walls added to an overall atmosphere of a haunted locale. A bunch of cables had been run in, the other end patched into an electrical box for the rail lines, rather dangerously. They followed the wires slowly and saw an old exit sign; the wires went the opposite way, further into the catacombs. The passage way became littered with rubbish and they could hear the echoes of an excited group of people following them into the tunnels from behind. At one point the wall on one side of the passageway opened up and a huge flooded room lay to their left as they travelled further into the labyrinth. Eventually they heard dreamy music from ahead and the room slowly opened up to a large room; the ceiling supported by many arches. Rae's eyes scanned the room and she started to laugh, there were bean bags everywhere, a makeshift stage, bar, people lounging around with bongs, and a really relaxed vibe in the massive room as the band played and danced around on stage, a small group of people dancing in front of them. They found some bean bags and settled down to watch the band, Tom getting them some water.

"We all feeling comfy?" Tom asked and there was a general mellow feeling from everyone. They talked at first, softly, commenting on how good the band was, and how they sounded a little like Mercury Rev. Rhys told them that the music would become more dance-focussed as the night went on, but that it would remain pretty relaxed. Slowly, one by one they stopped talking and fell into a silent reverie.

Rae felt as if she had pulled aside the backstage curtain and could see what was happening behind the show. Was this real life or a stage production? But who would watch a play of eight people sitting on a bunch of bean bags. But as she looked around at her little family group, she saw them as they were, behind the masks they wore. And she suddenly became acutely aware of her own mask; as if she could, without moving her hands, physically pull it from her face and peer into the face of that mask. Her eyes turned to Finn and the slight dusting of freckles across his nose became intensely interesting. They were so beautiful, the shades and colours of these tiny specks of brown, barely discernible unless you were searching for them. She looked up at the browns of his eyes and saw him staring, open mouthed at her face. She wondered if he had pulled her mask off and was looking at her real face too, just like she was she could see her own face. She saw the tiny fibres of his eyes, the slight variations of colours and realised that the very fabric of all existence was exactly the same as the muscles that opened his pupils to let in light. Existence was within itself letting in all the light. Or closing it out when it constricted and grew small. Suddenly she could feel the world breathing, as if every molecule in the air around her were taking in deep breaths in unison as his pupils slowly grew a little bigger. And at that moment she became exquisitely aware of her own soul as a source of light separate to her body, it flowed through her, like quicksilver and she raised her hand to look at the quicksilver in her skin. Quicksilver that had no physical form. Rae looked back at Finn and saw the same molten quicksilver rolling smoothly over his skin, but she could still see him perfectly clearly as if it wasn't there. She reached out to touch him and was struck by a trail of sparklers following the movement of her hand. She watched them light and extinguish and realised she was seeing the swirling eddies left in the air as her hand moved through it. No not in the air, in the fabric of life; she knew that she affected everything, she left a mark. She felt vitally important and slowly turned her eyes to Finn to see the sensual rolling quicksilver bending, arching, leaning up from his skin towards her hand. As she touched him she saw their liquids mingle. His soul, was melding with hers and she could see it. She felt shivers scintillate slowly through her body, her eyes unable to stop watching their souls as they shone and blended together. She saw the same shivers moving through Finn's body, and suddenly knew that they could blend into each other bodily, that there were no boundaries other than what they put on it themselves. Their skin was not solid, nothing was solid. She looked up at the wall and saw it moving, undulating ever so slightly to the music, almost as if it couldn't help but dance, and the dust on the brickwork was specific. It was detailed. It was important. Because the dust had once contained life. It was the empty shells of all that had past. Each tiny fleck told the story of a life. There were intricate patterns in each piece of dust as well as along the entire length of the wall. And the colours were richer, as if she'd never truly seen the grey of dust before, or the pink of that woman's dress. Had she ever seen pink before? She watched the woman dance, her skin molten gold, her dress moving as though the wind were billowing life into it. But there was no wind and the dress was alive, everything was alive. Every cell in everything had life. Inanimate objects were not inanimate; their cells had life. And Rae suddenly knew that in each cell there was more space than there was substance. She already knew that from biology, but now she knew it because the space in each cell contained the spark of life. And she knew from watching the life force of that energy blending; hers and Finn's, that she could blend her energy with other things. There was more space in her skin than solid mass… she could walk through that undulating wall and be at one with its life force if she wanted. She could breathe in the life of the dust and see the past. She watched as the woman in pink took a tab of acid and became aware that she herself was under the effects of acid, but it didn't change her new understanding of the world. Within everything there was the same spark of life; everything was important, especially her. She looked back at her hand on Finn's arm and felt as if they had almost melted into each other already. He leaned forward and put his lips to hers and when she closed her eyes to taste him more fully she could see the pressure of his lips on hers, she could almost hear the taste of him. She snapped her eyes open, not able to handle the intensity of having her eyes closed and felt like every single cell in her lips was kissing every single cell in his lips. She could see the quicksilver of their souls dancing around them. She could feel every single one of his taste buds and the rough journey of them sliding across her own tongue could be clearly felt through every part of her body; her toes scrunched up in ticklish response to his tongue moving across her tongue because they could feel his tongue sliding across them.

The band changed and they both turned their faces towards the stage at the same time, noticing the music for the first time. Rae could hear every single note perfectly, as each one held the story and emotion of the song. She could understand why each note sounded the way it did, could hear every layer individually but at the same time. Her mouth opened in surprise; she'd never truly heard music before this day. She felt Finn's jaw dropping, their cheeks melded into each other, touching, unable to be extricated, she felt through the interconnectedness of their souls a shuddering exquisite sense of knowledge that Finn was having the same realisation as her. Music was so much more than they'd ever realised. She could almost see the notes moving through the air; a rainbow of colour in their wake. She could feel the rhythm crawling under skin, the vocals slivering through her veins. Music was beauty. She'd always known music was important, but now she knew and understood that in a different way. Now she could feel it, see it, in a way she could have never imagined. Rae and Finn sunk back into the beanbags, their bodies unable to be separated, like two plastic kitchen utensils that had melted together; they were one now. She closed her eyes and let the music carry her through the stunning visuals in her brain, having to open her eyes when things got too intense. The music was a lover that came to them and caressed them both seductively; she could feel its fingertips on her skin, its breath in her ears. She looked up at the ceiling and saw a huge cobweb; so intricate, so important. Like the chemical bonds that held them all together, that made water one thing and oxygen another; the difference between life and death when you were immersed in them was as thin as a spider thread. She looked at the web and saw the most beautiful, important and life-encompassing thing she'd ever seen, simultaneously she saw the end to all life, empty, lonely, abandoned, left to ruin things in those long imperfectly messy threads.

Rae didn't know how long it had been when Tom stirred them all to start exploring the tunnels together. All she knew was that it was a brilliant idea. The new surroundings, experiencing the gang starting to talk about their thoughts and experiences on acid; it was bonding somehow. She felt like they'd never break apart now because they had taken a silent vow by sharing their souls like this. And she knew they all felt the same way. Just knew it; it didn't need saying or talking about. They all knew it.

A little under 12 hours later Rae started to feel uncomfortable, like she needed to get out of her own skin. Like her body was trying to repress her true being in a stupid meat sack. Like the quicksilver was being controlled, shoved back inside, disentangled from Finn's soul and boxed in. She felt her heartbeat going up and instantly Finn's hands closed around hers and put her hand on his chest.

"It's alright girl. It'll pass." He said softly. They were all lying together in long grass under some trees. Rae couldn't properly remember how they got here. But she remembered the stars and how she understood that not only were all people made of the same things as stars, but that the stars were made of the same things people are… 'We are stars and they are us.' She remembered telling the gang that. And she remembered feeling how alive the grass was when she'd laid down in it; she could see the life in it, and it was different to how the walls had seemed alive in the catacombs. The grass gave off air and smells and sounds. And she sensed it all.

Rae could feel her head resting on Rhys's thigh; he was looking up at the clouds happily, Chloe snuggled into his arms, Finn and Rae using his leg as a pillow. She felt Archie's head on her stomach and she could see Tom, pissing against a tree, stretching his neck. Chop and Izzy had settled in beside Chloe; they had been using Finn as a pillow for a while, Izzy's head resting on his bladder horribly, but he'd been too fidgety, so they'd moved and made Rhys put his arm out enough for them to use it as a pillow too. They hadn't slept, they'd been gloriously awake all night. They'd just laid down together to experience the wonder of this bit of green.

The comedown wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. That moment of panic, soothed by Finn's calm presence, had been it. She looked around, almost seeing the patterns, the life, but feeling it fade from her like a dream fades from the mind upon waking.

"It's almost 1 in the afternoon." Finn told her softly as she moved slightly, experimenting with how her body felt and stirring Archie from his reverie. "Tom and Rhys came down first I think." He continued, "Then me." He looked over at Archie who was staring at his own hand intently. "I think the rest of us are still tripping though!" She rubbed her eyes.

"I'm so tired." He nodded in reply, "And hungry."

"Aye." Finn agreed, "We'll have to find some food and a pay phone to call a cab." Tom walked back to them and pointed through the trees.

"That's Leybourne street." Rhys made a noise in response and then sighed as he sat up, carefully extracting his arm from under Chloe, Chop and Izzy. He looked at Rae and Finn as they laid on his thigh.

"Hello gorgeous." He winked at them both and looked up at Tom. "There's a pub nearby." He turned back to Chloe as she reached up and stroked his arm in awe; she was still tripping.

"That'll do for both." Finn sat up, yawning and stretching.

"Your thigh was a nice pillow Rhys." Rae grinned and sat up too, gently moving Archie's head.

"You're welcome to it anytime."

"Your tits were a nice pillow Rae Rae." Tom told Rae and Finn feigned jealousy making Rae laugh, "And had me mentally philosophising on the nature of my homosexuality the whole time I laid on 'em. Cos I do love your tits." He grinned, "But I'm so gay."

"I think you can like boobs and still be gay." Rae told him and he nodded.

"Same conclusion I was already at, but somehow I needed to think about it for ages." He shrugged, "That's acid though innit?" He stretched, "Fuck I need a shower and a nap."

"You won't be able to sleep." Rhys sighed, "That's acid."

"Yeah, no point going near a bed till tonight really." He shrugged and pulled a face. "I also need some fucking water."

"I got some left." Finn tossed Tom his bottle of water.

"Cheers."

"My mind was so sharp for a while there." Rae marvelled, "Like I could see how bullshit society is… so clearly." She continued, "And now everything feels a little fuzzy in comparison. Like I know that everything's bullshit, but I can't say with so much certainty why." She scrunched her brows, "I really fucking navel-gazed for a while there." She started to chuckle.

"Yeah at first it was all external stuff, but at the end it was all internal mind stuff." Finn said, "But it's all gone mostly gone now." He frowned, "Wish I'd written it down."

"Next time." Rae shrugged.

"Not for a while though!" Tom told them firmly. "We've used a lot o' drugs on this little London jaunt." He told them, "We should stay off 'em for a bit after this." He eyed them until they both agreed to take it easy when they got back to Stamford. And both of them knew that after that school would put a huge dampener on any partying they were planning on doing.

While they sat about waiting for everyone else to comedown more fully, Rae felt irritable, edgy, like she didn't know if she liked how she was feeling or not. She was simultaneously full of energy and drained of all energy. She suspected that this was the tail end of the comedown. It wasn't too bad; she could control it, but it got worse when she realised that it was the 22nd. They were leaving on the 24th. And there were only two more weeks of school holidays. But her mood perked up when she remembered that the 24th was her mother's 'English' anniversary with Karim, and the one year anniversary since Finn and her had declared their like for each other in front of the chippy.

They had lunch with the family already planned, and Finn had planned a date of bowling, a movie and sex at his place for the evening. But she wasn't supposed to know that. He'd tried to subtly ask her what movies she wanted to see, and she'd heard him pre-booking a lane at the bowling alley, something that was unheard of, over the phone before they came to London. And since she already knew she was spending the night at his house, and of course they'd be having sex, she knew how the date would end. But she'd pretend she was surprised for the whole thing. Thinking about how special Finn was, how kind and wonderful he was in planning out this surprise 'anniversary' date made her heart swell with love for him and she shot forward and kissed his lips, taking him by surprise. He laughed, setting her off and easing her irritable mood down to nearly nothing; he always had that effect on her.

'_Birdhouse in Your Soul' by They Might Be Giants_

They made slow love in the bath tub on the morning of their last day in London. They were leaving a few hours before everyone else because they had to be home for Linda and Karim's England anniversary lunch. It had been a year today since Rae had told everyone about her mental health. A year since he had traced those words on her back. He traced them again as they made love and they laughed, Finn remembering how sacred he'd been to write them, in case he'd gotten it all wrong. In case she hadn't meant to imply that she thought more about him than other boys. They lay together in the bath in a post making love glow, and told each other everything that had led up to that moment. Except for being hit by a car. Rae hadn't told anyone that yet.

"I feel like I've changed so much over this year." Rae sighed.

"Aye me too." Finn said, "I'm not that same lad that couldn't muster up the bollocks to tell you to your face how I felt." He stroked her face, "I'm better now." He grinned, "Still rough around the edges but." He admitted.

"I hope you always are." Rae grinned, "Cos I'll never be flipping perfect." She shifted her weight in the bath to lie closer to him, "And you're perfect for me the way y'are. Always have been."

"Even though I've changed?"

"People change Finn." Rae shrugged, "You're still you." Finn understood what she meant, the same was true of her.

"We're perfect for each other." He nestled into the hug and kissed her deeply. "You're my sun." He told her.

"I burn you to a crisp?" She joked.

"Sometimes." Finn answered unexpectedly, "But most of the time it's all love and warmth and light and life that you give me."

"So mostly good. But just a little evil." Rae asked with a cheeky grin.

"Ah I should learn to use sunscreen. But sometimes I like to play dangerously!" They chuckled together. "I do like your temper." She gave him a bemused look, "Most o' the time." He grinned, "When it's not aimed at me."

"I think of you as my sun too." Rae told him, ignoring his temper quip. "I couldn't live without you."

After an uneventful drive home and a delicious lunch, Rae again found herself watching Finn, while her mother watched Karim, working on the birdhouse. They had finished the main structure weeks and weeks ago, but now they were making an extension that would make the birdhouse take up the entire length of the back fence. The canaries had been breeding and they all needed more space. Rae had decided to not point out that they'd just breed more and need more room, and that it might be better to find new homes for the babies. They were also putting up reinforced wire; birds, rat and cats had all been trying to get into the cage, and apparently all three of those could kill a canary, especially other birds. The fact that other birds killed canaries didn't surprise Rae as much as it did Finn; she remembered all the dead canaries quite vividly and had a suspicion that everything could kill a canary, even a strong puff of wind. They watched in silence both of them appreciating their man far too much for public decency.

Eventually Linda tore herself away from watching Karim and looked back at Aiesha, still out cold after wearing herself out trying to stand and walk all morning and screaming loudly when she couldn't quite manage it yet. Linda knew it was only a matter of time before she woke up and was at it again. She shuffled into the kitchen and made a pot of tea for Rae and herself, Rae still watching Finn from the back door.

"C'mon you!" Linda tutted and called for Rae to come and sit with her. Rae gave one last tragically horny look back at Finn before joining her mother at the table. Her mother was going through a health kick; they only ate food that had one ingredient in it. What that meant was fruit, vegetables, meat and not much else. Rae thought longingly about having something as simple as tomato sauce, but the list of ingredients on that was far too long. And her mother had started saying things like; 'there's only peas in peas' or 'there's only chicken in a chicken drumstick.' Rae had taken to muttering 'there's also no flipping flavour' in reply. She missed her mother basting chicken in maple flavoured syrup or soy sauce or barbecue sauce, or anything other than just chicken and vegetables with nothing else on them. At all. Her mother handed her a handful of peas to pod and she slowly worked through them, occasionally eating one of the pods.

"So how have these past three weeks been?" Rae rolled her eyes; this was her mother's attempt at subtlety. Kester had been on holiday for the past three weeks. All of his patients had been offered to see other therapists at the hospital but Rae had declined, opting to go therapy free for the three weeks Kester was away. She just didn't think she'd be able to trust another therapist and that meant it would be pointless seeing them. Whenever she was at home, her mother had been watching her like a vulture waiting for the death knell.

"Fine." Rae answered in a breezy tone. In truth her anxiety had increased a little, but Finn had been helping her, as had the breathing and mindfulness techniques Kester had taught her. She had proven she could go without therapy for a short period of time, but she still felt like she had a lot to work through. She was actually keen to see Kester this week.

"Fine?" Linda asked, "What does fine mean?"

"It means I survived it." Rae answered calmly, "But I'll be glad to see him this week." She added and Linda narrowed her eyes thoughtfully.

"How was London?' Linda asked with slightly pursed lips. She didn't entirely approve of weeks away with the gang, but she didn't entirely disapprove either. They were a good group of friends and it was good for Rae to have time with people other than just Finn. But she knew they partied hard, even though she couldn't exactly prove it. She just knew it. She worried it would get on top of Rae if she wasn't careful.

"A lot of fun!" Rae answered, "Chop's grandfather has a place right near Kensington Palace!" Rae answered happily, "It were right funny having us lot wandering round all them rich folk."

"So it was just the eight of you?" She asked carefully. If she looked too nosy, Rae would shut down all communication.

"Yes mum!" Rae groaned, "We didn't sneak along some drug dealer or criminal or something!" Rae told herself that she was telling the truth; Tom didn't make a job of dealing drugs. In fact the only people he supplied them to were his friends, and he didn't really do it that often. It's not like they could just rock up to Tom's house and buy stuff from him… although she supposed they could if they wanted to.

"I know they're a good bunch o' kids." Linda answered softly.

"And Phil was in the house next door!" Rae laughed, "He's so rich!" Rae laughed and Linda thought she caught something in the way her daughter spoke.

"Isn't he the boy that likes you?"

"S'pose." Rae answered with a shrug.

"D'you like him?"

"I'm with Finn mum!" Rae answered vehemently.

"I'm not saying you're not!" Linda answered defensively. "Just asking if you like him."

"He's a mate." Rae answered irritably. And Linda pursed her lips again, deciding to keep her mouth shut.

They worked in silence for a while. Linda thoughtfully, Rae getting her crankiness under control. Rae forgave her mother for being so silly when she thought about everything her mother had been through this year. She wondered how she really was and felt like she had failed as a daughter for not keeping a closer eye on her mother.

"How's everything with you?" Rae asked carefully. Linda was very reluctant to talk about her post natal depression; it made her feel like a bad mother. Rae had tried to tell her that it didn't mean that, but it had just ended up in yelling tears on both sides, Karim having to intervene when he had come home from work. When Finn had gotten there an hour later after having the lad's night he'd had to go to for Benji's birthday Rae had literally cried on his shoulder while he had rubbed her back, not entirely sure how the argument had even happened; it literally sounded like they had been yelling out caring things at each other. He could never decipher the two elder Earl women completely, and the two of them together was always slightly combustible. He had the youngest Earl woman figured out completely; Aiesha was easy to understand.

"Yeah fine." Linda answered evasively, "Everything's fine."

"Mum?" Rae prodded gently. Linda put her pod down and looked at Rae.

"Was I a terrible mother?' She asked quite unexpectedly. Rae stared at her for a moment.

"No." She answered simply, her mind trying to figure out what her mother's problem was this time.

"Really?" Linda asked a little higher pitched than usual, and Rae was ready to be accused of doing something terrible and then being asked if Linda was such a terrible mother as to produce such an awful child. Maybe her mum knew about the drugs in London? "What exactly did I do that was so wonderful?" Rae blinked slowly.

"Um." She was taken completely off guard and before she'd had chance to even think her mother was up from the table.

"See!" She asked angrily, as if she'd made a perfectly clear point. "What did I ever give you?" Linda asked and Rae opened her mouth in confusion, "Besides my body hatred and the same belief that you don't deserve love." Linda shook her head.

"Mum…"

"You deserve Finn you know?" She said urgently.

"I know." Rae answered firmly, "I know mum." Linda stopped and Rae watched as tears slid down her cheek. "What's wrong mum?"

"Th' s'morning, while she was driving me mad… I realised…" Linda looked over at Aiesha still sleeping, "There's more things that I don't wanna teach her than things I do." Linda said in a fast, ashamed voice.

"You what?" Rae asked confused.

"I've got nothing good to teach her!" Linda said anxiously, "What have I got to offer her as a mother?" She lowered her eyes, "I don't want her to learn to hate herself from me, like you did." Linda took a deep breath, trying to get control over herself.

"Are you saying you screwed me up mum?" Rae asked incredulously.

"You've said it." Rae noticed that it wasn't an accusation, it was a piercingly vulnerable question. She was asking Rae if she had failed her as a mother. Rae furrowed her brows.

"Do you think I'm a screw up?" Rae tried to channel Kester. Tried to get her mother to think about what she was saying.

"No." Linda answered fiercely, "No I think you're the bravest, strongest person I know Rae." Linda reassured her vehemently, "I've heard Finn call you a fierce warrior, and he's right."

"Alright." Rae answered and then smiled warmly, "And where d'you think I learned that from?"

The two women looked at each other for a long moment as Linda absorbed what Rae had said.

"Come here you." Linda said and opened her arms up to her daughter. Rae gladly gave her a hug.

"You've got heaps to teach Aiesha mum." Rae continued.

"But how do I stop her from hating herself, I don't want her to know this… feeling."

"I dunno mum… I'm not sure it's your fault."

"There must be something I can change, so I don't pass it on to Aiesha." Linda asked with a teary voice. Rae thought about things that maybe she could change as a mother and slowly answered. "You gotta stop with these diets." She'd tried telling her mother this before, but to no avail, she'd stop for a while, but then the dieting would start up again. Rae thought about what Finn and Rhys had said to her, "You gotta feed your body the food it needs mum." Linda looked at her daughter and stroked her hair.

"I'm just keeping my weight under control."

"There's better ways to do that." Rae said, "I've got a personal trainer!"

"A personal… how can you afford that?"

"It's Rhys mum!" Rae said, "That's his job."

"Explains that body." Linda said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oi mum!" Rae laughed, "You're a married woman!"

"Don't mean I can't look when the looking's that good pet!" Linda grinned cheekily.

"D'you want me to ask him how much he charges?" Rae was suddenly convinced that this was a brilliant idea.

"Oh I dunno pet. What could he teach an old bird like me?" Linda asked blushing, as if Rae were offering to set up a date.

"Heaps mum. He's really good."

"No. We can't afford it Rae." Linda said disappointed, "I can't even afford to send you to both o' these drama things you got going on. You're gonna have to pick one or the other." Linda sounded apologetic, but Rae heard the iron will under it that meant she wouldn't be budged.

"Mum?"

"I'm sorry Rae but it's expensive." Rae looked down at the pea pods moodily.

"So unfair!" She exclaimed loudly but Linda pursed her lips resolutely and continued to pod the peas. "I'm gonna have to tell Finn that I can't go with him!" She said angrily.

"Can't go where with me?" Finn asked with a cheeky grin and he wiped his feet at the door. "Dying for a drink." He explained as he came in, sweat dripping from his brow and down his body, and headed for the fridge. Rae cocked her head and her brows drew together tragically in awe of his attractiveness. Karim followed him in and was greeted with a similar look from his wife. Finn drank some chilled water and leaned on the kitchen side.

"So where are we not going?" He asked cheerily.

"The drama thing." Rae pouted, "Can only afford one." Finn raised his eyebrows.

"And you choose the one I get to go to as the one to skip?" Finn said, "Means I can't go either." Rae hadn't thought of that.

"Oh no." She whispered and furrowed her brow.

"Why d'you pick that one to skip?" He asked with a furrowed brow and far less cheery tone.

"Cos I'm more likely to win the drama one than comedy one." She sulked realising that he was upset.

"Oh right?" He asked trying to sound pleasant.

"We all know Kristi and Kurt are gonna win the comedy one." She tried to reason with him. "And I really wanna win something." Finn nodded as if he was trying to understand her reasoning.

"Well I'd really just like to go, given it's the first non-sport related thing I've been nominated to represent the school in." He said with a shrug. "But I want you to win too." He told her and she believed he meant it, "So I understand your choice."

"No Finn, o' course I'll go with you." She answered, "I really want to perform with you in the competition!" She told him honestly.

"Good, cos I already paid for you." He told her and winked at Linda, "Don't worry, it's all covered." He looked back at Rae, "Even the bits with Phil." He finished his glass of water and motioned for Karim to head back outside.

"Finn." Rae said softly, "I didn't mean…"

"I know." He said with a shrug, "it's alright."

"Thank you." She said feeling really bad about herself.

"S'alrgiht." He said and headed to the door. "Love you girl." He called as the door banged shut behind him. Rae turned her eyes to her mother. She'd have to talk to Finn about this later.

"How'd he afford that?" Linda asked not sure whether to feel outraged that Finn had paid for Rae, assuming they couldn't afford it, or grateful.

"He's got a job. And his dad got promoted again, so Finn does most o' the housework and his dad pays him heaps for that." Linda pulled a face, considering that.

"At least you know he won't be utterly useless when you move in together." Linda sucked her teeth and looked at Rae from the corner of her eye. "After university." She added pointedly.

"Hadn't really thought about it." Rae shrugged. She knew they'd eventually move in together, but the present living arrangements were alright, so she really hadn't given it much thought.

"Well you don't think you'll be living here forever do you?" Linda asked brusquely, "There's not enough room."

"I know." Rae answered, "I just hadn't-"

"And Finn is very expensive to feed!" Linda added.

"Aye but you don't have to feed me half the time anymore." Rae countered.

"Finn eats a lot more than you Rae." Linda told her. "The amount he eats more than makes up for the times you don't eat here." Rae could sense her mother was getting on a roll and tried to desperately think of something to distract her, "And you know I'm still only doing half shifts at the hospital. Money's very tight Rae, and-"

"Did I get any mail while I was away?" Rae frantically asked, hoping she had, but knowing she wouldn't have; she never got mail now that the postcards had stopped.

"Oh yes!" Linda said, having clearly forgotten it, "It came a few days ago actually." She got up to head out to the lounge room, "I clear forgot!"

"Mum!" Rae exclaimed angrily as if she were really upset she'd forgotten, mostly she was glad she'd gotten Linda off her soapbox. Linda tutted and handed her the letter.

"I'm not your bleeding secretary love!" Linda answered Rae's angry glare. Rae pulled a face and turned the letter over in her hands; it was from London; but the return address didn't have a name attached to it. She frowned and opened it up.

_Dear Rae (and Finn, I know you'll show him!)_

Rae furrowed up her brows and tried to think of who it could be from. Her eyes flicked to the bottom of the page.

_All my love to both of you, from Janice._

"FINN!" Rae went to the back door and called him in excitedly. He looked up at her and then back over to Karim.

"Another break time?" Finn asked and Karim shrugged and nodded. Finn went over to Rae at the door, wiping his hands on his jeans before wiping his forehead and then wiping his hands on his jeans again. As soon as he got to the door Rae squished up against him so he could read the letter too.

"Oh Rae, I stink!" He worried.

"Read the letter!" She ignored him and his eyes flicked down to the letter.

_Dear Rae (and Finn, I know you'll show him!)_

_How are you both going? You can't believe how much I've missed you both._

_I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to write but London and the gallery have conspired to make me far too busy to be a good friend it seems. It won't happen again. Not only will I write regularly, but I'll be visiting Stamford every other weekend because I'm still running the arts centre. It turns out they couldn't find a replacement for me, so we've come to an agreement about me running the centre from London via email and good delegation._

_My first weekend will be on the 6__th__ and 7__th__ of September, I really hope we can catch up and you can tell me everything that's been happening in your lives._

_How's college? How's all of your friends? Did you finish your drawings Finn? Do you like them Rae?_

_I hope your nails are painted bright red Rae! And that you're still writing and kicking Finn's arse in music knowledge. And Finn I hope you're still drawing and planning on going to university! Do try to keep up with Rae on the music front, yeah?_

_I'm so excited to hear absolutely everything! And I mean everything; every tiny detail._

_Life in London has been quite dull. The art is extraordinary, don't get me wrong, but I work 14 plus hour days and have absolutely no life at all! Although seeing these amazing artworks makes it all worth it._

_Anyway, I've yabbered on enough._

_I hope to see you both at the arts centre on Saturday or Sunday at around lunch time, give me a call if you can't make it._

_All my love to both of you, from Janice._

She'd left her phone number at the bottom of the page. Rae ran her fingers along the numbers and then read the letter again. Finn furrowed his brows.

"She didn't mention me da." He said softly. Rae looked up at him and tried to smile.

"I wouldn't either if I were her."

'_Would?' by Alice In Chains_

_Why am I feeling so fucking antsy?_

_It's not like I've never done this before. Or like it's new._

_It's not like I've never met him before._

_But that's the thing innit? How well do I know him?_

_I was all surprised when I found out he was a bit of a drinker. And then when he had that bit of a yell at Liam. That were unexpected._

_And seeing him argue with his wife. And not let me in cos o' his girlfriend._

_And then hitting on Elsa?_

_And since Liam went into the coma he's been stinking a bit like booze sometimes._

_And since when did he have holidays? 3 flippin' weeks to do what?_

Rae sat outside of Kester's office, her face scrunched up in confusion.

_What does a guy his age do with holidays?_

_He'd kill himself if he partied too hard._

_Oh I s'pose his liver's up for the challenge though. It's had good practice._

_Should I be worrying about my therapist?_

_Do therapists have therapists?_

_And what would they say to each other?_

_Alright, this is doing me head in._

_Stop thinking about it Rae. Think about the things you're gonna talk about with him._

Rae's mind went absolutely silent suddenly and she stared at his door with a confused expression. The door opened and she instantly tried to change her expression.

"Rae!" He gave her a huge grin and motioned for her to come in. She didn't get up but instead look at his tanned skin.

"Where the bloomin' hell did you go?"

"Vietnam." He answered with a satisfied grin and Rae narrowed her eyes, attempting to remember anything about Vietnam at all, other than the war. "It was wonderful." He hurried her to come in and she got up, eyeing him suspiciously as if he wasn't her Kester. He seemed happier, more at ease; as if all of his worries had left him.

_I am his first appointment on his first Monday back at work…_

Rae tried to tell herself that he'd be back to normal after a week of listening to everyone's problems again; she wasn't sure how to handle chipper Kester. She furrowed her brows at him as he sat down and folded his hands over his lap. She scanned his desk; clean, no ashtray, a pot plant… Rae's brows furrowed further.

"Where's your ashtray?"

"Oh I quit." He said cheerily, "So how was the last three weeks for you?"

"Fine." Rae answered defensively.

"Fine?" Kester asked, his fingers going up to his mouth momentarily, before he realised what he was doing and put his hand down.

"Nothing much happened." Rae elaborated. Kester waited in silence, his eyes on her face as she looked around his spotless office. "I did a bunch o' drugs." Rae finally said with a scrunched up face. Kester raised his head slowly and nodded once in reply. "I quite enjoyed it. But I know you're gonna say I shouldn't of." Kester licked his lips and took a moment to consider how to best reply.

"What did you do?"

"Well I drank." Rae answered, "But I always drink." She acknowledged, "And I did a fair bit of pot…"

"How much?" Kester asked in a light tone.

"Um…" Rae thought about it, "A couple o' times over the last month." She said, thinking that it had been nearly every day in London.

"Is that it?" Kester prodded gently.

"I…" Rae paused, "I did some speed." She saw Kester's eyebrows twitch slightly, "just once." She added, "Some ecstasy." She took a deep breath, "Some acid." Kester's eyebrows finally rose. "That's it." She chewed at the inside of her mouth and waited for his reply.

"And why are you telling me?" Kester leaned forward and took her in carefully. Rae gave him a perplexed look.

"Cos you're me therapist."

"Are you worried about your drug usage?" Rae felt like Kester's eyes were piercing into her brain.

"No." She answered, "But I feel like I lost something I learned when I were tripping, and I wish I could remember it. Cos it feels like it were real important."

"Experiences with LSD tend to fade away like dreams." Kester said softly, "And it feels like everything was a huge epiphany." He added, "Everything seems-"

"Wait!" Rae said with an incredulous grin, "Have you done it?"

"The experiences people have on LSD are well documented." Kester replied and leaned back in his chair, his eyes dropping to the floor momentarily.

"You have!" Rae answered with real surprise. "Fucking hell!"

"Rae," Kester answered seriously, "What I may or may not have done is not important now." He pulled on his ear slightly, "What's important is your relationship with drugs."

"I don't feel worried." Rae answered honestly, "Other than the possibility o' getting caught."

"Drugs can exacerbate mental illnesses." He warned gently and she shrugged.

"I know that and they're not. I feel great."

"A lot of drugs are cut with other substances." Kester tried to caution again, "Including poisonous substances."

"Nah I trust… I guess you'd call him me dealer." Rae thought about Tom for a moment, "The best thing about him is that he cares about us." She saw Kester narrow his eyes sceptically, "He's dating Archie, and he has a 'no drugs on weekdays' policy and he'll only give us something once on a weekend, and even then, he says it's good to stay clean most weekends." Kester furrowed his brows and Rae tried not to think about the purely hedonistic time in London they'd had; Tom had made it clear that holidays were different.

"Nonetheless drugs can be very-"

"Addictive." Rae said, "Yeah he bangs on about that too." Rae said, "And the possible damage they can do." She shrugged, "He said some drugs can cause psychological problems, and I told him I was already mad, so he lowered the dose of anything I can get from him now." Rae shrugged, "He firmly believes that anything in moderation can be ok." Rae told Kester, "And I agree with him."

"Moderation can be a problem with addictive substances." Kester persisted.

"Aye, but given he's me only source o' drugs and he's keeping an eye on me for any signs of addiction, I think I'll be alright."

"That's quite a lot of trust you're giving him." Rae shrugged in reply.

"You trust your mates don't you?" She answered simply, "But what I wanted to talk about is the way the acid made me feel."

"And how was that?" Kester's fingers twitched and Rae noticed him pick up a pen and hold it like a cigarette.

"I dunno." She breathed, "I can barely remember it." She looked frustrated, "But I wanna capture it without being on acid." She told him, "Cos it felt…" She furrowed her brows, "It felt like I were important for some reason."

"You don't need a reason to feel important Rae." Kester said, "You are important."

"It's not like that." Rae answered, "I can't explain it." She sighed. "Next time I'm writing it all down."

"Next time?" He asked cautiously.

"Aye. We'll probably do it again eventually." Rae shrugged again, "The point is Kester, I wanna feel that important all the time." Rae said, "and I've never felt like that."

"Important?"

"No… well yes… but that's not what I meant." Rae pulled at the hem of her skirt absent-mindedly, "I meant that I've never felt like I wanted to be important."

"Do you think that maybe you accepted your position as unimportant?" Kester mused and Rae nodded.

"Yeah I didn't think I deserved to be… important." Rae looked at Kester, "I felt as though I deserved all the bad things that happened to me, and that… I was unimportant and worthless and that's how it should be."

"Why?" Kester narrowed his eyes and let his head drop to one side. Rae considered this for a long time.

"I really don't know." Rae answered slowly. "I also set Finn up on a date with his ex-girlfriend." Rae added with an amused voice.

"Why did you do that?" Kester let her change the topic.

"Well she seemed to think she were getting back with him, and that he'd been trying to organise the date." Rae explained, "So I guess I were trying to help him out with organising it." She gave a confused look and shrugged her shoulders.

"Why didn't you tell her you were dating?"

"I didn't know if Finn wanted her to know." Rae answered, "And I knew her reaction would be bad." Rae looked away, "She couldn't believe that I'd slept with him when I told her. Said he'd just used me for sex. So how would she have gone with the idea of us going out?"

"That's her problem not yours." Kester answered.

"No but it is my problem, cos I gotta deal with her while I'm telling her." Rae retorted. "She said that Finn made love to her and cried." Rae said softly. "And all I could think about were the things he'd said about what it'd been like to be with her. And… they didn't match up." She lowered her eyes and pulled at the stitching of her hem more brutally.

"The way she experienced something is likely to be different than the way he did… we've seen that from your therapy with Finn." Kester told her, "You two experience the same event very differently."

"I know." Rae answered morosely, "And I thought afterwards that she's so deluded…"

"But?"

"But I want it over." Rae answered, "I want her in no doubt of Finn's feelings." Rae frowned, "And she knew that the first time they fucked he didn't wanna look at her. Called it rough sex." Rae said with a vulnerable tone Kester had come to recognise so well, "so…" But she didn't want to say it.

"So maybe they did make love?" Kester said it for her and she nodded. "Is it really a bad thing that he may have made love with another person?" Rae shrugged defensively.

"No." Rae sulked, "I s'pose not." She tried to sound like she meant it, "And given the way he looks I'm surprised he hadn't shagged half o' Stamford afore he got to me. So I s'pose…" She took a deep breath, "I s'pose it's fine."

"But?" Kester asked again.

"But it's not what he told me." Her tone was almost a plea for Kester to explain it.

"He might not see things the way Olivia does." Kester reminded Rae, "I suggest you ask him about it."

"Oh right?" Rae answered sarcastically, "And how d'you propose I do that?"

"With your mouth and vocal chords." Kester answered deadpan and Rae gave him an unimpressed look.

"I haven't even told him that he's got a date." She confessed.

"Finn and you do much better when you both communicate." Kester reminded her and Rae nodded; she knew it was true, "When you bottle things up, they tend to fester. In both of you; he's as bad as you at this." Rae furrowed her brows, "and things get much bigger than they actually are when you two let them fester." Rae sighed loudly.

"I know." She groaned miserably. "It's hard to talk to him about everything all the time." She leaned back in the chair and put her hands over her stomach. "I worry he gets sick o' hearing me bang on about it."

"You need to tell him that too."

"I know Kester!" Rae snapped. "It's not just hard cos o' that." She pulled a face, "it's hard cos I don't always know how I feel."

"You should probably tell him that as well." Rae shot up and glared at Kester. He gave her a grim smile, "if I sound like a broken record, it's because you're making the same mistakes over and over again."

"Can't I have some things to myself?" Rae asked irritably.

"Of course." Kester answered, trying to hide his amused grin, "but I think you know these things are different to the things you might want to keep to yourself." Rae sighed loudly.

"You're still as intensely irritating as ever."

"Because you know I'm right." Kester answered with a grin, "And it's still what I live for."

'_It's Like That' by Run-D.M.C. vs Jason Nevins_

It was the gang's first time in Tom and Archie's place.

Technically Archie had only been living in this house for 12 days; 11 days before London and 1 day since, but he still swanned around as if he'd always been here. And Tom loved it; he grinned like a jackal as Archie showed them around, leaving Tom happily in the background.

"You décor is perfect." Izzy marvelled happily and Tom raised his eyebrows.

"Of course it is." He laughed, "Isn't that the ultimate gay stereotype!"

"I'm pretty shit at it." Archie pulled a face, "Guess I'm a bad gay."

"The worst." Tom said with a satisfied grin and put his arm around Archie's waist.

"So are we ready for our sophisticated Monday evening of port, sherry, cheese platters and board games?" Rae asked. Somehow on the drive home Chloe had concocted this idea as a way to come down from the luxury surroundings they'd been in in London, and she'd rung Rae excitedly from Rhys's house to garner support for the idea. Rae had instantly agreed, so Chloe had called Archie in a three-way phone call and the plan had been finalised when Archie had invited them to his place for the event.

Archie and Tom had a five seater lounge; Finn instantly carving out a space for he and Rae, Chop and Izzy joining them on the 3 seater, leaving the two armchairs. Chloe looked at them and then at the beautiful, antique looking wooden chair in the corner. She pulled it out and sat down and Tom opened his mouth to stop her but paused as he watched her sit down. Tom gave Archie a look, but he saw Archie trying to repress a grin and he felt himself nearly laugh as he saw Chloe trying to get comfortable in a chair that was designed to be uncomfortable. Archie sat in the huge armchair and motioned for Tom to join him. They both fit snuggly in the plush chair; Tom lounging across it, one leg hanging off one arm, his head, propped on his elbow on the other arm, Archie sitting in front of him, leaning back on his torso.

"Chlo, just take the other armchair." Chloe jumped up and sat in the huge armchair. "Rhys can have… that chair when he gets here." Archie finished.

"Already has." Tom said softly to Archie and Archie gave him a slight grin.

"Is Rhys already here?" Izzy asked Tom surprised.

"No." Chloe answered with a strange look, having not heard Tom.

"I meant he's already sat on that chair before, love, so he's used to…. How uncomfortable it is." Tom finished carefully.

"Yeah I didn't wanna say anything but it's really shitly designed chair!" Chloe laughed.

"Ah but it looks good." Tom smiled graciously and Archie lowered his face to get his face under control.

"When will he get here?" Izzy asked as the door knocked. Chloe grinned and jumped up instantly and went to the door, Tom again noting how quickly this group of people made a place their own. He liked it a lot.

"Still no Danny?" Izzy asked and Rae shook her head.

"He's been anxious lately, and his parents think that work five days a week is enough for him at the moment." Rae told them and Chop looked over with a concerned face.

"I'll see if I can make him feel better at work." Chop said, "I know Alex has been giving him some shit, but I thought he were handling it." Chop scrunched up his face, "plus Joe's been putting some pressure on, but I think Danny likes a bit of pressure with his work. We both think Joe's gonna sell soon."

"Oh that's exciting!" Izzy exclaimed as Chloe was kissing Rhys hello. Chloe looked over at the heavy wooden chair she'd moved and back at Rhys.

"That's your seat." She teased and he shook his head.

"I am not sitting in that chair." Rhys answered with all seriousness and Tom broke out into laughter. All eyes turned to Tom and then back to Rhys who bore a slight grin. "Would you mind sitting on my lap?" He asked Chloe and she shook her head.

"Course not." But she looked back at Tom who was still chuckling.

"It's designed to be uncomfortable." Archie explained, omitting some other facts about the chair that he didn't think they needed to know, "Sort of a prank chair." He added. And Chop grinned.

"I need to get me one o' them!" Chop exclaimed happily. This set Tom off into guffaws and Archie subtly pinched him hard to shut him up, and then remembered that pain just turned him on. He sighed; oh the horrors of dating a sadomasochist. Rhys went to the armchair as Rae and Chloe narrowed their eyes at Archie and Tom curiously. Finn chose to not think on the topic any further and Chop and Izzy simply accepted Archie's explanation without question.

"Alright Rae," Chloe said as she dropped into Rhys's lap and they wrapped their arms around each other, "You have to tell me what you two were doing in London two days earlier than the rest of us!" Chloe raised her eyebrows expectedly and Rae looked at Finn for a moment.

"Sex." She answered evasively.

"You do that with us around anyway." Chloe retorted.

"Yeah, sitting right fucking next to you!" Archie accused loudly.

"What's this?" Tom laughed and Archie recounted, in embellished detail, the incident of Rae and Finn fucking on Chop's lounge, Chop getting cranky about it again.

"You fucking little bunny rabbits!" Tom laughed. Finn was so used to this kind of thing now that he didn't even blush anymore when someone talked about his lust for Rae, or their sex life. He pulled a face and shrugged.

"So what did you need the alone time for?" Chloe persisted.

"Fucking in the pool." Finn answered, again evading the question.

"I fucking swam in that pool!" Chop said with a disgusted face.

"It's chlorinated. You're fine." Finn answered unapologetically.

"The Sutherland pool too?" Archie asked and Finn gave him a look.

"What d'you think?" He asked with a continuing blasé attitude to the conversation.

"You two are fucking hopeless!" Archie rolled his eyes, unimpressed.

"Two days!" Chloe persisted and Rae sighed and looked at Finn again. He shrugged.

"A late birthday present for Finn." Rae answered vaguely.

"That we couldn't be in on?" Archie asked with furrowed brows. Rae saw Tom look over at Rhys and they shared a look that told Rae that Tom understood.

"They just needed some alone time, you heathens, relax!" Tom piped in and Rae felt so grateful for his input. Chloe narrowed her eyes at Rae, trying to figure it out; it wasn't like Rae to keep secrets like this and it hurt her that she didn't feel like she could trust her again; Chloe thought they were past this now. Rhys saw Chloe's expression and sighed.

"I would not have this come between your friendship, Rae and Chloe." He told them quietly and Chloe looked at Rhys surprised.

"But…" Rae was keeping the secret because it was made clear to her and Finn that they were not to talk about what happened at the sex show.

"I invited them to a club I am a member of." Rhys answered, "They were at that." They all looked at him and he shrugged. "It is a closed community." Chloe furrowed her brows.

"Why wouldn't you invite me?" She sounded slightly hurt.

"I will." Rhys answered, "If you want to go."

"What about Iz and me?" Chop asked and Rhys turned his eyes to Chop and Izzy, clearly mulling it over.

"Do we get to go?" Archie asked on behalf of Tom and himself and Tom cleared his throat. Archie turned his eyes to Tom.

"That might be the club Rhys and I met in." Tom confessed and Rhys nodded, "I'll take you… on a Monday." He grinned and Rhys chuckled.

"You would go on Mondays." He shook his head.

"I could take him on a Thursday… but that's a bit boring really." Tom shot back. Archie looked at him confused. "I was just a bar tender there." Tom said, "Nothing exciting."

"Oh." Chloe suddenly understood and looked back to Rhys, "They won't judge you." She whispered to him.

"I don't care about people judging me Chloe." He answered softly but they all heard him, "It's a closed community that is why I don't speak about it."

"We were told not to tell anyone." Rae agreed.

"Oh now I need to know what this fucking is!" Chop exclaimed and Izzy put a hand on his thigh.

"It's private Chop." She admonished him and he furrowed his brow. Rhys continued to look hard at Izzy and Chop.

"I am going to tell you all what it is." Rhys said softly, "and it's not going to leave this room for two reasons. One, it's very illegal. And two because this is a closed community who only accept people who are invited. And not everyone gets the right to invite people." Rhys continued, "And if you invite someone who… makes the wrong kind of scene… you can have your inviting privileges revoked." Rhys looked at each one of them, "I trust you to not speak of this to anyone who isn't in this room, ever, no matter how tempted you will be to do so."

"This sounds so intense and scary." Izzy said with wide eyes and Tom chuckled.

"It is on Monday nights!" Tom said with a cheeky grin. Rhys cocked an eyebrow at him and ignored his words.

"It's a kind of performance night." Rhys said, "That lasts anywhere from 2 hours to 6 hours." He stroked Chloe's back slightly, "It runs on week nights only. And it's not like a normal performance that's open to just anyone to come and sit in an audience." He looked at Rae and Finn apologetically, "There's more involvement from the audience in these closed community performances." Rhys continued, "In the legal version of these shows that are held in some parts of Europe, the divide between the audience and the performers is quite rigid." He nodded for Rae to speak and she took a deep breath.

"Um… not so much with the illegal version." She said with a slightly higher pitched voice, "I mean we didn't get involved, but several people from the audience did." She continued, "And… well there was a lot of stuff happening in the audience. And the bartender was a bit of knob to me!" She turned to Tom and he grinned.

"It's part o' the job su-" He stopped and shut his mouth quickly and looked down as Rae tried not to blush. He'd nearly called her sub. Of course he'd know that the bartenders were knobs to the subs, Rae chastised herself, telling herself she shouldn't have said that. But Archie had caught that and he made an understanding noise in the back of his throat.

"So it's theatre?" Chop asked with a confused face, "Who gives a fuck about that?"

"What kind of theatre?" Izzy asked astutely. Rhys looked at Rae and Finn, seeing if one of them wanted to say it.

"Live sex shows." Tom said bluntly.

"Holy fuck!" Chop said, "Why the fuck didn't you take me, lad?" Chop asked Finn and Finn narrowed his eyes.

"Nope." He answered shaking his head, "We could never go on the same night."

"Aye definitely not!" Rae said firmly.

"But I can go on another night with Izzy?" And then it dawned on him, "Wait… audience participation?" He looked at Rae and Finn with a shocked face.

"Not us!" Rae reminded him, "But… there was a lot of sex everywhere…"

"You'd probably like a more traditional sex show Chop." Rhys told him and he turned to him with a scrunched up face. "With a less intense show and a strong divide between audience and performers."

"Would they try and take Izzy up on the stage?" He asked.

"The main performer for the night wanted a threesome with us." Finn told him and Chop frowned thoughtfully.

"Who was on?" Tom asked.

"Um… Gina and Tom." Finn answered, "Pandora," This elicited and wince from both men, "And Dominick."

"I fucking knew it was Dominick!" Tom laughed, "He doesn't normally play with boys. But you look so much like him Finn, and he's such a narcissist!" Rhys chuckled in agreement with Tom. "And he's right into bigger girls too." Tom shook his head, "You two are like a wet dream for him!"

"Hey Rhys, I have a theory… Do they plant girls in the audience for Dominick to take up on the stage?"

"Sometimes." Rhys answered, "The way to know is whether he used a condom or not. If he did, she's a real audience member. If he didn't…"

"I knew she was a plant!" Rae answered with triumph.

"Was it a short show from Pandora?" Rhys asked, almost fondly and Finn nodded slowly, suddenly understanding why their drinks were free at the sex show; Rhys had been a performer there. "You should watch a long show of hers." He advised. "In about a year or two, when you're ready for it."

"If you're ever ready for it!" Tom laughed and Rhys laughed loudly with him.

"She freaked me the fuck out!" Finn answered and both Tom and Rhys laughed even more.

"You wouldn't be human if she couldn't freak you out!" Tom answered. "What did she do that fucked you up the most?' Tom asked with a knowing grin.

"She had Eve piss on a guy!" Finn answered. Chop opened his mouth in disgust and Izzy dropped her head to the side in confused contemplation. Chloe blinked and looked back at Rhys, slightly shocked.

"Holy shit." Archie chuckled.

"Who the fuck's Eve?" Tom asked Rhys and he shrugged.

"New protégé I suspect." Rhys answered and Tom shrugged back in response.

"Watersports are nothing to scat play." Tom told them, "Watching a full length Pandora show will fuck you up in more ways than you can count." He started to laugh, "She's the only woman I ever considered actually fucking." Tom shook his head. "Though if we're honest I would have just let her peg the fuck outta me… cos I weren't gonna be fucking her."

"No one fucks Pandora." Rhys agreed.

"She fucks you." Tom laughed.

"What the fucking fuck is pegging?" Chop asked, half curious, half afraid of what the answer might be. Finn looked over at his friend and realised that this world was not for Chop; he wouldn't cope with all the weird shit down this rabbit hole.

"It's when a woman wears a strap-on and fucks a man." Rhys explained and Tom chuckled as Chop scrunched up his face; Chop had only seen women use strap-ons on each other in his pornos.

"Alright, sex education time is over!" Chop laughed uncomfortably and looked over at Finn who shrugged nonchalantly, but internally he was worrying that Rae wanted to peg as well as just get a finger up there.

"So did anything ever happen with you and Pandora?" Archie asked intrigued.

"She's way more intense than me sexually." Tom laughed, "So I never explored that urge." Tom said regretfully.

"Someone you weren't willing to take on even though you wanted to?" Archie asked astonished.

"I know!" Tom laughed.

"I have to meet her!"

"She's usually on, on a Monday night. Not so often on a Wednesday night though." He furrowed his brows and Rhys shrugged in reply to his questioning tone. "Gotta prepare you for a Monday night Archer!" Tom laughed and Archie shrugged as if to say he was game.

"This club's not for Izzy and me." Chop said slowly and turned to Finn, "You fucking win on the freaky shit scale."

"Speak for yourself!" Izzy joked, but Rae detected a lot more curiosity than she was letting on.

"It weren't that bad." Finn said, "Alright yeah, Pandora… she's… intense." He admitted, "But the rest were fine."

"Were you a bartender too?" Chop turned to Rhys as if his whole world was being redefined.

"I was a performer." Rhys answered honestly and all eyes flicked to Chloe instantly.

"I already knew." She shook her head.

"Did you get pissed on?" Chop asked Rhys, trying to hide his look of disgust, very unsuccessfully.

"Chop!" Izzy hit his arm.

"What?" He asked back incredulous that he was in trouble for asking.

"That's private!" She told him.

"It were done on a fucking stage; it's not private." Chop countered.

"Haven't you been listening? It's a closed community!" Izzy explained exasperated, "He might not want us to know what he did back then for them!"

"It's ok Izzy." He told her reassuringly, "No I haven't done watersports." Rhys told them.

"Good. Cos my facial muscles don't have the strength or power to fully portray enough disgust for that…" Chop shook his head and looked at Finn.

"I'm not judging." Finn shrugged and Chop screwed up his face.

"I fucking am." He only half joked.

"Pandora was an eye-opener though." Finn looked over at Rhys, "D'you know her well?"

"I have worked with Pandora." He took a deep breath, "But it's been a while since I saw any of that community."

"Well they still remember you." Rae said, "Free drinks for us." Rhys nodded.

"Free entrance too?" He asked and saw Rae and Finn give him a confused look.

"It's £100 per person entry fee." Rhys told them, "They gotta pay for that set up, and the performers." He told them as if it were obvious, "Bar and condom sales don't cover it all." He grinned, "I knew they'd let you in for free." He nodded, "Wasn't expecting the free drinks. Who was on at the bar?"

"I never got his name." Rae said, "But he were an older fella with blue eyes and-"

"Sid." Rhys said slowly and Tom smiled fondly.

"You didn't need to be in London alone for that; could have gone to the show and just left us at home." Chloe said and Rae gave her a look.

"We wasn't gonna tell anyone we was going." Rae explained, "It were easier that way." She looked up at Rhys, "Sorry the secret didn't last long." She gave him an apologetic smile and he shrugged.

"I am learning that this is a group of friends that rarely keeps things from each other."

"Even though sometimes I wish we did!" Archie laughed.

"Oh Archie!" Chloe laughed and kicked him gently with her outstretched toes, barely able to reach him. "How would we ever learn if we did?"

"I was gonna suggest that us eight go away for at least a week together every summer, but now I'm not sure…" He turned to Finn, "Me best mate might be too busy for that!"

"Leave off!" Finn shook his head and rolled his eyes, but he couldn't stop the playful grin from kissing his lips.

"I think that's an awesome idea!" Izzy said excitedly.

"I second the idea!" Rae added.

"Thirded and motion passed." Chloe added.

"I like how we got a say in that." Chop complained merrily. "I suppose I'm captain fucking accommodation for these outings?" He asked grumpily.

"Of course!" Rae laughed, "Now where's the sherry?" Rae asked them.

"I saw it in the kitchen!" Chloe said, "I'll get it." She jumped up.

"Piss break." Finn got up and headed for the bathroom. Izzy started asking questions about the sex show, Chop's brows furrowed and Rae tried to answer them, Rhys and Tom interjecting occasionally, while Chloe brought things in from the kitchen, refusing any help; she could hear about this from Rhys later if she wanted, and he and Tom were needed here to help Rae tell the stories to Izzy, Chop and Archie.

Finn washed his hands thoughtfully and shook his head; another thing he'd prefer people didn't know about him was now known. This level of openness was taking some getting used to; he'd much prefer to keep these things to himself. But Rae was a talker, and the gang was nosy; a little bit of bragging was one thing… but sometimes it was just ridiculous how much they knew about him now. He sighed and decided to get some water from the kitchen before he headed back in. He walked in to see Chloe sorting through the fridge.

"Hey." He said, "Know where the glasses are?" She turned round to him and lowered her eyes.

"That cupboard." She pointed at it, "I'll just leave." She turned to go, knowing that Finn had firmly decided that he would spend no time alone with her since the night she had kissed him.

"No Chlo." Finn stopped her, "it's alright." Chloe turned her eyes back to him surprised. "We're alright." He shrugged. She nodded slowly, considering this.

"I'm glad." She replied. "I've missed being friends."

"Aye." Finn agreed, "You love him huh?" Finn asked in a tone that was not questioning and she nodded. "I could tell from the bar fight." Finn grinned, "You felt that rage right?" He asked, "It's like nothing else."

"I never knew I could feel like that." Chloe agreed.

"Can't even explain it?" He asked her and she nodded, "but you had to protect him from this fucked up world?"

"Yeah." She nodded slowly, "That fucker you head-butted at the pub." Chloe said, "I remember what he said to Rae… About Rae." She lowered her eyes, "I understand how you felt."

"I don't know anything about racism. It's probably a whole different thing." He said, "But I know what it is to want to defend the person you love against this world." Finn said emotionally, "It's a hard battle." He sighed, "But you're tough enough Chlo." He told her, "Even though it'll never stop, and the way people treat him will never stop breaking your heart." She lowered her eyes, feeling the sting of tears.

"Thanks."

"It's alright me ol' pal." He gave her a hug and she gratefully returned it.

"Thank you for introducing me to him." She said as she pulled out of the hug.

"I didn't think anything would come of it Chlo." Finn chuckled, "You don't seem like his type… or him yours." He added, "But you work well somehow. And I'm real glad to see you happy. You do deserve it."

"You too." Chloe told him. "And he… he gets me." Chloe said, "Like more than I even get myself sometimes!" She laughed. "And he doesn't judge me. And… he's not like anyone on this planet." Finn nodded; he knew that. "He's tough enough for me too." She grinned.

"Aye that he is."

"Now hold this plate o' cheese, you." Chloe turned back to the fridge and gave him the plate of cheese. "And this one o' fruit too." When they returned Chloe set up the table and Finn started to pour out drinks for everyone.

"None for me." Izzy said morosely. They all turned their eyes to her, "Me oncologist says me last blood test show me liver's struggling." She sighed, "I can't imagine what it'll be like on the tests I just had done today." She grimaced, "You was right Tom."

"I wish I hadn't been." He answered sympathetically, "For once." He grinned cheekily and she grinned back. "I usually quite enjoy being right."

"Well maybe we can all stay sober with Izzy?" Archie suggested and when everyone, except izzy said 'seconded,' Archie broke out in a grin, "I think we can call that motion passed." He stood up and helped Chloe take the sherry back out to the kitchen and they came back with water and some coke.

"We don't have a whole lot o' soft drinks." Archie gave Tom a look, "So it'll be mostly water.

"Captain fucking health over here." Chop gave an unimpressed look to Tom and Tom shrugged.

"Yeah but look at how fucking amazing I look!" He retorted and Chop frowned.

"I look fucking amazing too!" Chop answered grumpily.

"Yes you do baby." Izzy soothed.

"O' course you look fabulous." Tom agreed, "This is a particularly good looking group o' people." He added.

"I don't know how we all manage to go out in public together and not blind the public with our general brilliance." Chloe agreed

"And remarkable high levels of beauty." Rae grinned, Finn turned to look at her and tightened his arm round her waist, proud that she was feeling beautiful right now.

"We should probably run our own live sex show!" Izzy added and Rhys laughed incredulously. "What?" She asked, "We'd make a killing!"

"Except we'd be so vanilla everyone'd get bored watching us!" Rae answered, "Except for them two." She pointed at Tom and Archie.

"That's alright, we'll carry the business." Archie answered shaking his head wearily, "I always knew I was destined for the stage."

"Destined for a school room teaching history more like." Rae countered and Archie chuckled.

"I'm thinking academia." Archie replied. "Being a uni lecturer."

"Aye, that'd suit you." Finn said thoughtfully. "When d'you head overseas?"

"Well we gotta wait for Rhys to get back from Nigeria…" Archie looked over at him.

"I'm only going for a week or two." He answered, "I can't afford the time off work."

"And you're heading over at the end of September?" Tom asked.

"Mid-September."

"So are we safe to book our tickets for early October?"

"Yeah." Rhs answered Tom.

"Happy to spend your Christmas and New Year's on a tropical beach somewhere?" Tom asked Archie.

"Ah yeah, but I gotta be back for New Year's." Archie grinned, "Gotta spend it with the gang."

"That's right!" Chloe agreed, "It's the law."

"Alright, so September 29th to December 29th?" Tom asked and Archie nodded.

"My mum's gonna hit the roof about Christmas!" He grimaced. Tom looked over to Rhys and he nodded that he'd be back in time to oversee the business they were building together.

"You're mum's an angel." Tom countered, "We'll charm her into forgiving us."

They drank through the coke in no time, and ate cheese and fruit and nuts, while they talked late into the afternoon. Eventually everyone had to go home for dinner; Rhys was staying to talk over the business with Tom, so Archie decided to go to Chloe's for dinner instead.

Rae drove the car and Finn leaned back, smoking comfortably, watching the world go by.

"Poor Chop." Rae was saying, "He thinks he wants that kind of thing…"

"Did you get the feeling that Izzy were more open to it than Chop?" Finn asked, sounding a little surprised by it.

"Yes!" Rae laughed, "Little Izzy might actually be a deviant!"

"I think it's the cancer." Finn answered.

"What? Messing with her brain?" Rae frowned.

"No I mean, she's had a death scare." Finn tried to explain, "So she's more daring now."

"Well so have we." Rae answered.

"Aye but hers is ongoing." Rae turned her eyes to him and cocked an eyebrow before looking back at the road, "aye so is ours." He agreed, "But not in the same way."

"She's said to Chlo and me that life could be short for her…" Rae eventually agreed.

"It's made her more open to everything I think. Less afraid." Finn sucked his bottom lip in thought, "I think she might break up with Chop if he doesn't keep up."

"No way." Rae answered shaking her head, "She loves him."

"Aye." Finn agreed, "But the fear of dying might push her to… push him too hard." Finn looked at Rae, "He's kinda become more conservative since this happened, like Izzy's life is so precious…" Finn tried to find the right words, "He's scared o' losing her, so he wants to wrap her up in cotton wool."

"Aye I've noticed that a wee bit." Rae said, "But he always been like that a little."

"It's slowly getting worse." Finn said, "Did you see him fretting over the coke she were drinking today?" Finn asked, "Every time she gets a result back like that liver one; he's gonna slip a little more into panic about losing her."

"Well how do we stop it?" Rae fretted.

"It's not our business Rae."

"But it is!" Rae countered, "Everything that affects the gang is our business."

"Alright." Finn caved in with a grin, knowing she'd win this before he'd even raised the topic, "I guess I'll try and work on Chop's fear. If he lets me."

"You're good with overcoming fear." Rae told him and Finn took a moment to appreciate that compliment; he'd been working very hard on his own fear and the resultant temper it produced. It meant a lot to him that she saw it. "And I think me and Chlo are friends again." He said it carefully, even though he didn't expect anything negative from Rae, he still worried that she worried.

"Good." She answered, "So it only took her falling in love for you to forgive her, huh?"

"You think she's in love?"

"You don't?" Rae turned her eyes to him momentarily before looking back at the road. Finn thought about it.

"She obviously loves him very much." Finn answered noncommittal.

"My best mate is so deeply in love with that man it's almost painful to watch." Rae told him, "Cos she don't know it yet. And neither does he." Rae continued, "Which is odd, cos Rhys usually knows most things before everyone else." Rae mused, "He's a good observer."

"I think he's a little blinded by his own love for Chloe." Finn replied, "Do you think he's in love with her?"

"Not yet." Rae answered, "Rhys is a slow faller." She nodded, "But he's well on the way." Finn nodded slowly.

"That's what I thought too." He agreed, "But I thought he were more in love with her than she was with him." Rae shook her head.

"Watch 'em closer next time." She said assuredly. "But before we know it he'll be irrevocably in love with her. He's just taking his sweet time cos I got the feeling that it really is irrevocable for him, you know what I mean?"

"Oh aye." Finn agreed. "I know what that's like." He grinned when she saw her smile, "But I fell fast and gracelessly." She laughed, "He at least has the good luck to do it slow and poetically." Finn shook his head, "Bastard." He joked.

"I liked your accidental stumble into love." Rae laughed, "It matched me own." He put his hand on her thigh and enjoyed the silence with her; both of them grinning happily. His mind turned to the future; it had been doing that more often lately, planning out how things were going to go for the next five, ten, fifteen years. He really needed to talk to her before he got himself all excited with his plans. But for now, this happy silence was too gold to break.

'_Joga' by Bjork_

"Bloody hell." Rae mumbled, "All aboard the train to Gushington Central." She held the bottle of beer in her hand, her eyes travelling down his body slowly as he leant over their car giving it the tuning he said he would. He heard her speak and turned back to her.

"Oh hey." He grinned, "What d'you say?"

"Oh nothing." She lied and held up the beer.

"Cheers." He took the already opened beer from her and took a swig.

"How's Mallratuk?"

"Mallratuk?" Finn asked, his brows furrowed.

"It's my name for her." Rae nodded at their car and Finn looked back at the car blankly.

"Oh right!" He nodded, "nice." He turned back to Rae, "She's doing just fine. Except she really does need new tyres. We could only get second hand ones when we first put her together." He explained, "I'm gonna drain the oil." He kissed her lips, keeping his grease-covered hands to himself, "then I'm gonna come upstairs, have a shower, and install some fucking hooks in my room." He gave her a teasing kiss, his tongue tracing across her lips before he pulled back and looked her up and down.

"How long will you be?"

"No more than an hour." He replied.

"Right, well I might go upstairs and rub one out." She grinned and he opened his mouth in mock outrage.

"You dirty fucking tease." He barely finished his sentence before she was kissing him, her arms around his neck, her body pressing to his. He put his hands behind his back so he wouldn't ruin her clothes and allowed the deep frustration to settle over him; he so wanted to touch her.

"Are you fucking barmy?" He asked as he felt her hand slip into his pants and raised his eyes to the neighbours' windows.

"I thought we already knew the answer to that?" She teased and he groaned deeply as she rubbed his cock roughly, "Quite an exercise in self-control for you innit?" She chuckled happily, noting his hands, still held behind his back.

"You don't watch it girl, you're gonna get your clothes ruined." He answered in a dangerous tone that made Rae's cunt throb in anticipation.

"But you like this shirt." She whispered.

"I like anything on you." He replied. "But I prefer nothing on you." They kissed again, Rae contemplating going down on him in the driveway.

"Hello you two!" Gary said and walked past them without looking, Rae froze, her hand down Finn's pants and looked over at him, "Can you put my car in the garage when you're done Finn? I'm just parked behind you." Gary opened the front door and closed it behind him, having not made eye contact with either of them. Finn watched the door close and let out the breath he'd held.

"I think we got him trained well." Rae chuckle, "He knows better than to look!" Finn chuckled softly.

"Aye." He shook his head. "Bloody hell."

"Still startles like you been caught though." Rae agreed with Finn's bemused stare at the door.

"Go keep me da company for his lunch break." Finn said, "After he's gone, I'm gonna do so many things to you…"

"Like let me watch you install hooks?" She teased and bit his bottom lip eliciting a husky moan from him. He didn't reply, just watched her head inside. At the last minute he noticed she wasn't wearing tights and groaned. She got to the front door and looked up and down the street before lifting it up, flashing her perfect arse at him.

"Fuck you!" He groaned, "You fucking cock tease." He started laughing as she gave him a wide-eyed look over her shoulder, as if she were completely innocent of all charges laid against her. His tongue went to his front teeth desirously as she slowly lifted the skirt again. Finn made a satisfied noise in the back of his throat when he saw that pale skin of hers in the sun. And then the skirt was back down and she was gone, he could hear her loudly greeting his father inside.

"You're gonna be the fucking death o' me girl. Death from chronic erection." He turned back to the car, completely unable to focus and thought wistfully about Rae's body for a good five minutes before he got himself under control and started working again.

The leftover hotpot was sitting nicely in her stomach as she watched him finish up putting hooks in various places that could be hidden fairly easily, but very useful for their fun. Finn had carefully sounded out the beams and used his father's electric drill to make a hole before screwing them in by hand. When he had asked to use the drill, his father had told him he had something to tell him later on and then reminded him he didn't need to ask to use the tools.

_What could me da be talking about? It's not like him to say he had something to talk about and not talk about it. Wonder if it's about mum._

Finn looked back at Rae as he screwed in the last hook. She was laying back on his bad, her dark hair splayed across his pillow. He'd taken to putting pale coloured sheets and pillow cases on the bed so he could see the way her hair splayed better. His eyes lingered at her face as she looked up at the ceiling, listening to the music, and then slowly traversed down her body to where her skirt rode up just high enough for him to almost see her vagina.

_Holy fuck._

_Fuck she's sexy. I'm gonna have to have her._

_Is it normal to still be like this eight months into the relationship?_

_Shouldn't I have simmered down a bit by now?_

_I wonder if she's sick o' me always wanting to put me dick in her._

_Well she does tease though. Wearing that short skirt without knickers and flashing her bare arse and putting her hand down me pants…_

_It's pretty obvious she's actually as randy as I am._

_How fucking lucky am I?_

_Bloody hell look at those legs for days…_

_Look at her grinning; she knows I'm perving on her. Bloody tease knows exactly what she does to me._

He turned back to finish screwing in the hook when the phone rang. They waited for a moment; Gary had obviously gone back to work. Rae picked up Finn's extension and answered in a sweet voice as she let her skirt ride up even higher, Finn watching from the corner of his eye.

"Hello?" Finn saw her face drop.

_Oh no what's happened?_

"Uh he's busy right now…" Rae looked over at him, "Yeah it's Rae." Finn finished screwing in the hook and held out his hand to take the phone but Rae shook her head. There was a long pause while Rae made a few noises to indicate she was listening. "Right. Ok. I'll let him know." Finn furrowed his brows and looked over at his clock, he sucked his teeth, wondering who was on the phone for him. "No I don't think it'll be a problem." There was another long pause, "Yeah right well I gotta go." She said awkwardly, another long pause.

_Fuck, the other person does like to rabbit on._

Finn sat on the bed beside her.

"Alright! Bye!" Finn heard the false friendliness in her tone and kept his eyes on her face as she put the phone down and stared at the floor for a moment; clearly gathering her thoughts. She looked up at Finn.

_Oh god, why does she look so afraid?_

_What's wrong with me girl?_

"I may have done something…" Rae said carefully, "That might make you angry."

_What?_

Rae watched him furrow his brows at her.

_What's she think she done to make me mad?_

_Daft girl. I couldn't be angry at my Rae._

He saw her watching him, waiting for a reply and he nodded for her to continue. She licked her lips and looked away. He watched her chest raise with a deep breath.

_Right, she needs comforting Finn._

"It's alright." He said, "I won't be angry." She chuckled cynically in response.

"Yes you will."

_Alright, she's stalling. That means it's something big._

"Well we're not gonna know until you tell me, are we?" Rae sucked her bottom lip and shook her head.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, "But I had good reason… I think…"

_Oh shit._

_This is gonna be very bad._

_Alright. Brace yourself Finn._

Rae watched his face grow determined and he nodded slowly.

"It's alright."

"Oh fuck, you won't say that when you know."

_She's really stalling…_

_What did she fuck Liam or something?_

_Oh god brain, don't go down that path._

_Maybe she set up a luncheon for you and Dillip. That'd be fucking ironic wouldn't it?_

_Shit I gotta tell her about that dinner. She gonna be so mad at me._

"What is it Rae?" Finn asked, trying to put those thoughts out of his head.

"I may or may not have… very accidentally…" Rae said earnestly, "Set you up… on an ever so teeny tiny date…" She watched Finn's brows furrow.

_The fuck?_

"With Olivia…" She almost winced the words out.

"The fuck?" Finn asked incredulously.

"I saw her before we went to London and she was wearing yellow, and she looked like a goddess, and she was laughing and friendly and she kissed my cheek and-"

_And now the words come flooding out so I can barely think or reply._

_Fuck Rae…_

"And then she were like, we're gonna get back together… and he's trying to set up a date and-"

"That's a fucking lie!" Finn burst out angrily.

"I'm not lying…"

_Oh fuck, she looks hurt…_

"Not you; her!" Finn struggled to calm his anger. "Please continue." He said through gritted teeth.

"She's so beautiful." Rae said, "And she were like the sun and I couldn't tell her that…"

"We're together?"

"She wouldn't believe me anyway…" Rae tried to explain, "When I told her we'd had sex she said you was probably just using me for sex and that…" Rae stopped and lowered her eyes.

_Oh shit… Olivia said something that got under me girl's skin…_

"What'd she say?"

"Nothing, don't worry." Rae said numbly, "I told her you two must have had a real close relationship for those few weeks." Rae tried to grin and Finn scoffed slightly.

"Nice." He replied.

"That was her just moving the date of your dinner date forward to this Friday, still at 'your place' though." Rae swallowed hard.

"That's tomorrow night Rae." Finn answered irritably.

"Yes." Rae answered demurely.

"So I gotta call her and cancel." Finn nodded. "Alright. Then we're gonna talk about this more." He leaned towards the phone but Rae stopped him.

"You have to go."

_The fuck is she on about?_

"Why?"

_Oh your tone sounds so hard and angry Finn, watch it mate._

"I'm sorry." She lowered her eyes.

"No Rae I'm not angry at you."

"You should be…" She raised her eyes slowly to him, "I just…" She struggled with finding the right words, "It's just… the way she talked Finn… she sounded like she were still in love with you… like you two had something so loving and intimate." She lowered her eyes, "And she really thought she could get back with you."

"Well that's her problem, not yours." Finn answered, "And not mine." Rae was struck by how similar Finn sounded to Kester in that sentence.

"Yeah." She answered unimpressed, "I don't think it's fair for her to be wondering around thinking like she got a chance when she don't." Rae said firmly, "So you need to go on this date with her and tell her."

_Holy shit._

_She's… set me up with Olivia like I have her with Phil…_

Rae scrunched up her face when Finn started to laugh.

"This isn't funny Finn!" Rae told him firmly, "She is so deluded, she really thinks she's got a chance." Rae took a deep breath, "And… I… I guess I know she doesn't."

"You guess?" He said with a huge grin. "Well that's better than you thinking she does I s'pose." He sighed, "Alright, but what else did she say?

"I told you nothing." She lowered her eyes again.

"And you are far too obvious when you lie to me girl." Finn answered and looked at her face steadily. "So I'll sit here and wait for you to tell me what she said, cos it's bothering you." Rae sighed and nodded slowly.

"Aye." She said softly.

_Now just be silent and wait for her to speak._

_Go' Finn, remember that used to be what you just did? Now you gotta tell yourself to shut your mouth._

_Oh she's picking at her fingers again._

_It's bad._

_What could Olivia have told her?_

_You gotta stop her picking at herself like that; she'll make herself bleed._

Finn took her hand into his and she looked up at him.

"She said that…" Rae looked at his concerned face, "She said you two made such sweet love together that you cried." Finn's mouth opened in silent shock, he blinked a few times and looked away, his brows furrowing.

_Holy shit…_

_How did that even come up…?_

_Oh fuck…_

_More o' this fucking shite to explain._

_Fuck I should've told her in the first place…_

"I never cried." Finn said firmly. "And we never really made love… though I can see why it looked like it to her." Finn conceded before looking away embarrassed.

"You don't have to tell me about your past love life." Rae shrugged and looked away. "I just… it upset me cos you said…"

"You are the only woman I've made love with Rae." Finn reassured her, "I did not lie to you." He looked back at her. "After I decided to try and make something of it with Olivia… I figured it weren't really nice to always be fucking her from behind." He put a hand over his eyes, "So I tried to go with me on top… but…"

_Oh fuck this is so embarrassing_

Finn looked away, not really wanting to admit this.

"But?" Rae asked.

_Yeah, yeah, I'm getting there girl… just give me a minute…_

"But I couldn't get it up." He answered staring ahead, not looking at Rae.

"Were you dr-"

"No I was not drunk." He answered, "I hadn't had any alcohol… I just… I had been treating her like… an object to fuck up until then." Finn said ashamed, "And when I had to look at her face." He sighed.

"She became a person." Rae thought she understood.

"Aye." Finn answered sadly, "And she wasn't you." Rae hated that he wouldn't look at her when he talked about hard things like this, but she understood it, "And I told myself, 'well you can't have Rae… so make it work with this nice lass…' so I… I tried to imagine she were you."

"Oh." Rae said softly, not sure how she felt.

"I weren't very good at it… it made me real sad. For Olivia, cos she deserved better. And for me cos… I were so in love with you and…" Finn looked at her with a grim face, "I figured if I tried enough, I could make myself have feelings for Olivia, cos we both deserved to be happy. And I couldn't have you, so maybe…" He looked away again and sighed, scratching his neck absentmindedly. "That's why I understand Phil so much." He said unexpectedly. "That's why I know he probably won't ever get over you, cos I couldn't." He looked at Rae, "But you're right, Olivia… and Phil… deserve a clear answer, so they got a chance to move on and find happiness." He looked down. "Although breaking up with her should o' been clear enough…" Finn shook her head.

"I don't know how to give Phil a clear answer." Rae said, "It's not like he tells me how he feels." Finn nodded slowly.

"What if he did?"

"I don't know if I could be as hard as you were with Stacey." Rae said honestly, "But I would tell him that-"

"You don't need to tell me how you'd answer." Finn said, "Just that you'd be clear with him."

"Very." She said honestly.

"Good." Finn said bracingly, "Cos I set you up on a date with him."

"What?" Anger exploded from her and she shot off the bed. "How dare you!"

"You can't be mad at me for doing the same thing you did." Finn shrugged and watched her mouth open with an angry retort and then snap shut, her nostrils flared as her eyes narrowed.

"Did you set this thing up in London?" Finn nodded and she put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"So you set my date up before I set yours up." He grinned slightly.

"Don't you try and get out o' this Finlay McCay Nelson." She replied curtly, "You telling an ex-girlfriend who's trying to get back with you that there's no hope is infinitely different to me losing a friend."

"D'you really think you'll lose one of us?" He asked seriously and she glared at him.

"Why d'you say 'one of us' like that?" She asked, "You know I'm gonna lose Phil."

"No I don't."

"What you think he'll still be fine to be my buddy after I break his heart…? Especially if he loves me the way you think he does."

"Assuming you break his heart." Finn answered and Rae paused, her face frozen.

"What do you mean?" She asked softly.

"I know you got feelings for him." Finn answered simply.

"He's my mate. I got feelings for Chop too…"

"No. Not like this." Finn answered, "I can see that it's more than that."

"No it's not!" Rae said angrily.

"Alright it's not." Finn answered with a shrug. "But we both need to know."

"I do know!" Rae said with an incredulous face, "How could you not?"

"You need to go to dinner with Phil." Finn ignored her question, "And let him try and woo you, and let yourself feel what you feel." Finn answered.

"I already know what I feel." Rae's voice was angry and verging on belligerent.

"Alright, then it won't make any difference if you go to this thing and do what I'm asking then, will it?"

"You're asking me to go on a date, and explore the possibility that I might love Phillip!" Rae exploded, "How is that in any way…" She stopped, too angry to continue. She took a few deep breaths.

_Oh shit Finn… don't lose your nerve now…_

"See… the difference in the way I replied to the Olivia situation… and the way you replied to Phil situation… tells me… that you need to know… more than Phil or me…" Finn said softly.

"I DO KNOW!" She exploded angrily and Finn lowered his head, ready to wait out the storm. But she was silent, her wide, furious eyes resting on him. He looked up.

"I won't ask what happened at the dinner." He said, "So you can explore your feelings for him." Finn said, "In whatever way… you want." His eyes slowly lowered as he spoke, Rae's stayed glued on him. "I know you got feelings for him." He said softly again, apologetically, "So… so make sure you made the right decision being with me instead o' him."

_Oh fuck, she's being silent._

_That's bad._

_That's really bad._

"Say something Rae."

"I don't have anything to say to you right now." She answered almost calmly, and then a torrent of words burst from her. "How dare you? How dare you assume you know how I feel? And question whether I wanna be with you after everything! Everything!" Her voice was almost shrill when she repeated the word, "We have been through so much. I'm wearing this necklace! I've made my fucking decision so many times now, I don't know what'll convince you!"

"I am convinced." He said softly. "But I don't think you are."

"How could you say that?" She felt her eyes stinging, but refused to let the tears fall.

"It's not exactly what I mean." Finn said leaning forward to her, "I know you love me. And I know you've made your decision." He said starting to realise how badly he'd been communicating this mess of feelings in him, "It's just that I know you've got feelings for him, and I don't want you to be wondering for the rest o' your life if you made the right decision."

"Well right now is the first time I ever have." She snapped deliberately aiming to wound. He sat back slowly, feeling the pain from that barb and nodded.

_I suppose I deserve that._

"Alright." He replied, "It was a bad idea." He lowered his eyes, "Then so's your idea of me going to dinner with Olivia to tell her."

"That's different. I don't think you love her." Rae looked away. "I know you don't have feelings for her, because I believe you when you tell me you don't." Finn nodded slowly taking the second barb silently.

_Deserved that too._

"Alright, then why didn't you just tell her that we was going out?"

"Cos she wouldn't believe me!"

"Yes she would of!" Finn answered dismissively.

"No, she would of thought I was jealous fat girl making up stories about a fit lad." Rae retorted and Finn shook his head.

"Olivia is many things, but she's not stupid." He answered, "She knew I had feelings for you. I never shut up about you." He started to pick at his fingers, "That's why she got upset when you said we was sleeping together. You know that." Rae looked away. There was a long silence between them.

"Alright." Rae said softly. "When she said you two made love… I…"

"You want me to tell her, cos you want me to be sure I wouldn't prefer to be making love to her."

"I don't think that's exactly it." Rae conceded slightly, "Just… I wanted you to make sure you didn't have any feelings for her. Oh fuck." She sat down on the bed beside him with a heavy plonk. She put her head in her hands. "But I know you love me Finn." Her hand went up to the necklace, "I know you're committed to me." She looked at him, "I don't know why I needed you to…"

"Cos I had a relationship with her." Finn answered, "We shared feelings and intimacy." He said unhappily, "It's not wrong for you to want me to be sure I made the right decision." He told her, "Which I did by the way, and I don't need to see her again to know that." He shrugged, "But I'll go to dinner, and let her know, I made the right decision, cos it's the right thing to do. For you and her." He took her hand, "Cos you need it. And she deserves closure… whatever the fuck that means."

"I don't have feelings for Phil." Rae said firmly, "At least not the way you think."

"Alright." Finn said softly.

"And I know I made the right decision being with you. And Phil was never even an option anyway. I were already with you when I met him." Rae told him.

"But what if you hadn't been?"

"But I was. So it's not a question I consider." Rae said awkwardly.

_Oh fuck, now you've put the question in her head. Good job Finn._

"Well it's one Phil always considers…. And he got me thinking about it." Finn answered. Rae looked ahead resolutely, "I think he could o' made you happy."

"I don't." She answered. "Maybe if I were more scholarly and refined… he'd drive me fucking nuts." Rae shook her head, "Actually, I'd drive him nuts." She told him, "He don't know how annoying I can be."

"You saw that Phil doesn't want that posh shit Rae." Finn reminded her of is character shift in London.

"I s'pose." She shrugged and looked away.

"We can argue for forever about whether you got feelings for that prat." Finn said, "But either way, he deserves an answer." Rae nodded slowly, "So we both got dinners to go to."

"It's gonna be awkward as fuck at school." She said softly, "He's gonna know and I'm gonna know… and you know… ugh!"

"I told him I'd tell you he had something to talk to you about." Finn shrugged, "An imperfect solution." Rae sighed heavily.

"So we're all just gonna pretend." Rae said.

"That's what we've all been doing since this started." Rae started to open her mouth and then shook her head.

"I'm so sad." She said softly, "I can't believe you still think I have feelings for Phil."

"It's not like that." Finn sighed, "It's not like I really believe you'll choose him." He said, "It's just… I got 99% surety. I want a hundred."

"I already have a hundred." Rae stood up, "I think I'm gonna go home."

"No Rae wait." Finn got up and took her hands. "It's not cos o' you."

"Is it this bullshite where you think he's better than you?" She asked wearily.

"A little." He replied, "But I do think he'd o' made you happy." He scrunched up his face, "And I don't know why but… if he…"

_Oh god how do I explain this… I hardly understand it myself…_

"If he could make you happier than me… then you should be with him." Finn lowered his eyes, "I don't know what I'm saying… I should be telling you to be with me forever and that I love you but…. Rae I do love you. And I want you to be as happy as you can be." He looked up at her, "I'm gonna work my arse off to make sure I can make you as happy as I can… but… if he's better suited to you… what kind of love would I really have for you if I were to deny you happiness?" He shook his head, "I don't really understand… it just feels selfish to… stop you from being as happy as you can be. Just so I get to have you." He swallowed hard, "I hate saying this stuff, cos I can see it upset you and it feels weird to say it… and I don't really understand what's come over me… but Rae… you mean more to me than anything. Even myself. Even my own happiness and pride and ego. If he'd make you happier than me… then you have to be with him."

"Finn…" Her voice cracked.

"I really hope he can't make you happier cos… my happiness very much depends on you." He told her, and Rae could see he was still working through this sticky mess off emotions, "But that can't be the reason you stay with me." He took her other hand, "I been a jerk about Phil, cos he might be better for you than me. Not cos he might be better than me in general. Just to be clear on that."

"Finn…" She tried again.

"I want you to be sure." He said. "I know you are sure… but that's before you've heard what he's got to offer." Finn lowered his eyes. "So listen to what he's got to offer. And you know what I've got to offer. And choose what will make you happiest." He stroked her face gently, "I just want you to be happy."

"And I was before this conversation Finn." She told him sadly.

"I'm sorry." He lowered his eyes, "I didn't mean to make you sad." He said softly. "It's just… You matter to me more than anything. I love you Rae." Finn wished he could just let her sit inside his chest for a moment to feel what he felt. "I said everything wrong." He shook his head, "I'm still no good with words." To Rae he looked lost and scared, "Please don't leave. I like sleeping next to you."

"I don't understand what happened here Finn." Rae answered him, "and I think we both need some time to think about it." She touched his face gently, "I love you too." He watched her turn and leave, his heart aching. He wanted to follow, but if she needed time to think, then he had to let her have it. He listened carefully and was glad to hear their car engine roar to life; he'd hate to think of her walking home alone.

Alone.

"Fuck."

_I fucked it up._

_Good job Finn._

'_Dreams' by Fleetwood Mac_

Finn tried to call her the next day, but she was at her work trial at Curvy Girl Boutique. He knew he couldn't go down there to see her, even though he desperately wanted to. Spending the night apart had made him completely unable to sleep, and today he was exhausted and simultaneously wired; his emotions wreaking havoc within him. He had spent the whole night replaying the argument and thinking of how he could have said it differently.

_I love you more than you being mine._

_You are more important than me having you._

_You and your happiness is more important to me than me and my wants._

_Any o' those might have been better._

_Then you could have added that maybe Phil would o' made her happy if she'd met him first, instead o' basically accusing her of secretly loving the guy._

Finn looked down at his tea and sighed.

_Rae I love you so much that I want you to be the happiest you can be, no matter what._

_What the fuck is this?_

_Last month I was fighting tooth and nail to keep her as mine no matter what._

_Now I'm telling her to go if it'll make her happy._

_What the fuck's happening to me?_

_I'll be fucking broken if she goes, why the fuck am I tempting fate?_

_But it feels right to be telling her that she really is number one. To tell her that her happiness matters most, even if it's not with me._

_Why?_

_Why don't I just want her to be with me and to be happy with me?_

_I do want that._

_More than anything._

_But if she isn't happy with me and could be with someone else then…_

_But she is happy with me!_

_Well she was._

_Fuck._

Finn looked up at his father reading the newspaper with a pursed lipped look of disapproval.

"What's up da?"

_Take my mind of whatever the fuck is happening inside o' me._

"They're getting a graffiti artist to paint the side of the arts centre." He said grumpily.

"Aye that were Janice's idea."

"I know." Gary answered, "It's not the art I'm frowning about son." Gary turned the paper to him and Finn read the comments the paper had gathered from 'concerned Stamford residents' about the graffiti art project.

"Oh fuck off!" Finn said to the comments as he read them. Gary rolled his eyes.

"Watch your language." Gary said and then frowned as Finn lit up a cigarette. "Not at the kitchen table Finn!"

"Sorry da." Finn carefully butt it out for later smoking, "just a bit anxious."

"Oh aye, what about?"

"A couple o' things." Finn said testily, "Fought with Rae, and got a date tonight… with Olivia." Gary looked at Finn with an open mouth of confusion. He folded up his paper and stood up.

"I'm not even going to pretend that I can keep up with this stuff." He shook his head, "Don't go back to fucking Leeds." He put his hand on his son's shoulder, "Alright?"

"Aye dad. Don't worry."

"Right, I'm off to work. We'll have a chat when I get home, or over the weekend, right?"

"Aye."

The day had dragged so slowly that Finn had called almost everyone in the gang; to find that they were all busy with jobs or chemo or only wanted to talk about which flipping oases to visit in flipping Egypt. Rae had rehearsal for the gender-reversed production of 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead' that she was doing, straight after the work trial, so he had no chance of seeing her until after this fucking date.

He'd ended up arriving early and eating the free bread and drinking the free water and staring off thinking about how he could make it right with Rae for half an hour before Olivia showed up, also early.

"Guess we're both keen!" She laughed and sat down opposite him. Finn was too tired and too upset about Rae to even pretend to be nice for a moment. He stared at her silently, gathering his thoughts together. "I'm glad you came." She reached across the table and took his hand, "I think it's the right time for us to talk about-"

"No." Finn shook his head and took his hand back from hers. "I'm with Rae, we're in a relationship and I'm in love with her." Finn told Olivia, her face a picture of shock, "I was in love with her when I were with you. I'll be in love with her until the day I die." He stood up, "I have no interest in starting a relationship with you again, I only came to this to tell you that. I'm sorry I were a shit boyfriend when we was together; you deserve better, and I wish you all the happiness in the world Olivia. But it's never ever going to be with me." He said it all in one long sentence, making sure he got it all out before she started to dissect it and he fucked it up here too, like he had with Rae.

"You're lying." Olivia said, "You aren't with Rae. She would have told me and rubbed my face in it."

"No. She's not like that." Finn replied, "And I don't care if you think I'm lying. It don't change the outcome of this little chat does it?" He shrugged, "You and I will never happen again." He took a deep breath, "Have a good life Olivia." He turned and walked away without looking back, Olivia watching him leave with a thunderstruck look of sorrow.

He had walked to the restaurant to waste some time, but now he wished he had driven because he could hear the click of Olivia's heels rushing after him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him around to look at her.

"Did you ever feel anything for me?" She asked simply. Finn sighed.

"I tried to." He answered honestly, "I couldn't have Rae so… I tried." He shrugged, "I'm sorry." Olivia looked away and pressed her lips together, trying to stop her emotions from getting the better of her.

"Alright." She said softly, "I hope Rae makes you very happy."

"She does. And I hope you find someone that treats you the way you deserve. Not like me." He said sincerely.

"Well hopefully he looks like you." Finn shook his head and chuckled. "But I hope I find someone too." She took him into her arms and they hugged, "Have a great life Finn." She kissed his cheek.

"You too Liv." He told her, "be happy." She nodded and turned to leave, stopping one time to look at him with a wistful smile before walking back to the restaurant.

Finn walked on, not sure where he was heading, part of him wanted to call on Elsa. But it was a very small part of him; the bruised hurt little boy raising his head. The man in him knew exactly where he was going. As if it were ever in question.

Finn sat down in the empty theatre at the arts centre and watched the rehearsal quietly. He found that the play was far easier to understand when it was performed and he laughed at the jokes as quietly as he could. This rehearsal was just for Rae and the woman who played Guildenstern, no one else was there, except for the director; a fastidious man named Greg who had accepted Finn's backstage help offer when they had met a few weeks back and told him he was only needed at full cast rehearsals. At the full cast rehearsals, he was under Elsa's orders and she worked him hard, making him run back and forth with props and giving costume help and getting up in the catwalk to help the techies with the lights. He quite enjoyed it actually. He was beginning to understand Rae's love of the theatre, just as she was beginning to understand his love of boxing and football. They still had 90 minutes to go when a 10 minute break was called. Finn stood up in the audience and headed towards the stage, Rae, seeing him, came to meet him amongst the seats.

"Hi." He said softly.

"Shut up you'll ruin everything." She told him and he lowered his eyes sadly. She pulled him to sit a bit further back in the audience, away from where anyone could hear them. "I couldn't sleep last night."

"Neither." Finn told her.

"I'm talking now." Rae said, "You did quite a lot o' that last night." She told him and he nodded slowly. "I kept thinking about what you said." She looked away, "Some of it were pretty fucked up." She said, "Like basically telling me you think I love Phillip." She scrunched her nose up.

"I don't really wanna talk about Phillip, that whole thing were a fuck up, and I'm sorry."

"Oi." Rae said and pointed to herself, "Who's talking?"

"You." He pretended to zip his mouth and lowered his eyes, expecting the worst.

"I were thinking about what you were saying about happiness though." She said, "And I understand it." He raised his eyes, "It's how I feel about you." She shook her head, "I didn't even realise it till last night when I really thought about what you were saying." She lowered her eyes, "And I think I was always going down this path." She said, "Breaking up with you the first time, was just as much about keeping you happy and what was fair for you, as it was me running away from my fears." Rae looked into his eyes and had to look away; he still made her breathing go wonky. "To me, you are more important than me. Your happiness, your health, your life… all of it." She took his hand gently, "I'd rather die than fuck up your life, you know?" He nodded, "You come first. And last night I realised that that includes if you need or want to be with someone else… I wouldn't try to stop you." She furrowed her brows, "But I so desperately want you to be with me…"

"Same." Finn said urgently and she put a finger to his lips and he nodded silently in reply.

"I don't know what to do with this feeling. It's scary, cos it would destroy me if you wanted to be with someone else… but I would destroy myself for you… if it would make you happy." Finn nodded and they both knew that they felt the same way. "So I get part of what you were saying." She said and he took her face in his hands and stroked her cheeks, sucking his bottom lip to stop himself from speaking. "This Phil thing…" She said, "I do care about him." She said softly, "But not as much as you think." She put her hands on his face and he felt happiness inside that she was touching him like this; he hadn't known how long it would take her to forgive him. "So I'm gonna go to this fucking dinner thing. Cos this shit needs to end as soon as possible." She kissed him gently and pulled back, "You can speak now."

"Do you forgive me?" He asked softly and she shrugged.

"I think our relationship is far beyond the concept of forgiveness Finn." She told him, "We're talking about totally selfless love." She said, "When I first loved you, it was more about me than you. I wanted you for me, I wanted us together, I wanted to touch you." She leaned back in the chair, "Now it's the opposite. My love for you is all about you and what's good for you and what you want." She grinned, "It's so weird to be… not selfish. I never realised how selfish my concept of love had been."

"I were exactly the same though." He grinned, "It's not scary putting you first when I know you're doing the same." Rae grinned in return. "But all the same I do wish you'd put you first too."

"We can't both be putting me first!" She laughed.

"Promise me that you're still thinking about you thought… looking after you."

"I am." She said honestly, "Cos, it's real scary knowing that the other person totally owns you."

"But you don't own them." He stroked her face, "It'd be easier if you did."

"Alas!" Rae laughed.

"But not right." Finn added honestly. "It's never right to try and own another person."

"Aye." Rae agreed. "But you own me nonetheless Finlay." She said simply with a shrug. "Don't abuse the fact." She added cheekily.

"Well since you own me, you can always get your own back if I do." He grinned. "Are we alright?"

"Finn we're always alright, ok?"

"Ok."

"And don't forget it!" She was called back up to the stage and Finn sat back in the seat to watch her perform. He loved her up on that stage. The confidence, and the way she moved her body as if it were a tool to get what she wanted, rather than baggage to try and hide. If nothing else, he was thankful that Rae's difficult relationship with the performing side of theatre had brought her to this point; she was a knockout actress.

After rehearsal they went back to Finn's house; Rae was spending the weekend there because Alice was taking Aiesha for the weekend and Linda and Karim were having a dirty weekend at home. Linda had been telling Rae and Finn all about it, rather excitedly, for the past week.

"Where were you gonna stay if we didn't make up?" Finn asked when they laid down in the bed, him wrapping himself around her.

"We were always gonna make up." Rae settled into the spooning position happily, "I just needed some time with what you'd said." She stroked his arm and rubbed her toes along the tops of his feet. "It weren't really a fight. More a misunderstanding and some silly words."

"I hate spending the night away from you." He sulked into her hair, breathing in her smells as if he hadn't smelled or touched her in years.

"Me too."

"Can we agree to not go to bed angry?" He said softly, "like to always resolve an issue before we go to sleep. So I can always hold you at night?" He sounded vulnerable, and still sulky and Rae looked over her shoulder at him.

"We can try." She told him, "But sometimes it won't happen. Sometimes time apart is kinda needed to… think straight." He tightened his arm around her waist and curled into her closer making a sad noise of agreement. "We'll try though. Alright?" She soothed and turned around to face him. "You alright?"

"No." He answered, "I can't stand not having you next to me at night time." He pulled her closer and she wrapped an arm around his waist.

"We'll keep it to a minimum." She agreed, "Cos I'm not too fond of it either."

"Alright." He said softly, "I'm sorry I'm so shite at talking."

"No you're not." Rae stroked his hair, "You sometimes express yourself a little… wonkily. But I think I got the message in the end."

"I hope so." He mumbled, "Cos I'm not even sure of what I was meaning to say."

"Well I got three main things from the whole debacle." Rae stroked his hair gently, "One, that you're still very insecure about this whole thing with Phillip." She saw Finn wanting to counter that but biting his tongue, "Two, you are starting to realise that what I want from life is more important to you than what you want from me." Finn nodded slowly, "And Three, that you love me very much. More than you love yourself, more than you love being happy, more than you love having me." She grinned thankfully and saw his mood lift slightly, "Oh and four, I'm very, very lucky to have you." She kissed his lips softly and he made a small happy noise that she returned. "And I return the feelings in points two and three." She finished.

"And I'm all over point four." He replied as he stroked her face, "Can't quite believe how lucky I am Miss Earl."

"You wanted to argue about Phillip?" She prodded and he shook his head.

"Don't wanna argue." He told her, but saw the look in her eyes and continued, "I just… I don't think it's insecurity." He shrugged, "I think there's affection between you two that is…"

"More than just friendship?" She finished and he nodded.

"I don't feel insecure about it." He tried to explain, "I used to. But I realised that… I'm your sun, and he's your candle." Rae considered this for a moment and shook her head.

"I think I care about him a lot because he's a good friend. But more than that? I don't… I don't see it. Not even as a candle." Rae told him, "Maybe he's a torch; fake light." Finn couldn't help but chuckle.

"Maybe." He admitted, "But either way, he's not your sun."

"Glad you see it."

"So… it's not insecurity." He said gently.

"Alright." She shrugged, "It's not then. But y'are preoccupied with him."

"Aye I'll grant you that." He nodded.

"So… when's this dinner? So I can put Phillip and you of your respective miseries." Rae asked resolutely; she knew that even if Phillip didn't tell her what he felt, she was going to have to tell him she didn't want to be with him. It had to stop, she was tired of fighting over Phil. "Wait!" Rae said when Finn opened his mouth to answer, "Maybe it's best I don't know when it's coming." She shook her head, "I don't want that kind of anticipation and dread hanging over me and building for however long." She sighed, "is it gonna be soon, like in the next three months?" She asked and Finn nodded. "Alright." She sighed again, "That's all I need to know."

'_Disarm' by The Smashing Pumpkins_

"I met your mother in London." Gary told Finn, "On the 4th of January." He reminisced, "I fell in love with her after about five minutes of talking to her."

"That's where you go every year." Finn sat back in his seat, his feet on the seat opposite him. Rae was in the lounge room, probably reading, knowing her. His father had been wanting to have a talk for him for a while, and the time had come.

"I always hope she'll be there." Gary agreed. "I'll take you to where I met her one day. By the Thames." Gary smiled, his eyes seeing a faraway memory, "She didn't like London very much." He looked back at Finn, "I found her." Finn sat up in his seat, his feet hitting the floor loudly.

"What? How?"

"I got a phone number. And I called." Gary said in an even-toned voice.

"What'd she say?" Finn's voice was hopeful, his voice urgent. "What'd you say?"

"I asked her if she would consider coming home." Gary answered calmly and Finn waited for a moment, anticipation, fear and excitement mingling in his gut.

"And?"

"GUYS!" Rae called from the lounge room. They both looked toward the door, Finn getting up instantly; there had been a tone in her voice that he couldn't pinpoint. They walked into the lounge room to see Rae standing, staring at the television, the remote control in her hand.

'… _the French government announced her death just before five this morning, Buckingham Palace confirmed the news shortly afterwards. Normal programs have been suspended while we bring you the latest developments throughout the morning.'_

Finn and Gary looked at the television with confused faces, but Finn looked at Rae, he saw a confused, grief struck look on her face. The news reporter's face faded and an image of the image of the British flag flying at half-mast came onto the screen, the national anthem played and slowly, at the bottom of the screen, a single sentence faded up.

'_Dianna, Princess of Wales 1961 -1997'_

"Oh fuck." Finn said softly. The three of them stared at the screen as the national anthem played and the news reporter appeared again.

'_This is BBC television from London. Diana, Princess of Wales, has died, after a car crash in Paris.'_

Gary sat down in his chair in a numb, confused state, his eyes glued to the television.

"I can't believe it." Rae said softly as Finn put an arm around her shoulders. They sat down on the lounge silently and watched the news silently.

'_Summer' by Buffalo Tom_

The three girls sat on the golden sand of the beach watching the five lads running around with the football; Finn easily the best player.

Izzy sat in a t-shirt, not able to get to much sun; the chemo made her more susceptible to burning. They were only here for two nights and the beach was disappointingly packed. Rae sat in her swimming costume, enjoying the sun and not caring too much about what people thought about her. Chloe was in an itty bitty bikini, and she garnered the most looks, of course.

"I can't believe she's dead." Izzy said morosely, "I always really admired her."

"I always wanted to be her." Chloe pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. "I was going to marry a handsome prince and live happily ever after."

"You can hardly call Charles handsome." Rae said softly.

"No, I s'pose not." Chloe answered, "But my prince were gonna be handsome."

"People are saying the royal family must be real happy she's dead." Izzy said, "I don't understand why people would say that."

"She was more popular than them I guess." Rae mused, "Even I liked her." She told them, "And me mum's heartbroken."

"My mum hasn't stopped crying." Chloe told them, "Even me dad shed a tear." They looked over at the boys. "Chop was downcast for about 30 seconds before he had to head to work." Izzy sighed.

"I haven't discussed it with Rhys." Chloe said, "But Archie rang me up when he heard."

"Yeah I got a call too." Rae said, "Lots o' tears."

"He weren't crying when he called me?" Chloe asked confused.

"From Tom." Rae said with a small smile.

"Oh." Chloe nodded her head, "Yeah, I can see him being cut up by his style icon dying."

"I've never heard a man cry so openly and still sound so manly." Rae shook her head.

"How did Finn take it?" Izzy asked and Rae considered this.

"He seemed upset, but he didn't cry or anything." She told them, "I think he's more focussed on his mum at the moment."

"Come for a swim!" Archie called back to them and the girls all sighed.

"Alright," Chloe said getting up, "Life goes on girls." They all smiled sadly.

"Aye." Rae answered as she stood up, offering a hand to Izzy. The lads all came over, stowing the ball in amongst their things, drinking some water, chatting animatedly.

"Coming missy?" Rhys asked Chloe and she nodded with a grin, holding her arms out to him and he picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder. She screamed loudly with laughter.

"Bloody show off." Chop grumbled and took Izzy's hand while Rhys ran with Chloe towards the water, her loud laughing squeals drawing stares from all over the beach. Tom, at 6 foot 2 inches was the next best equipped male to throw someone over his shoulder, and he watched Rhys and Chloe with a shake of his head, he turned back to Archie.

"Never gonna happen."

"Yeah I'm alright with that." He replied with a grin before jogging towards the water, Tom following. Finn put an arm around Rae's waist.

"C'mon girl." It was the last bit of freedom they had before College started. On Friday she'd be shopping with her mother all day for new clothes. On Saturday they were hoping to see Janice. And on Sunday she had to go to the gynaecologist, because she had worked out her cycle, and that would be the third day, as requested from the new gynaecologist. This Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday had to be savoured, treasured. Tuesday even more so, because Tom and Rhys could only stay the one night and had to head back to work on Wednesday morning at four in the morning.

At dusk they found themselves sitting around with ice creams provided by Rhys and watching the local kids setting up a bonfire again and they met up with Woody, the pot dealer they met previously.

"Dudes!" He said happily, "Dudettes!" He gave them all hugs, even a confused looking Tom and a bemused looking Rhys. "Best news friends!" He said putting an arm around Finn and Rae's shoulders. "I'm heading up to Stamford for college!"

"Oh right." Rae asked with a bemused smile.

"It's gonna be grand!" He assured them, "We'll talk about how the ocean beckons to us even when we're so far away from her salty embrace." He looked out at the water wistfully, "And in the hols you can come back with me and stay with me!" He was gone, talking to someone else before anyone had any real chance to reply.

"I love that guy." Chop laughed. "Free accommodation at the beach!"

"I don't know if we should stay with him." Chloe said, "We hardly know him."

"We'll always need a hotel room." Rhys told her reassuringly. His height meant that he need a king size bed to not end up with his feet hanging off the end of the bed. She liked how he did that, gave her what she wanted but when it was against what the gang wanted, he made it seem like he was doing it for himself, so that it wasn't always her fault. She knew he'd sleep on the floor, a cramped bed, the sewers, for her.

"I think we all prefer the hotel rooms." Archie said.

"Although the cost…" Finn muttered softly; Rae and he earned the least out of all the couples, and he'd had to go begging his father for money, something he never liked doing. The gang were still staying sober with Izzy though, so they were saving a lot of money on alcohol.

The girls settled down, but the lads were challenged to a game of beach football.

"Our lads are quite fit." Chloe grinned as they watched the boys running up and down the beach in nothing but board shorts.

"I know I don't mind the view." Izzy sighed lustily.

"You've become quite the little perv Izzy!" Rae laughed.

"I know." She grinned, "Got two very good examples to follow." She looked at them both meaningfully and Chloe laughed.

"Glad I taught you something."

"Ladies, we're gonna be second years this time." Rae said with a disgusted voice. "In just a few days… summer break's over." She added tragically.

"I know you two hate it," Izzy said, "But I'm so keen to get back to school." She sipped on her water and cocked her head to the side as Chop sprinted past, a focussed look on his face. "It'll be nice to get some normalcy back, you know?" She asked them.

"Yeah o' course." Rae answered.

"So you passed all you make up exams?" Chloe asked, her eyes never leaving Rhys. For such a huge, muscular man, he sure could move; his long legs moving him along the beach after the ball at an incredible speed.

"Yes!" Izzy answered proudly, "Good tackle Chop!" She cried out and he gave her a grin before focussing on the game again.

"I knew you would!" Chloe grinned.

"Congrats Izzy!" Rae put an arm around her shoulders and Chloe linked arms with Rae.

"We three are gonna rule that school." Chloe said with a sly grin. Rae raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

"Maybe you will, but I think I'll just lay low."

"Not gonna happen babe." Chloe told her, "You're dating the fittest lad in school, you're mental, your best friend's a slag, and your other best mate had cancer…"

"Oh right!" Rae laughed, "Forgot about all that."

"Just gonna own it." Chloe said, "And be the sexiest bitches in that hole."

_He always kisses me like he's never tasted me lips, and he always looks at me to make sure I want him… just that look of desire he gives me, making sure I'm ok before he gets what he wants: to taste me._

_I want him to always want me like this._

_I want him to be hungry like me._

_I want him to never get tired of kissing me or touching me or making love with me, like I know I'll never get tired of doing it with him._

_I don't want anything to fade. Or for us to get old and tired and just… to not care anymore._

_I want us to always be passionate about everything, but especially about each other._

_I want him to always look at me like that._

_I want him to never lose patience with me._

_I want him to always love me just like he does now._

Finn slipped his hand into her pants and Rae groaned, caught up in the moment. Finn had become very aware over the past few weeks that Rae was not responding to his fingers on her clitoris like she used to. And he was quite determined to get those orgasms back. He enjoyed being able to make her come while he kissed her, his fingers expertly rubbing that miraculous little nub. He didn't mind going down more like he was now, he quite enjoyed it actually. But he wanted to be able to get her to cum like he had the very first time, and it just wasn't working anymore. He'd spent a good long hour kissing her lips and making her moan with desire for him; she was nicely warmed up, time to go for it.

_I love the way it feels when he slips his hand into my pants._

A sudden stab of pain hit her stomach and Rae tried to mentally shake it off. Finn's fingers, as tentative as they had been the first time, gently slipped over her clitoris. He didn't slide into her like he had that first time; his mind was on other matters, he wanted that clitoral orgasm from his fingers back.

A sudden flash of Saul behind her crashed into Rae's head and she gasped sightly. Finn's fingers stopped moving, But Rae kept kissing him, refusing to acknowledge that image.

But memories kept flooding into her mind.

The fear became intense, as if it were happening again right now.

And then HIS hand was down her pants. On her. Not Finn… Not…

_He's touching me._

_I don't want him to touch me down there like that._

She suddenly shoved Finn's had back from her violently. He looked at her, stunned.

"What'd I do wrong?" He asked concerned. But she just panted with fear, her eyes seeming to not see him, as she stared at him.

_Saul's hands were on me. I felt his fingers on my…_

She looked back at Finn and shook her head, slowly drawing herself away from that memory.

"Nothing." She said with a shaky laugh. "Sorry!" Finn's brows furrowed; he knew she was lying to him. "I just prefer it when you go down." She told him, her eyes lowering.

"I prefer it as well." He said carefully, "But it's nice to be able to do this too." He scooted a little closer, "The first time I made you cum, it were with me hand." He watched her face closely, "I'd like to be able to still do that." He bit his bottom lip softly, "If I'm doing something wrong, if I'm too rough, or… just way off base and I need some schooling, I'm fine with that… just tell me." He reassured her, "I'm happy for you to tell me what you like… and what you don't like… and what I could do better." Rae looked away.

"I just don't want you to do it like that anymore." She said softly.

"Ok." He answered haltingly. "Can I ask why?" He sounded so bewildered, "It's kinda a sentimental favourite, you know?"

"I know but we're past it now aren't we?" She said without looking back. Finn thought back to Sutherland, when she'd told him they were past all the problems they'd had before they'd broken up the first time. A few days later they'd broken up again.

"The last time you said we was past something, we really weren't and we broke up." He reminded her gently. She turned back to look at him, and there was this sorrow, a pain in her eyes that he couldn't understand. "What's wrong Rae?" He asked her, his mild worry turning into full out anxiety. Something was very, very wrong.

"I dunno." She lowered her eyes, "I think I have to talk to Kester about it." He watched a tear gently fall from her eye and took her into his arms.

"I'm not trying to say there's something wrong with you cos you don't wanna do it like that anymore." He tried to sooth her. "That's not what I meant." He hated his inability with words, "I just meant what have I done wrong… but you don't have to talk ab-"

"I know." She sniffed, "I need to talk to him about this." She told him, "It's…" She shook her head, "It's bigger than I thought." She tried to explain.

"Rae…?" He sounded so worried and Rae closed her eyes slowly.

"Just leave it for now, ok?"

"Whatever you need." He said instantly. He stroked her hair gently and Rae took a deep breath.

"Let's not ruin the mood hey?" She took another deep, shaky breath. "Make love with me?"

"Always." He stroked her face, "You never need to ask that. I love you Rachel." They kissed, Finn gently wiping another tear from her cheek while she slowly pulled on the drawstring to his board shorts.

'_Paranoid Android' by Radiohead_

Rae sat glumly looking at the wall in the clinic. Finn was parking the car and would be in momentarily.

They hadn't been able to see Janice yesterday; the arts centre had been in a lot more trouble without her than she had thought, and it had required all of her attention. They were hoping to see her today sometime.

Rae felt gross about seeing a gynaecologist when she was bleeding. The third day of her cycle was usually the heaviest day of her bleed too. But the new gynaecologist had called after reading the last doctor's notes and insisted that she figure out her cycle and come on the third day.

So here she was.

She took a deep sighing breath and picked up one of the magazines on the table. She felt someone sit down beside her and turned, thinking it was Finn, to see Janice.

"Janice!" She flung her arms around Janice's neck and Janice returned the hug fiercely. "How did you…?"

"Finn gave me a call." She said softly, "I'm glad I get to be here with you for this. It can be pretty scary."

"I'm so glad you're here." Rae said, feeling quite teary, "Finn's great, but I need another girl here, one who's done it…"

"I'm so sorry Rae." Janice said as she pulled out of the hug and looked closely at Rae, "I should have been here for you…. all these delays would have been nerve-wracking."

"Oh it's been alright." Rae said softly.

"Don't go easy on me." Janice smiled ruefully.

"You've been an utter turd." Rae told her and they both shared a smile.

"I know." Janice put an arm around her shoulders, "I have no good excuse."

"I probably would o' gone too." Rae said softly, "I don't think I could stand to watch Finn try to find his long lost love." Janice smile tightly.

"Yeah but I let you and Finn down, so I'm really very sorry."

"Alright. Don't do it again." Rae answered with a light tone. "And you're gonna have to say it all again when Finn gets here."

"Oh, I already grovelled to him on the phone!" Janice laughed.

"Did he just mumble and sound embarrassed in reply?" Rae asked.

"How d'you know?" Janice joked. "So like his father sometimes." She tutted and sighed, "Fucking Nelson men."

"They'll be the death of us Janice." Rae agreed.

So far Dr Renata Siwinski had been a huge improvement on the last gynaecologist Rae had seen. But she was quietly reading Rae's file at the moment, after having taken in the three of them sitting in the room looking at her, with a welcoming smile, so it was hard to really gauge it accurately.

"So I don't like to be called Dr Siwinski, no one can say it properly anyway, so we'll go with Renata, if you don't mind?" She said directly to Rae and Rae nodded, "And you prefer to be called Rae?"

"Aye."

"And this is your sister, girlfriend, friend?" She asked of Janice.

"My friend Janice." Rae answered.

"And your boyfriend?" She looked at Finn.

"Aye, Finn."

"Nice to meet you all." Renata looked back down at the file and shook her head, "You got a bit of wanker last time didn't you pet?" She asked with a grin. Rae instantly grinned.

"He wasn't too nice no." Rae agreed.

"I think we need to have another quick look to make sure you need day surgery before we go ahead with it." Renata said in a kind professional tone, "And you're on the third day of your cycle?"

"Aye, it's… it's kinda bloody."

"Ah yes and the cervix will be a little more open on the third day… better chance of slipping it in!" Renata grinned, "Your previous doctor should have mentioned that to you." Rae shook her head

"Wait what are we slipping in?" Finn asked.

"An IUD device." Renata replied and received a completely blank look from Finn, "It's a type of contraception."

"Oh right." He said with a furrowed brown, "And it goes inside her?"

"In the uterus yes." Renata gave him a kindly smile.

"What? Isn't that dangerous?"

"I've had them for years Finn." Janice reassured him, "I'm still alive."

"And not pregnant." Rae added.

"You need to have sex for that though!" Janice joked.

"Ok," Renata said with a huge reassuring smile, "Rae's getting a Mirena IUD inserted, it's 99.8% effective against unwanted pregnancy, but not at all effective against sexually transmitted diseases, but that won't be a problem here?" She looked to Rae who shook her head that it wasn't a problem, "It works by killing your sperm and making the vagina, cervix and uterus a generally impossible place for the little spermy fellas to get around in and by stopping the lining of the uterus from getting thick enough for a fertilised egg to implant." She gauged Finn's response to what she had said so far for a moment and then continued, "It'll be in there for five years, and after an initial few weeks of difficulty, Rae will hopefully get little to no menstrual bleeding or cramping. That oughtta please you." She grinned, "It pleases most men."

"Wait… so…" Finn thought over what she had said and looked to Rae, "You might not get periods anymore?"

"Hopefully." Rae replied. She expected to see Finn's face turn from concerned to excited. But it didn't.

"But what effect does it have on her; never having a period? Like does it fuck up her hormones or something?"

"There's no long term effects from the IUD, and from the moment it's removed you can try for children." Renata replied factually. And then Rae saw the look on Finn's face start to change.

"So… so there's no side effects?" He checked before letting himself get keen for it.

"I like you." Renata replied, "Most men that actually bother to come with their partners to these things don't get past the 'no periods' part." She looked over at Rae, "Good taste in men." She looked back at Finn, "It has all the same risks that are associated with being on the pill. Plus there's a small risk of uterine perforation, and the first… month or so isn't going to be fun." Finn looked over at Rae.

"I dunno if I like this Rae." He said concerned.

"There's risks and side effects with all medications and procedures." Renata told him, "The IUD is one of the safest and most reliable forms of contraception available." Renata looked at both of them, "Unless you want to just use condoms?"

"No!" Rae said firmly. Finn furrowed his brow.

"Maybe we should." He said, "I don't like the sound of side effects and risks and…"

"No. Condoms." Rae said resolutely. "It's my body I can put a fucking IUD in it if I want."

"I know Rae." Finn said softly, "Just… don't do it for me. I'm fine with condoms if…"

"I want an IUD." She reassured him and he furrowed his brow slightly.

"Alright." He answered almost reluctantly before turning back to Renata, "And you're sure it's safe?"

"I've got one." Renata replied, "I'd hardly have one inside of myself if I thought it would put me in any danger." Finn nodded slowly. "Alright Rae," Renata turned back to Rae, "D'you want to jump up on the examination table, and we'll have a bit of a look-see." Renata got up and closed the curtain around the examination table and Rae took her tights off behind the curtain, leaving her skirt on she folded her underpants, pad still in place carefully with a slightly disgusted face and put her tights on top of them, before getting up on the table. Renata put a blanket over her gently and turned to the sink.

"Can I come and hold your hand?" Finn asked tentatively.

"Can he?" Rae asked Renata and she nodded curtly as she washed her hands and put on some gloves. "Aye." Rae told him and Finn was instantly there, his fingers wrapping around hers, his hand stroking her face gently. This was much better than the last time she had to go through this. Janice leaned back in her chair with a slight grin; it made her happy to see these two again, she looked around at the signs on the wall about contraception, pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, while Renata talked to Rae in a soft, professional tone.

"So you know all about this fella?" She held up the speculum and Rae nodded. She opened it up and Finn's mouth dropped in horror. Rae looked up at Finn and started to laugh as Renata closed it again.

"Alright, try not to laugh." Renata said as she gently inserted the speculum and had a look. Finn looked down at Rae.

"Does it hurt?" She scrunched up her nose at his question.

"It's not comfortable." She answered, "But it don't hurt."

"As I suspected, day surgery will not be necessary." Renata said, "We'll be able to get the IUD in today if you like."

"Really?" Rae asked excitedly.

"Right now, if you're ready." Renata replied.

"I'm so ready."

"Wait, Rae…" Finn scrunched op his face, "Are you sure?"

"I'm so sure Finn!" She told him.

"Alright I'll go get one." Renata said as she removed the speculum, disposed of it and pulled the blanket over her legs.

Only a few minutes passed and Renata was back. She held it up for them to see, it was flexible and easily fit into the palm of her hand, being only about 6 centimetre long.

"That's much smaller than I thought it'd be." Rae said and Renata nodded and prepared to put the device in.

"It'll feel a lot like a bad cramp when I put it in alright? But I'll give you a bit of anaesthetic swab, so it won't hurt too badly." Renata told her and began by re-inserting the new speculum. "Right so I'm just this little grasping tool to hold your cervix still." Renata's face was a picture of concentration, "And measure the size of your uterus, for proper placement…" Finn looked down at Rae's face; it was clearly not a pleasant procedure, she squeezed his hand and tried to smile. Finn was suddenly struck with all the things women have to go through; there was no equivalent procedure for men that he was aware of.

"Women are a lot tougher than men." Finn told Rae.

"Oh I know." Renata answered.

"Are you only just figuring this out Finlay?" Janice asked from the other side of the curtain.

"Ok, and in we go." Renata said and Rae closed her eyes as the cramping sensation intensified. "And we're done." She said quite suddenly.

"Already?" Rae asked surprised; it had taken all of five minutes, if that.

"Already." Renata grinned, "I'll meet you on the other side of the curtain." Rae motioned for Finn to follow her and when she was alone she took a moment to really steady her nerves before getting up to put her clothes back on. She had quite a bad lower back ache and she felt like she was having a mega-period again; the cramping was quite bad.

"Alright so for the next few weeks you're at an increased risk of infection." Renata told her, "So keep an eye on yourself, and come and see me if you have any, even tiny, symptoms of infection, right?" She handed Rae a pamphlet that listed all the signs to look out for. Finn took it and started to read it, only half taking it in and half listening to Renata. "This cramping could be around for the next month or so, and the bleeding might continue for up to six months, but typically stops after about a month or so." Renata gave her the Mirena information booklet, "I'll see you in a month, and I'll teach you how to check if it's still in place then," Rae nodded, "and then after that, it's just yearly check-ups to make sure everything ticking along nicely." She turned to Finn, "Take good care of her over the next few weeks while she's recovering alright?" Finn nodded solemnly and took everything from Rae's hands as if it were too much for her to carry anything.

Finn had gone up to the counter to pay for the procedure, but it was covered by the NHS and Rae had just had a few forms to sign before he gently guided her to the car. She walked slightly gingerly, more out of a weird feeling of being acutely aware that there was something inside of her than any real pain; other than the intense cramping of course. She couldn't feel the IUD inside of her… she just knew it was there. He sat her down carefully in the car and turned to Janice.

"Thanks for coming Janice."

"O' course." She said, "I'll just…"

"D'you need a lift somewhere?" He couldn't see her car anywhere in the parking lot.

"The centre's not far from here… I'll just walk back." She lowered her eyes.

"You barely got to spend any time with us at all." He said sadly.

"I'll be back next weekend. The centre needs me to be here on a weekly basis." Janice told him with a wan smile.

"So instead o' seeing you daily we get weekly?" He sucked his bottom lip, wondering how much to say.

"It's much better than nothing Finn." Janice answered sadly. Finn took a deep breath and let it out in a loud breath.

"When I were in Leeds you told me I couldn't run from stuff, remember?" He asked brusquely.

"Yes I remember." She lowered her eyes.

"Well?" He asked meaningfully.

"I'm back aren't I?" He could barely hear her answer.

"Have you seen me da?" Finn already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear her say that she was avoiding him.

"Not yet." She mumbled.

"Right, well let us give you a lift." Finn said firmly, "I know he'd be glad to see you."

"Finn, I…" But she stopped herself from telling him she wasn't ready. She already knew she'd never be really ready to see him again. Maybe it was better she never saw him again?

"Yeah?" He asked with a face that told her that he wasn't impressed with her.

"It's different to your circumstance." She said softly.

"How?"

"Your mother." Janice answered defensively. Finn nodded.

"Complicates things." He admitted, "But running away solved exactly how much of the problem?" She stared at his face for a moment and then looked at Rae sitting calmly in the passenger seat.

"Alright." She said softly and opened the backdoor to the car.

'_We All Fall In Love Sometimes' by Jeff Buckley_

"Rae's feeling unwell, taking her upstairs." Finn said immediately upon opening the front door. He left the door opened and headed straight to the stairs, his arm protectively around Rae.

"Alright." Gary said getting up, "Want a bacon sandwich pet?" He asked Rae.

"I'll do the sandwiches dad." Finn said with a grin and they disappeared up the stairs. Gary looked back to the open door, about to call to Finn to close the door after him in future when he saw Janice slowly step onto the front step.

"Janice?" His voice cracked slightly and he stared at her, unable to move.

"Hi." She said softly. They stared at each other for a moment. Janice holding her breath, Gary hardly able to believe his eyes; he'd forgotten how stunning she was. Except he hadn't forgotten one little bit; it was just that seeing her in the flesh was so much better than remembering her.

"D'you want a bacon sandwich?" He asked her, not really knowing what he was asking.

"What?" She asked with a confused smile.

"I mean, d'you want a cup of tea?" He laughed slightly, his eyes still not leaving her face.

"Oh, yes please?" She asked, "If that's ok?"

"Of course." Gary answered, not able to look away from her, "I'll just… go… and… make it." He said without moving.

"Ok." She answered, also not looking away from his face. He suddenly blinked, cleared his throat and lowered his eyes.

"Alright." He motioned towards the door to the kitchen and then hurried off. Janice waited on the doorstep for a moment, not sure if she should come in without him being present, but eventually she entered the house and closed the door behind her, leaning on the frame to wait for him.

Gary closed the door to the kitchen and leaned on it for a moment, raising his hands to his face and sighing.

"Oh bloody hell." He groaned into his hands.

"Alright?" Finn asked with a sly grin as he came into the kitchen from upstairs. Gary jumped and lowered his hands, giving his son the dirtiest sneer he may have ever given anyone.

"You could o' bloody warned me." He shook his head.

"Why would you need warning da?" Finn asked innocently. Gary narrowed his eyes and couldn't believe the nerve of his son. "Turns out Rae does want a bacon sandwich. And some ice cream, have we got any?" Gary looked incredulously at his son moving around the kitchen with a slightly smug look on his face. "Aye." Finn answered his own question when he opened the freezer. He scooped two large scoops of the ice cream into a bowl and grinned at his father. "Just gonna take this upstairs to Rae, be back down to the make the sandwiches in a mo." Gary watched his son go and shook his head again.

"I've raised the bloody devil." He mumbled and went into the kitchen to make the tea. He got as far as turning on the kettle and pulling out the mug Janice had claimed as her own, a mug that hadn't been used for these past few months before he had to stop and try to gather his emotions, his thoughts… everything.

"Steady on Gary mate." He told himself. "You just found your wife…" He pep talked himself. "After nearly 8 years… you're just a bit emotional." He looked down at his thumb gently caressing Janice's mug. "Oh for fuck's sake." He put it down firmly. Finn came back into the kitchen and turned the stove top on before getting out a pan and expertly tossing it in his hands, spinning and flipping it around and catching the handle each time as he grinned at his father.

"Want a bacon sandwich?" Finn asked cheekily; waiting for the electric ring to warm up.

"No I don't want a fucking bacon sandwich." Gary replied without turning around.

"Language da." Finn grinned to himself as he grabbed the white bread that they only kept in the house for Rae; both of the Nelson men preferring multi-grain bread.

"You got a smoke?"

"Not in the kitchen dad!" Finn answered cheekily, but quite surprised his father had asked him; his dad had quit a long time ago, Finn had only seen him smoke a handful of cigarettes since then. The kettle boiled and Gary turned it off, having not put a tea bag in the mug yet. "You alright dad?" Finn asked seriously and Gary shook his head.

"I hadn't realised…" Gary stopped himself.

"Da?" Finn asked, worried that he'd been too forward bringing Janice home without warning. Gary turned to him.

"I hadn't realised how much I missed her, that's all." He said with a choked voice.

"Right." Finn answered. "I missed her too." Finn agreed, "She gonna be back every weekend." Finn pushed, "Maybe we should give her her old room back?" He turned and put the pan on the heat and grabbed the bacon from the fridge, putting it in the pan without any oil; it was greasy enough by itself.

"We'll see." Gary said softly before turning to make the tea for Janice and himself. They worked in silence, the sizzle of the bacon and the whistle of the kettle frazzling Gary's nerves even further. Gary finished making the tea and took a deep breath before heading towards the door. Finn looked over at him.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Finn said with a tone of such innocence, Gary could almost believe he wasn't teasing his old man's obvious discomposure.

"I'll keep that in mind." Gary answered drily. He went back into the lounge room to see Janice waiting at the closed door. "What you do waiting at the door?" He asked as naturally as he could, putting the tea down on the coffee table and sitting on the lounge instead of in his armchair. He kept his eyes lowered, not wanting to fall into the endless staring of before.

"You didn't invite me in." She said, feeling foolish.

"Don't be daft Janice!" Gary grinned and looked up at her, "You're always welcome here… it's your home." She lowered her eyes, trying to hide the mass of emotions boiling just under the surface of her skin.

"Not anymore." She answered sadly and Gary's grin dropped.

"Come in Janice." He invited her seriously, "Come sit down." Janice came and sat on the lounge, not her usual armchair and Gary turned his body to her, handing her the tea.

"Thanks." She kept her eyes lowered.

"How's London?" Gary couldn't tear his eyes off her.

"Really busy." She nodded slowly.

"Met any… good work mates?" He asked, mentally berating himself for wanting to ask if she was still single.

"There's one lad that thinks I need to get myself a cat." She smiled sadly and looked up at him. "He thinks I'm a hardened spinster." The joke fell dead and she cleared her throat, wanting to look away from his face and the look in his eyes, but not able to. "I think he's just upset that I'm not interested in dating my employees." Gary smiled sightly.

"Got a lot o' men under you then… I mean… employees…?" Gary cleared his throat and gulped some tea, scalding his mouth slightly.

"The whole gallery; I'm in charge." She answered and took a small sip of tea.

"Getting out much?" Gary ask, "London can be very entertaining."

"No." Janice shook her head, "I work very long hours."

"Me too lately." Gary agreed, "But you know, maybe we both need to learn to delegate." He said with a small smile. They hadn't taken their eyes off each other.

"Anything interesting happening in your world?" Janice asked tentatively.

"Finn says you'll be back every weekend?" Gary asked, not wanting to answer her question.

"Yeah, they couldn't find a replacement at the centre." Janice answered, trying to look away from his face.

"Of course they couldn't find a replacement for you Janice." He answered with real emotion and they both stopped, realising that they had been gently leaning into each other.

"How's your wife." Janice asked to remind them both of why they couldn't lean in any further. Gary blinked as if coming out of a daze and looked down. Janice felt as though she could breathe freely again and looked away, quickly wiping her face.

"I-I… Gary stuttered, "I found her." Janice whipped her eyes back to his lowered face.

"Is she here?" She asked, verging on alarmed, but still unable to make herself move away from this man.

"Not yet." Gary answered, "But she's going to get time off work and come sometime over the next month." Janice furrowed her brows; it felt like such an odd anticlimax.

"Get time off work…?" Janice asked feeling confused. Somehow she hadn't expected Kenzie to be holding down a job somewhere.

"Aye." Gary responded with a slight shrug, still looking down.

"I should go." Janice put the almost full cup of tea down on the table, her eyes not leaving Gary's face.

"Don't go." He said instantly, his eyes snapping up to hers, "S-so soon." He added awkwardly.

"Wish that I could stay." She said softly.

"You got plans?" He asked, leaning slightly closer to her.

"No." She answered.

"So stay." He said with a sad, almost desperate smile. She felt herself leaning in closer her hand went to his face and his eyes closed as he took in every sensation in this moment.

"Gary…" Her voice broke and he opened his eyes to look into hers, his hand gently finding her cheek and stroking down the soft skin to her chin.

"Janice." He returned in a similar tone.

"I love you." She told him and he nodded slowly, "And… and you're married." She slowly backed away, her hand going to her lap, "And you are committed to making that relationship work." She went on, her eyes unable to leave his, "So I… I can't be around you." She took a deep breath and stood up. "Thanks for the tea." She turned and went to the door.

"Janice…"

"Don't." She turned back to him, "Whatever you're gonna say, don't say it." She couldn't stop the tear from dropping onto her cheek and he stood up and went to her, but as he raised his hand to wipe the tear away she stopped him. "Whatever you feel… it'll just break me." She said, "Either you don't love me… or you do and we can't be together because…" She shrugged, "I don't wanna know which scenario it is."

"Janice, what can I-"

"There's nothing either of us can do." She shook her head, "I think we just have to accept that this is goodbye." She reached up to kiss his cheek and he turned his head to hers so he caught the corner of her mouth. They lingered like that, closing their lips slowly, just the very corners of their mouths touching, both of them wanting to draw out this small moment for as long as they could. She stroked his face gently as she pulled away from him.

"Goodbye Gary." She breathed. "It was so very good to see you again." She couldn't hold her sorrow and her voice cracked with tears.

"I don't wanna say goodbye to you." He answered. She smiled sadly and turned to the door, opening it, willing herself to not look back.

"Finn thinks you should rent the spare room for the weekends." Gary said desperately, trying anything to make her stay just a moment longer. Janice tried to keep her eyes looking out the front door, at the street beyond.

"Gary…" She shook her head with incredulity.

"I don't know what to do Janice." Gary told her, "I… I… I just need time to… sort through all of this… before you decide to never… to never see me again." He finished softly. She turned to him and saw so much emotion in his eyes she nearly gasped. "Please don't make this goodbye."

"It's not fair for you to ask me to wait around to see if it'll work out with your estranged wife." Janice told him firmly.

"I know." He answered unreservedly.

"But that's what you're asking me to do?" They both paused, Gary's mouth open, tears on Janice's cheeks.

"I couldn't ask you to do that." He finally said. "I just wish…" He shook his head. "Janice… I have to tell you…"

"Gary." She groaned, wanting him to not say it.

"I love you too." She started to cry as soon as the words were past his lips. "But I have this commitment, and I do still love my wife as well. And I don't know what to do." His words came out in a rush and he tried to touch her to comfort her but she stopped him, her whole body shaking with tears. She looked up with him, her face a mask of grief.

"Damn you." She said simply, shaking her head and walking out the door without looking back. Gary watched her walk out of his life for the second time, tears pushing their way out of his eyes. He closed the door in an almost calm, numb state. Before a rage at himself tore through his chest and he punched the wall hard, leaving a big hole in it and bloodying up his knuckles. He leaned his forehead against the wall above the hole, his hands either side of his head, trying to get his temper under control and not able to stop his crying.

Finn, having heard the loud thumping sound while he was expertly divvying up the extra crispy bacon onto the bread, came into the lounge room to see his father slowly straightening up, sniffing hard.

"Dad?" Finn asked softly, concerned. Gary looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath, gathering himself as best he could. "What happened?" Finn's eyes fell to the wall and a moment of realisation washed through him. "You fucked it up huh?" Gary turned to look at his son, "I had to get it from somewhere I s'pose." He walked over and looked at the hole in the wall, "Lucky I'm pretty good at patching walls."

"Son." Gary said in a wavering voice, "Would you be upset if your mother and I weren't together?"

"Dad, you and mum haven't been together for nearly eight years." Finn said wisely as he looked at the hole, "I don't really expect that after that long we'll all just play happy family as if nothing happened, do you?"

"Yes." Gary said simply, "Because I love your mother so much."

"So you thought love would be enough to make it suddenly work?" Finn kept his eyes on the hole as if he were seeing what it would need to be fixed.

"Yes." He said and leaned back against the front door. "I love her, so why wouldn't it work?"

"Oh god da, for a million different reasons." Finn answered.

"I want you to know that you were made out of love… accidentally… but… we loved each other very much."

"I know."

"And we love you so much."

"Well I know you do." Finn answered honestly.

"You mother loves you." Gary said firmly. "I am quite determined for us to be a family again." He answered with tortured eyes, "because we all love each other and… that's what family is." Finn looked at his father's sorrowful face and thought about all the things he'd ever believed about love; in the past he would have been as determined as his father to slot this family back into the format it had been before. But his understanding of love had been changing lately.

"You know dad…" Finn caught his father's eye and spoke as persuasively as he could, "I think that once you really love someone, you can't stop loving 'em. It just don't work that way." Finn shrugged, "I'll love Rae till the day I day, even if I can't be with her. Even if we both end up loving other people." He furrowed his brows, "I think you'll always love mum… but I think it's ok for you to love someone else too." Finn pulled his cigarettes out and handed one to his father, he took it and let Finn light it for him, before Finn lit one for himself. "And family… it's tricky." He grinned, "Rae doesn't really think of her dad as being part of her family, and Tom's been disowned by his family and now the gang are his family. Family is what you make it I s'pose." He drew on his cigarette, "And you know, in a year's time, I'm probably gonna move out to go to university." He shrugged "So da… if you're making a choice between Janice and Mum… don't make the choice for me. Don't make it based on what you think family should be… don't even make it based on who you love. Cos I know you love both of 'em." Gary lowered his eyes, "Base your decision on what can make you happy." He looked back at the hole, "I'll fix that next weekend alright?" Gary drew Finn into a hug.

"I love you Finn."

"Leave off da! Rae's sandwich is getting cold." Finn headed back to the kitchen and stopped at the door to look over his shoulder. "Love you too. And fix your knuckles up." Gary watched him leave and shook his head.

"I did alright with that lad." He mumbled and looked at the hole. "Oh fuck Gary. What are you a fucking teenager again?" He shook his head and looked back to the front door. He so wished he had handled it better with Janice. Part of him wanted to run after her and find her, but to what purpose? He had to at least see Kenzie again; he just couldn't give up on his wife, even though he knew himself to be deeply in love with Janice. His son was a good kid; but it wasn't as simple as just doing whatever made you happy.

'_Zero' by Smashing Pumpkins_

Rae looked up at the building. She was bleeding and cramping horribly after yesterday's IUD insertion and even ibuprofen wasn't helping enough to make her anything other than mildly grumpy. Finn was also grumpier than usual; he always was when they couldn't have sex, though if you told him that he'd deny it.

Up ahead she saw a familiar messy ponytail that she had really missed as Elsa removed her bike helmet, before stowing it under her seat. Rae watched her look up at the building as well before striding up to the building, once again owning the entire world and leaving a trail of dead preconceptions in her wake. Just the presence of a fat babe like Elsa had increased Rae's self-esteem, but Elsa also managed to give some choice advice from time to time. Rae saw Principal Dixon hurry to catch up to Elsa. Rae didn't even know what principal Dixon's first name was. And until Rhys had told her, she hadn't known what Elsa's surname was.

Chloe came up beside her and took her hand, they shared a grin as Izzy joined them, taking Chloe's other hand. They looked back to Finn, chatting with Archie and Chop still; clearly not wanting to let go of the male company. Chop eventually had to take off for work and Archie shrugged sympathetically before turning to leave too. Finn sighed and turned to look at the girls, all staring at the building again now.

"Remember girls: we own this place this year." Chloe told them.

"Hot bitches." Izzy said with a cheeky grin.

"I still can't get used to what a deviant you've become Izzy." Rae said with a shake of her head.

"Pfft." Izzy replied, "I keep telling you two that it's your fault." She told them merrily. "I'm so excited for school!" Rae gave Izzy an unimpressed look but Chloe shrugged; she didn't mind either way as long as she had her girls. And the lads too, but they were slightly less important. Finn joined them, taking Rae's hand. He looked down the line at all of them.

"Do we all have to hold hands; it looks like I got a fucking harem." He complained.

"Then don't join in!" Chloe snapped.

"Most guys would be happy to have the whole school thinking he's got us three hot bitches." Izzy grinned and Rae gave him a sympathetic look as he rolled his eyes, already knowing there was no point in fighting this; he would never win.

"Alright, another rumour then." He sighed. He didn't care what anyone said, but he was still wary about Rae's self-esteem taking a battering. They watched all the first year students hurrying to be on time and amongst them the more relaxed looking second years strolling towards the building.

As they walked through the car park together they saw Phil pull up in his car. He got out, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt that fitted better than any clothes they'd ever seen him in.

"Bloody hell." Chloe drawled, "I reckon Phillip might give you a run for your money this year Finn."

"You what?' Finn asked with furrowed brows.

"You know, for the title of fittest lad in the school." Chloe told him and he shrugged.

"He can fucking have it." Finn had to stop himself from rolling his eyes again; he could feel the grumpy mood starting to settle on him again. As Phil locked the car he caught sight of Rae and paused, clearly wondering if he should come over and say hi.

"Hey Phil!" Chloe called out with an inviting voice. He looked down and hitched his bag onto one shoulder before heading over.

"Chlo." He grinned and she dropped Rae and Izzy's hands to give him a hug. "Rae." He nodded to Rae and then to Izzy and Finn.

"How was the rest o' your time in London." Chloe asked suggestively, thinking about Andrea. He shrugged and looked down.

"Yeah it was alright." He mumbled, still trying to get back into the swing of being the Phil he was at school rather than London, "How was the rest of your summer?" He couldn't really look at Rae, he didn't know if Finn had talked to her yet.

"Awesome!" Chloe said with a flirty grin.

"I still wish I was back at the fucking beach though." Rae complained. Phil turned his eyes to her.

"I wish I'd headed out to the beach for some of it." He said, "I might head out this weekend instead." A diminutive girl with blond hair and freckles approached the group, looking directly at Phillip.

"Hi… I was wondering if you could show me where the main hallway is." She asked him almost breathlessly.

"Just the follow the crowd, we're all heading that way." He said completely missing the fact that she was trying to hit on him. He turned away and looked back at Rae, Chloe shaking her head.

"D'you think you'll head down to the beach over any of the weekends coming up?" He asked and Finn nearly fractured his optic nerve rolling his eyes, his tongue going to his back teeth again. He knew it would be over with Phil soon enough, but he sure was trying it on before then.

"Maybe." Rae shrugged and watched the poor girl turn away dejected. Once she was out of earshot Rae hit Phil's arm.

"Ow! What?" He looked surprised.

"You were a right arse to that girl." She told him.

"You what?"

"She was hitting on you Phillip. You are so oblivious!" Chloe laughed.

"Oh right." Phillip shrugged. "The girls in London I met were more obvious than that. Gonna have'ta watch for subtlety right?" He asked her and Chloe nodded.

"I'm gonna have to teach you a few things." She told him.

"Don't we have an assembly to go to?" Finn asked in an unimpressed tone. So, with a teasing grin, Chloe Took Phil's arm in hers and Izzy took his other arm. Chloe took Rae's hand and Rae shook her head knowing how annoyed Finn must be.

"I'm sorry." She whispered to him and he smiled slightly and shook his head.

"Don't be." He grinned more happily to reassure her, "I should know by now that the minute you show an ounce o' dislike for something, everyone's gonna keep shoving it in your face." Rae gave him a sympathetic grin.

"It's true." She scrunched up her nose, "Pretend you like him and he might go away."

"What are you two whispering about?" Chloe asked.

"How to get rid o' things you don't like." Finn replied.

"Nice to see you too Elwyn." Phil quipped.

"Elwyn?"

"Fucking Avril!" Phillip reminded him.

"Are you still drunk?" Finn had to chuckle.

"Maybe a little." Phillip shook his head. "I did a good job over the summer o' trying to make me blood 100% proof."

"I prefer roguishly naughty Phillip to stiflingly uptight Phillip." Izzy told him and he chuckled.

"Me too." Phil responded, "Unfortunately, stifling and uptight get you good marks." He gave her a grim look.

"Rae gets good marks without being boring." Izzy countered.

"Boring?" He asked, "Gee you guys are good for my self-esteem."

"You know there's a good solution for that." Finn quipped with a pointed smile.

"I can't even reply to you cos I can't think of another name that rhymes with Finn." He said with a disgusted look, "How many fucking brain cells did I kill over the summer?" He laughed.

"Probably a lot." Rae told him.

"Fuck, I hope I didn't kill enough to be at Bryn's level."

"Oh there it is." Chloe shook her head, she knew eventually he'd get one out at Finn.

"I bet you couldn't count your own balls and get the same answer twice, could you Bill?" Finn shot back and the three girls opened their mouths in surprise. Phillip shaking his head, impressed.

"Well Lyn, if ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive." Philip said slowly as if talking to an idiot, "You must be in a perpetual state of orgasm." He said as if in wonder, "You are living proof that a boy can live without a brain." The girls turned their eyes to Finn, waiting for the inevitable comeback.

"Do you wonder what your life would have been like if you'd had enough air when you was born?" Finn asked as if he were genuinely curious. They found a place to sit down in the hall, Phillip on one side of the girls, Finn on the other.

"You really can never open your mouth without subtracting from the sum of all human knowledge, can you Flyn?" Phillip snarked, "Someday they're gonna name a disease after you."

"Says the guy whose intelligence is rivalled only by construction tools." Finn responded without missing a beat.

"You are so dense Quinn that light bends around you."

"Well Dilip, you've got the intelligence of a fence post. I do hope to see your face on a milk carton one day real soon." Principal Dixon started to quieten everyone down.

"Somehow I don't think we're the hot bitches anymore." Izzy said and looked at Finn and Phillip.

"Bitchy's right." Rae agreed pulling a funny face.

"Oh this is gonna be a fun year." Chloe said with a grin to Rae and Izzy.

Principal Dixon began the speech they'd heard last year, welcoming the new first year students to the College and encouraging them to work hard and achieve. Chloe's eyes fell to Elsa as she sat, with her legs and arms crossed, her eyes down as she listened to Principal Dixon with a serious face. She imagined Rhys and Elsa doing things together and tried to ascertain how it made her feel other than woefully inadequate in the bedroom. Did she feel jealous? Did she want them to never fuck again? How could she demand that in a non-monogamous relationship? Did she even want to demand that?

Principal Dixon now addressed the second year students, telling them that they had to choose a university soon, and that a career counsellor would be available for them to talk to.

"Sadly Jenny Leung our dance teacher moved on to bigger and greener pastures over the summer break; choreographing musical theatre on Broadway." Principal Dixon told them Izzy furrowed her brow sadly, she wished she could have said goodbye and Chloe hung her head; she liked Jenny. "So I'd like to introduce to you our new Dance Teacher, Ms Evin Atkas." A voluptuous woman who glowed with awkward enthusiasm stood up for a moment and waved slightly before sitting down. "She's both classically and contemporarily trained in numerous styles of dance and I look forward to seeing what you all produce together in the coming year." The kids clapped politely, while Elsa looked up with her eyes, her head still lowered, at Evin. Elsa had liked Jenny, and she wasn't in the mood for getting to know a new teacher.

Principal Dixon started to set out the rules of the school and Finn started to feel a slight anxiety in his stomach. In just a few days on Friday it would be the anniversary of their first break up. He looked over at Rae and put his hand on her thigh, she turned her eyes to him and grinned.

_I love you_

He traced on her thigh and she put her fingers to his thigh and traced the same words slowly. He felt slightly less anxious, but the fact that the Monday after this dark anniversary would be the day that saw Rae and Phillip heading to Lincoln without him, hung over him. He started to worry that he had made a very big mistake but when he turned his eyes to look at Rae again she was still looking at him. Behind her he could see Phillip looking at her, a sad and thoughtful look in his eyes. Finn almost felt sorry for him; it would not be nice to be in his position; Rae was Phil's sun. But he was just a tiny candle to her.

The morning had flown by and when lunch came Finn was glad to sit at their usual table and wait for the girls to get there.

"Hi." A girl sat down opposite him, a first year.

"Hey." Finn replied, barely looking at her. She leaned forward, allowing a small amount of cleavage to be revealed and held out her hand to him.

"My name's Kirstie." Finn looked at her hand and took it disinterestedly.

"Finn." He said, wishing he already had an English book to read. He watched her curl her fingers into her hair and give him a winning smile.

"So what kind of stuff are you into?" She asked and he shrugged.

"Dunno." He looked away and she giggled slightly. "Where are they?" He mumbled to himself.

"I'm really into music and stuff." She said, "I like some tv shows and stuff as well." She tried to prompt him, "What's your favourite tv show." Finn sighed.

"I don't watch a lot o' tv." He said without thinking, he looked up at her for a minute. She was really very pretty and he could hear the giggles from some girls at one of the other tables. He liked it better when no one came out to these tables. The girls at the other table were a bunch of first year girls; all of them watching him and Kirstie. There were some first year lads at a table a bit further away looking at the girls, a couple of them eyeing Kirstie in particular.

"You seem like more of a music man." She lowered her eyes at a pretty decent attempt at seduction before flicking them up to him with clear desire for him.

"Yeah." He said softly and looked away. He sighed with relief when he saw the girls crossing the grass towards him, chatting and laughing.

"Blink 182 are my favourite band." She told him hopefully. Chloe had zeroed in on Kirstie with a narrow eyed glare. Rae was grinning at him, her eyes glued to her Finn. Izzy was chatting happily, both girls still replying to her as they approached the table.

"Right." He answered, his eyes staying on Rae as she finally got to him, her hair moving in the slight breeze, her skin, glowing like it always did in the sun.

"D'you like them?" Kirstie asked, having not seen the girls coming.

"Beat it." Chloe said to her with a huge fake smile.

"What?" Kirstie asked with big round eyes.

"Get the fuck away from me best mate's boyfriend, you fucking slag." Chloe said, maintaining the sweet smile. Finn scrunched up his face, he didn't think there was any need to be that mean, not yet anyway. Kirstie scrambled to her feet and went back to the table with the other first year girls. Chloe sat down where she had been and smiled sweetly at Fin.

"You need to be more assertive Finlay." She told him as she took her lunch out of her bag. Finn shook his head slightly but didn't reply. "Your usual, 'show no interest' routine doesn't work." She told him, "You should know that from Phil." She finished with a smug nod of the head and he rolled his eyes.

"Alright." He told her.

"She might o' just been trying to be friendly." Izzy said, "Boys and girls can be just friends."

"Izzy." Chloe said, "Did her body language say 'friend' to you?" Izzy scrunched up her nose and shook her head reluctantly. Rae gave Finn another apologetic smile and sat down beside hm. She saw the first year girls watching, waiting to see which one of the girls he'd kiss; which one of these girls was the chosen one, the competition. When Finn leaned in to kiss Rae, she could almost hear the gasps of horrified shock from the table. She tried to close out the sounds of their whispers as Finn's tongue brushed against hers sensually, sexually; he was making sure that it was known he was taken, in this kiss. That was why he hadn't felt the need to be mean to the girl; he intended to just make it clear he was not available by being so focussed on Rae that there was no doubt left in anyone's mind.

"Have you seen Bryn?" Izzy asked when Rae was able to return to the conversation, Finn's arm around her shoulders as he ate his sandwich one handed, the fingers of his other hand gently playing with her hair.

"Which one's he?" Rae asked and Finn cocked an eyebrow at the interest in her voice.

"Mike's little brother." Izzy replied.

"Yes!" Chloe said suddenly.

"Haven't seen him yet." Rae complained, "At least I don't think I have." She said before taking a bite of food.

"You'd know if you saw him." Chloe assured her.

"Spitting image of Mike." Izzy told Rae. "I thought it were Mike walking through the halls again, till I saw he's a little taller and a little lither."

"Oh so we got Hot Bryn now?" Rae asked and Izzy nodded emphatically, Chloe giggled, "That's nice." She said jokingly, "Keeping the title in the family." Finn sighed silently. He so needed another boy right now.

"Apparently Ronan was hot Ronan when he were here, so you're right there Rae." Izzy said and squeezed a grape between her fingers before putting it in her mouth.

"Ronan's the older brother yeah?" Chloe asked and Finn nodded. He had known Ronan a little; hadn't liked him at all.

"That's right." Izzy said, "Chop knows him pretty well I guess."

"Well I hope Bryn is more like Mike than Ronan." Finn said but Chloe shrugged.

"I don't care what his personality's like when he looks like that!" Izzy giggled and Rae started to laugh and stopped, looking at Finn from the side of her eye awkwardly. "Just fuck 'em and leave 'em when they're that pretty." Chloe grinned at Finn's uncomfortable look. "Might be channelling boys too much." She laughed, Izzy joining in. Finn noticed Rae lowering her eyes and looking at her food with pursed lips.

"No way!" Izzy laughed, "If I were single I might be on the prowl." She said in a voice that was almost too cute to be taken seriously with that sentence. Finn tried to remember that this was just girl talk and that Izzy was not planning on leaving Chop to go on the prowl. He wished he had a couple of lads here to talk to. He missed Archie, who always seemed to temper the group somehow.

"I'd like to see you on the prowl Iz!" Chloe grinned, "You'd be like a little tiger cub."

"Oi!" Izzy laughed, "I am a very sexual woman." She told Chloe firmly, "Just because I'm not as experienced as you and Rae, it don't mean I'm not."

"Speaking of very sexual." Rae turned her eyes to Chloe, "How's it going with Rhys?"

"Oh fuck." Finn mumbled under his breath and lowered his eyes as Izzy turned her eyes to chloe with an expectant grin. Chloe scrunched up her face.

"What's wrong?' Izzy asked and Chloe sighed.

"Nothing with him." Chloe replied, "He's perfect and patient and…" She threw her apple core towards the bin with a frustrated grimace. "The problem is; I'm not doing anything really interesting with him." She picked at the zip on her bag, "He goes down… perfectly. Perfectly, I can't even get over what that man can do with his mouth…" she grinned happily, "And then I get on top and ride him till I scream me lungs out from coming so hard."

"Sounds good to me." Rae wrapped the crusts of her sandwich up and Finn took the rubbish and shoved it in his bag.

"It is amazing!" Chloe said, "I'm not complaining about what we actually do… just… I haven't been brave enough to do anything else, and I know he's taking his cues from me."

"So what you're saying is, you wish he'd throw you on the bed and fuck your brains out?" Izzy asked and Rae laughed at the face Chloe gave her.

"Yes." Chloe said, "But it's not him I'm complaining about. It's me." Chloe lowered her eyes and Rae leaned over the table and took her hand, understanding that Chloe was having a crisis of confidence. "I haven't even been brave enough to suck his cock." Chloe confessed.

"Why?" Rae asked sympathetically and Finn tried to think of lyrics, chord progression, times tables even…

"He's fucked Elsa." Chloe said simply and Rae made a noise of understanding.

"I wouldn't wanna follow that." Izzy agreed.

"I just don't feel like I can live up to her." Chloe said miserably.

"I just feel that it wouldn't matter what you were doing, she'd somehow do it better." Izzy continued, "Even just lying there and taking it."

"As impressive as Elsa is." Rae said slowly, "I feel like… like there's only so much you can do with sex, you know?" Chloe and Izzy looked at her with confused faces, "Like with hetero sex… there's only so many ways you put a dick in a vag." Rae said, "There's only so many positions you can do before it gets uncomfortable, ridiculous or wildly impracticable, and sometimes even just outright painful…" Rae said with a look that indicated she'd experienced that, "There's only so many ways you can suck it or lick it or… anything really." Chloe blinked slowly as if not quite believing what she was hearing, "I just feel like eventually if you're not happy with what you can do, you'll never be happy, cos there's an end to what you can do." Chloe and Izzy turned their eyes to Finn but he was looking down at his fingers, trying not to listen.

"What d'you mean?" Chloe asked with furrowed brows, "Aren't you two the grand explorers of our little gang?"

"I'm not saying you can't explore and enjoy things." Rae said, "But eventually we'll find the limits of what we're willing to try… so we'd better be happy with what we already do, right?"

"I s'pose." Chloe said, still not getting what Rae was saying.

"It's just, everyone keeps going on and on about sex, especially kinky or rough or wild sex, right?" Rae said, "And I think we just all end up feeling like that's what we're s'posed to be doing all the time." Rae said, "But the majority of sex is not like that." She leaned forward, "Even Finn and I aren't having wild kinky sex all the time." She told them, "Most o' the time it's ordinary, vanilla sex. And sometimes we fall off the bed or trip over or elbow each other, or the foot can't find the right place or oops someone farted…"

"Chop's done that." Izzy agreed.

"Right, and you laugh… I can't believe how much I laugh during ordinary sex."

"Same." Izzy grinned happily.

"And even though Finn and I do some pretty kinky shit, and probably always will… these moments of ordinary, supposedly boring sex, are just as amazing for me." Finn looked up at the side of her face and grinned slightly; maybe it wasn't so bad hearing the girls talk. "I just feel like if your sexual pleasure depends on always putting on a performance or a show… that'd get pretty boring too eventually… it's not a competitive sport, we're not gonna be given grades at the end of it. It's about people connecting and enjoying it and giving each other pleasure." Rae shrugged, "So you feel you'll be ordinary in comparison to Elsa?" Rae asked, "So what? If you can't enjoy supposedly ordinary sex with your partner, then you're probably focussing on the wrong thing. There's not an audience in there with you Chlo, you don't have to prove you're the kinkiest most interesting fuck in the world. And I really don't think Rhys is the kind of man that'll compare his previous lovers to you."

"He's not." Finn said softly and Chloe turned her eyes to Finn as if she had forgotten he was there.

"And I don't think that Elsa can just magically do things better than you, just cos she got experience." Rae said honestly. "You'll do things differently, and that's good. Neither will be better. Just different."

"Maybe Rhys is enjoying more ordinary sex after girls like Elsa and that Pandora from the sex show stuff?" Izzy said thoughtfully.

"Yeah but I don't wanna be ordinary, as much for myself as for him." Chloe countered.

"Stop comparing yourself to Elsa then, and just get on with it." Rae said firmly. "She can't be that much better at dealing with a dick than the rest of us." Rae shook her head slowly.

"I dunno." Izzy said slowly, "Today the girl's in my home ec class were talking about techniques for making it more pleasurable for him. And one of 'em's called 'milking it.'mn b" Izzy said, "It's like you loosen vagina muscles when he's thrusting in and tighten 'em when he's pulling out."

"What every time?" Chloe asked.

"Yep, every single thrust." Izzy nodded looking as concerned as Chloe. "I bet Elsa does that, while the rest of us are just lying there with are vag's all open, just taking it." Izzy lamented. Finn narrowed his eyes and once again desperately wished for Archie… or even Phil… any male right now would do.

"I just don't think I could do it!" Chloe said anxiously, "I just wouldn't remember to keep doing it. I get too caught up in it… oh fuck, I think I'm a selfish lover."

"Oh god!" Rae groaned unimpressed, "What's the point of doing something all the time that's just for pleasing him?" Rae asked and Chloe and Izzy once again turned their eyes to Finn, but he was desperately looking out across the grass for anything resembling a male he knew. "Like sure, occasionally do something one sided, that just one of you like… but most o' the time it should please both of you! There's two o' you fucking isn't there?"

"Yeah." Chloe answered as if finally coming back to her senses. "Unless we have a threesome or something."

"Well yes there's that." Rae agreed. "But for now…?"

"Two of us." Chloe agreed firmly.

"And as for milking it." Rae continued, "If it feels good for you, you'll remember to do it. And if it doesn't but it's good for him, then you'll be able to remember to do it sometimes right?" She shrugged. "I just think you're worrying about something that you don't need to worry about Chlo." Rae told her, "Rhys is nuts about you, and I don't think he's gonna be thinking about anyone else when he's with you. Not even Elsa."

"Thanks Rae." Chloe grinned, "I'm gonna get my mouth around that beautiful cock, you wait and see!" She laughed.

"I'd rather not see." Rae replied chuckling.

"But tell us all about it when you do it?" Izzy asked.

"Pfft!" Chloe said as if that were a stupid question, "O' course!" Finn furrowed his brows and looked across the grass to see James crossing the space towards them.

"Earl!" He called out and gave her a huge hug as soon as he got there, "Finn." He said more softly, lowering his eyes when he saw Finn's arm around Rae.

"James!" Chloe jumped up and he started to laugh as she threw her arms around his neck, "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Gemmel!" He said and sat down.

"It's Harris now." He looked at her for a moment.

"Alright!" He laughed, "Always had to be fucking difficult!" She laughed.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him.

"Doing me second year." He answered, his eyes flicking over to Rae and then Finn.

"This is Izzy." Rae put in and James looked over at her.

"Hey…"

"Reid." She told him and he laughed.

"Hi Reid." He said gratefully.

"So are you Dewhurst then?" Finn asked.

"No Bates." Chloe answered.

"No I changed to Dewhurst." James told her.

"Oh who's fucking difficult now?" Chloe asked him with a grin.

"What d'you mean now?" He replied, "I've always been the most difficult haven't I?"

Chloe, James and Rae were reminiscing, making Izzy giggle with their stories while Finn tried to figure out if he liked James or not. It was impossible not to notice that he favoured Rae a lot, but it felt relatively friendly. But there was still something weird in the way he looked over at them and Finn scrunched his face up and looked away as he saw James's eyes fall back upon them again. He saw Woody ambling across the grass towards them.

"DUDES!" He called out rambunctiously and Rae shook her head laughing as he crashed into the table, "Oh fuck!" He laughed and sat down, "Been looking for you funky cats." He said, "Got some hash brownies for you all!"

"Not at School Woody!" Rae told him and he frowned, confused. "Alright." He shrugged as he took a bite, "Save yours for later foxy lady."

Finn sighed internally again; well he'd wished for some lads…

'_Rock Me baby' by Otis Redding_

"How like Mike are we talking?" Archie lay across the lounge, his feet up over the back of it and twirled his fingers in the chord to the phone.

"Almost exactly. It's like Mike never left. Except this one's called Bryn." Chloe's voice was filled with humour and he could hear her sorting through something on the other end of the line, probably a drawer or the bottom of her wardrobe.

"Are they related?"

"Yep, little brother. Apparently he was an accident." She laughed.

"I heard that Mike's older brother looks almost the same as him too."

"I heard!" Chloe exclaimed, "And I just think; so they had three boys and they all look alike. I feel like someone should give their parents a gift basket and a thank you card!"

"They're no use to me unless one of them's gay!" Archie laughed and let his eyes wander over to Tom. Tom always started with clients at 5am on Mondays and finished for the day at 1pm. He'd come home to a beautiful home-cooked lunch, courtesy of Archie and he'd talked about his day jovially while they ate, Archie's eyes wandering over to the beautiful, apparently antique high-backed wooden chair that sat in the corner of the lounge room; the same one Chloe had hated and Rhys had refused to sit in again. It was actually a heavy metal chair painted to look like wood. As soon as Tom had put his fork down Archie had played the seducer, kissing and undressing him and now he sat tied to the chair, a choke collar around his neck, attached to the high back of the chair so that it would constrict his breath if he slouched. Tom sat with his arms tied behind him, his legs tied to the chair and his spine as straight as a ruler. His eyes were closed in concentration; he'd been like this for three hours now. Archie was good at making him suffer like this.

"Still good to look at even if you can't have 'em." She told him with a grin in her voice.

"How was poor Finn without another lad to talk to?"

"He misses you." Chloe said, "No doubt about it. But he'll survive; there's new lads now. And he's got Rae."

"Yeah he's always got her." Tom moved one of his fingers slightly; he was probably getting pins and needles. Archie took the cane and smacked his knuckles hard and Tom's mouth opened silently in pain, but he made no other sign; he could handle a hard caning easily and Archie watched as the corners of his opened mouth turned up with pleasure.

"What was that Arch?" Chloe had heard the smacking noise.

"Dropped a book." Archie said instantly; the whole house had floating wooden floorboards, so it seemed possible that a hard covered book could make a cracking noise when dropped on these floors.

"Oh right." She answered absent-mindedly, "anyway, why didn't you warn me how much harder second year is?" She asked him, "I've only been back one bleeding day and I'm already stressed out o' me mind."

"You'll get through it Chlo." Archie soothed and let his eyes creep over the incredibly fit body of his boyfriend.

"How d'you do it and put up with us lot at the same time?" She marvelled.

"I've often asked myself that." He laughed.

"So how's your life of leisure going?"

"Well I spent all morning planning me overseas travel and cooking a delightful lunch for the love of my life." Archie watched Tom's eyes open and he mouthed the words 'I love you' with a lusty, happy grin, before closing his eyes and focusing again; it was quite torturous being in the chair and required a lot of focus to deal with the pain of your aching muscles, Archie knew.

"Lucky bastard." Chloe tutted at him, "Right well I gotta go and do me homework. You coming to see us at lunch tomorrow?"

"Might do." He considered it.

"Alright love you Archer."

"Love you too Chlo." He hung up, reaching above his head and finding the phone on the table. He turned his eyes to Tom and slowly sat up. "I ordered something through the mail." Archie said softly. Tom's only response was to cock an eyebrow, his eyes still closed. Tom had mail order forms for several stores, Archie could be talking about anything from organic handmade beeswax candles to leather cock rings made to measure. Archie reached under the lounge and pulled out a box and slowly opened it. Tom heard the sound of Archie taking something out of a box and opened his eyes to see what it was. Archie ran his finger along a palm sized rectangle object, black and with a few knobs and buttons on it. Next Archie pulled out some long wires and Tom cocked his eyebrow again; this was new. Archie opened up the instruction manual and easily followed the instructions, attaching four to the four wires and plugging the wires into the machine. Tom started to understand what Archie had in store for him and made a lusty sound in the back of his throat. Archie slipped off the lounge and knelt in front of Tom, gently running his fingers down Tom's chest and stomach. Tom expected Archie to attach the electrodes to his stomach; that made sense, and it would be exquisite pain. He grinned with a deep desire as Archie kissed his stomach, heightening Tom's anticipation. As Archie kissed down Tom's stomach he gently reached between his legs, lifting his testicles he placed the first electrode on Tom's perineum. Tom's eyes opened wide and Archie looked up at him, licking in a long wet lick up his stomach as he placed the second electrode on Tom's balls.

"You're diabolical." Tom said looking into Archie's eyes.

"Learned from the best." Archie replied seductively as he placed another electrode on the base of Tom's cock, the fourth going on his lower stomach. Tom's heart was beating faster than he remembered it beating during play in a long time; he was deeply excited. Archie sat on the edge of the lounge and crossed his legs, leaning forward on his knee he took the black contraption into his hand and looked down at the instruction manual.

"Anything up to a level one is pleasurable for most people." Archie said softly to Tom after having read it from the instruction book. He turned on the machine and slowly turned the knob to one. Tom nodded slowly as the electrodes send delicious tingles through his entire groin, the neck collar feeling tighter than ever around his throat. "So that's nice?" Archie asked watching Tom's cock harden.

"Pleasant." Tom said wryly, knowing what was to come.

"There's twelve levels on this." Archie looked back down at the manual, "At level six apparently," Archie looked at Tom, "most people will find it painful. Level seven is too painful for most." Tom bit his bottom lip expectantly, "I suspect then that you'll be on level nine before I hear you scream." He said this in a soft, almost academic voice that Tom was wildly turned on by; it was like the torture Archie was about to do to him was completely scholarly. Archie loved the way Tom looked at him, the deep, intense desire in his eyes, his lips parted, his body moving with his deep, fast breaths. He turned the knob slowly up to level two and Tom made a small sound to indicate it was still pleasant. Archie pushed through levels three and four without pausing. It was at level five that Tom rolled his eyes back in his head, his cock fully hard, a lusty, throaty moan left his lips and Archie knew it was starting to hurt him a little as he watched Tom's body tense with the pain, the knob still turning towards level six. Pre-cum started to ooze from Tom's cock at level six, his body was tense but starting to move rhythmically, as if he were ready to fuck, his eyes were now fixed on Archie, a predatory, sexual glare on his face, his mouth opened in pleasure. Archie paused, taking in Tom; he was breathtaking like this, his teeth slightly bared, his whole body tense with pleasure, eye-fucking Archie.

"How's level six for you?" Archie asked.

"A blow job'd be nice." Tom answered with a deep voice, laced with danger. Archie grinned nonchalantly; he held all the aces and had no intention of stopping just yet. He pushed the dial up towards seven and watched Tom's muscles tense further, his eyes become hooded with pain he let out a slow gasp, his mouth opened but the corners of his mouth turned up in an ecstasy of pain.

"Would you prefer me to suck your dick now?" Archie asked and Tom nodded, his semi closed eyes never leaving Archie's. Archie turned the knob up to eight and Tom's breathing grew more laboured as he gritted his teeth through his grin of pain. Sweat started to bead on his forehead and he squeezed his hands into fists. Archie immediately caned Tom's hands and he flattened them out again, his chin quivering slightly as his cock oozed more pre-cum; this was Tom in his happy place.

"How about now?" Archie asked and Tom groaned with desire.

"Suck my dick." He almost pleaded. "Suck it." The pain was intense and it made his whole body ache for pleasure. Archie smiled sweetly and turned the knob slowly towards nine and watched Tom's brow furrow in pain, his lusty groans beginning to be tinged with more and more pain as the dial turned up.

"Stop." Tom gasped, knowing that Archie wouldn't stop without hearing the safe word, but feeling so close to it being too much. He gritted his teeth, not really wanting to stop as he felt the electricity biting at him. "Alexander!" He cried out loudly and upon hearing the safe word Archie instantly turned off the machine. The tension instantly fell from Tom's body, all his muscles loosening immediately, and he felt the collar begin to choke him, so he made himself sit up straight again and raised his eyes, hooded with lust and remembered pain to Archie, his body still gasping; he wanted more. Archie watched the desire take over Tom, his eyes filling with a savage desire.

"Do you need to stop?" He asked sincerely.

"No." Tom answered, "It was just much stronger than I was expecting." He looked at the machine in Archie's hands respectfully, "I'll be ready this time."

"You sure?" Archie made sure and Tom nodded.

"I wanna continue." He grinned, his eyes still filled with lust.

"Alright." Archie answered and looked down at the machine, turning the knob back to one, Tom groaning gently in appreciation of the gentle tingle it provided. They left it at that level for a few moments, taking the time to get back into the feel of the moment. When Archie saw Tom's eyes watching him expectantly, impatiently, he knew it was time to continue, and he looked back down at the machine.

"You didn't quite make it to nine." Archie said grimly, "I'm disappointed." He looked up with a deeply disappointed face. "And there's twelve levels…" Archie knew that desire in Tom's eyes; he wanted all twelve levels, he wanted the full amount of pain Archie could give him. This was going to be a heavy session. "You know I won't be happy till you get to level twelve." Archie told him simply and Tom nodded slowly, the ache for that pain crunching through his core violently. Archie reached into his pocket, smiling sweetly, "You might need something to bite down on." Archie said as he pulled out the ball gag. Tom's eyes fell to the ball gag and he stretched his neck and back slowly, moving enough to feel those electrodes pulling at his balls.

"Get me to twelve." He told Archie firmly.

"You might pass out." Archie told him with blasé voice.

"Wouldn't be the first time." Tom grinned dirtily and tried to shrug but couldn't move enough due to his tied arms. "Take as long as it takes. I want a blow job at level twelve." His desire was almost palpable and he opened his mouth for the ball gag to indicate his mind was made up. Archie put the ball in his mouth firmly and Tom bit down on it while Archie buckled it tightly behind his head. He sat back down on the edge of the lounge and took the machine straight up from one to six. The sudden increase in electricity on his balls made Tom cry out; half groan, half gasp. Archie gave him a moment to enjoy the extreme pleasure he felt at a level most people would find painful. He shot it up to level seven and watched Tom's body flex with the pain; the tendons on his neck flexing impressively as Archie turned it up to nine. The groans from Tom grew more urgent as the pain increased; Archie pushing past where the safe word had been said before and stopping on level nine for quite some time. Every breath came with a painful moan as Tom threw his head back, his Adam's apple working up and down in his throat under the tight collar, his body impossibly flexed with pain. Archie waited and watched as Tom mastered the pain. Slowly his muscles un-tensed, he got his breathing under control. His body still shook with pain, but his eyes opened and he looked at Archie hungrily, his teeth digging into the ball gag. Archie slowly, taking several minutes, started to turn the dial up to level ten and watched Tom's head roll back, pre-cum beginning to flow from the tip of his cock again, the throaty moans returning, laced with a desperate, painful edge. By the time Archie stopped the dial at ten and a half, Tom's body was tensing up again, the pain making him cry out loudly, sweat dripping from his forehead, his body beginning to writhe; if he could speak he would have probably said the safe word. But Archie knew he could still knock on the chair if he really needed to. Archie put the controller down, still on, and wandered into the kitchen to get himself some water. He stood in the kitchen for a full fifteen minutes, listening carefully for any knocks. When he returned, sipping the water calmly Tom was panting wildly, his head down, but his muscles were loosening again. He was conquering it. Archie considered whether to go slowly onto level twelve or to slam it up quickly. He turned it to level eleven suddenly and Tom cried out in agony. Archie grinned, he did enjoy watching Tom like this; there was something so sexy about the way he conquered it every time. Archie caned his hands again as he balled them into fists and he shouted around the ball gag at Archie angrily, his teeth pressing into the ball brutally. He waited again as Tom tried to control his bodily reaction to the intense pain emanating from his groin through his entire being. He was still writhing when Archie started to turn it up to twelve, his moaning cries rising in pitch slightly as Archie pushed it up fairly quickly. Archie looked up at the clock; three hours in the chair, nearly forty minutes with the machine and neither of them had cum yet. This had been a very heavy session. He waited for a few minutes so Tom could truly experience and enjoy the pain he loved so much before he slipped off the lounge onto his knees. Tom's head was thrown back, crying out in pain; his cock throbbing, aching for pleasure, his whole body was tense and shaking with pain when Archie closed his mouth over his cock. A sudden gasping groan of pleasure punctured through the moans of pain and Tom groaned and laughed with triumphant pain and pleasure as he managed to make himself look down at Archie sucking his cock, pleasure shooting through his agonisingly painful balls, the competing sensations heightening each other in an exquisite symphony. When Tom's muscles started to settle and he started to conquer the pain, Archie, still sucking his cock fervently, flicked another switch on the machine that turned the machine onto intermittent pulses. The machine went to no electricity and Tom's body went limp, except for his rock hard cock in Archie's mouth and then the machine shot level twelve electricity through his groin. Tom screamed in pain around the gag. And then there was no electricity and he had time to catch his breath, except for the intense pleasure of Archie's mouth, before the machine shot the electricity through him again. Archie could increase or decrease the amount of time between the pulses and he slowly decreased the time until Tom orgasmed spectacularly, his cum spurting in time to the intermittent pulses from the machine. Archie swallowed and stood up, unbuttoning his pants and dropping the machine to a more manageable level nine, but still leaving it on intermittent pulse. He took the gag out of Tom's mouth, deep teeth marks were in it and Archie knew it had been a good session for an exhausted Tom. But Tom knew he had to give a little bit more and opened his mouth as Archie straddled him and stood with his groin in Tom's face. The intermittent pulses from the machine were still excruciating, but not as bad as they had been, and he could manage the pain without gritting his teeth. Archie slid his cock into Tom's mouth and started to thrust hard, Tom's head pressed against the high back of the chair, his throat opening up for the hammering it was getting. Archie and Tom never broke eye contact as Archie worked himself to orgasm in Tom's throat, hard and brutal, Tom's eyes watering from the effort of taking so a deep and hard face fuck. When Archie came he did it thrust as deeply into Tom's throat as he could; Tom didn't even need to swallow afterwards, it was already down his throat. As soon as Archie zipped his jeans back up he turned the machine off, Tom looked at him through bruised eyes, sweat dripping from his body, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Archie gently took the electrodes off Tom and packed up the machine while Tom forced himself to sit up straight, his body very weary now. Archie turned back to him and grinned at his sweating body, straining to be upright, the collar sitting tightly across his throat as he struggled. Gently he took the collar off and Tom let himself slouch down, exhausted, his eyes staying on Archie's face as he untied him. Archie saw deep welts across Tom's ankles where the ropes had bitten him fiercely.

"You did well with these ropes for so long." Archie praised him and Tom nodded clumsily; totally drained.

"I know." His voice was raspy and he spoke and grinned with the same depleted energy. Archie noted the same angry welt marks on Tom's wrists and gently rubbed Tom's hands as he held them in his lap, not moving from the chair yet. Archie got up and put Tom's favourite CD on – Otis Redding. Tom's eyes followed Archie around the room as he put the oil burner on and turned back to him.

"Take some deep breaths, I'll be back in a minute." Tom watched Archie leave the room, still not able to move he was so sapped of strength. He heard the spa bath filling and grinned slightly. Archie walked past him to the kitchen, grabbing a few things and taking them to the bathroom before coming back to Tom and helping him stand slowly.

"You alright?" He asked him and Tom nodded slowly. "You got to level twelve." Archie told him proudly, "Very impressive!"

"Yeah?" Tom asked with a croaky voice.

"Most definitely." Archie guided him to the bath and helped him get in carefully, putting the water and a pre-prepared plate of cut fruit, cheeses and nuts within arms reach for him, before hurrying off to turn the music up a bit. Tom sunk into the hot water happily, his welts and the places where the electrodes had been stinging slightly. He slid in until his face was under the water and held his breath for as long as he could before sitting up and nestling comfortable in the large spa bath. Archie returned with a huge mug of Chai Tea for him and sat on the edge of the bath tub.

"Do you need anything else before I get in?" Archie asked him and Tom shook his head. Archie stripped off and carefully got into the tub behind Tom so that Tom could lean back onto him. They lay silently for a while, Tom sipping water and Chai and eating fruit, getting his head together. After a while he started to softly sing along to the music and Archie knew Tom was coming back to the world. There was always a period of time after an intense amount of pain were Tom just needed to rest physically and mentally, Tom used to do this alone, but since he had been with Archie, he had done it in Archie's arms. Without a word he sat forward and Archie grabbed the shampoo and started to wash his hair for him. Tom sighed appreciatively at the soft way Archie touched him as he continued on to wash his entire body with soothing, moisturising soap.

"How are you feeling?" Archie asked Tom as they settled back into the water, Archie having emptied some water and put some more hot water in before turning the spa jets on. Archie wrapped his arms around Tom and Tom reached up and held one of his hands.

"Peaceful." He kissed Archie's fingers. "That was incredible." He looked over his shoulder at Archie, "You're a fucking artist." Archie grinned at Tom's appreciative face.

"Well I do try to keep my man pleased." He felt rather happy with Tom's response. "You are so very sexy when you conquer pain." Archie told him and Tom smiled satisfied. "And your throat is truly quite spectacular." Archie said appreciatively. Tom didn't need much in the way of aftercare; he was accustomed to taking care of himself after a heavy session, but even so, he felt these loving, calm moments after so much pain were something really special and intimate. The bond between them was unbreakable and he felt this bond always, but most piercingly in these times. Probably because of the way they both simply understood what the other needed. Archie just seemed to know that Tom was always physically cold after a heavy session, and he would draw a hot bath for him, with Chai Tea to warm his insides up as well. And Tom knew that Archie liked to sit still and not be moved after he'd undergone the pain, so he'd always bring out the portable heater to keep him warm while he would sit naked, taking deep breaths in between talking a mile a minute about what it had been like to feel all of that, Tom listening calmly and quietly to every single word. There was something transformative about the way they inflicted pain on each other, different to what Tom had experienced in the past. The mental element of it was far more intense for Tom now. And this aftercare was a big part of that. They'd stay in this bath, holding each other, touching tenderly, talking gently, until they pruned up, then they'd make love, joking that they looked like the old men they'd grow into together. They didn't really debrief or deconstruct the things they did to each other, other than a quick few sentences to show their appreciation for what had happened; they found they didn't need to. Mostly they talked about other things, they read books to each other, they sung along to the songs playing, and inevitably they kissed a lot. After love-making, whoever had been the one in pain would choose a movie to watch and they'd order in whatever food they wanted. And they'd rest together peacefully. It was perfect.

"Did you make any decisions about our trip?" Tom asked as he traced his fingers along Archie's arms, ticklishly.

"We're gonna need at least six weeks in Egypt." Archie said, "Every time I think I've found everything to see there, I find something more!"

"Sounds wonderful." Tom closed his eyes and grinned happily, still exhausted; Archie would have to be on top for the love making.

"And Greece obviously." Archie grinned, "Probably get away with just a month there. But Turkey is gonna need months. And that's not even getting started on the 'Stans… There's so many other places Alexander ruled and went…"

"So we're gonna need more than three months is what you're telling me." Tom's voice was filled with amusement.

"I've still got a lot of planning to do!" Archie protested, "Three months will be fine." He knew that work was a problem with Tom, so he wouldn't push past the three months. "What about you, where do you wanna go?"

"Give me a week on a beautiful beach where we can be openly gay at the end of it, and I'll do whatever you want for the 11 weeks preceding it." Tom told him. They were both aware that homosexuality was illegal in Egypt and possibly in some of the other destinations they were going to, and that it was going to be a difficult journey in that regard.

"Deal." Archie answered with a big grin.

"I really fancy a nice omelette for dinner." Tom said softly a little sulky; he knew they'd be ordering something in.

"Want me to make you one?" Archie asked with an indulgent grin.

"Would you put shallots and little bits of bacon and red capsicum in it?" Tom asked in the same tone.

"I'll even make it with three egg yolks and four egg whites for you." Tom looked back at Archie with excited, grateful eyes. "I won't even complain about separating the egg." Archie was terrible at separating eggs. "And we can have the rest o' that salad you made yester on the side." Tom made a satisfied sound in the back of his throat and snuggled back into Archie's arms.

"You're so good to me." Tom's voice trickled with content happiness and Archie closed his eyes to drink it in.

"What movie d'you wanna watch?" Archie stroked his hair gently and as Tom raised his hand to scratch his cheek, Archie noticed the cane marks across the back of his fingers; he'd forgotten about them; he'd rubbed Tom's palms, ankles and wrists but forgotten the back of his hands where he'd been caned numerous times. He pulled a face and made a mental note to include Tom's fingers on the list of places to apply the soothing honey scented balm Tom liked to use on his love-wounds.

"'The Killer Condom.'" Tom answered with a happy grin. Archie chuckled at his response; Tom loved B-grade movies that didn't take themselves too seriously, and Archie could tell by the title of this one alone that it would be another classic example of Tom's tastes.

"Will I like it?" Archie asked with a grin.

"You'll love it." Tom assured him. "There's a gay detective with a 12 inch cock and a bunch of condoms that bite guy's dicks and balls off."

"Wow." Archie laughed, "What more do you need from a movie?" He joked.

"Exactly!" Tom started to get out of the bath, "A row of tents is less campy that this movie, I'm telling you Archie; it's perfect." Archie got out of the bath after him and started to dry him slowly. He noticed that Tom's muscles were still shaky.

"Still recovering?" Archie asked concerned; Tom usually overcame the physical exertion of pain very quickly.

"Yeah, still recovering. I can still feel me balls tingling with electricity." He grinned, "It's amazing." He sighed happily, "That was the most physical pain I have ever been in." Tom told him with a vulnerable look.

"The most?" Archie asked concerned and Tom grinned as he nodded.

"That took me places… I have never been. I loved it." He stroked Archie's face reassuringly, "I love you."

"I love you." Archie grinned; happy his idea had given Tom so much pleasure.

"Now make love to me." Tom asked him. They slid to the bathroom floor kissing tenderly, Tom pulling Archie on top of him, his muscles twitching with effort as he wrapped his legs around Archie, wanting him to be closer, as close as possible.

'_Bad Habit' by The Offspring_

Early Tuesday morning saw the gang heading down the boxing joint for a group training session. When Rae and Finn, showed up a little late because Rae's cramping had made staying in bed seem like the better option, Rhys and Tom were squaring off.

"Oh shit." Rae grinned, "This'll be good." They sat on the floor, waiting for Chop and Izzy to show up, Archie and Chloe already there, watching as Rhys settled into a solid, immovable fighting stance and Tom bounced around lightly, both grinning almost sadistically.

"Bare knuckles?" Finn asked surprised.

"There's gonna be blood." Archie agreed.

"Chop'll be so sad he missed this." Chloe kept her eyes on Rhys, biting her bottom lip.

The differences between their fighting stances was marked; Rhys was still and focussed, Tom was light and almost playful.

"Rhys won't hit first." Finn noted as they continued to eye each other.

"Aren't you worried Archer?" Chloe asked; they all knew how this fight was going to go.

"Ah he'll just enjoy it." Archie shrugged as Tom, fast as lightening shot out his left fist at Rhys's face. Rhys took the punch but snapped his hand up to grab Tom's wrist, yanking him, bodily, forward, onto his own fist. Rhys's fist planted firmly in Tom's midsection, lifting him off the ground slightly before Rhys swept him up and slammed him to the ground. But Tom flipped back up instantly and laughed as he bounced on the balls of his feet, just out of arm reach from Rhys, who hadn't taken his eyes off Tom.

"What'd we miss?' Chop asked excitedly as he and Izzy rocked up. "Oh fuck!" He said happily when Tom hit out again at Rhys, Rhys blocking him and sweeping his feet again. Tom landed on his back and flipped up again, shaking his head.

"Your feet are weak." Rhys told him and Tom nodded; this was a learning experience for him.

"I thought it'd be more violent." Izzy said softly.

"They're just feeling each other out baby girl." Chop told her.

"Now that Rhys has told Tom his feet are his weakness though…" Archie grinned as Tom landed a roundhouse kick on Rhys's face. As Rhys rocked to the side, he fell to his knees and punched up, hitting Tom in the knee. Tom backed the kick with a downward punch aimed at Rhys's head, but Rhys blocked it and the next four rapid punches Tom aimed at his face, the fifth one found it's mark and Chloe gasped as the first blood was drawn, Rhys's nose erupting with blood. Rhys grabbed Tom's fist as it came hurtling towards him again and twisted it hard, Tom twisting his body to compensate, exposing his back. From his kneeling position, Rhys leaned into a kick, aimed at Tom's kidneys. Tom stumbled forward, but Rhys still held his fist and yanked him towards him again, another kick to the kidneys and Rhys jumped to his feet from kneeling in one movement to knee Tom in the stomach three times before Tom managed to elbow Rhys in the face. Rhys backed up, still holding Tom's fist and elbowed Tom's arm, making him cry out in pain, but that was only followed by an appreciative grin. Again Rhys yanked him closer, this time punching his face hard, bloodying Tom's nose. Archie pulled a grim face and shook his head.

"Pull your fucking punches!" He reminded them to go easy, "I like his face Rhys!" Archie added and in response, Rhys landed a brutal punch to Tom's solar plexus. Tom elbowed Rhys's face again and then kicked out, straight into Rhys's kneecap, eliciting a grunt of pain from Rhys who twisted Tom's arm again in response before slamming him back into the ground. Instead of flipping straight up, Tom swept Rhys's feet and as soon as he landed on his back Tom was on him, kneeing him in the gut hard. Rhys punched Tom in the ribs and then in the jaw hard, Tom's head rocketing sideways, blood and a tooth exploding from his mouth.

"Alright that's enough now!" Archie said loudly as Tom gasped in pain and head butted Rhys in reply. Rhys hit Tom in the ribs again and pushed him off him before jumping to his feet far more agilely that you'd expect from a man made of that much solid muscle. Tom stayed on the floor for a moment, his hand to his mouth, before gritting his teeth and flipping up again. As soon as he was up he landed two quick jabs to Rhys's stomach and another elbow to the face. But Rhys hit Tom in the mouth hard again, and then again and Tom fell to the floor. He was still for a moment before he groaned slightly. He got up slowly and took up his fighting stance again. Behind them a tall, very slender woman had walked into the boxing joint and was approaching them.

"Concede." Rhys ordered but Tom shook his head making Rhys grin. Archie sighed and lowered his face into his hands momentarily before looking back up. Tom aimed another hard kick at Rhys's mid-section but Rhys blocked it, grabbing the foot and twisting it round until Tom was forced down onto his knee. Rhys thumped the back of Tom's knee hard and Tom twisted around to be able to aim a kick at Rhys's arms. Rhys yanked on Tom's leg hard and kicked him in the gut. And the tall, slender woman was there.

The gang looked on, utterly confused, when she tapped Rhys on the shoulder, and when he turned to look at her she thumped his face hard.

"Situational awareness O'Daire." She said in an authoritarian voice. Rhys dropped Tom's foot and backed away from the woman, taking a more active fighting stance as she approached him calmly.

Finn's jaw dropped as she let off a rapid-fire succession of punches and kicks, each frantically blocked by Rhys as he slowly conceded ground to her; her onslaught pushing him back, he was completely unable to stop her or even get enough of a pause in to hit back.

"Holy fucking fuck!" Chop said almost giddily.

"This must be his trainer." Finn said, "Remember he said he were doing martial arts training?" She leapt into the air and landed a hard kick on his face, landing like an agile cat before backing up to bring the fight back in line with the gang. Tom had joined them, his shirt off and held to his nose and mouth, his lost tooth in his hand, a pleased grin on his face. Archie stood up with him to give him water and check his wounds.

"You are slow like an elephant." She said in a quiet calm but very commanding voice, "You bore me!" As soon as Rhys returned to be in line with the gang she began again, Rhys again struggling to keep up with blocking her attack. Behind them another person was approaching, a huge, barrel-chested man in his forties and a stern, intimidating face.

Rhys finally managed to land a punch in the woman's stomach, knocking her back. She laughed appreciatively.

"But when you actually manage to land one, it's good." She shook her head watching him, "Did you pull that punch?" Rhys nodded. "Don't." She ordered aggressively. The man approached from behind and without warning she spun around, aiming a kick at his face. But his hand was up in no time, blocking her. Rhys backed up and let the two newcomers fight, blocking and landing punches fairly evenly. He took his shirt off and wiped the blood from his face.

"These are my trainers." He told them. "That's Petra. I go up to London once a week to see her." He explained as she ducked a brutal looking fist from the man. "She's done over thirty years of martial arts training, all throughout Asia." He told them. "And that's Gus, he was my first trainer when we both lived in London. He works at the RAF Cottesmore now and lives in Oakham. I train twice a week with him." Gus had managed to get the woman in that head hold that the gang had seen both Rhys and Tom use, so they knew it would be all over in a second. But the woman kicked his face, over her own shoulder and he let go, scrambling backwards under a barrage of kicks from her. "He's trained with Sayeret Matkal, that's one of the Israeli Defence Forces' special units, and with the British Army Special units, both the SBS and the SAS."

"So that fucker knows Krav Maga?" Chop asked amazed.

"What the fuck is he doing teaching?" Tom asked in an awed tone and Rhys shrugged.

"I like teaching." Gus answered, not missing a beat in his fight with Petra.

"I've asked them both to come here and teach you a few things for a week. I'm hoping Gus will take on Finn and Chloe as students." He said, "He doesn't take many new students."

"Why Finn and not me?" Chop asked hurt.

"Because Finn was my first student." Rhys answered and Chop nodded glumly, accepting what Rhys had said, "Chloe cos she's my girlfriend and I'm playing favourites."

"What's the real reason?" Finn asked and Rhys smiled at Finn's astuteness.

"Because you're ready Finn, and you need to choose how far you want your training to go." He told Finn, "and as for you Chloe, because when you came to training your goal was to beat me in a fight." He watched the grin spread over her face and nodded at Petra and Gus, "Anything you want missy." He told her. "Rest assured that they can both kick my arse, and I've told them both to train you with that in mind, if you choose to do it." He looked at the rest of the gang, "Petra's happy to take on anyone who pays, so you can all choose if you want to be taught by her."

"I'm expensive." Petra said as she blocked a knee from Gus. "Truce?" She asked Gus and he nodded, holding out a hand to her. They shook and gave each other an appreciative nod.

"Nice to meet you Gus." Petra said.

"Likewise." His voice was deep and gravelly. "Who's this Finn?" He asked and Finn raised his hand tentatively. "Get up boy." He said in an unimpressed tone. Finn stood up and he looked Finn up and down and turned to Rhys.

"He fights better than he looks." Rhys answered and Rae gave a slight scoff.

"He better if you want me to take him on." He looked back at the gang. "And Chloe?" Chloe stood up and took a step forward, her chin jutted with determination. "She knows she's wants the training." Gus said and then looked back at Finn, "He doesn't." Rhys gave a curt nod.

"So they'll be, here in Stamford, for the next 8 days." Rhys told them, "Learn everything you can from them. And then after that, we'll see what further training develops."

"Wait does that mean, I don't get the training?" Finn asked Gus.

"Not unless you wow me kid." Gus answered, "The girl's in." Chloe didn't grin or show triumph she just nodded. "She wants it so bad you can nearly taste it." Finn looked over at Chloe and then back at Gus and furrowed his brows; Gus was right, he didn't know if he wanted to be trained this hard. He had eight days to decide though.

'_Sleepyhead' by Ed Kuepper_

Chop signed the documents, Joe smiling happily, Chop's lawyer pointing to the place Chop needed to initial.

"I'm so glad you're buying this old place Arnie." Joe said, "I' couldn't o' handled seeing her closed."

"You don't need to worry about that Joe." Chop grinned, "Me and Danny got this place all figured out, we'll keep her afloat."

"Well I hope you can turn a better profit from her than I could." Joe patted his back and left the office as soon as the papers were signed; he'd be back in the afternoon to make the announcement to the employees. There was still some legal wrangling and the transferral of money, but for all intents and purposes the garage was Chop's now. Joe had sold it for half of what Chop had expected. He looked around Joe's half empty office; all personal things having been taken out, but drawers and drawers of messy paperwork and spare parts had been left behind. Chop sighed; it'd take him and Danny a week at least to clean this up.

"God Joe were a messy fucker." He scrunched up his face and sat back in the uncomfortable office chair, his lawyer still looking over the documentation.

He started to go through the drawers in his desk as his lawyer said his farewells and left.

He had lost track of time and had created two large piles; keeping and throwing, when Danny walked in humming an atonal tune and grinning happily, two hats perched upon his head as always. He looked around the office.

"Did Joe finally sell?" He asked with an excited tone.

"Yeah Danny!" Chop grinned toothily, "It's all ours boy!" Danny had wanted to buy the mechanic with Chop, but in the end hadn't had that much money saved up. Chop and he had worked out a 10% ownership deal, and Danny was extremely happy with that. Chop would never tell Danny that he'd actually paid for maybe 2% of the business, because Danny liked the idea of 10%, and Chop figured that Danny would more than make up for the disparity between the amounts with his great ideas and work ethic.

Danny flung his arms around Chop happily and then pulled back quickly.

"Do we hug?" Danny enquired in his usual matter-of-fact tone.

"We do for this Danny!" Chop hugged him. Danny looked around at the piled of junk Chop was going through and sighed.

"Joe was a messy fellow wasn't he?" He asked and took out his framed picture of the duck and put it on his desk in the corner. Every time Chop saw that picture he thought about what Rae had said about Tix.

"Danny?" Chop decided it was time to act; now that he and Danny finally had the business and Danny was in such a good mood.

"Hm?" He looked up from setting up his desk for the day.

"The girl you see every night… Tix…?" Chop asked slowly.

"Yes?" Danny's face showed no sign of concern that Chop was asking about Tix, so Chop decided to press on.

"Is she…?" Chop stopped and thought carefully about what to say next, Danny looked at him expectantly, a calm smile on his face. "Is she?" Chop elongated the 'e' in 'she' for some time as tried to think how to word his question, "dead?" He asked after a long time.

"Yes." Danny answered with a sad look. "I miss Tix." He said, "But I see her every night." He said with a happier smile.

"In your dreams?" Chop asked with a careful tone.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Danny replied and kept sorting out his desk.

"Lucky guess." Chop replied and thought about what they'd said.

_At least he's not deluded or insane or something like that._

_Don't want me mate to be out of it… Plus I'd lose a bloody good accountant._

_Right… so now what to do with this new found knowledge?_

"D'you have a girlfriend?"

"Just Tix and Rae and Izzy and Chloe." Danny replied.

"Yeah I mean… like special girl… friend…" Chop's mouth hung open as he saw Danny' consider this; his mind was working as hard as Danny's to figure out this problem.

"They're all special aren't they?" Danny answered.

"But Tix…" Chop said, "She were extra special right?" Chop asked, "Like… you wanted to maybe kiss her?"

"Oh you mean do I have a lover?" Danny asked, "Or a romantic partner?" Chop nodded his head slowly, "No." Danny replied and turned back to his desk.

"Right." Chop answered, "Well would you like a girlfriend?"

"I've got four." Danny answered and Chop stared at him confused for a moment. "Well three if you only count the living types."

"No I mean… would you like a…" Chop couldn't bring himself to use the word lover, "romantic partner?" Danny stopped what he was doing and stared at Chop for a long time.

"Yes." Danny answered simply with a slight nod of his head, "I suppose I would."

"Right! Good!" Chop replied, he could work with this. "Well what do you look for in a girl?"

"Do you mean girl or do you mean _girl_?" Danny asked and Chop gave him a confused look for a moment.

"A girl…" Chop answered slowly.

"Oh right. Well Rae and Izzy are quite nice to me." Danny said, "I quite like them," He nodded slowly, "And Chloe seems to be slightly lost with me, but she tries so that's ok. I am quite mental."

"Um…" Chop blinked a few times trying to wrap his head around everything, "So you'd like a mixture of the girls as your romantic partner?" He asked slowly.

"Oh I thought you were just asking about girls. Not _girls._" Danny replied and Chop shook his head in utter bewilderment. "I suppose for romantic partners I just look for a girl that won't worry about how mental I am."

"Well that seems easy enough." Chop grinned reassuringly.

"No." Danny said softly, "Sometimes people don't realise how hard it is to not be normal in the brain." He told Chop. Chop gave him a grim smile.

"Well what's normal anyway?" He said bracingly.

"Someone whose own brain doesn't work against them." Danny said softly, "Whose mind doesn't show them things that aren't there. Whose mind doesn't whisper all sorts of unspeakable things to them." Danny looked away, "Someone who's able to see this world as it is, rather than as something…" Danny paused for a long time, clearly in thought, "It really isn't." He finished softly as he looked up at Chop. "Someone who can live in this world without their brain fighting them constantly to take them out of this world. To make them find a nice quite place and just stay there." He rubbed his fingers against each other slowly, "That's why I like the duck pond. It's quiet." Chop considered this for a while and then jutted his chin determinedly.

"Well you do live in this world Danny." He said, "And if your brain is fighting you on it, then you're doing a much better job than the rest of us who never have to go through that." Danny grinned in response, "You got mates and a family who love you, you got a job… now you part own a company!" Chop said, "And you're doing all the stuff you do, with your brain fighting. Fuck man, you're a fucking champion!" Danny shrugged, "So, I think it's time to find you a _girl_ girl!" Chop told him, "I'll be your wingman the next time you come to the pub, right?"

"Alright." Danny said happily and turned back to his desk. They worked in silence for a few moments. "If it's not too much to ask… can she like hugs too?" Chop nodded with a happy grin as he sorted through the junk.

"So the checklist is; one, fine with your brain, and two, likes hugs." Chop said, "I think we can find someone like that."

'_Pinion' by Nine Inch Nails_

Rae checked the mail, there was a flyer for a clothes swap that she eyed interestedly, standing at the letterbox, barefoot, still in the clothes she had worn to school. She had a free for the last period and has headed home early to do some homework, even though her mum preferred her to study at school in her free periods. Finn would head over after his last class for the day, in an hour or so.

She looked over the other junk mail, seeing if anything was worth keeping; a new pizza place, a sale at an underwear store, the hair's on the back of Rae's neck suddenly pricking up. Rae felt a sudden gentle swell of fear in the pit of her stomach. She was suddenly filled with the inescapable, absolute knowledge that someone was watching her.

She spun around to look up the street, apparently empty to the right, but as her eyes scanned to the left she saw a car parked just a few doors up.

She knew that from that exact spot you could see into her room.

Rae couldn't take her eyes off the apparently empty car.

She knew he was in there.

Knew it.

Her brain screamed at her to run into the house, but to her own horror she felt her bare feet moving her towards the car.

She had to know.

She had to know if he was back.

If he was in the car.

Her breath came in short, terrified gasps as she got closer to the car, the letters still clutched in her hand tightly.

She kept her eyes on the empty space behind the steering wheel, waiting to see if he was crouched down there. Had he ducked down when he'd seen her spin around?

Rae could feel her whole body shaking violently with absolute terror as she took another step.

And another.

And another.

She approached the car, trying to stop her voice sobbing with fear.

The car was empty.

Rae held her breath and scanned the car again.

Empty.

She let out the breath and felt relieved.

And then a thought slowly slid into her brain like the tendril of some deep-sea horror.

_He's behind me._

She spun around again to see an empty street.

She looked up and down the road, her heart thumping loudly in her ears.

_Run._

She ran to the house, feeling eyes on her, feeling his breath on the back of her neck, feeling his hands just about to close around her neck.

'_I wanna sex you up' by Color Me Badd_

Finn finished his cigarette, leaning on the front door, looking out at the empty street. He knew that he and Rae had to get Aiesha from Alice within the next 15 minutes or so, and they'd be babysitting her until Linda and Karim both got home from work in a few hours. They were also expected to cook dinner tonight, and somehow do homework too. It was much easier getting just about anything done at his place, but he did enjoy the insanity that was Rae's house, now that he had finally started to grow accustomed to it. He pocketed his butt to put in the bin; Linda had screamed at him for flicking them into the garden a few weeks back, and unlocked the door.

It was silent in the house; Rae usually played music when she was at home alone. He walked through to the kitchen, his eyes scanning the house for any sign of something being wrong.

Linda had bought a second cot for Aiesha to go downstairs, and now that she was sleeping through the night, some nights she slept downstairs instead of upstairs; the nights when some privacy was desired. It was a temporary solution to the space problem that seemed to be working very well, but it meant that half of the lounge room had been taken over by Aiesha's things and it made everything always messy and therefore harder for Finn to see if anything was amiss.

When he pushed the kitchen door open he saw Rae jump in fright and he stopped in the doorway.

"What's wrong?"

"There was a car parked in the spot." She shook her head and sounded embarrassed, "I know it's daft but it kinda scared me."

"It's not daft." He went over to her and kissed her gently. "It's not there anymore." He reassured her, "D'you want me to check the house?"

"I already have." Rae said, "Three times." They heard the front door open and both turned to the door with worried faces.

Karim came through the kitchen door with Aiesha in his arms, to see them staring at the door.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Nothing." Rae said, "What are you doing home so early?"

"Swapped shifts." He told them, "It is not right to make you cook." He explained, "You have homework to do." Rae smiled at how good his English was getting, even if it did still have unnatural pauses while he considered his words carefully. She sometimes had those too, and she didn't have the good excuse of English as a second language for that.

"Head upstairs." He told them, "Linda will be home in three hours. Be back down before then." Rae gathered up her books and headed for the stairs, "Study!" He ordered them.

"We will!" Rae answered, "Thanks Karim."

When they got upstairs Rae took some more ibuprofen and Finn grimaced, regretting that he didn't insist on them just using condoms. She hadn't told Linda she had the IUD, so she was trying to keep the resultant bleeding and cramps a secret. She'd told her mum she was on another mega-period but eventually she'd have to wrap all of her waste up in a plastic bag and dump it in a school bin in the morning every day because she wouldn't be able to use the bins at home. It was a hassle.

"So Sunday was the third day of your cycle?" Finn asked, already knowing the answer. She nodded, already knowing where he was going with this. "And we're still blocked by redgate?" The first time Finn had called her period redgate Rae had dissolved into fits of giggles for a solid ten minutes, so of course the name had stuck. "Your last three periods have only been four days long." He mused, "And the two before that were five days long." He sat down on the floor with her, pulling books out of his school bag, "I know the ones before that were hellishly long, but…"

"It's only been seven days." Rae said, "And the gynaecologist said that it could last the whole month." Finn pursed his lips slightly, "You might have to wank Finn." Rae rolled her eyes.

"That's not what I'm worried about." He told her. "I fret about you bleeding at all. Let alone for a fucking month." Rae tried not to smile fondly at the way he turned into a terrified old man every time she got her period, there'd be hot tea and hot water bottles and back rubs and chocolate provided without her needing to ask for it. And he'd tell her to sit down and rest and take it easy. The only problem was everyone around her always knew when she was on it, because Finn would be mothering her so incessantly. She'd have to tell him to knock it off around her mother or else she'd catch on.

"I'm fine." She told him, "But even with the cramping I'm still a bit horny." She grinned at him and leaned over to kiss him.

"You are such a tease girl." He whispered to her as she straddled him.

"Oh Finlay, it hurts me as much as it hurts you." She answered innocently and kissed his neck making him groan with desire and increasing frustration.

Over the summer holidays Linda had relaxed the rule about what time they could go up to her room, and she hadn't tightened it yet; going back to work, even part time, had made her weary, and as long as they were spending some time with the family and getting their homework done, the rest of it didn't really matter to her at present.

Rae and Finn had been making sure to spend time talking to Linda and Karim every night so they could go upstairs sooner and be alone. Even if they were just studying, they got more done in Rae's room than at the kitchen table, but the real reason they went up to Rae's room was that it allowed them to fool around in between all that study.

After dinner and an hour of very boring television with Linda and Karim, Finn and Rae said goodnight and headed upstairs.

Since they'd already gotten plenty of homework done before dinner, and they were getting up early every day to head to the boxing joint to see Gus and Petra, they decided that the bed looked pretty good right about now.

Finn stripped his clothes off and laid in the bed, holding his arms out to Rae, who stripped down to her granny knickers and straddled him again. He was getting better at dealing with the ache for her that filled his whole body when they couldn't have sex. The yearning for her was just as powerful as the first time he'd been blocked by redgate, but it had settled into his gut; it was a part of him now, he knew how to cope with the waiting, the aching, the anticipation. It still made him a little grumpy, but he didn't show it as much. Rae had learned to almost revel in the need to have him, she had turned teasing both of them into an art form; a torturous, exquisite game. And Finn welcomed her onto him every night, ready for, wanting, the suffering she was going to make them go through. He was already groaning as she settled herself on his lap.

Seven days already.

"This month is gonna kill me." He moaned and ran his hands up her back. She leaned down, her hair falling onto his face, tickling his skin deliciously. Every sensation of her; from her touch, to her smell, her taste, the way she looked, the soft noises of desire she made. He groaned; the frustration building nicely as she kissed his chest slowly, deliberately searching for the places that gave him the most pleasure, running her fingers along his sides, sending tingles through his body until he shivered in delight.

"Hopefully it won't last a month." Rae said, "But the gynaecologist said the initial bleed could last up to six months, remember?" Finn didn't remember; he'd been so worried during that whole appointment that he only remembered snippets of it.

"Six months?" Finn asked utterly aghast. "You cannot be fucking serious?" She kissed his horrified face seductively.

"Imagined how frustrated we'll be after that." She teased.

"You'll fucking die Rae." Finn stopped her looked her in the eye, she saw the worry on his face and stroked his brow soothingly.

"No I won't." She told him, "Women go through this kind o' stuff all the time. Don't worry about that." She started to kiss his neck again, "Worry more about blue balls." She laughed, knowing that he sometimes got a bit of a physical ache in his groin after hours of this kind of teasing.

"I'm serious." He sighed, not completely able to shut out the feeling of what she was doing with her tongue.

"So am I." She whispered. "I see Renata in a month, she'll keep an eye on it all." She stroked his hair and gave him a reassuring look, "I'll be fine."

"It seems like a lot to go through for me." Finn mumbled.

"I didn't just do it for you." Rae told him, "It's good for me too." She fixed him with a firm gaze, "I kept forgetting the pill, and neither of us want a baby yet." He nodded, "I will never use condoms with you." She said firmly, "this really was the best option for both of us." Finn opened his mouth but Rae already knew he was going to either ask about condoms or fret about bleeding again so she just kissed him forcefully. She knew he loved it when she was rough with him; she wasn't always confident enough to be truly dominant with him a lot, not yet, but she was building to it, and every time she did push him around sexually a little bit, he responded beautifully. She was still amazed at herself for being brave enough to do that thing with the candle she did. But that had been to tease him, not to dominate him. There was a different mental state, and she was still finding her inner dominatrix; and she was very much enjoying that journey. She pushed his hands up above his head and held them there Knowing he could easily break free if he wanted didn't interfere with the sexiness of being held down for Finn. And when she bit his bottom lip hard he groaned loudly in appreciation; she did know just what to do to him. She gently traced around his nipple with her other hand and then squeezed it hard making him gasp.

"Now are you gonna stop thinking about that and let me enjoy doing things to you or not?" She asked as she slowly twisted the nipple.

"Alright." He said, his voice laced with desire.

"Harder?" She asked and he nodded. She obliged making him wince and then grin with pleasure. "Oh you do like a little pain don't you?" She asked him in a low voice and he nodded biting his bottom lip, his cock starting to throb for release already. "Shall I keep going with this nipple, or does your other one want a little love?"

"You can do whatever you want to me Rae Earl." He whispered lustily. Finn was enjoying her finding her inner dominatrix too.

"Oh I will." Her answer made him desperate for her to take on this frame of mind when she wasn't on it. She only ever really did this stuff to him when redgate stopped them from taking full advantage of her dominance. She ground her hips into him and kissed his neck, her fingers pulling ruthlessly at his nipple.

"Oh fuck Rae." Finn breathed through gritted teeth, his whole body craving her.

There was a loud thump from the room next door that they barely noticed as Rae tickled along his chest to his other nipple. Rae loved the way she could feel his chest rumbling with the groans she was making him do. She took quite a bit of pleasure in the way he gasped when she squeezed his other nipple hard.

There was another loud thump form Linda and Karim's room followed by a muffled giggle. Rae stopped, in sudden realisation, and turned to stare at the wall that connected her room with her mother's, her mouth open in annoyance. Finn's eyebrows shot up when he heard Linda's giggle again followed by a loud gasping cry from her.

"You have got to be fucking joking." Rae hissed at the wall as the sounds of Linda and Karim fucking became depressingly apparent and horrendously loud. Finn propped himself up on his elbows, his mood completely killed, and also stared at the wall as a loud giggling followed by the rhythmic banging of the bedhead against the wall began. He'd never had to live in a house with someone else that was having sex, and right now he was infinitely grateful for his father's celibacy.

"Holy fuck." He marvelled at the sounds coming from the other room.

Rae got up angrily and banged on the wall loudly before turning on some music to try and drown them out. She laid down in the bed beside Finn and they both stared at the wall, Finn with a slightly traumatised look on his face, Rae rolling her eyes and groaning in disgust. And then suddenly Finn started laughing.

"It's not funny!" Rae said and started to laugh herself, "I've had to live with them two constantly shagging for months!" But it was no good they were laughing loudly, unable to stop themselves.

"Oh god." Finn gasped with laughter, "I hope we're still fucking like that when we're their age!" He wiped his eyes and kept laughing.

"I don't even wanna think about the way they're fucking Finn!"

"Got no choice!" Finn noted that they could still hear them over the music. They laid together laughing, still pining for each other's bodies, but in no mood to continue with the teasing tonight. Finn wrapped his arms around Rae as their giggles subsided.

"How's your first week as a second year going so far?" He asked over the sound of the music and the raucous sex occurring in the next room.

"Not too shabby." She told him with a grin. And then Aiesha started crying downstairs. Rae and Finn shared a look.

"I really feel sorry for your neighbours." Finn laughed as he jumped p and put his jeans on. "I'll get her."

'_Temptation' by The Tea Party_

Chloe sat in the metal chairs along the outside of the tennis courts, waiting for Phillip to get there. He was uncharacteristically late. Maybe he had forgotten it because they'd changed from Saturday mornings to Wednesdays after school until winter set in; might as well make use of the warm afternoons.

She was thinking about what Rae had said about sex, and about pleasing Rhys. She felt rusty, out of practice. But that wasn't really true. She was accustomed to letting a man gain his pleasure from her body, not to actually giving him pleasure herself. She'd been enjoying sex being about her pleasure for the past few months, but she so wanted to do something to pleasure Rhys, and she actually had no idea how to do that. She'd sucked cock before of course. What girl hadn't? But she wanted to be amazing at it, she wanted to do that milking thing Izzy had talked about; she wanted to blow Rhys's mind. She'd always wanted to blow men's minds. But instead she'd always been a plaything for them. She had the chance to finally get what she wanted here; to have sex on equal footing, to give him pleasure from a position of power or equality, or even agreed upon submission. But she was less interested in the submissive side of things; she'd been forced into that role too often by men; the idea of taking it willingly wasn't on her mind.

She tried to deny the little well of anxiety in the pit of her stomach. How could she ever hope to impress a man like Rhys? With his history… his past lovers. She tried to think of the things Rae had said, but her mind came back to the irrefutable fact that she hadn't sucked a cock for over 10 months, and if she wanted to impress Rhys, and she did, she needed practice.

"Well I am in an open relationship." She mused as she saw Phillip walking across the playing fields towards her. "And he is very attractive." She bit her bottom lip, "And he needs to take his mind off Rae…" She grinned to herself slightly as he approached.

"Sorry I'm late." Phillip said with a grim smile as he put his bag down. Chloe shrugged in reply. "Fucking car broke down." He laughed suddenly. "Serves me right for not getting it serviced." He slipped his tracksuit pants off to reveal his tennis shorts and Rae watched his arse as he bent to shove his trackies in his bag. He pulled out his white tennis shirt and Chloe was again graced with the vision of a topless Phil as he changed shirts.

"Let's sweat." Chloe tossed him the tube of tennis balls and he nodded perfunctorily, heading to his side of the court. He served and Chloe gently hit it back, wanting to get some nice long rallies up; he grunted a little when he hit the ball and it was sexy.

She watched the way his body moved as she carefully hit the ball back to him; trying to focus on two things increasing her anticipation and frustration. After half an hour she was nicely warmed up and she feigned tiredness.

"I'm so out of practice!" She grinned at her own double entendre. "Summer break away from training hasn't been good from my fitness." She went to the metal seat and grabbed some water, Phil joined her, leaning against the tall metal umpire chair, it was bolted into the ground, so it didn't move as he rested against it.

"Your form is still pretty good." He told her as he accepted the water bottle from her. She bit her bottom lip and watched him drink, finishing up by pouring a bit on his head. She stood closer to him, under the guise of taking the water bottle back, her mind going over all the ways she could begin this thing.

"Did you end up going out with Andrea?" Chloe asked as if she were just politely interested.

"No she not that kind o' girl." Phillip grinned, "She were just after…" He stopped and chuckled lightly, "she used me for sex." He shook his head slightly.

"Did you really mind?" Chloe asked with a grin.

"Actually no." Phillip laughed, "Which kinda surprises me."

"Cos you're all noble right?" She teased.

"Ah I don't know about that." He shrugged, "I think… before Andrea I had this idea that sex could only be with someone you loved. But Andrea taught me that you could have sex for just fun, and that's alright, if everyone knows what the deal is."

"Everyone?" Chloe asked with a surprised face and Phil blushed.

"Alright… she may have had a mate…" Phil looked down and shook his head, "Renee."

"You had a fucking threesome?" Chloe asked surprised and Phil nodded his head slowly.

"And she had another mate named Flo." Phillip bit his bottom lip, "I sound like a total slut don't I?"

"Yes." Chloe laughed and he shrugged.

"I had a summer of… unexpected events." He said with a grin.

"Bet you learned a lot." Chloe said in real surprise.

"Oh my god yes!" He chuckled. "Andrea was a generous teacher."

"Oh right and what were Rene and Flo then?"

"Well according to Andrea, they were part o' the lesson." He said with a wry grin. "And Flo was a very forceful part o' the lesson!" He reminisced with a grin.

"So I suppose you know everything now?"

"Fuck no." Phillip shook his head, "if anything I know now just how much you can learn about sex and women's bodies… I got a long way to go."

"But you're not a virgin anymore." Chloe asked astutely and Phil gave her a slight grin.

"No." He acknowledged. "Not anymore."

"I'm glad." Chloe said; it made what she wanted to do that much easier.

"Oh yeah?" Phillip asked surprised, "Why would you care?"

"Cos I wanna use you too." She leaned against him and kissed his lips roughly, Phil returning the kiss, even though he was obviously surprised. When she stopped he looked down at her, desire and shock in his eyes. Chloe rubbed the bulge forming in his pants and his mouth opened slightly with pleasure.

"Chloe?" He asked, his brows furrowing, "What about Rhys?"

"You let me worry about him." She said, not interested in explaining her relationship to anyone.

"It wouldn't be right, you're me mate." He mumbled through her kiss. But again he returned it, this time with less surprise and more desire.

"And we'll still be mates after this." She told him firmly as she slid to her knees, her fingers pulling at the elastic waist of his tennis shorts. His eyes shot up to look out over the empty playing fields before looking down at Chloe carefully, almost tentatively pulling his cock out of his pants. He watched her bite her bottom lip, as if hesitating before gently taking him into her mouth. He groaned and rolled his head back as she started to move her hand up and down his shaft, her mouth and tongue working over the head in unison. He groaned deeply when her other hand cupped his balls and gently squeezed them. Chloe thought carefully about what she was doing, making note of all the things that seemed to make Phil groan louder. She looked up at him and his eyes were closed, even though his face was looking down at her. She stopped and he opened his eyes.

"Do you wish I was Rae?" She asked him, her lips still on his cock.

"No." He answered, his eyes not quite meeting hers.

"Liar." She said with a grin. She didn't care that he didn't want her like he wanted Rae; she had Rhys. Phil's head rolled back and he sighed.

"You're right." He answered breathlessly as she started to suck his cock again. "I wish your blond hair was her dark hair." He said through gritted teeth, "And I wish your blue eyes were her brown eyes." Chloe groaned slightly as she took him into her mouth deeper and he groaned in response, "I wish your slim figure was her fuller figure."

"Well close your eyes and think o' her then." She told him and kept sucking him, growing more confident of her technique.

"I can't do it Chloe." He put his hands on her chin to try and still her. "It's not right." He shook his head.

"I know what you want." She said, "And I really don't care." She was surprised by how much she didn't care. It was so freeing to be simply using this gorgeous man for her own gains. Maybe she'd make him make her cum too? "Now do you wanna keep going or not?" She licked the head of his cock gently, just once, as he saw a thousand thoughts going through his mind; his worried fighting with his desire.

"And it won't change our friendship?" He asked and bit his bottom lip.

"Not one bit." She smiled.

"And Rhys?"

"My concern, not yours." She said reassuringly.

"Alright." He nodded his head slowly, and Chloe took as much of him into her throat as she could, eliciting a throaty groan from Phillip.

"Now close your eyes and think about Rae." Chloe teased. He sneered slightly in surprise at her and shook his head but she chuckled as he closed his eyes and let his head drop back. Chloe, stroked his cock and licked his balls gently, not sure exactly what to do here, but his moans made her braver and she sucked one into her mouth gently. She moved her mouth around it carefully, listening closely to his responses, and took the other one into her mouth to do the same, before trying to deep throat him again. She couldn't get all of him in and knew she'd have to do better if she was gonna impress Rhys, so she kept trying, taking deep breaths, trying to loosen up her throat, trying to mentally overcome her gag reflex, her fingers gently massaged his balls while her mouth moved up and down his shaft. She noticed him looking down at her now.

"You don't have to look at me." Chloe told him; this was more for her than him in her mind, so she didn't need an audience.

"I want to." He said softly, "I don't wanna be thinking about someone else when I'm here with you. You're an incredible woman and you deserve my attention."

"Please yourself." She said indifferently. And he shook his head.

"Let me please you." He motioned for her to get up and she licked his cock again. "Let's fuck." He said and Chloe groaned and stood up to kiss him, but he spun her round and, with very controlled movement, very gently pushed her into the umpire's chair. His hand lifted her skirt and found the top of her underwear slipping beneath them over her arse. She bent forward, giving him better access, as his fingers slid between her cheeks and gently slipped into her cunt. She groaned as he fingered her, letting his middle finger slide out the front to find her clitoris, leaving just the one finger inside of her. She didn't know exactly what he was doing, but it was so good she felt her knees weakening with pleasure. He pressed his chest to her back, his mouth finding the back of her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

"Andrea did a good job." She groaned.

"Oh I know." He whispered into her ear. Andrea had taught him that most women had two or even three 'sweet spots' inside of their vaginas. She had told him the one on the 'back wall,' the so-called 'a-spot' was rarely stimulated by men. She taught him what to do. He had memorised every last word.

Chloe came with a shuddering gasp, Phillip holding her up as her legs shook.

"We're not fucking without a condom." Chloe gasped through the end of her orgasm; she wanted to fuck, but she had no intention of going near anyone without a condom. Other than Rhys of course.

"You got a condom?" He asked her as he pulled her underwear down and rubbed his cock along her crack. He hadn't thought he'd need to bring one to tennis practice.

"No." She answered still shaking internally. He groaned in frustration and took a step back.

"Fuck." He sighed with frustration. But Chloe dropped to her knees again.

"Next time." She told him with a grin and engulfed his cock. He groaned and nodded in agreement, his eyes closing again momentarily before he looked down at her, his eyes locking with hers.

"Where do you want me to cum?" He asked her, not close to coming yet, but wanting to know before he got there. Chloe considered this. She'd always disliked the fact that men came in her mouth. They never even fucking asked. But Phillip did. And she knew she wanted to swallow for Rhys; all of Rae's talk about what it did to Finn made her determined to do that for him.

"Mouth." She answered firmly. He groaned appreciatively and gently put his hands in her hair. Chloe went back to the hand and mouth combination, slowly increasing how deep she took him into her throat until she dropped her hand all together and managed to get him all the way down a few times as she increased her speed.

"I'm close." He groaned after a while and Chloe groaned in response. She felt his fingers tightening in her hair as she felt his warm cum shoot into her mouth. She closed her mouth around him tightly so none would spill on her clothes, and tried to keep sucking, having read that men preferred it if they still had stimulation when they were coming. He moaned loudly, in time to the spurts and then slowly, carefully, disentangled his fingers from her hair as he gasped in the afterglow of orgasm. Chloe kept her lips tight around his cock and slowly sucked as he withdrew. She knelt, her lips pressed together and willed herself to swallow, but every time she even thought about it she felt like she might heave. Phil shoved his cock back in his pants and pulled his other t-shirt out of his bag.

"Wanna spit into that?" He asked her, seeing that he was struggling and clearly didn't want to just spit it out onto the floor. But she shook her head and held up her hand for him to just shut up and wait. He bit his tongue and sat down on the metal chair, his eyes on her, worried. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths through her nose, the smell of cum making it hard to calm her mind; she imagined that she'd just finally blown Rhys, that he'd cum in her mouth and now she wanted to gift him with this action and then she slowly swallowed. Philip had already seen two girls swallow his load so it wasn't such a big deal for him as it had been for Finn, but he still found himself grinning that she'd done it. Andrea and Flo had even swapped his cum in a messy kiss that had both fascinated him and disgusted him in equal measures. Renee though had gagged when she'd tried and heaved violently as she spat it out. So he was acutely aware that not every girl was into doing that and appreciated it when Chloe did it. He held out the water bottle to her without a word and she took it, without looking at him, needing to keep the image of Rhys in her mind to make the cum sit in her stomach. She took a sip and slowly stood up, brushing the dirt from her knees.

"Thanks." She told him after a moment and sat down beside him, "I needed that." She looked up at him with a grin and he cocked an eyebrow at her.

"You needed that?"

"I really wanna impress Rhys when I go down on him, but it's been so long since I last did it, I were worried I forgot how to." She said with a shrug and Phillip nodded.

"Well you definitely haven't, I can assure you." He told her with a grin, "And of all the favours I'm willing to do for a mate, that's one of the better ones." He lowered his eyes in confused thought about Rhys and Chloe's relationship. "I owe now you though."

"Owe me?"

"Some oral." He grinned and she chuckled.

"Oh you believe in tit for tat huh?" She asked teasingly and he nodded.

"I do with oral." He answered seriously. "Apparently guys don't go down on girls that much." He said thinking of what Andrea had told him when she'd been so delighted that he loved doing it, "I don't know what their fucking problem is though. I love it." She grinned at him and shook her head.

"Most guys I've fucked haven't gone down on me." She told him, "Rhys does pretty much every time. The only time he didn't we was in the car… there was no way we could make it happen in there!"

"I think being able to go down on a woman is a fucking gift to a man." Phil said, "Making her scream and shake like that… it's the biggest ego boost you can ever get." He grinned, "Plus it's so good to do something just for her."

"You ate a lot o' pussy in the last three weeks o' the summer holidays didn't you?" She asked with a surprised grin and he nodded.

"Every fucking day." He told her, "I really miss it actually."

"Well you got plenty o' girls at school who want a piece of the Phil pie." Chloe told him and took another sip of water.

"Yeah I have started to notice that." He answered almost glumly.

"But you just want the one right?" She asked with a wry grin and he nodded slowly, leaning his elbows on his knees and looking out at the tennis court.

"I do love her." He said sadly.

"But it's changed a bit." Chloe noted. "Hasn't it?"

"I used to have hope Chlo." Phil said sadly, "I don't anymore." He lowered his eyes, "I know she don't want me. But I keep seeing affection in some small things that she does. And I just know if she'd met me first…" He looked further out, across the playing fields, "But he's got her. She loves him." He shook his head, "And I can't make myself stop loving her."

"No matter how many girls you fuck hey?"

"It's only three." He told her. "Not like I been on a sexual rampage or something." He laughed.

"I think you can count it as four now."

"We didn't fuck."

"Oral sex is still sex Phil." Chloe told him, "And you had your fingers inside o' me…" She shrugged, "I call it four."

"You know Chlo, if I can't get over her, when there's someone like you around to fall in love with… how will I ever get over her?" He shook his head sadly. He knew that in the month before the summer holidays there had been a chance for them to start a relationship; he'd wished he could fall for her. And he knew with equal certainty now that there was now no hope of them ever having a relationship. Other than the good friendship they had.

"Maybe you never will." She said and put an arm around his waist. "Although I used to think and feel this way about Finn." She said, "And then I met Rhys." She told him reassuringly. "And I love him so much I almost scoff at what I thought was my love for Finn."

"Why would you do this with me if you love Rhys?" He asked, his face searching hers but she just grinned and shrugged.

"I dunno." She told him, "Cos I wanted to." He furrowed his brows, "And Rhys and I…" She tried to find the right words, "our relationship is different."

"Does he make you happy?" Phil asked her genuinely.

"Yeah."

"Then he's perfect for you." He said, clearly glad that his friend was happy, "So does that mean we might actually…"

"Fuck again?" Chloe asked him and he nodded slowly, "Yeah, if I feel like it." He furrowed his brows again, clearly not sure how to take that. "I take it you don't want Rae to know then?" She saw his furrowed brow.

"I would think you don't want anyone to know…?" He asked confused.

"I don't really care." Chloe grinned.

"Well… I'd prefer if we kept it on the down low if that's ok with you?"

"Fine." She shrugged.

"It's not just Rae." He shook his head, "I can't imagine Rhys being ok with this."

"He'll be fine." Chloe reassured him. "I told you, we're different."

"And you're happy… And he's happy?" He asked slowly.

"I know I am! And I think he is, yeah." She rested her head on his shoulder. "And he's so perfect." Phillip saw some people kicking a ball around on the grass and hoped they had arrived after he'd gotten his cock back in his pants.

"Alright." He sighed after a long moment of silent reflection, "Well Chloe, I'm not gonna lie, you are beautiful and I quite like you. So I'm not gonna say no to a little fooling around if you want to and it won't fuck up our friendship or your relationship with Rhys." He answered, clearly having made up his mind on this topic, "But not during tennis practice!" He finished seriously and she burst out laughing.

'_Captain (Million Miles an Hour)' by Something For Kate_

Finn had decided to take PE again and had far less free periods than Rae, which was bothersome, but it did mean that she could sit and watch them play games in the future. Today though she headed into the library to start on her first English assignment; children's literature. There was a question about picking an older novel and comparing it to a contemporary one. Rae was going to pick _'The Hobbit'_ an old childhood favourite of hers, and compare it to this new book she'd seen recently called Harry Potter or something; she didn't remember the full name, it was kind of long. She only hoped it was a good book_. _Mrs Vines had called this a nice easy topic to kick off the year, and they only had a month with it.

She also needed to start thinking what she was going to plan for Chloe's 18th birthday on the 1st of October. It was earlier September; it didn't give her a whole lot of time to organise something amazing.

Rae walked through the stacks and looked for books about the importance and impact of childhood literature. The stacks here were close to a bunch of tables that were mostly empty except for a bunch of first year girls sitting jabbering away with only the most minimum attempt at being quiet. Rae tried to ignore the sound they were making. She was skim reading through a book discussing the importance of stories to children's development, seeing if it would be any use to her assignment, when she heard something that made her ears prick up.

"His last name is Nelson." One of the girls said.

"Did you see Chloe Harris hacking on Kirstie Peterson over him?" Rae peeked through the stacks to see a group of five girls talking, at a table nearby a slightly chubby girl sat reading Shakespeare alone. Rae recognised her as the girl who had shown up to her live modelling art class last year. She vaguely remembered that her name was Bethany. Thankfully Bethany had never told anyone about that class, and if Philip had been there he'd never said anything either. Mike had only said a few choice words to her and Finn; he'd been quite funny about it actually. She missed hot Mike, and still hadn't seen hot Bryn yet; she just hoped he had his older brother's sense of humour.

"No!" Said the shortest of the girls, "what happened?"

"Chloe threatened to kill her if she came near Finn again. Apparently Finn is dating some right proper minger called Rae Earl." Rae rolled her eyes and the girls all made disbelieving noises.

"As if he's going out with an ugly girl."

"No he is, I've seen them kissing." More noises of disbelief, "She's Chloe's best mate."

"Well Chloe must know a minger could never keep the likes of Finn Nelson, so she's keeping all the other girls away. The minute he's sees a proper girl he'll have her."

"I heard he was fucking Chloe too. Like threesomes."

"No way!" The girls giggled.

"Why else would you go out with an ugly girl?"

"She's fat as well." Rae closed the book she was holding and noticed Bethany giving the girls an annoyed look. "I heard he keeps her around cos she's hard as fuck and she keeps all the other mingers away, freeing him up to go after the quality girls."

"No, don't you know; fat girls are the best at sucking cock." It was the shorter girl again, "My brother said it's cos they like to have things in their mouths so much, and his best mate fucks a fat girl in secret. He said she could suck the colour out of a marble."

"I heard he's a faggot like his best mate and they fuck each other, and the fat bitch is just to hide it."

"Who's his best mate?"

"Some guy that graduated last year." Rae tuned them out and successfully focussed on the book in her hand.

"So he'll be on the lookout for another guy if he's gay. Or for a good looking girl if he's not?" Asked a particularly pretty brunette with a grin that made it clear she thought she could get Finn if he was straight.

"He's so good looking Stacey, I bet you could get him." One of the other girls told the brunette. "Fittest lad in school."

"What about that Phillip?" Another one asked, "Second fittest, I heard he's got a big dick and big house." Rae shook her head. She could imagine how both of those lads would take this conversation. "And he's single."

"Bryn's single too." Stacey said, "So's Kurt." Rae looked back down at the book, picking up where she's left off. "D'you really think I could get Finn?"

"For sure." The girls all agreed.

"He'll be glad to get a real girl on his arm."

"Yeah the girl I saw him kissing was so ugly I don't know how he didn't vom everywhere." They giggled and Rae sighed, trying to focus.

"Shut the fuck up." The aggressiveness of the voice made Rae look up to see Bethany looking over at them. "Rae's a fucking babe, alright?" She told them, "Like a full out, old school, pinup babe. She makes all you stupid girls look like the stringy shit a mange-infested dog with worms shits out. None o' you o' got a chance with the likes of Finn Nelson. He only likes women o' substance." Rae raised her eyebrows surprised at what Bethany had said.

"Are you a fucking dyke?"

"You like her so much…" Rae had never heard first years be so aggressive towards second years, but she supposed it was a numbers game, there were five of them and only one Bethany. Rae stepped out from behind the stacks and cleared her throat so they'd turn to look at her. The girl who claimed to have seen her and Finn kissing looked horrified to see her there and shrunk into her chair the others looked at her blankly.

"Hi." She said politely, "I'm Rae." And just to make sure they knew who she was, "As in the girl you just been… talking about… Finn's girlfriend." They were all looking horrified, except for Stacey who was looking her up and down unimpressed. "How are you lovely ladies today?" She asked with a sweet smile.

"Why would Finn be with you?" Stacey asked her.

"You'd have to ask him that yourself." Rae answered disinterestedly.

"I might just do that." She said suggestively.

"Please do." Rae said, "Go now." She told them, "He's in PE, I'm sure he'd love some spectators." Rae made a mental note to apologise to Finn later, because she suspected that Stacey really would go to the fields. She knew the other girls wouldn't be going anywhere near Finn; they were too shy. "Piss off then." She said and most of the girls started to move, but Stacey looked at her sullenly.

"We was here first."

"Fuck off." Bethany stood up and Stacey rolled her eyes and picked up her bag, motioning for the girls to follow her.

"What's your name?" Rae called after her and Stacey turned around to glare at her.

"Stacey Miller." She looked Rae up and down, "You should memorise the name of the girl that's gonna be dating Finn Nelson before the end o' next week." Rae rolled her eyes; another fucking Stacey.

"Yeah good luck with that." Rae answered in a voice that indicated how unlikely she thought that'd be, Bethany noticed Rae's fingers go to the necklace around her neck as she spoke. They watched the girls leave and Rae turned to Bethany.

"Hey thanks for that." Bethany grinned and shrugged.

"It's no big deal."

"Well I'll see you around." Rae decided to head out to the PE class to watch Finn after all.

"Hey I just wanted to say that you was real brave to do that art class, and I think you're real beautiful." Rae blushed.

"Thanks… I did it as a favour to Janice… she's me mate."

"She's picked up the classes again, will you come back and do it again?"

"No, I don't think so." Rae chuckled, "Once were enough!" Bethany nodded and looked down.

"I was thinking that maybe I'd do it." She said softly, "You kinda inspired me to… think about it."

"Well if you want to do it, you should do it." Rae told her firmly, "It's not as hard you think it'll be. I mean it's terrifying, but when you're doing it, it's fine." Bethany looked at her thankfully.

"Thank you Rae." Rae felt like Bethany was looking at her the way she herself looked at Elsa; with admiration.

"My Pleasure Bethany. And if you need anything, you know where to find me right?" She nodded in reply and Rae gave her a wave goodbye before heading out of library feeling buoyed and empowering.

'_Fuel My Fire' by L7_

Finn pulled on his shoes and laced them tightly, Macca came and sat beside him.

"Knew I'd see you here Nelson." He grinned and Finn nodded with a chuckle.

"Another run at AFL." Finn agreed.

"Probably won't bother doing any o' the written work." Macca shrugged and Finn nodded.

"I got too many other things to do to bother with that shit." He agreed, "You getting the regional football team playing again?" He asked, wanting to take up football outside of school again.

"Yeah Chop asked about that too. Probably will. Tuesday arvos sound good to you?"

"Aye." Finn agreed, "And Archie?"

"He'll be welcome o' course." Macca answered with downturned eyes, "I'm sorry about all that shit, I feel like a right twat."

"Save it for Archie." Finn answered.

"I wish he were still here." Macca said, "I miss that fucking geek." Finn gave an appreciative chuckle.

"Aye, me too."

"Now we gotta handle the bunch o' fucking first years we ragged on last year."

"We're not first years anymore!" Kurt answered with a grin. "We all got a whole new lot of first years to rip apart."

"'Ere, did you hear that they're thinking o' making us play with the girls all the time, even in the team events." Rick piped up, "That's a shite idea; we won't be able to belt each other."

"I don't mind playin' with the girls sometimes." Finn shrugged.

"I bet." Bradley joked and Finn gave him a dirty look.

"Yeah but not all the time." Sam put in, "it's worth having 'em around sometimes."

"Better not be around in the fucking AFL match." Rick said with a grim face. Phil walked into the change room and started to get changed.

"Oi Seymour." Rick said, "Why the fuck are you late?"

"You're normally the first one to everything." Kurt agreed.

"Still in summer holiday mode." He answered a little grumpily.

"Coach made you captain o' the football team." Rick added. "Even though you was late, and Macca's usually the captain of everything." Phil looked over at Macca.

"Sorry mate."

"I don't care." Macca replied, "It's me third time around; I was captain in first and second year, gotta let someone else have a go."

"Why the fuck did he make me captain?" Phil asked shaking his head in surprise.

"You gotta be good at giving directions and orders." Macca told him.

"Aye, but Jill here couldn't direct a turd down a toilet." Finn quipped and got a good chuckle out of the lads

"You know you're right Bryn-lee, I must be doing something wrong, cos no matter how many times I flush, I just can't seem to get rid o' you." This was greeted with chuckles and jeers; the lads hadn't forgotten last year's AFL match and the sledging between Phil and Finn then. Finn smiled with a broad bemused grin.

"Listen to this little Bambi with testosterone go." He laughed, "Poor little puppy."

"Alright you two, we're on the same side now." Macca said softly, "And our team needs to be united if we're gonna kill the first years."

"I'm gonna tell coach that you should be the captain again." Phil told Macca, and Finn nodded in agreement holding his hand out to Phil.

"You're a wanker but we're on the same team." Finn said and Phil looked down at his hand.

"Aren't you as charming as always?" Phil asked, "As charming as finding a severed hand in your loaf of bread." He took Finn's hand and they shook.

"Let's not make a habit o' this." Finn said.

"Fuck no." Phil agreed and took his shirt off. Macca looked around at the lads as they started chatting about the summer break and girls and football stars.

"Hey Finn." Finn looked over at Macca. "Can I ask you something?" Finn nodded and Macca scooted closer, wanting privacy, "How did you know you liked Rae?"

"I dunno." Finn gave him a confused look, "How d'you know you like any girl?"

"Yeah but Rae's different." Macca furrowed his brow.

"Different how?"

"I dunno." Macca shrugged, "She not like other girls." Finn looked up and saw Phillip looking over. Phil had heard Rae's name and his ears had pricked up.

"No girl you like seems to be like the other girls though." Finn responded hoping that this wasn't what it seemed like.

"Yeah but…" Macca paused, "You know, guys kinda all like the same sort o' girl and she's…" He looked away and Finn saw Phillip roll his eyes and also look away. For a moment Finn felt acutely connected with Phil; they had both seen beyond the stereotype of beauty that was presented to them as young men. All these other lads were still only looking for the same type of girl; at least in terms of appearance.

"I think that maybe I might like this girl." Macca said softly, "But… But she's not like other girls."

"So?" Finn asked.

"She's…" Macca stopped, "She looks different." He finished the sentence with an awkward, tight-lipped grin. "You know what I mean?" Finn saw Phil shaking his head now, and felt like he could almost like Phillip, if only he wasn't such a prat.

"Do you like the way she looks?" Finn asked simply. And Macca furrowed his brow.

"Well… I'm not sure it matters." He said slowly, "I like her quite a bit, she real good to talk to and… I like her cynicism." He chuckled with appreciation. "At first I thought she weren't all that good looking. But she were at this party I were at, and we just got to talking and…" He shrugged, "I think she's real pretty now."

"And?" Finn asked confused as to why Macca had to talk to him about it.

"The lads'll give me shit about her." He said glumly.

"So?" Finn was completely unsympathetic.

"I just wanna know for sure that I like her before I go through all o' that." He said, "Is it just that I can talk to her better than anyone… or do I really like her like that?"

"Probably both." Phillip answered unimpressed and walked off, his shoes hung over his shoulder by the shoelaces. Finn shrugged.

"One o' the few times I can say I agree with Dillip." He told Macca.

"How did you do it?" Macca said, "no one gave you crap about Rae."

"Aye they fucking did." Finn told him, "They still do. Complete strangers do." Finn stood up and stretched, "I just don't give a fuck." He said firmly, "My happiness and her happiness are far more important than some shite a couple o' pillocks say." Finn grabbed his bottle of water, "Rae is stunningly beautiful and incredible in every way. People who can't see that are fucked up. Not me, and definitely not her."

"Yeah." Macca said softly as he stood up. "But I…" Finn watched him thinking about what to say carefully, "I can't see why she'd wanna go out with me." He finished softly and Finn had to stop himself from scoffing.

"Just ask her Macca." Finn advised, "And let her worry about what she does or doesn't see in you."

They headed out onto the field to play a game of football against the first years. Phil was talking to the coach and he heard a familiar voice give a cheer and turned to see Rae sitting on the benches with a girl he wasn't sure if he knew or not. He also noticed a large number of first year girls on the benches apparently watching him closely, and cocked an eyebrow as he approached Rae, Macca in tow.

"Hey beautiful girl." Finn said and put his arms around her waist, giving her a slow, deep kiss. The sounds from the audience of first year girls was filled with obvious dismay and confusion. Macca looked at Bethany, who had decided to come with Rae and caught up with her just after she'd left the library.

"Hi." He said awkwardly and Beth grinned.

"How you going Andrew?" She asked and he shrugged.

"As good as I can be, being back here." He answered, "I could've handled another couple o' weeks o' holidays."

"Definitely." She agreed, "We could o' gotten to know each other better." She smiled sadly.

"Well we go to the same school." Macca said hopefully and Finn, who had just stopped kissing Rae turned his face to look at Macca. He was looking wistfully at Bethany and Finn had to stop himself from shaking his head; as he'd suspected, Macca liked a big girl. Finn turned back to Rae and stroked her hair, a big happy grin on his face as he took her face in. She always gave him time to silently look at her for a moment before starting to talk; he seemed to appreciate that.

"I understand you got a reputation to keep Maccca!" Bethany chuckled, "I know how these things work."

"Yeah well… fuck that." Macca answered with a shrug and she chuckled nervously in response. The coach blew his whistle and Finn looked back to Macca.

"Gotta go kick some arse." Finn told him and turned back to Rae, giving her another kiss before sprinting off. Rae waited for Finn and Macca to be out of earshot before she turned to Bethany.

"You like Andrew McAdams." Bethany blushed and shrugged.

"I dunno." She looked away. "He's just not as shallow as everyone thinks he is." Rae had to stop herself from laughing; Bethany sounded like she had just over a year ago.

"Oh aye, I bet." Rae managed to say with a relatively straight face.

"So it's true." They heard from behind them, "He does kiss a fat-arse like you." Rae turned to see a completely new first year girl standing behind them, arms crossed angrily. Further afield, she could see Kirstie and Stacey watching Finn on the field closely. "I heard your nickname last year was Blue?" She added nastily.

"Aye that's me." Rae answered, "Blue whale." Rae turned around and watched Finn warming up with the other second years, a bunch of determined looking first years on the other side of the field were also warming up. She was slightly disappointed that they were playing just normal football. She did enjoy how talented Finn was at this game; but the yellow and red cards did put quite a dampener on the homoerotic violence that accompanied her favourite game that she'd seen Finn play, AFL.

"He could do so much better than you." The girl said to her and Rae sighed.

"You'll have to take that up with him." Rae responded without turning back to her, "cos that's his choice innit?" Bethany looked back at the girl as she went back to her friends and they spoke loudly about how fat and ugly Rae was, picking at every little thing that was wrong with her and why she wasn't good enough for Finn.

"They're just jealous." Bethany said and Rae shrugged.

"I don't care what they are." Rae kept her eyes on Finn.

"How do you handle all their shit?" Rae turned her eye to Bethany.

"Sometimes I can't." Rae said honestly, "But sometimes I just understand that their opinion of me is not a reflection of who I actually am." Rae looked back at them, "It's a reflection on their own opinions of themselves and their self-doubt." She looked back at Bethany, "They pick on what's different about me because whenever someone is different in anyway, it makes a person wonder if their life and their choices have somehow been less valid, because someone else did it differently, or is different."

"Wow." Bethany said, "You understand just how fucked up people are huh?" She laughed and Rae considered that.

"I hadn't thought if it that way." Rae chuckled, "But I guess so."

"I wonder what happened to this fucking world that we all gotta be so freaked out by a fat girl getting laid." Bethany said with a cynic air that Rae liked.

"Everyone is so hyper about the whole subject of sex anyway." Rae replied, "I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that people are so outraged that I'm getting some."

"Lucky you." Bethany sighed and Rae looked back at Macca.

"I don't think it'll take you too long to get in those pants." Bethany laughed loudly and Rae joined in.

"Even her laugh sounds fat!" They heard from behind them.

"How can a laugh sound fat?" Rae kept laughing, Bethany giggling happily beside her.

'_Popular' by Nada Surf_

"Have you seen?" Chloe asked tentatively as she met Rae and Finn in the line to the canteen.

"Seen what?" Rae asked.

"You'd know if you'd seen." Chloe answered vaguely.

"Great." Rae replied.

"Hey Tits McGee!" A guy Rae had never seen before gave her the thumbs up and Rae furrowed her brows.

"Isn't that what Mike called you?" Finn asked with a disgusted face.

"It's what Bryn is calling her too now." Chloe told them gingerly, "And it's catching on."

"Hey can I cut in Tits McGee, I gotta go to detention at lunch time and I just wanna get something quick." Sam asked with a grin and Rae raised her eyebrows at him.

"What did you call me?" She asked with a stern, unimpressed expression and his grin fell.

"Tits McGee?" He asked shyly, "It's your new nickname."

"No my nickname is blue." Rae replied, almost liking blue in comparison.

"Not anymore." Sam said, "Bryn said Mike called you Tit McGee and all the lads agreed. But some o' them said to call you TM in front o' you or Finn. So that Finn don't beat 'em up, but I know Finn wouldn't do that."

"You're wrong." Finn said icily and Sam gave a slightly afraid look and decided to tell them the rest of it to try and appease Finn's angry glare.

"And then Bradley said TM sound like trademark and you're fucking original so you could be called Trademark too… But all us lads'd know it means Tits McGee." Rae turned to Chloe.

"What do I need to see?"

Chloe led them into the largest hallway of the main building; all the notices were put up on the boards along these walls, and right in the middle of them all was at least 100 photos of the summer ball. Rae's jaw dropped as she saw how many of them were of her. The first photo she saw was of her alone, standing front on to the camera with an enigmatic smile, similar to what she'd seen on Elsa's face; that smile made the Mona Lisa's smile look easy to interpret. Rae's eyes dropped to her breasts in the dress Izzy had made her.

"Holy shit." She whispered; you could see so much of her breasts in the photo.

"Oh fuck." Finn groaned as he pointed out a photo of her looking at the camera, her body turned slightly to Finn, you could almost see her nipple in the picture and Finn, his hand on her waist, was looking directly at her breasts with a happy, lusty grin. Rae felt herself blushing as she saw a picture of Chop and Mike looking at her breasts. But there was one of her and Phil dancing, and they were looking into each other's eyes, smiling, obviously mid conversation. She looked at that photo for a moment and sighed, wondering what Finn would think. In every photo she was in there was someone looking at her breasts, except for the photo she was alone in, and the one with Phil. Even in a similar photo of her and Finn dancing, both of them staring lovingly into each other's eyes, there was Stacey and her date in the background, both staring at her breasts. There were pictures of her chatting, and someone, somewhere in the photo, sometimes the person she was talking to, would be looking at her tits.

"20 of the 100 photos have you in them Rae." Chloe said softly. "I only made it into 16, and I'm supposedly the most popular girl in school this year."

"I guess you're popular too now." Finn said to Rae and she shook her head.

"I'm not popular." She said looking over the photos again, "Me tits are."

"Hey trademark." Rick said as he approached, "Nelson… Chloe." He lowered his eyes when saying Chloe's name as if she were royalty.

"Hi Rick. My name's Rae." She told him firmly, and he grinned, making it perfectly clear that her name was Tits McGee to him now. He started to talk to Finn about football for a few minutes, Finn answering in hostile monosyllabic almost grunts.

"Is everyone calling her Tits McGee?" Finn asked Chloe after Rick left a few minutes later.

"Like 90% of the guys are." Chloe said, "And about 89% of the girls are still calling her blue."

"Un-fucking-believable." Rae marvelled unhappily. "I'm fat to the girls and a set o' tits to the boys." She shook her head.

"No." Chloe told Rae, "The girls are jealous o' you and the boys are jealous o' Finn." She corrected.

"Cos I got Finn." Rae said, they're not jealous of me, they're jealous o' me relationship." Chloe opened her mouth to reply but stopped when she saw Lois and Amy approaching.

"Hey Chlo." Lois said softly, "We was just wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime?"

"I got my mates." Chloe nodded towards Rae and Finn.

"Well maybe we could hang out with you sometime?" Lois tried and Chloe scrunched up her nose and turned to Rae.

"How d'you feel about hanging out with the girl who outed Archie to the whole school and the girl who hit me, tried to bash you and spent last year slagging us off with Stacey?" Chloe asked as she looked back at Amy.

"Your call Chlo, you're the popular one." Rae shrugged. And Chloe turned back to Lois and Amy as if she were really considering Rae's words.

"Well me best mate says it's my call." Chloe said slowly.

"I'm sorry about Archie, but you have to admit it weren't fair what he did to me." Lois said desperately but Amy pulled her arm.

"Let's just go." She said, "Queen C don't want our friendship." She finished almost sarcastically. They walked off grumpily and Chloe watched them disinterestedly.

"Queen C?" Rae asked.

"Like Queen Cunt?" Finn said with a scrunched up nose.

"Like Queen Chloe, you fucking twat." Chloe replied and Finn pulled an apologetic face.

"Sorry." He said and looked back up at the photos. "We should take 'em down." He said but Rae shrugged.

"I don't care that much." She said, "I would o' died last year if something like this had happened."

"This time last year, if I'd been this popular I would have died with happiness." Chloe agreed, "A lot changes in a year." She put an arm around Rae shoulders, "Cos now I really could not care less."

"Hey Chloe." A first year lad approached and Chloe looked at him as he fidgeted with his own fingers slightly, "I was wondering if you got any plans for Friday night."

"Why?" She answered and he blushed slightly.

"Cos I thought, maybe… you might wanna catch a movie with me?"

"I don't even know your name."

"Oh Sorry." He stammered, "I'm Stephen."

"Well Stephen, I'm sorry, but I do have plans for Friday night." She answered gently.

"Oh right." He said and scuttled off hurriedly.

"I thought he'd at least try for another night before he ran away." Rae chuckled and Chloe shook her head.

"How d'you even get to be popular anyway?" Chloe asked.

"I think one day everyone just agrees you're the one they most wanna be like." Rae replied thoughtfully.

"Right so last year I was a broken slag and this year I'm the one." She shook her head, "Fucked up system."

"I think it's cos you stopped caring." Finn replied, knowing that the less he'd cared about his popularity over the years the more popular he'd become.

"But Stacey cared about it." Chloe countered. "Maybe it works differently with girls?"

"She were real pretty and everyone wanted to be her." Rae said. "But maybe it's both?" She mused, "Maybe some people get popular cos they're real pretty, and others cos they don't care?"

"Then I get two strikes." Chloe grinned. "I was always doomed to be popular." She said as if it were a heavy cross to bear and then chuckled as they turned away from the photos to head out to the table where they knew Izzy and the new lads would be waiting for them. Finn took one more glance back at the photos, still not sure if he was ok with them being up on the wall. But then if Rae was; shouldn't he be? He made a mental not to come back and steal that picture of her by herself smiling at the camera so enigmatically; she was truly beautiful in it, and he wanted that photo for his ever-growing collection.

'_Fucking Hostile' by Pantera_

Finn had the last period on a Thursday afternoon free, so he was heading home to re-read his old battered copy of 'Fireside Tales of the Traveller Children' by Duncan Williamson. When Gary had seen Finn going through his old childhood things, looking for this book, he'd told Finn that his mother had given him this book. Finn wasn't surprised by a book by a Scottish author as a gift from his mother. He was going to use it as his older book for the childhood literature assignment. He still hadn't decided what to use for his contemporary book. He decided to walk home, leaving the car for Rae to drive back to his place.

He walked with his hands in his pockets, enjoying the sun and the 'lazy afternoon' feel in the air. He tried to quieten down his mind; it'd been working overtime lately, worrying about every little thing; Rae, Rae and Phil, Saul, school, his dad, Janice, his mum, all of his mates and their various happenings…

He started to hum, focussing his mind on the tune so it wouldn't obsess over Rae, he slowed down his pace to really enjoy the walk home. He was so focussed on the tune he was humming that he didn't hear the running footsteps approaching him until it was almost too late. He turned just in time to see Simmy launching himself at him. Finn had just enough time to catch Simmy slightly, mitigating some of the damage done by the tackle as he crashed into the ground, Simmy on top of him.

Simmy hit him in the face and Finn tasted blood from somewhere in his mouth before he had time to register that Simmy was bringing his fist down again. Finn blocked the punch and grabbed Simmy around the throat with his other hand. One thing core strength training had given Finn was a remarkably strong grip; dead lifting over 100 kilos demanded it. Simmy's hands went straight to his throat and scrabbled with Finn's hand ineffectually. Finn gritted his teeth and made himself grip tighter on Simmy's throat, watching the panic come into his eyes momentarily before thumping him square in the face, very hard. He let Simmy fall back, gasping, scrambling to get up. Finn jumped up quickly and efficiently, just as Rhys had taught him. He watched Simmy rubbing his throat in disbelief, coughing and gasping still. Like Rhys, Finn didn't make the first move in a fight, he stood, knees bent, immovable like the earth he rooted his feet to, his fists raised, ready. Lately he had been understanding the mental aspect of fighting more and he made a conscious effort to slow down his breathing, to bring calm to himself. His mind was completely calm, he felt nothing other than readiness.

"Stay the fuck away from Macca." Simmy yelled at him. "He used to be me best mate till you ragged on him over that poofter Archie." Finn said nothing in reply, his eyes never leaving Simmy. Simmy was enraged that Finn said nothing. "Are you a faggot too?" He goaded, "Is that why you're with that fucking minger?" Finn simply motioned for Simmy to fight him, saying nothing. Simmy had done a few years of boxing too; most lads had, he felt confident he could beat Finn if he didn't let the fucker choke him again. He raised his fists and rushed at Finn, aiming to punch him, but Finn evaded the punch; easily ducking and landing a hard, swift punch in Simmy's side, before pushing him back and kicking him hard in the stomach. As Simmy doubled over Finn uppercut him in the chin, sending him rocking backwards. Simmy took several steps back, this time Finn following him, as soon as he steadied, Finn aimed another kick at his midriff and when Simmy again doubled over Finn grabbed the back of his head and brought his knee crashing up into Simmy's face with a satisfying crunch. Simmy crumpled to the floor and Finn stood over him. It had been a clinical, targeted beating; Finn had known what he was doing and what he was about to do at every single point.

He looked down at Simmy, gurgling through his broken nose, his hands over his mouth and nose protectively.

"You come near me best mate again, and I'll fuck you up twice as bad next time." He threatened in an icy tone. "And what I just did to you is nothing in comparison to what his boyfriend'll do to you if he ever sees you. Trust me, you don't want Tom beating you; he makes giving pain a fucking art form from what I hear." Simmy blinked at him silently as Finn smiled sadistically at him, "And Chop wants to kick your arse too." He added, "You'd be best to stay away from Archie." He started to walk away but then Simmy started to laugh.

"Well then maybe I'll just go after the girls." He said in a voice that made Finn's skin crawl. Finn turned slowly to Simmy, still lying on the ground, "Izzy's so little and sweet, she'd break easily." Finn narrowed his eyes, "And that Chloe is just the type o' girl I like to hurt." Finn started to walk back to Simmy, already knowing what he was about to say, "But maybe I could just see if that fat bitch really does had a magic fanny. Is that why you fuck her? I can't wait to find out." He laughed as Finn glared down at him.

"If you go near Rae, I will kill you." Finn told him through gritted teeth, the vitriol rising in his gut, threatening to blind him with rage.

"You fucked up my life Finn Nelson. You took me best mate, you made me unpopular, me marks at school dived after that… I didn't get into university cos o' you. So I'm just gonna hang around and fuck up your life. Hurt the people you love."

"If you come near any of us again, it won't be just me beating the ever-loving shit outta you."

"Bring it motherfucker." Finn kicked him in the side hard and he grunted with pain. "Fuck you!" He yelled loudly.

"Stay the fuck away from us." Finn commanded dangerously. He turned and left, Simmy chuckling behind him as he walked away. His mind raced over what Simmy had said as he walked home; he was sure it was an empty threat, dickheads like Simmy were all bark and no bite. Nonetheless he'd tell the gang and encourage the girls to keep up their training.

'_Feel the Pain' by Dinosaur Jr._

Phil had woken up in a philosophical mood and the mood had stayed with him throughout the entire day. The summer break had kind of changed everything for him. It had taken him half of it to loosen up after a year of playing the role of dutiful son and A grade student. He'd worked towards letting go of everything, including the only woman he'd ever been in love with. The only women he would ever love like this, he knew that to be the truth. The second half of the holidays had proven to him that he could never let go of Rae. He'd just have to learn to live without her. And Andrea had given him a fairly good idea of how to do that; sex. He'd never be the kind of Lothario Finn had had a reputation for being, although he suspected that most of it was as untrue as Finn said it was; he knew that if Rae believed him, he must be telling the truth. He wanted to stay true to himself and continue to respect women and to have a connection of some sort with the women he slept with. But he definitely did not want a full-on relationship with anyone that wasn't Rae. Even though he really did want to be fooling around a bit more; he enjoyed sex quite a bit more than he thought he would. He wondered how much fooling around he could actually do with a woman like Chloe; a woman whose friendship he valued and who he was quite fond of. As she had pointed out; there were plenty of girls he could be having a casual relationship with, and when Rae wasn't around, he was capable of seeing that. And was Chloe the right person to be doing this with? He supposed he'd find out today in drama, it'd be the first time they'd be together in the same room since the quite spectacular blowjob she'd given him. Then again, he hadn't had a bad blowjob yet; he suspected blowjobs were something you couldn't really do bad unless you got your teeth involved.

Phil's mates all had advanced mathematics when he went off to performing arts. He did hang with the geeks, it was true, but they were a good bunch of guys, and they helped steady him, eased him back into the monotonous routine of being a perfect student. The first thing he saw when he got in the room was Finn, he had a split lip and slight bruising around his mouth; what a surprise, he'd been fighting again, which meant Rae will have been worrying about him. Rae was sitting next to him, their heads together, chatting easily, he was grinning, with some difficulty because of his lip and she was chuckling and banging on animatedly. His hand stroked her thigh gently, affectionately. Phil's heart ached; he wanted what Finn had, that easy intimacy with her. Shagging her best mate practically guaranteed he'd never have a chance with her, and then his mind painfully reminded him that he didn't really have a chance anyway. No amount of romantic dinners or emotional and metal connection or moments that could almost have meant something would change that. Finn had had the good fortune to meet her first. He watched Finn kiss Rae's lips softly and saw the way her body responded to him and lowered his eyes.

"Don't you know staring is rude." Chloe joked as she came into the hall behind him and linked her arm with his. "You'll never get her that way." She said teasingly and he gave her a dirty look. "Oh right… you'll only get her if Finn dies, and then you'll have to wait at least a decade for her to get over him. And you'll never be quite sure that she loves you the way she loves him…" She said pleasantly.

"You're in quite the mood today." He replied drily and she grinned.

"It's the last class on a Friday, I got the whole weekend with my delicious boyfriend, and I survived my first week as a second year." She smiled sweetly, "Of course I'm in the mood." She smiled smuttily at her own double entendre and Phillip rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Come hang with us." She said and walked towards Rae and Finn. Izzy strolled in behind them and took Chloe's other arm.

"Hello!" She said happily, "Can't wait for the weekend." The girls chatted and manoeuvred Phillip towards Rae and Finn until he was once again sitting on the opposite side of the girls to Finn. He had wondered if Chloe would treat him any differently, and no one acted like they knew what had happened between he and Chloe.

"Hello class." Evin, the new dance teacher entered the room with a folder in her hands, "Elsa will just be along in a moment." She smiled winningly at them and scanned their faces. "My name is Evin, I tell people it's like Kevin without the K, that's a pretty easy way to remember how to say it, because for some reason, it seems to stump people!" She gave them a goofy grin and looked down at the folder, "Alright, Principal Dixon wants us to mark off the names of people who come to performing arts from now on because Elsa is trying to get this Friday class to be held in the arts centre theatre instead of here." There was an excited murmur from the students, Rae and Elsa had discussed this previously and she thought it was a brilliant idea. "Phillip Seymour and Rachel Earl?" She asked looking around until she spotted Phil's hand in the air, Rae raised hers only slightly and Evin nodded at her. "I think Elsa is going to get you two to help with that tomorrow?" She shook her head, "You'll have to talk to Elsa for the details." Rae sighed and looked down the line at Phillip who shrugged; he had no idea what this was about either. Rae looked back at Finn and he shrugged too, indicating that is sucked to be doing school stuff on a Saturday, but that he didn't mind.

"Right," She said and shoved her brown hair behind her ears clumsily. "I'm not a drama teacher, I'm a dance teacher, so until Elsa gets here, I'm going to teach you a quick dance." Rae and Finn instantly frowned, but Chloe and Izzy were on their feet in no time, Phillip being the first male to get up, joined them with a nervous but determined grin. "I know, I know, you didn't sign up for dance! But as actors, knowing how to move your bodies is a bonus in this industry, so it won't hurt you to learn this, up you all get!"

When Elsa walked in after a long conversation with Janice and then Sue on loudspeaker on the phone in the office with Principal Dixon, she stopped at the door, bemused by her class of actors laughing and trying to master the dance Evin was teaching them. It was a fairly simple dance, but it required a lot of body awareness and rhythm to execute well. Evin's apparent clumsiness was completely gone as she moved through the steps with a grace and aplomb that was mind-boggling. Chloe and Rae were acutely reminded of Izzy and the way she was uncoordinated until she started dancing on her feet; chair dancing was a disaster though. Oddly Finn mastered the moves the quickest, he just looked slightly stiff when executing them and Rae giggled almost continuously watching him try to figure out what was wrong with the way he was moving. Chloe and Izzy, both dancers looked wonderful doing the dance, moving with the music in a way that only years of training or natural talent could produce and Rae envied them. Phillip was passable, learning it slower than Finn but faster than Rae, and being slightly less stiff than Finn and also a lot less self-conscious than him. Rae didn't even want to imagine how she looked; but she learned it quickly, and according to Finn, looked quite sexy doing the dance.

After a while Elsa strolled into the room and gently patted Evin on the shoulder. Evin turned her green eyes to Elsa and gave her a huge grin.

"What do you think?" She asked.

"I think I need to teach them physical self-awareness!" Elsa laughed, "Some of you have no coordination and I'm not sure how you managed to open the front door this morning!"

"We're actors not dancers!" Kurt shot back with a laugh; he was particularly bad.

"Have you never heard of a triple threat?" Elsa asked, "A stage actor who can sing, dance and act." Kurt pulled a face, "Who here thinks they might be a triple threat?" Chloe raised her hand confidently. But she was the only one. "Well I need to have a few more triple threats by the end of this year I think." She turned back to Evin and noticed a few tiny amber spots in her left eye. It was a unique colouring to have coupled with the green, "Nice eyes." Elsa said before pressing on, "Wanna help me get some triple threats?" Elsa had decided that she liked Evin, it had taken all week of working with her to decide it, but it was still a relatively fast decision for Elsa; she preferred to hold off on things like that for as long as possible. "Extra credit for everyone who does it." Elsa told them, "Tuesday afternoons?" She asked Evin and she nodded, "After normal school hours." She took the folder from Evin and looked down the list of names. "Right into groups of," she did the maths, dividing her classes into even sized groups, "eight." Rae instantly saw Kristi nodding at her and she motioned for her to come over, and she was followed by her twin Kurt and Bryn.

"Looks like we got our group of eight!" Chloe grinned, "I like it a lot better than our group last year!" She looked across the room at Amy; obviously missing Stacey and looking unimpressed with her group.

"Bryn, I don't think you've met everyone." Chloe said and Bryn beamed at her, he was the only first year student in their group and the only first year student that Chloe talked to regularly. Chloe introduced everyone, and Rae finally got to see Mike's little brother. He really did look almost exactly the same as his older brother, except he had longer hair than his brother and a decent bit of stubble that Rae didn't mind the look of. She looked over at Finn's clean shaven face and wondered if stubble would look good on him.

"Hey Elsa, what d'you get up to over the holidays?" Sam asked and all the second year students turned their eyes to Elsa, the first years were still expecting her to be like a normal teacher and tell him to mind his own business. Evin sat down on the stage and watched on, getting a feel for the way Elsa taught, since she'd be working closely with her this year.

"Travelled through South East Asia with some friends." She said with a grin, "It was brilliant. When I lived in Australia, we'd go up through Asia every year and I'd really been missing it." She sat down next to Evin, "Very quick whip around the room, in 10 words or less, tell me what you got up to over the holidays." She pointed at Sam first.

"Nothing. Totally wasted it. It were great!" She laughed and the rest of the class joined in. They all quipped in with their summer activities, laughing and enjoying the chat. Drama was always good for having a quick chat like this; Elsa believed in giving them time to bond so they could work well together during their performances.

"My summer was spent listening to me brother lament that he didn't get in your pants Miss." Bryn said and shook his head, "like he had a chance hey?" He chuckled and Elsa nodded with a face that indicated that none of them did.

"Is that Mike?" She asked and he nodded his head.

"How does everyone know?" He laughed. Elsa turned her eyes to Phillip.

"Spent it in London." He shrugged, "Nothing much happened." That was the whole class and Elsa thanked them for sharing and then went back into serious mode.

"We're studying dada for this first month. Who knows what dada theatre is?" Elsa asked. As the class talked Rae leaned into Finn.

"South East Asia?" She asked suspiciously.

"What?" He asked perplexed.

"Kester just got back from Vietnam!" She said with a scandalised voice.

"No way." Finn countered, "She'd never fuck Kester."

"I know he seems a bit too shambolic for her… but I think she's got broad tastes."

"Aye she does." Finn said, "But he's the monogamous type. She's doesn't go in for that."

"Maybe they're just having a fling?" She gossiped but Finn shook his head resolutely.

"There's no way she'd do it. Elsa and Kester have almost opposite needs in a relationship, and probably sexually as well. Although who knows about Kester." He joked, but Rae didn't laugh, she narrowed her eyes slightly.

"How d'you know?" She asked quietly.

"How do I know what?"

"How d'you know that Elsa wouldn't fuck Kester, that he's not into monogamy, that she wants the opposite to Kester?" Rae stared at his face and saw his left eye twitch slightly. But he gave no other sign before he shrugged.

"It's just the way she carries herself." He said, "And the odd thing she's said here and there." He shook his head, "How d'you know that Kester and Elsa might wanna fuck?"

"He flirted with her right in front o' me face Finn." She answered grumpily, suspecting that Finn had hidden something from her. She'd noticed that sometimes he looked at Elsa, and she was starting to suspect that he might have a little bit of a crush on her. She couldn't comment; she did too. But he could just tell her that; she spoke about it honestly. But she suspected that Finn didn't take it seriously because she had never had any inclination towards women before. For Elsa she could make an exception.

All thoughts of Finn's possible crush on Elsa were driven from her mind when they had to start working in their groups.

"Dada is artistic anarchy." Kristi looked over their notes, "I like the sound of this."

"I like rebellions!" Kurt greed, "Especially if they're against the established norms."

"I like Dadaism because it embraced all the elements of art." Phillip said with a real fondness for the movement, "it was political, and it brought that to theatre, dance, music, poetry, art… it seemed foolish but it was complete genius."

"Phil, Rae," Elsa approached their group, "I need you two to finalise the details of the theatre usage on Fridays with Sue tomorrow." She told them, "I'm sorry but I've had something come up. I know I can trust you two to make sure we get everything we need from the arrangement." She said, "Sue said the morning is better for her. Is this alright with you two?" She looked at them both.

"Yeah fine." Phillip answered, "My Saturday mornings are now free."

"We've got tennis training." Chloe said softly and he looked at her momentarily, his face giving nothing away; they were practicing on Wednesdays now. "That's right." He said, "Sorry I forgot, summer holidays and all." He apologised and Chloe grinned and shrugged, "We'll have to cancel this Saturday."

"That's ok, I won't be able to make it to every Saturday." Chloe said, "Just saying you should keep it free for when I can." Rae narrowed her eyes at Chloe and Finn, they were being so nice to each other.

"Duly noted." He nodded his head.

"And you?" Elsa asked Rae.

"Oh yeah sure." Rae shrugged. "It won't take long right?"

"I shouldn't expect so." Elsa shook her head.

"Hey Elsa," Kristi asked, "I feel like Dadaism and surrealism are kinda linked?" She asked, trying to get her head around the topic. Rae looked over at Finn as Elsa answered and she saw his eyes on Elsa. It might have been nothing. It probably was nothing. Just a student listening to a teacher. But Rae felt worry settle into her stomach.

'_7 Seconds' By Neneh Cherry & Youssou N'Dour_

"What did Archie say?" Rae asked and Finn shrugged.

"He's pissed off that Simmy threatened you girls." He said slowly, "He wants to flatten the guy."

"I wanna flatten the guy." Chloe said with an angry face. They were heading to the car park after drama, ready to go home. Finn and Rae had his house to themselves for the night and Chloe was spending the weekend with Rhys.

"There's a line for beating that guy." Izzy shook her head, "How does one boy get to be filled with so much hatred?" She frowned, "Can't believe he said that about me. About us." She looked at Chloe and Rae. Finn hadn't sugar-coated what Simmy had said; he had told them everything that had happened and encouraged them to keep training. He'd never seen Rhys look so stern when he'd heard. Chop had gone fucking ballistic with anger.

"I think even Rhys got in line to beat the hell outta him." Rae agreed with Izzy.

"I don't need Rhys to fight me battles for me." Chloe said softly, "Although having him as back up is very nice!" She chuckled.

"Aye no one in their right mind would fuck with Rhys." Rae nodded towards the car park where chop and Rhys stood chatting; all the other people who were here to pick up someone kept eyeing Rhys nervously. He was wearing a singlet; his tattoos showing, his pierced nipples obvious under the thin material, and torn jeans with a loose, rough, black, mid-thigh length skirt over the top of them. His goatee was bright purple and he wore green nail polish and his feet were bare. Chloe grinned the minute she saw him. She was wearing matching green nail polish. And no one else knew that after they'd finished dying his goatee, they'd used the left over to dye her pubic hair, because purple was her favourite colour, and it seemed like such a waste to just throw it out… She giggled every time she saw her purple bush. It was the first time she'd seen Rhys since Tuesday; they'd talked on the phone every night, but his schedule and her homework had kept them both very busy. Students were eyeing Rhys curiously as they left school, waiting to see who he was there to pick up, but when Phil saw him he paused. Rae noticed his footsteps falter momentarily before he kept going, heading, with the rest of them, towards Chop and Rhys.

"What are you doing here?" Izzy asked Chop confused, "I thought you was working back tonight?"

"I am." Chop said, "But I thought I'd take you home baby girl." What Simmy had said really got to him and he had no intention of letting Izzy walk home anymore, even if he had to organise something with Rhys or Finn to give her lifts. Rhys was there because Chloe had asked him to pick her up, although he was inclined to agree with Chop and Finn that it was better for everyone to stay at least in pairs; it didn't have to be men defending women, just safety in numbers. His stern face broke out into a huge grin when he saw her.

"I've missed you." He said to her as she approached.

"Hello to you too!" She laughed and flung her arms around his neck; he always bent for her so she could. Chloe noticed many sets of eyes on them and she didn't care one bit.

"Alright I'm heading home." Phil said, "See you." Izzy hugged him.

"Bye Phil." She grinned. Rae turned and gave him a hug and said farewell. Finn felt the smile freeze on his face; this was new to him. Chloe also turned to give him a hug.

"See you Monday Phil." She said cheerily and he nodded.

"Yep." His eyes flicked to Rhys momentarily and Rhys furrowed his brows. "I'll see you." He turned and left hurriedly.

"What's up with him?" Izzy asked with a perplexed look.

"You guys hug now?" Finn asked and then shook his head, "Forget I asked that." He held up his hand. "It don't matter." He took a deep breath and tried to stop the internal voice that told him he should be worrying.

"Right, well I'll see you all at the pub tomorrow!" Chloe grinned, "Lunch time right?" They all finalised their plans before Chloe turned and took Rhys's hand. "Take me home big fellah." She chuckled and Rhys cocked an eyebrow.

"Careful, I'll put you over my shoulder again." He returned the joke and they headed towards his car laughing and joking.

"Right fuckers." Chop said, "Tomorrow." He fist bumped Finn and hugged Rae before heading off with Izzy.

"I love you Mr Earl." Rae grinned at him, knowing he was fretting a little. They headed for the car, Finn grinning as she started to list all the things she loved about him.

Rhys and Chloe sat in the car silently as he drove them back to his place. Now that it came to it, Chloe was overcome with fear that Rhys wouldn't be ok with what she'd done with Phillip, and it wasn't worth losing him over something like that. But she jutted her chin defying her own fears; she believed Rhys. She believed all the things he'd said had been more than just pretty words to lure her to him. Their relationship was different; it allowed her the freedom to do things like that. It allowed her to need to be adored by as many people as she needed. It allowed her to reclaim her body and sexuality. It allowed her to feel like a sexy vixen, using boys and breaking hearts and still coming home to her man at night. She didn't know why she needed to do all these things, but she felt she did and he didn't hate her for it… or judge her. She believed him.

"I fooled around with Phillip a little." She said suddenly, holding her breath, waiting for his response.

"Ah." He said softly and Chloe bit her bottom lip in nervous anticipation, "That explains why he looked at me like I might hurt him." He grinned. She let out the breath slowly, relieved.

"Do you wanna ask any questions about it?" She asked awkwardly, not knowing how to handle this conversation. She'd never had to have this kind of conversation before. Rhys pulled into his car park and stopped the engine.

"Do you want me to?" He asked and she thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Ok." He lowered his eyes in thought. "Did you enjoy yourself?" He asked and she detected no upset in his words.

"Yes." She answered simply. "Don't you want to know what we did?" She asked.

"You don't have to tell me. Although we will need to come up with an agreement about protection since we're not using condoms anymore."

"Condoms with anyone that's not you." Chloe said instantly and Rhys nodded.

"Alright." He agreed. "I'll do the same then." She felt strange about the idea that he might be with someone else, but knew it was part of the deal. She still had some kinks to iron out in this arrangement that she'd set up. But she knew Rhys would be as patient and accommodating as he always was.

"I wanna tell you what happened." She told him firmly.

"D'you wanna go inside for that?" He asked with a reassuring grin.

As soon as she sat down on the green lounge, Mr Meow jumped up and started loudly purring on her lap, while Rhys made them a huge pot of tea. There was a knock on the door and Chloe looked down at Mr Meow.

"Gonna have to move buddy." Chloe told him and he looked up at her with lazy blinking eyes. "I gotta get the door." But Rhys came through, carrying the pot of tea, sugar, milk spoons and cups on a tray with one hand. He opened the door with his other hand and Chloe saw a beautiful woman in a tight fitting red dress.

"Hi Rhys." She smiled sweetly. Chloe furrowed her brow.

"Dee-Dee." He said warmly, "How can I help you?"

"Oh I just accidentally picked up your mail again." She laughed and handed him several envelopes.

"Thanks Dee-Dee." Rhys smiled, "what would I do without you to correct the mailman's mistakes?" He asked indulgently.

"So do you need anything tonight?" She asked and Rhys grinned thankfully at her.

"No, Dee-Dee, I'm fine."

"Anything at all." She said with just the slightest hint of suggestion in her voice.

"You're such a kind neighbour." Rhys said with a huge smile, "it's so good to know I've got someone like you looking out for me." He soothed gently, "But I'll be fine, thank you." He started to slowly close the door, "Thank you so much Dee-Dee."

"Well if you need anything…?"

"I'll let you know." He said with a nod, "Goodnight."

"Have a great night Rhys." She called as the door closed gently. He turned back to Chloe, his eyes on the mail with a slight frown as he walked over to the coffee table and put the tray down.

"I take it Dee-Dee picks up your mail a lot?" Chloe asked with a wry smile. Rhys made an unimpressed sound and nodded as he picked up the mail and thumbed through it. "Have you…?"

"No I haven't fucked her." Rhys said, "She's not…"

"You're type?" Chloe asked intrigued; she was stunningly beautiful.

"She's not someone who could handle me." Rhys corrected with a slight grin. "I would only do her harm." He shrugged, "I'm not what she needs." Chloe cocked her head to the side and considered this.

"What made you think I could handle you?"

"I don't know." He answered, "I can never put my finger on it exactly… but the person I am isn't good for everyone, and I can just tell who is better off without me." He saw the look on Chloe's face and grinned, "There's people in the world who are better off without you Chloe." He explained, "There's always some people that we're just not good for. And others we are."

"I'm very different to you, it just surprises me that…" she shook her head, not able to find the right words.

"Yes, but I'm very flexible; mentally, emotionally, sexually… physically." He added with a devious grin.

"But not flexible enough for her?" Chloe asked.

"Too flexible for her." Rhys answered, "The thing that makes me a good match for some people, is the thing that makes me a terrible match for others." He shrugged and put the letters down, unopened. "It's like that for everyone." He poured them some tea and Chloe watched his steady movements thoughtfully. "And besides, she's racist." He added and Chloe raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"She wants to fuck you Rhys…?" She asked and he nodded his head.

"I heard her tell her sister that she wanted to ride the big black cock." Rhys replied and Chloe scrunched up her nose in disgust.

"I bet you hate living up to that stereotype?" She joked and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"It has its perks." He grinned, "But I've had several black lovers with cocks of all different sizes. And all stereotypes, even if they're a supposedly good one, are still a dehumanising pile of trash."

"I know." She said sadly, "I've read enough of your bookshelf to get that, at least." She looked over at the bookshelf, "Still a long way to go though."

"And I'm not even overly political. Wait till you meet some of my friends."

"What are they like?"

"They are all very attractive and funny. Some of them are quite political and most of them aren't quite as white as my other group of friends." He referred to the gang and Chloe chuckled while he smiled with slightly narrowed eyes.

"So is the gang all attractive too?" She asked still chuckling.

"Of course they are." He said, "I only really have friends that are." He shrugged at Chloe's confused face.

"Everyone in the gang is fuckable to you, aren't they?" She asked suddenly. He nodded in reply as if that was obvious. Her continued look of incredulity made him decide to actually explain his sexuality for the first time in his life.

"The way my sexuality works is…" He considered for a moment, having no idea how to put it into words accurately "Well I find everyone attractive physically." He said as he poured the milk for Chloe. "It's when I get to know them that they get struck off the list of people I'd fuck." Chloe couldn't help but giggle at the way he described it, "So really anyone I'd be friends with is someone I'd fuck."

"So you could have a one night stand with anyone?" She asked and he nodded.

"Yeah cos I don't know anything about 'em." He put sugar into his own tea but not Chloe's. She had white tea with no sugar. He had black tea with a lot of sugar. "But if I wanna fuck 'em more than once, I gotta like their personality as well. And that's harder."

"I remember you said you're not fond of bigots."

"No I'm not." He agreed, "And you'd be surprised at how many people are bigots." He said sadly.

"So personality plays a big part in it for you?"

"Oh definitely." Rhys answered, "I can't be sexually attracted to someone with a terrible personality."

"So when you first see a person – they're all equally fuckable?"

"Yes."

"Alright, then you get to know them and…?"

"A lot of people don't suit me mentally." He said with a wry grin.

"Bigots with shit personalities." She grinned. "Then what?"

"Emotional maturity matters a lot." He added, "There's actually a lot of hoops to get through to get into my pants!" he laughed, "Even if I would fuck a person in theory, for it to eventuate into a reality, there's a whole load of circumstances that have to be right." He shook his head, "So all the stars align much less often than I'd probably like given I find everyone attractive on first sight." He took a sip of tea, grimaced and added another teaspoon of sugar.

"So since we've been together… you haven't fooled around with anyone else have you?" She asked feeling guilty and he shook his head in response.

"I will if I find someone worth fooling around with."

"Elsa?" She asked astutely and his smile turned serious.

"I've been abstaining from sexual activity with Elsa because I know she intimidates you." Chloe felt her mouth open in surprise and she lowered her face to look at Mr Meow still sitting in her lap, asleep now.

"You and Elsa?" Chloe asked and Rhys raised his eyebrows and let out a slow breath. "You're close?"

"Yes." He answered and looked at her carefully, "And our friendship is non-negotiable Chloe." He told her honestly, "I will always be close with her." Chloe lowered her eyes, feeling tears in her eyes, "But I will abstain from having sex with her if you prefer." He noted her sadness, and knew that his relationship with Elsa required further explanation, "She's the reason I was in a position to teach Finn to box when I was 16 rather than still living on the streets being an underage prostitute." He told her and Chloe rose her eyes, understanding how important Elsa was to him now. "She saved my life Chloe. I will always love her. I will always be close to her." She nodded.

"Of course."

"She saved me when I was 14." He said softly, "And when I was 18, she was the first woman I had sex with for free. First woman I slept with that wasn't a job." He lowered his eyes, "She is important to me. And we have fooled around since then." He nodded slowly, "And we have lunch together every Wednesday."

"So she's like a girlfriend?" Chloe asked sadly and Rhys shook his head.

"We're friends who occasionally fuck." He told her, "You are my girlfriend."

"And what's the difference?" Chloe asked defensively, not sure how this whole thing worked.

"If she asked me to stop sleeping with someone I would tell her she has no right to ask that of me." Rhys said simply, "You do not need to ask it. I see you are not comfortable with it, so I desist." Chloe felt a lump in her throat, "And if you did ask, I would do as you needed."

"I don't want you to stop sleeping with Elsa." Chloe said with lowered eyes and Rhys smiled reassuringly, his hand gently stroking her cheek.

"And when you truly mean that Chloe, I'll consider giving her a call." She looked up at him. "It's ok Chloe." He reassured her.

"It's not fair though is it?" She asked sadly, "I'm off doing stuff with Phillip and you're…" She held her lips together tightly to stifle her emotion.

"Chloe, I have been in these types of relationships for all of my adult life. I'm used to them. You're not." He said gently, "It takes time." She nodded slowly. "And you're under no obligation to stay in this type of relationship if it doesn't work for you."

"I just want us to be equal and fair in this thing." She said softly, but her insides squirmed at the thought of him being with Elsa.

"Equality and fairness are often misunderstood concepts." He said simply and she gave him a confused look. "How much money do you reckon the queen has?"

"Millions of pounds." Chloe answered with a confused tone.

"Right, and the poorest person you know?"

"Not much at all."

"So if I gave a pound to the queen and to the poorest person you know… would that be fair? Would it make things equal? Who would benefit more?" Chloe stared at him, understanding coming into her eyes. "I use that example that to explain to people why equal opportunity employment is important, but the example holds true here as well." He told her firmly, "In this instance I'm the millionaire… I don't need the money Chloe, you do. I'm fine." He told her softly. She lowered her eyes and fidgeted with her cup. "I don't need to fuck a person every time you do, Chloe."

"But I don't feel right fucking around and you're not." She said slowly.

"Why's that?" He finished his tea in a big gulp and poured himself a second from the pot.

"Cos I feel I'm cheating on you and you're not worth losing over this." She noticed that he had stopped mid pour and was looking at her. She looked up at him.

"Chloe, you're not cheating on me. We have an agreement. An agreement we negotiated because of your needs. Are you now saying that your needs are not as important as me?" He asked with sorrow in his eyes, "You know I think your needs are paramount, missy." He added gently.

"I worry about your needs." She replied firmly and watched a small grin creep onto his face.

"My needs are being met." He countered easily.

"I dunno Rhys… after Elsa and Pandora… I must seem very… tame… in comparison." She felt slightly sick in the stomach; she wasn't used to giving voice to her real concerns around men. They always used it as a weapon to control her.

"I don't compare my lovers Chloe." He answered, "And besides my sexuality is very fluid." He told her, "I tend to… mould myself to the person I'm with." He sipped his tea.

"I don't… I don't understand. Don't you have your own desires?"

"I most definitely do." He replied, "Just because I don't make our entire sex life about what I desire, it does not mean that I do not want."

"Well I wanna know what you want."

"You." He nodded and the desire in his eyes for her was breathtaking.

"But what do you wanna do to me? Or have me do to you?" She asked fervently.

"Plenty of things." He replied, "I'm happy following your lead though."

"What if I'm taking too long to get to what you want?"

"We've got plenty of time." He answered confidently and Chloe felt her cunt respond to that confidence. But she made her body quieten down, and followed her brain and her worries; she needed to sort all of this out.

"What if I don't get around to doing what you want?" She asked pointedly.

"Desire's a tricky thing Chloe." Rhys said, "Sometimes I want all sorts of things." He said, "But at the moment I'm doing something with you, I just want exactly what it is we're doing."

"But…" Chloe couldn't bring herself to ask him if he thought what they were doing was boring.

"When I worked with Pandora, she inflicted all sorts of pain on me. And I wanted it at the time she was doing it." Rhys told her as he slipped off his singlet slowly, his hand running down his chest to his left nipple ring. Chloe looked at his body with desire.

"I got this from Pandora." He said slowly, fingering the ring gently, "In the middle of a show. She did it without telling me she'd do it. It hurt like hell." He shook his head, "She gave me a Prince Albert as well and when I was with her it was amazing and I loved it. But I took it out and I was really lucky it healed up alright without much of a scar." He grinned. "I wanted her to do almost whatever she wanted to me, because that's the way it works with Pandora. And the way it works with me, is that I adapt to who I'm with, I'm flexible."

"Almost anything?"

"I still have my hard boundaries." He said firmly, "I know what I don't want to do, not necessarily what I do want to do." Chloe nodded, understanding that; she felt the same.

"And is… is a prince albert a piercing through the head of the cock?" Chloe had hear rumours about this thing and she was surprised he'd once had one.

"It's through the urethra… the eye. And under the glans. That hurt quite a bit." He chuckled reminiscently, "See I like the nipple ring, so even after Pandora was done with me, I kept it. Didn't like the P.A." He shrugged, "Sometimes I don't know my desire until it's all done and dusted… that can be the nature of exploration sometimes." He reached over and stroked Mr Meow's head gently as he considered this, "Sometimes you know exactly what you want to explore though. Pandora was an example of me moulding myself to someone else, of me being swept up with wanting what she wanted." He pointed to his other nipple ring. "This one was Tom."

"You really liked the nipple ring a lot huh?" She laughed and he nodded.

"I do. And I pursued Tom. I wanted him, I wanted what I knew he could offer. He's an example of when I have known what I wanted and I still adapted to his desires because that's part of who I am." He grinned, "So I ended up with a Lorum piercing from him. And I still have that. Because I went into the relationship with Tom, knowing what I wanted." He finished his tea and poured a second cup for Chloe, finishing off the pot. "And I'm very good at knowing who can fulfil my desires." He told her simply. "Everyone's different, no one's better than someone else." He shrugged, "Some people are sadistic and are aroused by piercing me, some are not." He told her with a shrug, "I could have asked Elsa to do this nipple ring, but piercing me does not arouse her. So what would have been the point of trying to convince her to do something she didn't want to do, when there's plenty of people who do want to do it to me?" He looked at her astutely, "Don't feel like you have to do things you don't want to. Or that you have to stack up to previous lovers."

"Easier said than done." Chloe kept her eyes on the huge ginger cat sleeping happily on her lap.

"I understand." He told her, "Let me know if I can do anything to help you with that." She nodded slowly.

"What's a Lorum piercing?"

"It's in my scrotum at the base of my cock." He told her and she opened her mouth in shock.

"How have I not noticed it?" She felt acutely aware of how much attention she hadn't been paying to his cock. "I've put a condom on you!" She exclaimed.

"I wasn't wearing it at the summer ball." He said. "In case we did get to having sex and in case you didn't like it." He answered shyly and she laughed in surprise.

"I wanna see it." She ordered immediately and he chuckled as he stood up and took his skirt and pants off. He lifted up his cock and there underneath it at the base was a silver captive ball ring through the part of the scrotum that attached to the base of the cock. "Can I touch it?" She asked amazed and he nodded. She reached out and gently fingered the piercing.

"I practically had to re-pierce the thing after the summer ball." He said, "So it's not coming out again. So I hope you like it!" Chloe nodded as she took some time to look at his genitals, she noticed a small puckered scar on his thigh right next to his testicles and wondered what had caused that.

Mr Meow stretched and jumped off Chloe's lap, unimpressed with her for leaning forward. He collapsed in a heap on the floor and stretched out dramatically, but Chloe hardly noticed his antics as she put her tea down and gently stroked Rhys's testicles, quite liking the Lorum ring. She made herself stop and leaned back. She had to tell him about Phil before she could enjoy his genitals.

"So Phil fingered me. But I weren't naked so he didn't see me purple muff." Chloe told him, wanting to see his reaction. He nodded slowly as he sat down.

"His loss." He grinned and met her eyes, she was worried he wouldn't look her in the eye.

"Ask me a question." She said stridently; covering her fear with bravado.

"Did you cum?" Rhys obliged without a pause.

"Yes." She told him in a straight forward manner, "He fingered me from behind and his fingers kinda pressed into the back of me rather than the front, and it was amazing." She told him, waiting to see jealousy, or concern that he hadn't done that to her.

"Well I'm glad he wasn't useless." Rhys grinned. Chloe nodded slowly.

"I sucked his dick." She said brazenly. And then she saw something, a sight hesitation before he nodded slowly. She narrowed her eyes. "Ask me a question." She dared him.

"Did he go down on you after that?"

"No he says he owes me though." Chloe replied. "Don't you wonder why I sucked his cock and not yours even though we've been together for like 2 months." Rhys lowered his eyes.

"I won't deny that a similar thought crossed my mind momentarily, but then I know you will have entirely valid reasons for your actions, and you are under obligation to do anything with me; including fellatio, and also including telling me what your reasons are."

"Did I hurt your feelings?" She asked worried and he looked up at her with a reassuring smile.

"No Chloe." He told her, "I really do mean it when I say that I am not entitled to you and you can do as you wish."

"But… but you have desires of your own?" She asked him slowly and he nodded.

"Of course I do."

"And I'm not meeting your desires." She said firmly and he shook his head in disagreement.

"I pursued you Chloe, knowing that I wanted what you had to offer. Now I am moulding to you and your needs. My desires are satisfied."

"So if we never did anything other than you going down on me and me riding you, that'd be ok with you?" She asked trying to hide her incredulity.

"If that's what you truly wanted." He answered and she shook her head, ready to call him a liar. "But it's not." Her words died in her throat, "It's not what you want, so I can't be satisfied with staying here forever, because you won't be." His eyes flicked to her face and she saw a desire for her that was so heated, so intense that her cunt contracted powerfully making her body shudder involuntarily. And Rhys grinned.

"And that's how I know you don't want to stay having the same sex forever." Chloe blushed, aware that her body had given her away. He bit his bottom lip and let his eyes crawl down her body. She held her breath; this was new, he was undressing her with his eyes, he was eye fucking her. He was taking the lead momentarily and she could barely move, barely think. He wasn't hiding the intensity of his desire for her like he normally did and it was incredible. She could feel herself getting wet; she wanted Rhys with this much intensity, but she was afraid she wouldn't be able to handle it. She lowered her eyes and looked away.

"And that's why I will continue to follow your lead." He understood her fear. She looked back at him. His desire was cloaked again, but she saw more genuine love for her on his face than she'd seen from any other man that had shown even half that amount of desire for her. "So you tell me what you want. And I will do it," He said happily, "Whatever it is." Chloe lowered her eyes, considering his offer.

"I might not be ready for your full intensity Rhys, but I am ready for you to start telling me what you want." She looked back up at him, "me, I know you want me." She sat forward on the lounge her skirt riding up slightly and she saw his eyes flick to her thighs, the desire not completely under control yet, before they flicked back to her face, "but I need to hear what you want." She told him, "Do you understand Rhys?" She put her hand in his, "I need to hear some of your desires. Desires that are independent of mine. I can probably handle just the tiniest tip of the iceberg right now… but… tell me…" She watched him closely as he looked down at her hand in his, his thumb gently stroking her fingers. He took a deep breath and looked back up at her.

"I'd like to… I'd like to fuck you standing." His face broke out into a huge grin, "In the shower."

"Tell me how you picture it." She said excitedly.

"I'm holding you up," He closed his eye as if picturing it in his mind, "and your arms are wrapped around my neck, and we're kissing." She looked at how happy his face looked thinking about this. But he opened his eyes and looked at here seriously, "But if you don't want this, the desire will easily pass." He reassured her, "You needn't feel like you have to fulfil my desires."

"Why not? You do it for me." She snapped and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You said you'd follow my lead, well this is where I'm leading!" His eyes took her in slowly, and she jutted her chin, feeling every bit as brave as her posture made her out to be, for once.

"I apologise Chloe." Rhys said honestly, "You're right."

"I know!" She said firmly, but inside she was surprised he had said that to her. "D'you know why I sucked Phil's cock?" She asked him.

"Because you wanted to I assume." He answered her brusque question as calmly as he ever was.

"Yes." She said, "But I wanted to because it's been 10 months since I sucked a cock." Rhys furrowed his brows slightly as he put that information together with previous things she'd said to him today.

"You wanted practice?" He asked and she grinned; glad he'd understood.

"I wanted practice." She repeated, "I can't imagine me sucking your dick better than Elsa or Pandora… or Tom!" She suddenly thought of all the things Archie had said to her about Tom's dick sucking skills, "Fuck!" She shook her head, "I could never compete with a man! He's got a dick… he know what it feels like!" She stared tragically into the dregs of her cold tea and felt a little sick about swallowing Phil's cum when it wasn't going to help her out with never being good enough at oral sex.

"It's not a competition Chloe." Rhys answered, but she barely heard him.

"What else have you done?" She asked, "How many people have you fucked?" She asked feeling panic rising in her stomach. "How many other women have you had in that bed Rhys?" She asked him with deeply furrowed brows, a deep anxiety in her eyes.

"None." Rhys answered calmly and Chloe blinked at him in disbelief.

"Men?" She asked, possibly even more concerned about how wonderful sex would be with men for Rhys.

"Also none."

"You don't have to lie to me about this." She said firmly. He stroked her face gently.

"Chloe, I don't bring people back to my home very often. It's my private sanctuary against the world and I don't let people in unless I know I can trust them." Chloe felt her panic almost instantly drop a notch as his calm voice soothed her, "I tend to go to other people's house for sex," he said, "and the few people I've had back to my house, I've fucked on this lounge we're sitting on, or on the spare bed, which I've recently replaced; so that one hasn't been used."

"Just me in your bed?" She asked in a small bewildered voice.

"Just you in my bedroom." He added with a nod of the head that emphasised how important that was. "I'm a rape survivor like you Chloe." He said, "My home is my safe place away from this world and my bedroom is the heart and soul of that." He lowered his eyes, "I don't like having people here I don't know well. There's only been Tom, Elsa, Vincent and Sam." He said, "That have ever been invited to my home. And only Elsa has ever been in a bedroom of mine. Just not that one. She hasn't actually been to this apartment. I've only owned it for two years." He shrugged. "Here it's only been you that's been invited over at all. I'm slow to invite people into my home, especially for something as intimate as sex. And sex is always intimate, even if you don't know the other person's name." He said, "And besides, Mister Meow doesn't like guests." He said softly and Chloe smiled at this complex man that she suddenly realised she was in love with. Strangely, feeling this upsurge of love for him only made her feel more confident about their unconventional relationship; it was right for them.

"I want you to enjoy your relationship with Elsa to its fullest; I don't mind if you two fuck." Chloe suddenly said, "But just me in your bedroom." She told him, "Just me in your heart." She put her hand on his naked chest and he nodded slowly.

"Just you in my heart." He stroked her hair gently, "And soul." He added with a deep love in his eyes that made her previous worries about his past lovers, and competing with them, and going down on him, completely evaporate. She was something very special to him. How could those poor other people compete with her?

"So I think it's time to give the shower in your ensuite a bit of a christening don't you think?" She asked him and he chuckled.

"I do think it's time, yes." He bit his bottom lip and let his eyes drop to her mouth again and Chloe licked her lips the minute his eyes dropped. She saw a spark of desire ignite and watched him start to reign it in, but she had no intention of letting that happen.

"Don't you wish I'd suck your cock Rhys?" She asked him with a seductive tone. She watched an appreciative smile creep across his face.

"If you wish to do it, I have no objections." His voice was slightly husky and she knew he did desire it. She made a slightly sad sound and his eyes finally tore away from her mouth to her eyes, concern at the noise she'd made.

"No objection." She said forlornly, her eyes lowered as if very upset. "That's hardly enough motivation to get a girl on her knees." She slowly raised her eyes to Rhys, a slight smile on her lips, her eyes suggestive. Rhys understood that she wanted him to ask her outright for oral sex, and he really had no objection to obliging her at all.

"Please Chloe," He said softly, leaning towards her, his eyes filling with desire, "Please go down on me." She watched him bite his bottom lip again, his eyes dropping to her mouth.

"You want me to wrap my beautiful lips around your big cock?" She asked and a slight groan came from his mouth and he chuckled at himself.

"I want a blowjob right now more than I have ever wanted a blowjob." He licked his lips and looked into her eyes, "So if you want to do it, I have absolutely no objection." He breathed and she chuckled, loving the way he made her cunt throb for him, she slid off the lounge to her knees and he groaned in anticipation. She knelt before him and slowly unbuttoned her blouse. He watched her, more of the desire he kept so carefully under control flooding through him. She flung her bra off and pulled her skirt up over her head, leaving just her g-string on. She knelt before him, almost naked and he pushed the coffee table out of the way for her in one strong movement, knocking his tea chop off it and scaring Mr Meow, but his eyes never left her. If she needed to see his desire, he could easily show her that; he was filled with it for her. He could show her how his situational awareness disappeared when she was around because all he could see was her. He could show her how his heart sped up, how his cock ached, how his hands twitched to touch her, his mouth watered to taste her. He could show her how the thought of her doing things just to please him made his insides tingle just as much as the thought of him doing things just to please her. But he had to remember to show her just the tip of the iceberg. She watched him blink a few times and reign in the desire. So she picked up his hand slowly, his eyes fell to her two hands holding his hand and he gasped in surprise as she wrapped her lips around his finger. He'd had this done to him before; he'd done it to Tom… But Chloe… Chloe doing this to him set off shudders of desire throughout him. He watched as she wrapped her tongue around his finger and took all of it into her mouth, sucking it with a small groan of desire escaping her throat. He groaned in sympathy.

"Good god woman, do you have any idea what you do to me?" He breathed as she kept her eyes on his, her tongue circling the tip of his finger. Chloe grinned, starting to get the idea. She didn't want to tease him anymore, she wanted to taste him. She looked up at his face, he was watching her closely, a lusty grin on his face, his cock erect. To Chloe's surprise she felt her mouth watering in anticipation she was so keen to do this that her body was prepping for it. She pushed him back in the seat so he was leaning back, his pelvis forward on the chair and knelt between his feet. She grasped his cock and without any delay licked the end of it she felt the muscles in his thighs tense up and flicked her eyes up to his; she intended to look at him the whole time she was doing this. She opened her mouth wide and slid his cock into her mouth, his closed eyes slowly and he took a deep breath in, letting it out with a long slow moan before he opened his eyes to watch her mouth move over the length of his cock, her hand pumping in unison, her other hand gently caressing his balls. He gently stroked her hair as she sucked him, noticing for the first time how big his hands were in comparison to the size of her head, noticing how wide she opened her mouth to take him in. He heard her gag as she pushed herself down onto him and saw her eyes water. He shook his head.

"I will get it all down." She told his shaking head.

"No it's fine." He told her.

"It won't be today." She told him, "But I will be the master this cock." She told him immutably and he heard that determined tone of voice she sometimes used and knew there was no point telling her that it was a very difficult task she'd set herself. Only Tom had managed to do it, and Rhys had been beyond impressed. So had Tom, and he had told Rhys that since deep throating him, no one else seemed quite as difficult to do. He watched her take deep breaths and work herself further down his shaft and groaned; he liked the way she alternated between deep throating and using her hand so she could lick and suck the tip; she was taking her time to work him towards orgasm and he really liked that she was in no rush, that she was enjoying doing this to him. She sucked his balls happily, moving them gently in her mouth, her hand stroking him, the fingers of her other had slipping past his balls to his perineum. She'd read about this little area of magic in her magazines and his eyes rolled back in his head when she started to massage it, he spread his thighs for her and tilted his pelvis upwards to give her easier access. She let her fingers massage his perineum, his balls resting in her palm, and started to deep throat him again, her other hand still able to stroke the bottom of his shaft even though she was going as deep as she could. She could see the muscles of his stomach flexing, could feel his thighs tensing, he was groaning loudly and she knew that he was starting to build towards climax. Which was good because she'd been doing this for forty minutes and her jaw was getting tired; she'd deliberately taken her time to build him to orgasm, but she'd forgotten how tiring sucking cock could be. But she was so glad she'd taken her time, she had been rewarded by hundreds of small sounds, deep groans, appreciative sighs, blissful looks, tensing muscles and his head rolling back in pleasure. Her sexual self-esteem was feeling quite appeased by how much pleasure she had been able to give him.

"I am going to swallow your cum." She whispered to him before taking a deep breath and deep throating him again. She hadn't wanted to wait for him to ask her where to cum; she wanted to just give him that sexy little piece of information and let him lie back and enjoy without worrying about it. He groaned in response, his mouth opening as he grew closer. She sped up, her muscles aching but singing in triumph as she heard his moans becoming louder and more urgent. This was the best head she'd ever given; for her at least. She'd enjoyed every minute of it and she was finishing it exhausted but triumphant; his orgasm being so worth the effort she put in to the slow build. She'd never enjoyed giving oral sex like she'd enjoyed this; his obvious appreciation as he looked into her eyes was such a gift.

"Oh Chloe." He moaned softly, he tried to say her name again, but the words were lost in long low groan and she felt his warm cum spurt into her mouth, her eyes opened in triumph; she'd done that, she'd made this man cum. This perfect, beautiful man who she loved deeply. She felt herself sucking him even as he came and surprised herself. His groans hit a higher pitch as she sucked him dry, swallowing without a thought as she sucked him, wanting every drop of him. She stopped when he stopped coming, realising that she had swallowed it all without any trouble at all and looked up at him with a huge grin. He was leaning back on the lounge, his mouth still open in ecstasy. She felt the sticky film left in her mouth and tasted him in her mouth even though she had swallowed; she found she didn't mind it when it was him. She'd read in one of her magazines that a diet high in fresh fruit and vegetable, particularly pineapple made cum taste better, and she knew Rhys had an excellent diet. Phillip usually did too, but she knew he'd been eating a lot of junk food in London; maybe that's what did it? She'd have to ask Archie and Rae what Tom and Finn tasted like, and Izzy what Chop tasted like; Chop had a habit of refusing to eat most vegetables and all fruit. She thought about these things as Rhys sat calmly, smiling at her lustily. She could probably just ask him, he'd probably swallowed many times in his life. The way he was looking at her was so desirous that she felt her body aching to fuck him, but in her experience, a blowjob meant they weren't having sex again until tomorrow.

"How was it?" She asked, knowing he'd enjoyed it, but needing him just say that it was ok.

"Incredible." He said, still in post-orgasm glow. She bit her bottom lip, intensely pleased with his response and kissed him again as he went to say something else. They kissed for a long time, Chloe crawling up onto the lounge to lie on top of him. After a while her stomach grumbled and he pulled back from the kiss gently and looked up at the clock. . "How about I cook you some dinner and then we head to that shower christening you mentioned?" She bit her bottom lip and nodded, scrambling off him to sit on the longue. "Though I think we might have to make a stop somewhere, anywhere you like, for me to grab a taste." His eyes dropped to her purple bush and she grinned.

"In the shower, you on your knees." She told him and he raised his eyebrows as he stood up to head to the kitchen.

"That sounds good to me." He turned with a devilish glint in his eye and bit his bottom lip for a moment, "How d'you feel about me tossing the salad?" He asked with a cheeky grin and she furrowed her brows in bewilderment.

"For dinner?" She asked confused as to why he'd even be asking; he usually served a salad of some sort with dinner.

"No Chloe… not for dinner."

'_Every Breath You Take' by The Police_

Rhys had handed her the keys to his beloved 1973 Buick Centurion without even blinking. Like everything Rhys owned it had been carefully chosen; 1973 was the year he was born and the Centurion range were some of the last convertibles Buick did. And it was painted lime green; like Rhys it was a mix of the classic and the contemporary. Archie was always pissy that Tom drove a bigger shit-box then he did, and thought they should sell both cars to try and get one decent car between them, but Tom was oddly fond of his car. Chloe had her brand new car that she'd gotten from her father. Rae and Finn shared the beautiful car Finn and Chop had made. And Chop was making another car like that for Izzy and himself to replace the piece of junk they currently had. But Rhys's car was her favourite. Even though she loved her car and was in awe of Rae's, there was just something about a lime green classic Buick with the top down that made her feel invincible. She came to this conclusion while driving his car home to get a few things before heading back to his place. He had work until lunch time, so she had all morning to do a bit of homework and pack a few bits of sexy lingerie and the like.

Last night Rhys had done things to her that were new for them, and some things that were new to her all together, and all of it quite exciting. He'd gone down on her in the shower, and licked her entire crack as well as her clit, holding her up when she came multiple times, it had been incredible. When he'd finally gotten around to fucking her against the wall of the shower she had already cum so much she wasn't sure she'd be able to cum again, but as he ground his hips, moving them in an almost circular and very hard thrusting motion, he'd reached down and rubbed her clitoris carefully. She'd cum loudly and then, both of them still dripping wet, her legs still wrapped around his waist he'd asked her if they could take this to the bedroom, where he carefully laid her down and made love to her slowly and gently. After the hard fuck in the shower, she'd been nearly dizzy with delight and to know he still wanted to make love to her after he'd gotten to fuck her brains out was wonderful. Of course she expected that from Rhys, but given her past experience with men, every time he proved himself to not be a jerk she was pleasantly surprised. But god did he fuck hard. She was going to joke with Rae and Izzy that she'd never walk the same again after that fuck. But he'd only gone as hard as she'd encouraged him to go. She smiled, supremely satisfied, as she thought about that. He was powerful; he could hold her down with one hand, easily, and he took her lead every step of the way; even fucking her just the way she wanted. And he took real delight in giving her pleasure; he made it his art, his quest was to bring her as much sexual pleasure as he could.

And she was so in love with him.

She felt no great urge to tell him this; she was sure he already knew given he seemed to read her so well. And if he didn't, she was sure it would come out in conversation at the right time. She felt very sure of herself and the relationship now. She was confident in her decision to have an open relationship with him; she even felt almost sure she'd be ok with him sleeping with Elsa if he chose to. She didn't know why it was ok, something had just shifted in her and it was all ok now. He loved her enough to give her freedom. And she felt the same way about him.

She was the happiest she had probably ever been in her whole life when she pulled up to her home. She knew her parents were both working this morning; that's why she had chosen now to come home to get some stuff. If they were here and asked too many questions about her supposedly staying at Izzy's place, she'd probably get caught out; she was too happy to lie properly right now.

As soon as she got out of the car she froze. Walking up the driveway was a face she had hoped to never see again.

"Hey Chlo." Ian said softly, the menace in his voice a gentle undercurrent at present. She closed her fist around Rhys's car keys, the sharp ends sticking out.

"Get the fuck away from me." She said through gritted teeth.

"You didn't think I was lying when I said I'd come for you, did you?" He leaned on Rhys's beautifully polished car and lit up a cigarette. "Cos I'm so not done with you little girl." He whispered as he took a set of knuckle dusters out of his pocket. He slipped them over his fingers.

"Brass knuckles. Sure do some damage." He said looking at them and Chloe backed up slowly. He punched in the window of Rhys's car and then punched the metal work of the boot leaving an ugly dent making her jump in fear and drop the keys. "If I can do that to a car… imagine what I can do to your body…"

"Don't you come near me." Chloe got herself back together and rooted her feet to the floor the way Rhys had taught her to do in some types of fights, in others he had taught her to move around. She steadied her balance and raised her fists loosely. Ian laughed and gave her a smug smile.

"You stupid, pathetic little slag." He shook his head.

"Get the fuck away from me Ian." She repeated, trying to make her nerves drop, trying to make herself as calm as Rhys always was. If she made a mistake, he'd really hurt her. He advanced on her and she bent her knees and clenched her fists; ready to fight. As soon as he was within striking distance she punched him hard in the face. His stumbled back, the brass knuckles thankfully clattering to the floor. He looked stunned.

"Fucking bitch." He said as he put his hand to his face and saw blood on his fingertips; his nose bleeding.

"Get away from me." She repeated.

"You think cos you learned a few tricks you can stop me?" He threatened and closed in on her again. She punched out again but he was ready this time and evaded the punch. She followed through by bringing her other elbow crashing into his jaw. He grunted but managed to keep his feet this time and punched out at her, connecting with the side of her face hard, and sending her sprawling backwards. She scrambled to her feet and tried to still her racing panicked mind. He was so much stronger than her; when he landed a punch he sent her sprawling. But Rhys's hard training made her able to take a punch much better than either of them had expected and had made her mind far more disciplined; she was able to bring herself somewhat under control and she let lose a roundhouse kick that connected with his temple, knocking him sideways. She backed it up with a kick to the chin, rocking him back. Kicks were her strength, unsurprisingly, and Petra had taught her well this past week. He looked up at her with real surprise and a little bit of fear.

"Stay away from me." She repeated. And he grinned, the blood on his teeth sickening.

"I'll just come back with a bunch of me lads, and we'll take home where you belong." He told her slowly, "And we'll have us a real good night." He looked her up and down, "Bitch." He turned and started to walk back up the driveway, stopping to pick up his brass knuckles. He turned back to her, punching Rhys's car again.

"I don't know who owns this car." Ian said, "Magnificent though." He said as he kicked in the tail light. "I don't imagine he'll be too pleased with you though when you bring it back like this." He scraped the brass knuckles down the door. "I wonder if he'll think that arse o' yours is worth how much it'll cost to fix this?" He smashed in the other back window, Chloe staying still, her eyes following him as he moved around the car, her body ready to fight him. Blood poured from his nose, but he ignored it bleeding down his shirt, punching the car with his brass knuckles again. "See Chlo, you're a worthless fuck. But you're my worthless fuck. And I'm not done with you." He kicked out the other tail light and left, Chloe staying in her fighting stance until she couldn't see him.

The minute he was out of sight she immediately and frantically searched for the keys on the ground. Once she found them she got in the car and drove back to Rhys's house, tears streaming down her face. She parked outside the flats, but knew he wouldn't be there and she needed him right now, so she drove on to the boxing joint, the side of her face aching, and her constant monologue telling herself that she was ok was not able to stop the tears. She was nearly hysterical by the time she pulled up outside of the gym. By chance Rhys was running with his client around the block and saw his car, looking worse for wear than he remembered it being, in the car park. He told his client to get some water and approached the car, seeing Chloe slumped over the wheel he started to sprint towards her.

"Chlo?" He said gently as he opened the door and crouched, his hands carefully reaching in to her, she looked up at him, the swelling on the side of her face was painfully apparent.

"I'm so sorry about your car." She said hysterically and he shook his head.

"A car can be easily fixed." He said soothingly.

"But you love this car." Her voice shuddered with fear.

"Not as much as I love you." He told her firmly. "Chloe…?"

"It was Ian." She said before he had chance to form the question properly. Rhys felt an icy rage settle in the pit of his stomach and took a moment to repress that; his emotions were not important here, hers were. "He was at my place… and he…" She started to cry and for the first time in a long time Rhys didn't know what to do. He so desperately wanted to take her into his arms, but she had just had an encounter with her rapist, and it was very likely she didn't want to be touched. "He said he wasn't done with me." She opened her arms for him and he instantly swept her into his arms, picking her up and turning around to sit in his car, having to subtly adjust the seat to fit himself in, Chloe curled up in his arms, crying. "He said I was his and after I hit him and told him to leave he said he'd come back with a bunch o' lads and take me and…" She started to shake with tears, "I can't fight off a bunch of them Rhys." She cried, "no matter how good I get he'll always have a way to get to me."

"He will never get to you." Rhys answered firmly, "You are stronger than you know, and you have a family of friends that will back you up. And you have me." She nodded slowly, calming down.

"I am strong." She whispered to herself, her breath slowing, "I am strong." Rhys saw his client heading across the car park to him.

"Ash, I'm going to have to cancel." He said as soon as Ash got into ear shot and Ash paused, seeing Chloe in his arms, "There has been an incident and I ned to go home." He said apologetically, "I'll give you three free sessions for skipping out on you today mate." Rhys told him and Ash shook his head.

"Nah man it's alright, you gotta do what you gotta do." His eyes fell to Chloe, who had her face buried in Rhys's chest.

"Can you get someone at the centre to give Tom a ring to take the rest of my clients today?" He asked and Ash nodded in reply.

"Yeah sure, I'll just go in and ask the girl behind the counter?"

"Yeah she'll have his number." Rhys gave him a smile and Ash knew it was his cue to leave.

"Right, see you Monday Rhys." He jogged off towards the centre and Rhys immediately turned his attention to Chloe.

"What do you need?"

"Take me home." She whimpered and he nodded, gently turning himself in the seat until he was facing the steering wheel, Chloe still in his arms. It was a tight fit, but he managed to get himself in the car without disturbing Chloe. He checked that her feet were safe and gently closed the door.

"I don't know your address Chloe." He said softly; he hadn't been to her home yet.

"Not there." She answered and he realised she meant his home.

"Of course." He pulled out slowly, one arm still protectively holding her, the other on the steering wheel. This was dangerous, but there was no way he was moving her. "Do we need to go to hospital?" He asked her gently.

"No." Her voice was muffled, she still hadn't taken her face from his chest.

"Do we need to report this to the police?"

"No." She looked up at him, tears still dripping from her eyes, "I just wanna go home and have a shower… and have you hold me."

"Whatever you need Ms Chloe."

'_Comedown' by Bush_

"So you know Chloe invited me to your pub lunch right?" Phillip said and Rae gave him a look with raised eyebrows.

"Well while I do enjoy the witty banter between you and my beloved, I'm not sure she was thinking it through!" Phillip smiled tightly and nodded. Even more than Finn he had Rhys to worry about now.

_Oh fuck Phillip you idiot, what the fucking fuck did you get yourself into?_

"No I think she did." Phillip answered honestly, "I think I'm s'posed to be the entertainment."

"Oh that's a bit cynical, Philly me lad." Rae told him with furrowed brows, "And anyway, we do a good job o' entertaining ourselves." She told him.

"So am I officially uninvited?" The cynical grin stayed on his face and Rae shook her head.

"Only she that gave the invite can do the uninviting Phil." She answered sagely, "Plus you're me mate, I love having you around." She gave him a grim smile, "It'd be better if Finn did too… but I don't see that happening any time soon." Finn hadn't said anything to him about the dinner he was supposed to be having with Rae early next week, so he assumed he hadn't talked to Rae yet and that the dinner was either off or postponed indefinitely. What he didn't know was that Finn intended to call him at the hotel on Tuesday afternoon after the performances were done, so that nerves or awkwardness over the impending dinner didn't interfere with Rae's chance of winning this duologue competition.

_Was I an utter idiot to believe that Finn would really give me a chance to talk to her?_

_What difference does it make if hasn't talked to her?_

_Either way, you're going to be alone with her on Monday, Tuesday and half of Wednesday… you'll have plenty of time to talk to her then._

_To say what? You know how it's gonna go Phil._

_No you don't. Sometimes she looks at you like… like there's something there… maybe once you tell her, she'll realise that she has feelings for you?_

_Shut up Phil. Just enjoy the time you've got with her. The moments when there's still light in the sky, even though you can see the night coming._

"I'll try harder with Finn." Phil told her, "I definitely rile him up sometimes."

"Aye I know." She told him with a glint in her eye that he couldn't quite read.

"Well I'll knock it off." He answered slowly.

"I stopped caring Phil." She said, "If you two wanna fight, you can go right ahead and do it. Just don't blame me for it." She looked at him with a sly grin, "Sometimes I think you two have a secret love and you hide it by hating each other like this." Phillip scoffed.

"Hardly."

"It's like all those team sports you guys do. They're so homo-erotic. You all rub up against each other and grab each other and spank each other and then claim you're not gay…" She shook her head, "I don't buy it."

"It's just sport…" Phil furrowed his brows.

"Aye and I guess what you and Finn do is just sport too." She shrugged, "it's all the same to me."

"I think you're reading a bit too much into it." Phil chuckled.

"Oh aye?" She asked as they approached the arts centre. Rae had parked in front of the pub so she could just get in the car after lunch with the gang; she was heading straight back to the pub after this. Phil had gotten a lift with Rae; his car was still out of service.

"Maybe just a little." He grinned. "What books are you gonna do for English?"

"Tolkien of course and Rowling." She shrugged, "haven't read Rowling yet."

"I'll have to give it a look-see, I've heard it's an interesting read, even for a children's novel."

"What about you?"

"Also Tolkien and I haven't decided my contemporary book yet."

"Was he your favourite when you were younger too?" She grinned and he nodded.

"Still is!" He laughed.

"I so wanted to be Bilbo, off on an adventure." She said wistfully and Phil felt his heart lurch painfully.

"Same." He said softly, trying to get his emotions under control, "And after we moved to the place in London, it was all I could think about." He said sadly, "Kept me sane, thinking that at any moment, Gandalf might come to the door."

"D'you hate being rich that much?" She asked incredulously.

"I don't hate not having to worry about money." He admitted, "I do hate what money did to my family though." He didn't want to say much more, didn't want to talk about how he had loved getting hugs, but slowly he'd been given less as making more money had become more important than him. He didn't want to talk about the hundreds of examples he could give like that. It sounded like complaining, even to his own ears, when he had been given such a privileged life. He didn't want to talk about how jealous he had been of Chop's huge chaotic family, rich but still loving. And even when Chop's direct family got poor, they still loved each other. It had been so long since Phillip had felt like he was loved by someone other than his sister that he was starting to feel like love was a myth.

"Sometimes I hate what not having money does to my family." Rae told him and he nodded sympathetically.

"Oh I remember being poor." He shook his head. "I think we can both just agree that money is fucking evil."

"I'll never get used to hearing you swear!" Rae laughed.

"I gotta stop, I nearly swore at the coach yester." He laughed with her, "Fucking summer holidays has gotten me out of character!"

And suddenly Phil stopped mid laugh. Rae looked at him with a confused face, but saw he was staring at a car, parked across the road from the arts centre, off the road, under a tree. Cars were always parking along this strip of hard dirt.

She recognised the red car immediately; how could she forget the coke can blasting out of the window and hitting her on the chest, the lads inside yelling abuse at her.

Phillip looked up and down the street, deserted on a late Saturday morning. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his house keys and turned to grin at Rae.

"Remember how to key a car?" He asked her and she opened her mouth in shock.

"You serious?" She asked and instantly started to giggle. He crossed the road, Rae following, looking up and down the road. She watched him, with a surprised grin as he scraped the keys along the whole length of the car, putting as much force as he could in without bending the key itself. He looked up and down the street again before going to the other side of the car. Rae looked at the impressive scratch and decided in an instant to let down the tyres, but she knew from Finn that just undoing the caps on the tyres wouldn't deflate them. She looked around for a small twig and found one. Working quickly she unscrewed the cap and jammed the twig down the hole, pressing down the centre pin and letting out the air. She jammed the twig in and put the cap back on loosely, holding the twig in place but letting the air still slowly escape. She moved on to the next tyre and did the same while Phil finished scraping down the other side of the car.

"What you doing girl?" He asked and came round to see her jamming the stick in.

"Oh nice!" He laughed and looked around for a twig to do the same to the other tyres. After he'd finished emptying the other tyres he got out some glue from his backpack.

"I was borrowing this from the arts centre." He explained, "Cos I'm making them some new flats." He added and Rae nodded her head in understanding. She watched him squirt it into the locks and started to laugh. "Once it's dry, this stuff has a load bearing of 130 kilos." He told her, "These locks are fucked now." Rae laughed and looked back up the street. Phillip looked at the car and tried to figure out what else he could do to it without literally smashing it and drawing too much attention to them. Rae saw a sudden devious grin creep onto his face and he pulled out his water bottle, emptying it onto the dirt.

"Alright keep a look out." He told Rae and turned his back to her, she turned her back to him and looked up the street. A moment passed and she hear the unmistakeable sound of Phil pissing into the bottle.

"What the fuck are you doing?" She asked incredulously. He zipped up and as soon as she heard that sound she turned around to see him carefully pouring the urine into the bonnet near the window wipers.

"Next time he puts his heating or air conditioning on he's gonna smell my piss." Phillip grinned and Rae opened her mouth in surprise. She started laughing as he finished up the bottle and put the lid back on it with a grimace. He put it back in his bag. "Remind me to put that in the bin yeah?" He asked but she threw her arms around him, laughing. He hugged her back, both of them giddy with laughter and the adrenalin pumping through their bodies. He could smell her, and the feel of her body against him, he could feel her heart thumping in her chest and hear her laughing in his ear. "Alright we gotta get out o' here." He told her reluctantly. She laced her arm through his and they headed for the theatre laughing loudly.

"Remind me to never get on your bad side Phil!" She laughed and he turned his eyes to her stunningly beautiful face.

"You could never get on my bad side Rae." He told her firmly through his chuckles.

"Cos we're mates." She grinned at him and he nodded his head.

"Yeah." He answered and looked back at the arts centre.

"Oh Janice!" She called out as she saw Janice rushing towards the centre. Janice looked up and waved cheerily. She looked tired and Rae furrowed her brows. The three of them entered the arts centre together, talking freely and were greeted by Sue.

"Ready for our meeting?" She asked, her eyes turning to Phillip momentarily before she took on a completely professional demeanour.

'_No Remorse (I Wanna Die)' by Atari Teenage Riot vs Slayer_

Rhys had called them all to say he and Chloe were cancelling lunch and maybe they'd meet for lunch tomorrow. He told Finn why. Not in detail. Just four words;

_Ian came for her_

A quick ring around had cancelled the lunch all together, agreeing to meet tomorrow for lunch, even if Rhys and Chloe couldn't make it. And now Finn was left fretting about Rae. Not because she would find the pub empty; he could always meet her there. Not because she'd worry about Chloe; they'd all do that together.

But because he'd gotten lax lately. Because he'd been focussing on Phillip and trying to deal with his own issues of jealousy and feelings of inadequacy… and it had been months, and their wounds were healed up… Rae had been going all over the place completely alone. She wouldn't like it but it had to end.

Ian coming for Chloe 10 months after she left told him that no amount of time was long enough to feel safe that Saul was gone.

He decided to jog down to the arts centre and wait for her to finish up there before taking her home. As he ran, his mind mulled over what had happened in Rae's room that day, he started to wonder what had happened before he got there. He left bruises on her, he cut her; he had seen these and she had told him about this. Did he do anything else? Was there something Rae wasn't telling him? He wondered about the way she had pushed his hand away from her clitoris, the way she had evaded talking to him about it by saying she needed to speak to Kester. Finn was filled with a sickening feeling that Saul had touched her, perhaps even rubbed her and now, months later, her mind was reliving it every time he touched her there. Finn ran hard, his body enjoying the punishing run, but his mind frantically putting the puzzle together, his stomach feeling sick. He'd dropped the ball here. And he knew it. But how could he raise this with Rae, how could he ask her if…

Finn's mind went completely silent and a sadistic smile crept over his face.

He knew that number plate.

Phillip had told him that number plate before the summer holidays. The sun was angled so that being parked under the tree did nothing in the way of shade; the car was baking in the hot summer sun. He strolled over to the car, he could smell piss before he'd even gotten to the curb and he realised with an appreciative grin that Phil must have peed on the car somehow. He saw the flat tyres, the long, deep scratches up the sides of the car and nodded his head with a satisfied grin.

"Good work Phil, but I think I can do better." He looked up and down the road before kicking in the headlights. He wished he had a cricket bat or something similar with him but he saw a shopping trolley up the street that'd do some damage…

Finn crashed the shopping trolley with all his force into the side of the car several times. It was daylight so he kept having to pause and check the empty street for witnesses. Doing this sort of thing could get you a couple of months in the clinker. He kicked the back number plate until the screws loosened and he pulled the number plate off and threw it across the street as far as he could. He smashed the trolley into the other side of the car and walked back around to the other side to see the damage the trolley had done the first time; several good sized dents and the paint work was fucked. He looked around for something to hit the car with; even a good rock to take out the windows…

"The fuck you doing?" He heard from behind him. He turned slowly to see three lads glaring at him. Finn sized them up and recognised one of them as a pretty decent boxer from the boxing joint. He'd heard the guy say some pretty shit things about women in the past; Finn had no doubt this was the arsehole that had thrown the can at Rae. He heard a scuff behind him and looked over his shoulder at a fourth guy; very strong and fit looking, blocking any idea of retreat he had.

"That's my fucking car." Said one of the lads and Finn's eyes went to him slowly, not really hearing him; he was weighing his odds. One guy whose superior size was a problem, one guy whose pretty decent boxing skills were a problem and two unknown entities of similar size to himself.

"Did you fuck up my car?" Finn heard the guy behind him advancing as the three guys in front of him did the same. He scanned the place for a way out. He was blocked to the right by the car and to the left by the tree. Trying to slip between the solo guy behind him and the tree was his best bet of escape. Finn looked over his shoulder and saw that the man behind him had moved over slightly to make escape that way harder.

Finn very suddenly realised that there was no way out of this.

**Episode 4 will be out before the end of July.**

The Killer Condom

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes trailer

Police story 4

Lady Diana death announcement

Camden Catacombs

Rhyming slang:

How'd you get her Alan Whickers off, you fucking ginger beer? – How'd you get her knickers off, you fucking queer?

Loads of bunse – Loads of money

Fucking nice thrupenny bits, though – Fucking nice tits though

Had a bit o' the north 'n' south on the ol' hampton? – Had a bit of the mouth on the ol' dick? (has she given you a blowjob?)

She your future strife, lad? – She your future wife, lad?


End file.
